by Ally Nelson
“Whatever it i—.”
“Just wait and see, Anya.” He wouldn't tell her no matter how much she pleaded. He just kept giving cryptic messages. She thought back to that dream when her mother was screaming out to her. The forest had always seemed terrible to her. You could die easily in the forest in Siberia. People rarely traveled inside of it. If they got lost, they would die within a few hours. Was she just anxious? What did he mean when he said, there were things she never knew existed?
She thought about strange government conspiracies and aliens, but none of it fit. Whatever was going on must be terrible, or at least very strange, or else he wouldn't be saying those things.
The thought that she wasn't safe had occurred to her, but he loved her. Nothing bad could come out of the right kind of love, and Anya knew bad love from a mile away. All women who have experienced it know it. They can smell it like they smell rotten eggs or putrid flesh.
“As weird as it is, I don't care. I love you, Caleb. Love is good.” That would be her affirmation. She'd use it to stay strong. No matter how afraid she got, she would say it and it would make her feel better, because it was true. She was afraid, and she was worried her fear would overcome her, but she couldn't allow that to happen.
You can't feel it when a plane takes off. You can hear it and you can see it. Anya watched as the city started rising up above her and she said goodbye. She could see the bustling downtown streets she had known her whole life. She knew she'd never see it again. She was above the skyscrapers. She could see in people's backyards and the tops of buildings. Then Anya saw the clouds. They were walking on a blanket of fluffy mist. It was an ethereal landscape, a part of heaven and she looked over at Caleb.
“It's so beautiful!”
“It's almost like you can walk on it, huh?”
“Yes! I want to.”
“Trust me, you don't want to.”
Soon the clouds got so thick that all she could see was white, and eventually, day faded into night. She closed her eyes.
“This is your captain speaking. We are now approaching Portland International Airport. The temperature is 67 degrees Fahrenheit and it is overcast with a light drizzle. It is 11:35 PM, but if you look outside you can still see the lights of the city.”
Anya opened her window screen and looked outside at her new home. The window was covered in a thin mist, but she could see lights looming in front of her. It was different. The buildings were different. People dressed differently. All the signs were written in English and the harsh language could be heard all around her. It was overwhelming. People acted differently. They were calmer and nicer. They seemed more innocent and naive. Some would even smile when you walked by. It was a different kind of energy.
She went through customs fine. They looked through her things. She didn't like that, but what else could she do. They wanted to intimidate her and she wouldn't give them that power. They did make a display. They tried to interrogate her and trap her. It was funny. She'd dealt with a lot worse, but they thought they were putting her through the wringer. At one point, she sat back and smiled and they looked infuriated. Men want to wave their things around and when you don't seem impressed they get mad. If this was the worst the states had to offer, and she suspected it was, then she would be fine.
When she finally got into the city, she could see where she was. It was forested, heavily, but it was different. Instead of being dry, it was wet. Everything was always wet. The forest wasn't dark or icy. It didn't scare her. It was green and beautiful. There were meadows and fields of flowers. The air was moist and warm against her skin. It felt like a refreshing shower.
They walked out of the airport and to Caleb's limousine. That was when it hit. He was sitting in the seat next to her. It was made of leather. There was a full bar, a flat screen TV and touch screen consoles. There was even a moon roof. This man could give her the world and would if she asked for it. She'd never seen such wealth in her entire life.
“What can I expect?”
“Why would I say when I can show you?”'
They had been traveling for more than an hour past the highway, which was dotted by tiny waterfalls dropping from the forest and over the rock walls lining the road. When they got into the forest, things were darker and it was hard to see. They passed through a black gate and pulled up to a four story estate lined with gardens she never even knew were possible. There were stepping stones, floating in a tiny brook leading up to the mansion which had statues on either side of the wooden double door that was three times as tall as her. It was built around a majestic pine that was as thick as her apartment, which was showcased in the living room by glass windows that went all around the trunk. The entire house was meant to be a shrine to the beauty of the forest surrounding them.
“I hope you feel at home here.”
“It's beautiful.” She didn't like the forest at home. It was black and silent, but the forest here was full of life. Everything was green. She'd even seen houses with moss covering their roofs. Everywhere she looked there was something green. There was no dirt or mud. Every single centimeter of land had something growing out of it. It was as though nature's power was embodied in this place and it reached out to her in a way that unsettled and amazed her all at the same time. Had she been afraid of nature or what she knew was waiting for her inside of it?
“Come on. Let me show you to our bedroom.” He took her up to the second story. The walls were lined with statues of bears in different poses. He really seemed to like bears. They were everywhere in the house. He also had mounted fish and nature paintings. She was starting to get a feel for his style and she loved it regardless of her disdain for the environment.
“This is my bedroom.” He opened another massive wooden door. There was a small sitting area with antique couches and a marble coffee table held up by angels. There was another wooden door that must've led to his bedchamber. He walked over to it with a tantalizing smile. When he opened the door, she could feel her heart pounding. It was strange to her, but the moment had a real significance to it. She felt like a young bride who was finally lifting her veil.
