“So how long are you in town?” I really hoped we were able to find a groove like we had post sex on the beach. Sitting here staring at each other in uncomfortable silence for sixty-plus minutes didn’t appeal to me.
“Probably leaving Wednesday—although, that depends on what my dad springs on me in his office tomorrow morning.”
“Do you guys work together?” They lived in different states, but with the money in this town, there could be multiple locations in a family business.
“Nah. We don’t really even speak to each other.” He rolled the edge of a paper napkin between his fingers. “I left Geneva Key after high school, went to college and have only been back a handful of times since.”
“Is it that bad here?” There was a hint of laughter at the end of my question. Thus far, I hadn’t encountered anything that would make someone leave the state without looking back.
Carp’s pale-blue eyes peered through his dark lashes before he actually raised his head and stopped fidgeting. “No, probably not. But I grew up here, and while I have great memories with friends, none of those people live here anymore. And visiting my childhood home doesn’t remind me of joyous family Christmases past or playing in my fort in the backyard as a kid.”
“What memories does it bring back?” I couldn’t fathom not loving where I’d grown up, the physical place. That was the single hardest thing about leaving Chicago—my home, the one I’d lived in since the day I was born, would belong to someone else.
“Homework in the afternoons with nannies, meals alone at an enormous dining room table, and running in to show my mom something I’d done at school, only to find she’d left the country with my dad for another business trip.”
“That’s really sad. I can’t imagine. I’d kill to be able to go home.”
“Did you live in Chicago all your life?”
“Yep. Our house wasn’t anything special and certainly nothing like the mansions in Geneva Key, but my mom worked hard to provide for me. She always made sure I had what I needed, and the rest she made up for with attention.”
“How’d you end up here?”
“My mom is in a treatment facility in Tampa. And Dottie—that’s her best friend—convinced us both we needed to be closer so she could help me.”
“It’s a shame so many people fall prey to addictions. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.”
I sensed the shock that took over my face. “Oh no. Not that type of treatment. She has Huntingtons.”
“Is there a cure?”
I shook my head and inhaled deeply. “She’s lost the ability to speak and swallow, and the tremors are bad. I try to pretend there aren’t signs of dementia and memory loss, but they’re there. And most days, I still see the recognition in her eyes when she looks at me.” I tried to put on a brave face. This disease had been at the forefront of my life because of my mom and her ties to charities and research, although most people didn’t live that way.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t have any idea.”
With the flick of the wrist, I waved him off. “It’s okay. This didn’t sneak up on us. Even after she developed symptoms, it took years to get to this stage.”
“Do you have any other family?” Genuine concerned laced his voice.
“Just Dottie, but she’s not related by blood—just love. I don’t know my dad, and my grandparents passed away when I was in high school. I’m the only child of an only child.” I shrugged. Others saw that as sad, I didn’t know any different.
The waitress saved us from the conversation going deeper. It was a welcomed reprieve—not for me, I could talk about my mom all day, but strangers didn’t know how to handle death being prominent in my life.
One bite of the shepherd’s pie had made me a believer. “Oh my God.” I moaned after swallowing the calorie-laden entrée.
“Right? What’d I tell you? Amazing, huh? There’s nowhere in New York that even comes close—and I’ve looked.”
“How’d you end up in New York?”
“My best friend, Neil, and I bought a wealth management company after college. Cora, the girl I told you about last night, moved with me to attend grad school. Neil’s girlfriend, Hannah, followed us, too. The four of us lived together until Cora went to Paris.”
“How long has she been gone?” I’d learned some of the details from what he’d told me walking on the beach.
“Fourteen months.” The longing in his eyes broke my heart.
“Do you think you two will be able to fix things when she comes home?”
“Guess that depends on whether she actually comes back. She’s career-minded and in a prime position to go far. I’m not sure she’s willing to leave the company she works for. Cora’s boss is pretty influential in the world of engineering.”
“Maybe she’ll surprise you.”
“Anything’s possible, I guess.” He didn’t believe it.
“Do you want it? The relationship, I mean.”
He studied me from across the booth, probably wondering how I could ask such a silly question. Carp had confided in me how much he loved her. He’d even gone so far as to tell me last night shouldn’t have happened. I wasn’t insulted. His remorse had nothing to do with me or the fact we’d gotten busy in the sand. It had to do with his own guilt for not waiting for a woman who hadn’t given him any hope when she’d left, and thinking if he loved her, he should have held out.
“Of course.”
“I don’t know squat about relationships, Carp. I won’t pretend like I do, because I’ve never really had one. Don’t get me wrong…I’ve dated, although nothing ever lasted longer than a year or so. But my mom has known for years she might not make it to my wedding, and that she may never meet a grandchild. And because of that, she lived every day like it was her last. So if you love this girl, if you believe she’s it, then you have to fight for her.”
Carp paid the bill after a bit of a hesitation from me. It wasn’t a date, and I didn’t care for it to feel like one. I liked the guy, yet with the things going on with my mom, I wasn’t in the headspace to bother with any type of commitment.
