by Laura Ward
I didn’t want to acknowledge that November eighteenth was fast approaching. Instead, I focused on my reflection. My face had thinned out since that fateful night. Back then, I’d barely had time to apply a coat of lip gloss or a dab of mascara. That night, the dress I wore felt one size too small and now that same dress would hang on my body.
The darkness circling my eyes was a mirror of the hole I felt myself slipping into. The one-year anniversary of the worst day of my life would be a living hell. It would be nothing short of absolute, burning, screeching, painful hell. I would relive each minute of the day, and I would cry. I had to brace myself for the onslaught of attention from friends and family. No one would know what to say. Some would just be there, which was great. Some would try to explain it away with the typical “everything happens for a reason” bullshit. Those people I wanted to punch in the nose. But I would restrain my emotions as much as I could. Especially in front of the boys.
Cindy cleared her throat, jarring me out of my thoughts. “Well? Am I right or am I right?”
“I have nowhere to wear a dress like this.” I turned and looked at the back. My ass did look pretty great.
“You will. Hollywood Hottie will take you out to dinner with his famous producer friends or something. Your ass looks so good in that thing that I’d even do you. Seriously.”
Laughing, I shook my head and shimmied it off. “Okay, no need to switch teams on me. I’m getting it.”
“What happened when Reynolds got back on Monday?” Cindy handed me my jeans, and I slipped them on.
My face flushed at the memory, but I did what I did best. Denial. “Nothing. We worked. Why?” I pulled my sweater over my head and smoothed the flyaway’s from my hair.
“Don’t bullshit me. I know you almost kissed under that table and then had the most awkward goodbye in the history of goodbyes after that. I’m asking if you talked about it.” Cindy scowled, and I rolled my eyes.
“He asked if we could grab dinner and talk, but the boys had a soccer tournament this week. We’ve been engrossed in our writing, and I’ve been super busy…avoiding him.” I lowered my voice at the last two words. They were the truth, but I hated admitting them. I just wanted to work. I didn’t want to talk about anything else other than the screenplay. Somehow working on that project had helped bring light back into my life. Remembering everything wonderful Jack had done and how he had brought hope to so many people pulled me out of the hole I had sunken into after his death.
“Have you talked to Reynolds about the anniversary?” Cindy grabbed her pile of purchases, and we walked to the cashier.
“Nope. I don’t want him to worry that I won’t be focused on writing, and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable.”
“Liz! Give the guy some credit. He is your friend.” Cindy shook her head and handed over her credit card. “You need to talk to him about these things. He has to know about Jack's anniversary and you have to discuss your almost kiss. If you don’t open up, things are going to explode.” Cindy flung her hands around in exasperation.
I swallowed hard. “There’s a tension around us now. Ever since he got back. At first I panicked and thought he had changed his mind about working together, but when we write, he’s singularly focused.” I handed my credit card over and leaned my back against the counter. Cindy bit her nail as she listened.
“I decided this weekend we would take a break from hanging out with him. I told the boys that.” I thanked the cashier, and we walked into the mall. “I’m trying to keep the boys from getting hurt when he leaves. We need distance so they don’t get too close to him.”
Cindy’s brow wrinkled, and she stopped walking, sitting on a bench and motioning for me to join her. “How’d that work out?”
I snickered, shaking my head. “The boys had a fit. Grayson told me that Reynolds is his friend and friends didn’t let other friends sit alone at home all weekend.”
“Grayson’s a good nut,” Cindy agreed.
“Even Griffin asked if we could ride horses with Reynolds. I reminded them that he would be leaving soon, and they all claimed to understand.” I rolled my head around my neck, needing to ease the tension. “And of course, even though he’s been quiet around me, he’s been his usual gregarious self with the boys.”
“I think no one is more surprised than the Hollywood Hottie that he genuinely enjoys spending time with your kids.”
I nodded and chewed on my bottom lip. All four of those boys were buds. Even I, Queen of Denial, couldn’t ignore that fact.
“Margarita time?” Cindy hooked a thumb over at the Mexican restaurant.
