Yet I had to believe my fear was nothing more than uncertainty. Even though I wasn’t typically a wishy-washy woman, my thoughts on this had waved like a flag in the breeze, bending whichever way the wind blew at that moment. Hopefully, once we found out what we had to deal with, the pieces would fall into place. They had to.
“You okay?” James squeezed my hand reassuringly.
“Just nervous.”
“About flying?”
I scoffed. I didn’t have a fear of planes. “No.” And I rolled my eyes.
“Is there any part of you that’s excited?”
“Cautiously, maybe. I guess not having any details makes this harder than it has to be. I think I’ll feel better when we’re in the attorney’s office and things start moving.”
He nodded in agreement but didn’t respond. His eyes closed, and his head tilted back against the seat as we took off. I leaned against his shoulder and stared at the tray table in front of me. In a couple hours, this ball would start rolling, and I hoped it didn’t go so fast that it spun out of control.
A few hours and a rental car later, James and I opened the door that would irrevocably change our lives.
“Clary, White, and Boyd. How may I direct your call?” The receptionist clearly hadn’t been the recipient of one of the firm’s letters, or she wouldn’t be nearly as peppy answering their phone.
When she finished with the call, she greeted the two of us standing in front of her. The only sign of fear either of us showed was the trembling in our clasped hands.
“James and Cora Carpenter. We’re here to see Karen Clary.” My husband’s voice was calm and cool.
She typed something on her computer, waited for a moment, then stood and escorted us back. The conference room sat empty except for the pitcher of water, a carafe of coffee, and cups in the center of the table.
“Mrs. Clary will be right with you. Please help yourself to coffee and water. There are some snacks on the table in the corner if you’d like anything to eat.” When James nodded at her, she turned and closed the door behind her as she left.
I didn’t have a chance to finish making a cup of coffee before a woman in her mid-fifties strolled in. She was full of confidence, primly dressed, and wearing the most fabulous heels. Any other time, I would have inquired about them, unfortunately that seemed a tad inappropriate given the circumstances.
“I’m Karen Clary. You must be James and Cora. It’s nice to meet you.” As she shook both of our hands, the two of us remained silent and let her lead.
“As you know, Chelsea Airy passed away two weeks ago, naming you the sole guardian of her five-year-old son, Legend.”
It was totally inappropriate, but I couldn’t stop the giggles that erupted. James glared at me, horrified by my outburst. Regardless, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop running this kid’s name through my head. Legend Airy—legend-ary. Who would do such a thing to their only child, their first born? It was horrendous—poor guy was going to be the laughing stock of the playground.
“What is wrong with you?” James hissed at me under his breath while giving the lawyer a sideways glance to show he didn’t have a clue what was going on or approve of my behavior.
“I’m sorry.” I tried to whisper, but my voice carried. “Legend Airy…that’s your son’s name.” The weight of what had just come out of my mouth hit me. And then the tears did as well. My fingers met my lips, and in total wonder, my giggles morphed to awe. “You have a son.” Those four words were barely heard.
The hand that had hidden my astonishment now cupped his jaw. I didn’t bother to hide the overflow of emotions from my husband or the attorney. I kissed his lips and repeated myself. “You have a son.” I smiled as if I’d just given birth and the doctor had presented us with our new addition.
Karen didn’t interrupt our moment or rush us back to whatever information she needed to share. She gave us time to process what we’d just learned. When we finally turned back to her, she waited with a smile on her face.
“I have to admit, Mr. Carpenter…I worried about how this would all play out when we first spoke. I’m glad to see you and your wife are open and possibly even excited about your son.”
“He doesn’t have any other family who wants custody?” My eyebrows rose in question, and suddenly, it seemed hard to imagine that no one would fight us for this little boy. My emotions were all over the place. If I weren’t careful, I’d give myself whiplash.
“Chelsea didn’t have any family, but Legend has been staying with Chelsea’s friend—”
“Dottie?” James interrupted her.
