‘Right,’ he was saying, his voice sounding distant and echoey, ‘all that remains now is a little unfinished business with that tree rabbit . . .’
And that was all. As his voice faded, so too did his face – and everything else in Muddle Earth. Joe gasped as he found himself tumbling headlong down a long, pulsating tunnel. The strange music grew louder; the smell of burning more pungent until . . .
CRASH!
Joe opened his eyes and looked round. His armour was gone and he was back in his old clothes, sitting at the centre of a great, dusty rhododendron bush. Henry was beside him, his tail wagging uncertainly.
‘We’re back!’ Joe cried out. ‘Henry, we’re home!’
Henry barked excitedly.
Together they scrambled out of the bush and headed off across the grass. ‘Come on, boy,’ Joe shouted. ‘They’re going to be so worried!’
As he went through the gate and up the path, Joe felt himself trembling. It was all so familiar, yet strange – like those first few minutes after returning from a holiday, only more so. He ran round to the back of the house and into the kitchen.
‘Mum! Dad!’ he shouted. ‘I’m back! Hello Ella! Hello twins!’
Ella shook her head and left the room, muttering under her breath. The twins looked at one another and giggled.
‘Did you have a nice walk?’ asked his mum, switching off her vacuum cleaner, which only seemed to make the sound of his dad’s electric drill even louder.
‘Yes,’ said Joe, puzzled. No one seemed to be at all worried. ‘But I’ve been away ages!’ he said.
‘About half an hour,’ his mum said. She smiled. ‘Tea’ll be ready at six. Why don’t you pop up to your room and get that homework of yours done. What was it again?’
‘An essay,’ said Joe. ‘My Amazing Adventure.’
‘Have you got any ideas?’
Joe nodded, a broad grin spreading across his face. ‘One or two,’ he said.
Back in Muddle Earth, the great tree rabbit had completed its long journey to the Horned Baron’s castle. Benson – who had noticed it standing next to the gates – had gone out to take a look. He had found a letter clutched in one of its enormous forepaws and taken it to the Horned Baron, who was busy with a spot of moonlight-gardening in the vegetable patch.
‘What now, Benson?’ the Horned Baron snapped, waving his trowel at the manservant irritably. ‘If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times, not to disturb me when Fifi and I are tending to our turnips.’ His eyes narrowed. ‘Particularly,’ he added, ‘if you’re about to tell me you’ve received another blooming letter!’
Benson held the envelope out. ‘This one’s different,’ he said.
The Horned Baron opened it up and began reading. The expression on his face turned from mild irritation to unbounded joy. ‘Oh, but this is marvellous news!’ he exclaimed. ‘Listen, Fifi. It’s from Dr Cuddles. Apologies for all my recent tricks . . .’ he read out. ‘I’ve decided to retire. Please accept this little gift as a token of my friendship.’ He turned to Benson. ‘What little gift?’ he said.
‘It’s outside the gates,’ said Benson.
‘Then bring it in, bring it in,’ said the Horned Baron.
‘As you wish, sir,’ said Benson. He left the vegetable garden, returning a moment later with the great tree rabbit trundling slowly beside him.
‘Ooh! A garden sculpture!’ cried Fifi. ‘It’ll look lovely over there by the wall, and it’ll scare all those naughty, greedy tree rabbits and stiltmice away from our turnips. I love it, Horny! I absolutely love it!’
‘So do I,’ said the Horned Baron. He gripped Fifi’s hand. ‘And I love . . .’
Just then there was an ominous creak. It seemed to come from the tree rabbit. Benson, Fifi and the Horned Baron looked up to see a trapdoor at the base of the rabbit drop down, and a huge, pudgy leg appear.
‘Walter?’ came a voice. ‘Walter!’
‘Baroness?’ said Benson.
‘Ingrid?’ gasped Fifi.
‘AAAAARGH!!!’ screamed the Horned Baron.
Joe Jefferson sat at his bedroom desk, pen poised. It was still noisy. Ella’s music was pounding above him, the electric drill and the vacuum cleaner were battling it out below, while the twins were fighting just outside his door.
Not that Joe noticed. Eyes down and head full of memories, he started writing.
Night was falling over Muddle Earth. The sun had set, the sky was darkening and already two of its three moons had risen up above the Musty Mountains. One of these moons was as purple as a batbird. The other was as yellow as an ogre’s underpants on wash-day . . .