His bed was the centerpiece of the room. It was solid wood with four posters and a white silk canopy. The posters were as thick as small tree trunks and had intricate designs with flowers and vines carved into them with tiny inlaid gold leaf.
At first he seemed playful. He jumped onto the bed and she fell into his arms, but a harsh depression quickly started to show on his face.
“This might be our last night together.”
Chapter 5
Anya went hiking with her parents every year until she was ten. She would hate going into the forest. It was cold and dark. It scared her. She didn't like the walk. It was hard on her legs and her chest always hurt. They would have her layered with at least two jackets and three sweaters so she had to waddle around over branches and roots. Her parents always said it was good to go out in nature.
There was something there when they went that last time. She didn't know what it was until it was on them. A fierce beast that seemed as big as a car reared up when they entered a clearing full of berries. The bear was black all over with soft fur and a layer of dirt covering its entire body. She remembered the way the blood was dripping from its fangs when it was over.
Her parents were lying there bloody and she would've been killed had she not hidden behind the bushes. When she saw it happen, she was in shock for just a moment and then she ran. She didn't know how she got to the highway. She barely remembered the way, but she did remember the police car that stopped and picked her up. Her jacket was covered in blood and he wanted to know what happened.
Everything after that was a terrible blur. Ever since then, she didn't like bears or the forest, but Oregon was different. It felt as though nature had a twin personality. So when she woke up to find herself in his arms, those arms that she'd never leave, she wasn't afraid. Whatever happened today would never tear them apart. They would always be together. Sh
e wouldn't be the same without Caleb. The idea of waking up in her apartment, or going back to Siberia was too much. She couldn't do it. She needed to see his face every morning like she needed water or air, and she knew that he felt the same way.
Just looking at him made her swoon. She was pacing around the room. What did he have to tell her? How could it possibly destroy the bond they had? The way he talked about it, it sounded like something unnatural, but she honestly wouldn't care if there were bodies in the basement so long as she could be with him. He didn't understand her world. He couldn't possibly know the lengths people had to go to survive in her country. She'd seen a lot, and she'd done a lot, she couldn't be daunted.
Anya watched him stirring. His face was contorted. She could tell he'd been dreading the moment when morning came, and she was too. She was afraid. If he was so sure, knowing how strong their bond was, then it had to be something terrible.
When he opened his eyes, she was standing over him and he tried to hide his despair.
“Would you like breakfast, Anya?”
“What were you thinking?”
“I make wonderful blueberry waffles.”
His kitchen was simple. He seemed to have a modest life despite his means. It had a marble island and a state of the art stove. He had the finest stainless steel appliances, but she knew this was nothing. A man like him would often own an industrial kitchen with a chef.
He opened the fridge and Anya looked inside curiously. There were tons of different types of berries, fish and, in the cupboards, there were plenty of different kinds of oats and wild vegetables. Anya was starting to see a pattern in his diet.
He took out a large container filled with blueberries and scarfed down a handful. He licked his fingers clean and looked up and smiled. She loved it. He was like a child who just found a piece of candy. The waffles were delicious. He topped them with honey which accented the blueberries perfectly. He loved to dip his thumb in the honey and lick it off clean. It was strange to see the way he savored every single bite. When he was done, he sat back and patted his stomach. He did seem a little unsettled. He went quiet and she stared at him for a moment.
“Whatever it i….”
“You don't know that.”
“Yes, Caleb, I do.”
“I wanted to spend more time with you, but it will just make me hurt more.”
“You don't have to do this.”
“Yes I do! You have to know!” He was furious. She'd never seen him angry before, and it scared her more than she was expecting. It almost looked like he was getting larger. His face was contorted.
They walked slowly, hand in hand, to the glass doors leading to his wooden sanctuary. In front of the tree, there was a statue of a woman wearing garlands of flowers, holding a globe in her hands. Her stomach was pregnant and full. On her forehead was a crescent. She almost seemed like she was alive, mother nature in embodied in white marble. Her eyes were intense and seemed to stare right through her. Anya felt a shiver pass over her even though the air was warm. She could smell growing moss and mildew. Nature was all around her.
He stood back and the air rippled. It was like some invisible force was changing him. She gasped as he hunched over and fur began to mar his beautiful body. His face grew longer and his nose was black, like an animal’s. She shrieked as he took form. She stepped back as far and was jolted by her body hitting the glass window behind her. The beautiful man she loved was standing before her in the form of giant black bear. He looked up at her expectantly.
There was blood all over her shirt and they were lying on the ground. Their bodies were spread all over the grass and the beast was in front of her. She ran out of the doors and into the car he had waiting for her. He ran after her, butt naked, but she couldn't bring herself to turn around. She was shaking and balling. He was not human. He was a monster in the worst form she could possibly imagine. He was a predator that could've killed her at any time. She couldn't think about him ever again. She had to leave this place. God knows what he would've done to her if she had stayed. She thought she could love him, but she couldn't. He was a bear. She looked back and remembered the signs. The porridge, the honey, the berries. All of it should've warned her. She wretched at the thought of being with an animal, an inhuman beast who would devour her and crush her skull. The man she'd loved was dead. He didn't exist in the first place. He was, instead, a shell.