“Yes. Chelsea and Legend lived with her, so the court granted temporary custody to her until the paternity testing was completed and you were able to get back to Florida.”
“So, he’s okay?” The worry in James’s eyes was something I’d never seen before—not on him. Although, I’d seen it cross my own father’s expression countless times when I was a child.
“As well as can be expected. Chelsea did a good job of preparing him for her death.”
“He’s five…why would she have prepared him? Did she have cancer or something?” James wasn’t quite as eloquent as I would have liked him to be. He responded based on emotion, and I’d just had an explosion of inappropriate laughter.
“Mr. Carpenter, Chelsea had juvenile Huntington disease.”
“Her mom died of Huntingtons. I thought it took years, and the decline didn’t start until her forties or later.”
“I’m fairly ignorant about the disease; I just know that Chelsea was in late stage one when she was pregnant with Legend. Juvenile Huntingtons is very aggressive, and death usually occurs in less than ten years.”
James sat there stunned, apparently unaware this girl had been affected by the disease at all. Although, now wasn’t the time to ask him how he could have missed something so monumental.
“When will we meet him?” My question was soft and shy.
Somehow, I felt like it wasn’t my place to ask. At the same time, this was my husband’s son. Now our son. Nervousness and excitement rolled into an emotional ball of frenzy that whirled around inside my mind and did somersaults in my stomach. One minute the idea of James having a child was terrifying, and the next, almost natural. My heart and mind bounced over all the emotions in between, but never at the same time.
“Does he know about me?” James had been relatively quiet sitting next to me, so when he blurted out this question, it was as if the answer was the difference between life and death.
“He does. He’s also been told that someone special is here to see him. Since you hadn’t communicated what your intentions were, Dottie didn’t think it was in his best interest to get his hopes up, and then you walk away.”
“But he’s mine. I get to keep him, right?”
“He’s not a dog, James.” I rolled my eyes at his insidious question, choosing to ignore that I could have done a five-minute comedy routine on the kid’s name alone.
“Legally, yes. Chelsea named you his sole guardian and parent. However, if for some reason the two of you are averse to those roles, Dottie is prepared to have you sign over custody and all parental rights.”
“She wants my kid?” My husband’s face grew angry, and the crimson crept up his neck and into his cheeks.
“Not in a malicious, or even greedy way, Mr. Carpenter. She has been with Legend every day since he was born. She is the only family, other than Chelsea, he’s ever had.”
“But she has to be like a hundred years old,” he screeched his disbelief.
“James.” Now it was my turn to hiss at him.
The attorney chuckled at his outburst. I, on the other hand, was mortified. “I assure you, Mr. Carpenter, she only has Legend’s best interest at heart. Dottie thought it would be best if you met Legend in a place less formal than this, one he’d be comfortable in.”
“Like her house?”
I wanted to laugh at the expression on his face. Neither o
f us had a clue how to handle any of this. James was doing the best he could, even if he hadn’t managed to hide his dismay.
“No, he likes to play at the park by the pier. She thought it would be a safe place for him to welcome you into his world.”
My mind had retreated back to a place of uncertainty. This was about to happen, and I wasn’t sure I could face it. If it hadn’t meant leaving James, I would have been out that door without risk of it hitting me in the behind as it closed.
“When?” James’s face was unreadable. His eyes danced with excitement, even though his knee bounced with anxiety, and his thumb stroked mine in soothing love. None of his body languages agreed with each other.
“Today at three if you’re available.” Karen’s eyes were kind and understanding as if she’d dealt with this type of thing a hundred times before.
James glanced at me for approval, and I just nodded, wondering where the hell life would take us in two hours.
15
Cora
Mother Nature had delivered a perfect day to meet the newest member of our family. I wanted to believe it was a sign that everything would work out. However, in the time since we’d left the offices of Clary, White, & Boyd, James had already pulled back. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the apprehension over meeting his son, who was not a newborn, but a child who knew little about him. I expected us to do this together, though now I felt like I was somehow intruding on their initial meeting.