“It’s always margarita time.” I smiled gratefully and grabbed my shopping bags. I was ready and willing to forget my problems with my other good pal, tequila.
“Nice! Go Torrey, go!” Griffin cheered from the family room as he watched the fourth quarter of the football game. Stacking the last of the dinner dishes into the dishwasher, I leaned back against the counter and tilted my head to peek into the family room. Griff jumped off the couch, cheering for the Ravens. I sipped my wine and sighed. Hayden was asleep in the crook of Reynolds’ arm, and Grayson lay against his leg like a pillow. I rested the wine glass against my lips and took in the sight. My eyes fluttered up and met his, and we shared a smile.
He looked fantastic, all tousled hair and sleepy eyes. The picture of my guys happily snuggled against him was too much to take in. He was devastatingly sexy and yet lovingly comfortable with my kids. My stomach muscles tightened with apprehension. I blinked a few times and took a long sip of wine to end my trance. The game ended with a win as Griffin and Grayson bumped fists and attempted the Ravens’ Squirrel dance.
“All right, guys. I’m taking Hayden up to bed. You can play Xbox for twenty minutes and then head up to shower.”
Reynolds handed me a very tired Hayden, who woke and rubbed his eyes.
“Night, Reyn. I love you,” Hayden said in a sleepy voice.
Both Griffin and Grayson whipped their heads up at Hayden’s proclamation. I looked back and forth between Reynolds and Hayden, my skin prickling with panic. Hayden couldn’t love him. Shit, how would Reynolds handle this?
Reynolds stood up and took Hayden from my arms. He wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug. “I love you too, Hayden.”
I SAT BACK down on the couch and watched Griffin and Grayson turn on their video game, rubbing my tight jaw. Their incessant heckling made me smile, but I couldn’t relax. I wanted to jump out of my own skin. I wiped my palms on my jeans. I had to go upstairs.
What just happened? Kylie and my parents were the only people who had ever told me they loved me. I believed two of them had meant it. But this guy? This small and funny guy? My heart warmed, and my chest tightened. I couldn’t remember when I had been so touched.
Liz was distraught at Hayden’s words. Was she concerned about Hayden ending up hurt? She didn’t need to worry. I was falling in love with the whole family. These had been the best weeks of my life.
I needed to make sure Liz understood how much Hayden’s words meant to me.
“Reynolds, did you see that?” Griffin called out happily, scoring a shot on his brother.
“Nice moves, man.” I grinned and then sat back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling. My life was changing before my eyes and I had never felt happier. Here. With these kids and this woman.
I wanted more.
I had asked Liz out to dinner, hoping we could talk about us, but she told me she was too busy. Would she acknowledge that this was more than friendship or would she keep shutting me out?
She wasn’t ready. I got it. But I also couldn’t let it go. I got up and started upstairs.
What could I say to her that wouldn’t scare her off? My footsteps were heavy as I climbed the staircase. I stood at the top of the steps, a few feet away from Hayden’s room, and listened to Liz say prayers with him. I closed my eyes as my stomach rolled, and my pulse quickened. I opened them, letting out a deep breath
.
Liz closed Hayden’s door and walked over, wrapping her arms around her waist. “I’m sorry. That must have been awkward to hear. He thinks you’re a dear friend, and you’ve become a part of his life.” Liz looked at me apologetically.
I shook my head and leaned back against the wall. “Stop. I loved hearing that from him. Your boys have come to mean a lot to me. They’re going to grow up to be great men.”
“I appreciate that, but I need to settle them down a bit. You’ll be leaving soon, and I don’t want them to get too attached.” Liz looked at her feet as she said the last part.
“What do you mean? I’m not leaving soon.” My eyebrows pinched together. Her words wrapped around my throat in a vice grip. “We have work left to do. And, well, I’m attached to them, too. They’ve become my friends. Just like you have. You’re all special to me.”
Liz grimaced, and she huffed with an eye roll. “Yes, but we don't fit into your everyday life. I don't want them to get hurt.” She straightened her shoulders and tipped her chin up.