The natives in her area had stories of men who could change shape. She always wondered why they held on to such a belief. They didn't consider it a myth or a strange old belief, they always said that it was fact. They said that they'd seen them before. Many were glad to leave the city, they said, to get away from the shifters, and now she knew why.
They were demon in human form. They were vicious predators, they had said. They'd tell people to be wary of men who were like animals. They said that they ate like animals, they walked and talked like them to, but she never believed it. It was impossible.
She mourned a man that never was on her flight back home. He might follow her. She'd have to be careful. A creature like that would have a fierce temper. He knew where she lived, he knew where she was and he even knew her ID numbers. He could find her if he wanted to. She'd have to find a new home.
Chapter 6
The plane ride back home was a grueling journey. It took far too long and she didn't want to be left alone with her thoughts. She could see them lying in the grass every time she thought of his tender eyes. She could see that bear crushing her mother's skull every time she heard his deep voice resounding in her head. She didn't want to think about his despair. She couldn't go back. He'd kill her. He'd do what the bear did to her mother. She couldn't put herself in that situation. She reached down and felt where that bruise had been. She saw his face red with fury. She knew this man would hurt her, no matter how much she loved him.
His eyes were bulging when he yelled, but he showed her. She could tell he didn't want to, but he needed her to know. Why did he show her?? Couldn't have just kept his secret?
They couldn't be together. She couldn't even be in the same room with a bear. Her parents died at the hands of a bear. She couldn't face that, day in and day out. Her life after her parents had died had been terrible. She was thrust into an Orthodox orphanage where she was forced to work the streets for change. They'd told her, those thin lipped nuns, that if she didn't work she would have to leave. If she didn't get enough, she couldn't eat.
They fed her slop there. The oatmeal, now a reminder of her childhood, had been as cruel and tasteless as her life. More than once, men had offered her a warm bed and as soon as she began to blossom, she'd thought of doing it. Everyone does what they can to survive. The years there had made her bitter, but when he walked into her life, she found hope. She thought that things were finally changing for her. A bear had put her in that situation and a bear was ready to crush her skull. She'd been a fool to love him. She needed to be in Siberia where she belonged. She knew this world. She knew what was safe and what was comfortable. She knew what life would hold for her. She would rather die alone than with a bear. No matter how safe she had felt in his warm arms, or with him on top of her, it was just an illusion.
He didn't love her, at least she didn't think he did. He was a good actor. He just wanted to hurt her. That was what shifters did. They were known as tricksters. They could convince anyone the natives had said. They would lure you in and kill you. Some even said that they would wear your skin when they did. He was nothing more than a cruel beast. He'd fooled her before, but he would never fool her again.
She started to close her eyes and drifted off. At least she could find some peace while she was sleeping.
* * * * *
The statue was there. Her long brown hair was flowing, but there was no wind. She was standing in front of the sun which was glowing behind her head. The flowers were moving slowly, turning around and around. Her garland was alive. She stood atop marble steps with tree trunks on either side of her.
<
br /> “You'll find peace in the forest. You must go to the forest.”
Anya sat upright at the sound of the captain's voice announcing their arrival. It was nice to hear her mother tongue being spoken all around her. She used to love the harsh way English rolled off her tongue, but the softer sounds of her language were a soothing comfort.
There was no comfort in the vision she'd seen. She didn't want to go to the forest, but if she was going to move on from this, she had to see where it happened. For some reason, she felt like if she could go back and conquer her fear, she could get past her lingering feelings for Caleb. They were there, stirring inside of her and she didn't like it. She knew that if they stayed, she would end up back in Portland, in the arms of a monster.
Nobody there really drove much, and most of them didn't have cars. It was too expensive and their money was better spent on the things they needed to survive. Anya, however, did travel to see her parents regularly and she didn't always have time to take the trains. There were no trains where she was going.
In fact, nobody lived where she was going. The tundra was a dangerous place, and the forest in the outskirts was rarely visited. People there huddled in the cities, avoiding the cruel presence of nature as much as they could. The forest was a place where the ice could fall down from the trees and pierce your skull. The wind would bite through your face and freeze your limbs. You would die there if you didn't know what you were doing. Anya did know. She had been taught how to survive. She brought heaters, matches, water and a pack with wood in case she needed to start a fire. She wouldn't travel without thick layers of clothing, and once she was making her way down the icy road, she felt like that tiny child again.
Everything comes full circle in this world. She promised herself that she would never go back there, but there she was, running from a bear, and making her way back to the place where her parents lost their lives. Things would end here. She would see the barbarism fresh in her mind and she would never be able to think about his sweet smile again.