“Do you not want me to go?”
We sat in the car at the end of the pier, staring out at a place the two of us had been hundreds of times before. It was as familiar to us as New York. I couldn’t count the number of memories we shared on that very pier and along that shore.
“I do. I’m just afraid we’ll overwhelm him. And I’ve never met Dottie. It’s not you. I’m just a mess. I absolutely need you here, just bear with me. I’m flying by the seat of my pants, and I’m about to lose my shit.” The only way past this was through it. He knew it; I knew it. Yet neither of us were comfortable with it.
With the windows down, it was easy to hear the waves in the distance and the seagulls crying. I didn’t miss Geneva Key, but I missed the way the air smelled of salt and how the wind blew through my hair in even the slightest breeze.
From our vantage point, we could witness every person who approached the playground from the parking lot or the beach. It had remained vacant until a few minutes after three. I couldn’t make out the features of either person who approached, other than it being an older woman and small boy.
“Do you think that’s them?” James asked as if one of them was the boogeyman, and I’d somehow gained superhero powers to thwart him.
“I’d say it’s a safe bet.”
“Are you ready?”
I still wasn’t convinced he wanted me to do this with him, but I’d regret staying behind. We were meeting our destiny—whatever that might be—and I was determined to be a part of it.
“As ready as I’m going to get.” I put on a brave face and unbuckled my seatbelt.
James and I met at the front of the car, and hand in hand, the two of us made our way down the pier to our future.
The woman lingered on the opposite edge of the playground, while the little boy ran to the jungle gym and immediately started climbing like a monkey. His exuberance brought a genuine smile to my face, and when I glanced up at my husband, I saw the same exuberance shining brightly on his.
“Dottie, look at me!” the small child yelled to his friend as he hung upside down by his knees from the metal bar.
When he began to swing, she called back, “Be careful, Legend.” Her silvery hair blew across her face when a gust of wind kicked up.
We stood at the edge of the pier and watched him play like any other kid. James squeezed my hand and met my eyes with wonder and love. I only hoped the two of us remained as optimistic while this all unfolded.
“Should we go introduce ourselves to Dottie first or Legend?” he asked as if I had the answers to this situation.
“I guess Dottie.”
He took the first step, and I followed behind him. My feet slowed when we hit the sand, but James always accommodated my shorter steps. If we’d been any place else under any other circumstances, he would have had me get on his back—however, it would be inappropriate here.
The closer we got to the woman, the more familiar she looked; although, her gray hair that whipped with the wind and her relaxed beach attire threw me off. Her gaucho pants swayed with the air, and her feet were bare, but when she moved her hair from her face to tuck it behind her ear, my heart stopped and so did my feet.
“What’s wrong?” James had continued to walk until my arm refused to follow. He turned to stare at me, wondering what was going on. He looked toward his target and back at me. “Cora?”
“That’s my grandmother.” When my heart started pumping again, it did so with a vengeance. The beat thumped loudly in my ears, drowning out the sounds of the waves and the giggles of the little boy on the playground. Not even the piercing cries of the seagulls could be heard.
“Baby, that’s Dottie. You heard him call her name.” His free hand took my jaw, and he kissed me sweetly on the lips “Come on. It’s okay.”
But it wasn’t; none of this was. I knew my grandmother. He’d never met her. In all the time we’d been together, even in high school, not once had I ever introduced them. And while I needed answers, now wasn’t the time to try to get them. I had no clue why my grandmother would have temporary custody of a five-year-old, nor why she would have been living with his mother—the woman who’d slept with James years ago.
The realization struck her the moment her attention pulled away from Legend to greet us.
Before she could speak, James stuck his hand out to introduce himself. “I’m James Carpenter, and this is my wife, Cora.”