I took a step closer, not taking my eyes off of her. “Yes, this is different from the rest of my life. Maybe that’s what’s been wrong all along.” I lowered my voice. I wanted to make sure she understood and believed what I had to say. “This has been the best experience of my life. It’s what’s been missing.” I held onto Liz’s forearms, keeping her in place when she tried to back away. I brought my face closer to hers and set my jaw.
Liz searched my face as her lower lip trembled. “Reynolds you don’t mean that. You can’t. You’re going to go back to L.A. Then what?” Her chin lifted, and her eyes narrowed with renewed fervor. “Those boys have already lost one man they loved. They CAN NOT LOSE ANOTHER!” Liz’s face reddened as she slung her words at me. She fought my grip on her arms, pulling them out of my grasp.
“Are you scared?” I whispered, running my hands down her face. She froze at my touch—something I was used to—and she closed her eyes. For a flash, my heart dropped. This was the moment of truth. Then, she nodded.
My heart leapt into my throat, and my lip curled in a lopsided grin. “You feel it too, don’t you?”
She opened her eyes wide in panic.
I moved closer, trailing my fingers along her arms. Her lips parted, but no words came out.
“We have a connection. We’re friends, but I want more than that. Don't you?”
The skin on her neck flushed at my words as she leaned closer, but then as usual, she pulled back and shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes.
In that one move, she crushed my pride. But I knew she was lying—and she was a bad liar. No more. I wasn’t going to let this go on for another minute. I leaned back, looking down the stairs and heard the boys playing their game.
My heart beat fervently with each step I took closer to her. She couldn’t hide anymore or run away. I walked toward her and she walked backwards down the hallway until her back hit the door to her bedroom. As soon as she couldn’t move away, I leaned in, running my nose up the side of her neck, inhaling her sweet smell. I laced her fingers in mine and squeezed them.
Pulling my face away from her neck, I searched her gaze. “I need you.”
Her eyes darted back and forth, looking behind me, and she shook her head no, but stopped and took a deep breath. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips. All of my blood rushed down to my dick from the mere glimpse of her tongue and I was instantly hard.
I released her hands and caressed the sides of her body. She gasped as I grazed her breasts with a feather light touch and trailed them along her collarbone. I’d been with women—plenty of them—but Liz was different. Her neck tilted off to the side and a small little moan escaped her lips, sending me into a different stratosphere of need and want.
“Dammit, Elizabeth.” I lowered my voice to a whisper and brought my lips to her ear. I sucked her earlobe, and she shivered, as her mouth fell open.
I couldn’t stop myself now. I ran my thumb along her lips and then brought my mouth to hers. She would either accept it, or she would kick me in the balls. Either way, the time had come to find out if she felt the same way I did.
I was unprepared for the shock of electricity when our lips touched. I pulled back for a split second after feeling the spark, and her eyes flew open, searching mine. Then she moaned, and I didn’t waste another second. I brought her face back to me, gently pressing my lips onto hers, lightly licking at the seam, until her lips moved against my own. Wrapping my arms around her, I lifted her off her feet. I pressed our bodies tight, knowing she could feel my hard-on. I needed her to understand how much I wanted her.
I stopped kissing her for a moment, and Liz sighed, my lips hovering over hers as I drank in her scent and her taste. She leaned in, her tongue tracing my bottom lip, and I groaned when she opened her mouth to me. Our tongues met, and the kiss became frantic. She threw her arms around my neck, holding herself up, and grabbed my hair, kissing the hell out of me. My hands roamed up and down her back, and I wanted to shout from the rooftop that this was it. This was what I had never known before. I had never been kissed with that much intensity in my life. We kissed like we were taking air from one another. I was filled with heat and desire and the strongest need I’d ever known for a woman. I wanted to treasure her.
She pulled away, panting. Letting go of my hair, she slid down me. I needed to feel her body underneath me. On top of me. Hell, I just needed to feel it.
“That’s why you can’t stay. My heart can’t take it Reynolds. You need to go.” Liz licked her swollen lips and pushed her hair back from her face. “I can’t lose again. I’ll break. Trust me.”