As the three coloured moons of Muddle Earth sank low in the sky, they shone across the Musty Mountains and the Perfumed Bog, across Goblintown, Trollbridge, the Enchanted Lake – and a dusty track, along which two figures were hurrying. One of them was Fifi. The other was short, bandy-legged and bald . . .
‘Oh, Fifi,’ he was saying. ‘Free at last! We’ll be together now for ever and ever, growing fields of turnips beyond compare.’
‘You and me, Walter. You and me,’ said Fifi, squeezing his hand tightly. ‘After all this time . . .’ She turned to him. Oh, Walter, you’re as handsome as you were the day I first met you. For shame, hiding those rugged good looks under that horrid horned helmet for so long!’
‘It’s such a relief not having to wear it any more,’ Walter admitted. ‘The weight, the heat, the burden of responsibility – all gone. I feel a new me!’
Meanwhile, back at the castle, a light was shining from a window in the West Wing. Voices floated out from it into the night sky.
‘Ooh, it does suit you. Promise never to take it off. You look magnificent, Benson!’
‘Do you really think so, Baroness?’
‘Oh, Benson, you’re the Horned Baron now, remember!’ A girlish laugh filled the air. ‘You can call me Ingrid!’
Paul Stewart is a well-established author of children’s books – everything from picture books to football stories, fantasy, sci-fi and horror. Adam’s Ark was shortlisted for the TES NASEN award. The Wakening was selected as Pick of the Year by the Federation of Children’s Books Groups.
Chris Riddell is an accomplished artist and political cartoonist for the Observer. Books he has illustrated include Something Else by Kathryn Cave, which was shortlisted for the Kate Greenaway Medal and the Smarties Prize and won the UNESCO Award, and Pirate Diary by Richard Platt, which won the 2001 Kate Greenaway Medal. Chris is also the author and illustrator of the Ottoline series. Ottoline and the Yellow Cat won the 2007 Nestlé Children’s Book Prize Gold Award and the Younger Readers category of the 2008 Red House Children’s Book Award.
Paul and Chris first met at nursery school. Not theirs, but one their sons went to. For some strange reason, which they can’t remember, they decided to work together. Since then, they have created the Rabbit and Hedgehog books, the Blobheads series and The Edge Chronicles.
Muddle Earth is their latest creation.
‘Full of witty dialogue and wacky characters, if the excellent writing isn’t enough to fuel your imagination, then the illustrations certainly will! Bored of the rings? Try this instead!’ Sunday Times (Funday Times)
‘The point of this book is really the jokes, which nod to Fungus the Bogeyman . . . James Bond and the tale of Troy . . . Not for nothing is Giggle Glade the destination of this book’s ultimate quest’ Sunday Times (Culture)
‘Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell’s The Edge Chronicles series has built a seriously solid fan base of children and young-at-heart fantasy-fevered adults. Muddle Earth will delight them all. Vivid characters . . . weave their way through this delightful but totally mad book . . . A fantastic read . . . Muddle Earth is a funny clever, completely loony novel with wicked illustrations. Stewart and Riddell are indeed a winning team’ amazon.co.uk
‘Inventive, brilliantly illustrated novel, [it], quite literally, turns Tolkien upside down’ South Yorkshire Times
&nbs
p; ‘I laughed from cover to cover . . . an excellent book’ Donald Carrick, 12, Herald
Also by Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell
Blobheads
Blobheads Go Boing!
The Rabbit and Hedgehog books:
A Little Bit of Winter
The Birthday Presents
Rabbit’s Wish
What Do You Remember?
The Edge Chronicles:
Beyond the Deepwoods
Stormchaser
Midnight Over Sanctaphrax
The Curse of the Gloamglozer
The Last of the Sky Pirates
And by Chris Riddell:
Ottoline and the Yellow Cat
Ottoline Goes to School
To play the Muddle Earth quest visit Chris Riddell’s website:
www.panmacmillan.com/chrisriddell
First published 2003 by Macmillan Children’s Books Ltd
This edition published 2004 by Macmillan Children’s Books
This electronic edition published 2012 by Macmillan Children’s Books
an imprint of Pan Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited
Pan Macmillan, 20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR
Basingstoke and Oxford
Associated companies throughout the world
www.panmacmillan.com
ISBN 978-1-4472-2947-6 EPUB
Text and illustrations copyright © Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell 2003
The right of Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell to be identified as the authors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
Visit www.panmacmillan.com to read more about all our books and to buy them. You will also find features, author interviews and news of any author events, and you can sign up for e-newsletters so that you’re always first to hear about our new releases.
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