Standing on the sidewalk outside of Galen’s, I wished Carp luck with Cora and thanked him for lunch. “It was really nice to have someone to hang out with. I love Dottie, but spending time with a woman old enough to be my mom’s mom just isn’t the same.”
“You’re welcome. Look, I’m not sure if I’ll have any more free time while I’m here. But if I do, let’s try to get together before I leave.”
“I’d like that.”
“And, Chelsea? Even if we don’t, you have my number. Don’t hesitate to use it. If you need someone to talk to or just a distraction—I can always lend an ear.”
I nudged his shoulder with mine and tried to hide the goofy grin that had taken over my face. “You, too.”
9
James
Cora called Sunday night to see how things had gone at my dad’s party. It was nice to hear her voice, even if the conversations were surface level and came at two in the morning—time zones were a killer, but I didn’t give a shit. I’d make it work to hear her sing in my ear every time she said “hello.” We never discussed anything of importance, yet somehow, the familiarity seemed to spark what both of us had missed in our relationship the last year before she’d left.
I’d set aside my hope for salvaging the us part of the equation—temporarily—in favor of rebuilding the friendship. Neither of us had said those three magic words, or even mentioned the possibility of getting back together. However, every time we hung up the phone, we told the other we missed them. It had taken the place of the intimacy while confirming the tie.
“I’m sorry I haven’t checked on you before now.” Her apology seemed forced or maybe uncertain, or it could be the fog of sleep still hovering in my mind.
“It’s not a big deal. I assumed you were busy.” I had. We weren’t together. She wasn’t obligated to answer every time I called. Part of me felt like we’d taken
several steps back, although the truth was we couldn’t take very many forward while we were thousands of miles apart.
“Drake was in town, so I had a lot going on.”
I hated even hearing the man’s name.
Moreover, I hated how much control he had with Cora, yet I couldn’t say anything. I had no right to question what she did or why. Drake Halifax made me want to vomit. I could have dealt with her being with Henry or Arthur—two guys she hung out with from work—or even some random bloke she met out on the town. It was knowing Drake was the reason the two of us weren’t together that made me resent the hell out of him.
I had no clue what to say that wouldn’t give my heart away, so I kept it superficial. “I’m sure having the big boss in town is stressful.” I hoped she got my innuendo. I hoped for a confession—an admission of what had really happened. Maybe if I knew for certain that she’d carried a flame for him, then I could let her go so she could be happy. And if she vehemently denied any wrongdoing, then I could let my heart find its way back to her. As it stood, I felt like a moron who’d been played until she’d boarded the plane for Paris.
“He just expects perfection, and it’s hard to deliver. I’m good at what I do, James, but that man has me questioning every decision I make. I feel inferior when he’s around—so does every other member of his staff.”
Whether it was fear, anxiety, or trepidation, something hung heavy in her voice, and I doubted she would share it with me. It was much easier to save face if one never admitted the truth.
“You wanted to play with the big dogs. Drake’s experience comes at a price. Like you said, being mentored by one of the best in the business will put you in a position to make some serious waves in the industry once you’ve served your time.”
“Yeah, if I ever escape.” She let out a long sigh that held the weight of more to follow. “I feel like I sold my soul to the devil. The more I learn from women around here, the more I feel like I made a mistake.”
Rolling over in bed, I lay on my back and watched the fan spin into a dizzying frenzy in the dark room. I had to play the game. I couldn’t just come out and ask how she couldn’t know fucking her boss would end up screwing her career over in the long run. “How so?”
“He gets you with these huge salaries and promotions. Reels people in with big customers and high-profile projects—the high is like an addiction. Each one tops the last, and I’m constantly searching for one that’s bigger and better. The little ones get you through to the next fix, but he expects the next fix to be brewing while you’re still reveling in the one that got you high in the first place. I’ve reached the point where I can’t enjoy the success because I’m afraid of the fall that might follow.”
Not the answer I’d assumed she’d give. “So you’re not the only one under Drake’s wing, huh?”
“God no, I’m one of many. And he thinks women have an eye for detail men don’t, so he leans toward females when he’s scouting for talent. It’s cutthroat—women are catty as hell and don’t have any problem stepping on each other to get ahead. Nothing like a spiked heel to the eye to wake you up.”
“I hope you mean that figuratively and not literally.”
I couldn’t help but think of them stepping over each other naked in Drake Halifax’s hotel room while he played each one a different tune of romance. My hands started to shake as I imagined his skin touching Cora’s. It made me sick to think of the way he manipulated women—although mostly, just one.
She laughed yet didn’t respond to my comment about the shoe.
“Are you not going to leave at the end of your contract?”
“I don’t know. I’m trying to save as much money as I can so my salary won’t be a driving force if I return to the States to find a job.”