My chest constricted and I crossed my arms to keep from touching her.
“What? Come on, we’re just starting. Don’t fear this, Liz.” I paced the floor, my voice rising in intensity as I begged.
“No, we can’t. This won’t happen, Reynolds. I’m not that girl. Jesus, I’ve only ever been with Jack.” She looked down at the floor, her cheeks bright red. I pulled her chin up to meet my eyes. “These touches mean more to me than they do to you.” Her voice was soft and laced with embarrassment.
“Elizabeth. You don’t know what these touches mean to me. What you mean to me.” I held her face in my hands and crouched down, looking at her brown eyes which were full of determination. She was stubborn, but I refused to let her look away. “Give me a chance to show you,” I whispered, my fingers stroking the sides of her face.
Liz reached behind her and opened the door to her bedroom. We walked in, the only light filtering in from the hallway. “I have a family. I don’t have time to play games, and I can’t indulge in a little happiness for myself now and risk my boys' feelings when it ends. And it will end, Reynolds. We are too different.” She clasped her hands together in front of her and focused on them, avoiding my heated gaze.
I ran my hand back through my hair. “What the fuck does that mean?” I gritted my teeth to keep from yelling. Now I was pissed. I paced the length of her room. I had finally met someone authentic, someone worth caring about, and she wouldn’t even try?
“You’re the sexiest man I’ve ever seen. Look, you’re every fantasy I’ve ever had. But I come with baggage. Emotionally-heavy baggage. My husband has been dead for less than a year and here I am flirting with you and attracted to you. I’m drowning in that guilt.” She held up her left hand, pointing to her wedding rings, and her face paled. “I can’t take them off. Do you get that? I just kissed you, but I can’t take off my wedding rings. What kind of a person does that?” Her face crumpled, and she took a step backward, distancing herself even more from me.
I pinched my lips together and clenched my fists until my knuckles screamed in pain. “I don’t want you to feel guilty about anything. I’m not asking you to take off your wedding rings. I just want a chance with you, Liz.”
I stalked toward her until we were face to face. “You ask what kind of a person you are.” She brought her hand to her neck, and I gently mo
ved it away. I took my hand and ran it up and down the soft skin of her neck, feeling her rapid pulse as her breathing increased. “You’re the most captivating woman I’ve ever met.” I ran my fingers through her long hair. “Your hair is meant to have my hands wrapped in it while I kiss the hell out of you.” I stared into her eyes, glistening with tears, and the back of my throat burned. “I get lost in your eyes. I want to explore every part of your skin.” I caressed her collarbone as I panted. Damn, I wanted her. “And those lips.” I brushed a feather light kiss along her lips. “Jesus. The number of nights I’ve thought about your lips.” We stared at one another, our chests heaving, reacting to the passion of both my words and touch.
Liz pushed me away. “I’m sorry. I just can’t, Reynolds.” She spoke in a whisper, as though she needed to say the words out loud, but didn’t have the courage to utter them. “Please, go back to L.A. We can finish our work by phone and email.” Her voice cracked, and a tear ran down her cheek. “I really am sorry. It’s just a risk I can’t take right now. I need to protect my family and…my heart.” Her last words came out in broken breaths, and my own heart slowed as a deep sadness filled me.
I stared at her, frozen in place and still panting as the boys clambered up the stairs. Liz wiped her eyes, her shoulders drooped, and her chin quivered. I moved my hands behind my head, still searching her face for more answers. This couldn’t be happening. I was not giving up on her or on us. I would, though, give her the time and space she asked for.
I patted the boys on the back as they passed by and stepped backward, walking toward the stairs, not taking my eyes off her. As I reached the staircase, I turned and looked over my shoulder. Her eyes remained fixed on mine, and she trembled from head to toe. I opened my mouth to say something, anything to get through to her, but I changed my mind. Now wasn’t the time. I shook my head and watched her brush away another tear before I descended the stairs.
I wasn’t a patient man, but for Liz, I would try.