Her eyes were glued to mine when I identified her first. “Gwendolyn Chase,” I spoke with malice and discontent. And refused to extend my hand as my husband had done.
“Cora.” It was a whisper the waves could have carried in with the wind. Her eyes were filled with something akin to remorse, while mine remained hardened.
“Dottie, watch!” Legend drew our attention toward him as he did a flip off the bar and landed on his feet in the sand just before he bottomed out.
The little boy was captivating and charming and a temporary reprieve from the woman behind me. His fiery-red mop was overgrown and a tad shaggy, and the way the sun reflected off the slightly curled ends made him appear angelic. I couldn’t help but notice his large, brown irises and the smattering of freckles that dotted his face and arms. And he was exceptionally tall. The only thing hinting at his younger age was the innocence in his sad eyes.
When he stood, he dusted the sand off the back of his shorts and then rubbed his hands together to remove the grit from them as well. It wasn’t until then that he realized he had an audience greater than one. He stopped, didn’t move an inch, and took his dad in from top to bottom before his eyes shifted to me. The grin that had fallen from his face when he first noticed us slowly appeared until the corners of his mouth tilted up in childlike innocence.
“Who’s your friends?” He ran over to us as he spoke and then grabbed my grandmother’s leg.
“This is your daddy and his wife, Cora.”
“I’m Legend, it’s very nice to make your acquaintance.” His little hand jutted out like a confident man. First to me, which I eagerly took and shook, and then to James.
“He’s been practicing that all afternoon.” Dottie’s eyes glimmered with pride, but I had a hard time not reaching up to gouge them out.
“It’s nice to meet you, too, buddy.” James had released my hand in order to squat and see his son at his level.
“You’re really tall. Will I be as tall as you?” He rambled like most kids did, and I could already see adoration for James in his eyes.
“Maybe, it sure looks l
ike you’re well on your way.”
“You wanna see the tricks I can do?”
“Of course. Show me what you’ve got.” Legend took James by the hand, and with the first step they took, Gwendolyn was close on their heels.
I reached out, latching onto her forearm. Once the two of them got a few paces ahead, I whispered, “What are you doing here?” It was more like a hiss between clenched teeth, even though I tried to play nice.
She patted my fingers, and I jerked back, recoiling my arm. “Cora, sweetheart. Now isn’t the time.” And then she smiled at me in a way I’d never seen her do—as though she actually cared about someone other than herself. “Come on, don’t let our past shape his future.” She nodded toward Legend and James, but I wasn’t sure which she referred to.
***
I managed to keep my cool at the playground, although only by the grace of God. We had stayed for about two hours and then wandered down the street to grab an early dinner. I was shocked by how easily James and Legend had fallen into a groove. He’d never indicated a desire for children, yet seeing him with the little redhead made it obvious he was a natural.
Luckily, Gwendolyn—or Dottie, whatever her name was—focused on James and Legend and left me to myself to stew over her reappearance in my life. Legend monopolized the conversation, telling James everything he’d ever done, all his favorite foods, favorite color—blue, favorite superhero—Green Lantern, and anything else that came to mind. I interjected where I could without disrupting the flow of the conversation, but mostly, I watched in disbelief. I witnessed a side of my husband I’d never seen and met a version of my grandmother I wasn’t aware existed. And I wondered why she hadn’t been that loving with me when my parents had passed away.
Here she sat with a child she wasn’t even related to, playing the doting family friend, while she couldn’t be bothered to stay home to help me acclimate to a new town and school when I was forced to leave New York. I couldn’t decide whether to resent her more for it or be grateful she’d been here for Legend when he needed someone. Selfishly, I wanted to focus on the first, even if I knew it should be the last. It just didn’t make any sense to me. The woman I’d just spent the last four hours with wasn’t the one whose house I’d shared as a teenager or the one my father had painted a picture of. I liked Dottie, I loathed Gwendolyn, but I had a hard time differentiating between the two.
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