I couldn’t stifle the chuckle that escaped my lips or the sarcasm that followed. “It’s not like you need the money, Cora. You could live off your inheritance and trust fund for the rest of your life. So could your kids and multiple generations after them. If you decide to leave, you can leave.” It pissed me off to listen to her act like she didn’t have options. We all had options, and we all made choices. Cora chose to stay in Paris under Drake’s thumb.
“That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair about it, Cora? If you don’t want to work for Halifax when your term is up, then don’t.”
“It’s not black and white.”
“You’ll have to help me understand that. I might see how that would be true for someone who didn’t have Chase money, but not for you.”
I heard someone in the background speak to her just before she covered the phone to muffle what was said.
“Hey, James. I need to go. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Sure.”
I didn’t wait for her to tell me she missed me or say it myself. I just hung up. And realized after I’d done it just how shitty it was. She’d opened up to me about an insecurity, had really started talking to me, and I’d gotten pissy about it just because it was Drake.
I hadn’t stopped fucking around with Letty and didn’t even want to think about how Chelsea fit into that equation—my expectations of her were a bit hypocritical. However, Drake Halifax had everything to do with the shifts that had happened between us. I couldn’t blame him completely; had our bond been as tight as it should have, there wouldn’t have been room for him to force his way in—although he certainly played a part.
As much as I loved Cora and missed her, she was in France for another ten months, and even then, there was no guarantee she’d come home, much less to me. After staring at the wall for however long, the remorse wormed its way in until I finally caved and sent her a text. I couldn’t bear to be the reason her day got worse. And even in the darkness of my childhood bedroom, I could see the hurt on her face and didn’t want to be the cause for it staying there.
Me: I miss you.
Her unexpected reply came immediately, rubbing a little salve into the open wound of my tattered heart.
Cora: I miss you too, James.
Even text messages, I could hear her voice, and to this day, I loved the way my name rolled off her tongue like a whisper through trees—peaceful and serene. Yet what I loved even more was that she was the only person who used it. At work it was Mr. Carpenter, my friends called me Carp, my parents—when I talked to them—called me son, and Cora called me James. Somehow, from her, it was sacred—a prayer.
***
My father slid a stack of folders across his ornate desk two days later. The birthday festivities had kept him occupied until the last guest left on Sunday. And then the following morning, he was business as usual.
“What’s this?” I’d never worked with my dad or participated in any of his financial endeavors. I was well aware of what he did for a living and could have used his contacts to build our business, but I had refused to ask, and he’d never offered. Until now.
“I’m letting go of most of our smaller clients to focus on larger accounts. As I move toward retirement, the board decided to shift gears for the company as a whole. These are all people I’ve done business with for years that I don’t want to give over to anyone I don’t trust.”
“You’re referring business to me?” I couldn’t hide the doubt in my voice. My father didn’t give anyone anything. It all came with a price tag that I couldn’t afford.
“I’ve followed your firm from the sidelines since you bought the business, son. You and Neil have worked hard, made good choices, and weathered the storm. This will only strengthen your portfolio, and in time, draw more investors in your direction.”
I eyed him suspiciously before speaking. “What’s the catch?”
“Not everything in life comes with stipulations, James.” He’d used my name—which definitely meant there were stipulations.
“And you don’t give handouts without expecting something in return.” I hadn’t meant it to come across as disrespectfully as it had, although once the words were out, I co
uldn’t take them back.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, son.” Now we were back to terms of endearment.
“Dad, I’m not trying to be an ass—”
“Then don’t.”
“You’ve never given me anything without the expectation of something in return. We aren’t close; you haven’t even been to my place in New York, you don’t even know about Cora—”
“I’m aware of more than you give me credit for.” His interruption threw me off track, and I stared at him, waiting for him to continue. “Just because I’ve given you the freedom to start life on your own without being with you every step doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I haven’t paid attention. I know Cora is in Paris working for Drake.”
Of course, he did. I should have expected my dad to be on a first-name basis with Drake Halifax. Which in turn meant my dad realized my girlfriend had left me for another man.
“I’m also cognizant of the fact that she’s not happy there and would prefer to come home.”
My jaw hung open, and no matter how hard I tried to formulate words or simply close it, it refused to cooperate.
“Drake and I have known each other for a lot of years. Cora being the granddaughter of the Chase family, who happened to live down the street from us, was a topic of conversation. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it, but that’s neither here nor there—you loved the girl, and I wanted to know her intentions.”
Thoughts raced through my head, my brain unable to complete any of them before diverting to another. “W-what intentions?”
He let out a heavy sigh, stood from his chair, and rounded the desk to sit on the edge. For the first time in my life, my dad stared at me like a concerned friend instead of an overbearing, absent parent. “There’s no doubt you’ve heard the stories of Drake’s escapades with younger women, several of which worked for him.”
I barely managed to move my head in a semblance of a nod, unsure I could bear to hear what he wanted to share.
“She wasn’t one of those women, James.”
My jaw finally clamped, and my mind shut down. She wasn’t one of those women. It was the only thing that replayed like an echo bouncing off the walls of my skull.
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