by Linde, K. A.
“I love your neighborhood,” I said. “It’s perfect.”
“Yeah. Jason loves it here. He has friends on our block. Just hard…being in the house sometimes.”
I nodded. “I could see that.”
“We come to the park a lot actually. Better than sitting around inside. It’s why he’s so tan,” she said with a smile. “That, and the swimming pool. Kid loves the swimming pool.”
“You have one for the neighborhood?”
“Yep. Best part of the outrageous HOA fee I pay,” she said with an eye roll.
I laughed. I knew what that was like. I’d seen some of the most exorbitant costs for housing and upkeep ever. Her yearly HOA was probably less than the monthly fee for where my parents lived.
“Okay, buddy,” Sutton said once we reached the mostly empty park.
She unbuckled him. He immediately raced toward the swings. We left the stroller parked nearby and followed him.
“Push!” Jason pointed at the swing.
“I gotcha,” I said, picking him up and placing him in the bucket swing.
He started rocking back and forth, as if he could propel himself into action. I moved around behind him, gently pushing him in the swing.
Sutton sank into the swing next to Jason’s and stared up at us with big eyes. She looked like she’d gotten all gooey and was trying not to melt into a puddle on the floor.
“I can get you, too.”
She raised an eyebrow. But then I switched to her seat, pulled the swing back, and released to get her going. She laughed and kicked her feet to continue her ascent. I alternated between a gentle push for Jason and a bigger push for Sutton. Jason giggled and pointed at his mom. Sutton was laughing, too. Throwing her head back and arching her back to get more air. She looked so…free.
All the tension rolled off her shoulders, and it was easy to see that she was only twenty-four years old. She’d lost so much. She’d endured. And here she was, still as beautiful as ever, not falling apart because of it.
“Watch out,” she said.
And then she vaulted off the swing and into the air before landing uneasily on her feet. Then, she rolled and lay down in the grass in a fit of laughter.
“Oh my God, I haven’t done that in forever.”
“Excellent dismount.”
“Ha!” she said. “Not my best. I could probably pull out a back handspring right now if I wanted.”
“I’d throw my back out if I tried that.”
“Fifteen years of gymnastics and cheerleading, and I still probably would.” She moved over to Jason, tugging him out of the swing. “Let’s do the slide.”
“Slide,” he said, racing toward the jungle gym.
There was a smaller slide on the side of the big construction that he only had to climb up two steps to get to. And though he kept eyeing the big slide, he hurried to the small slide.
“Mom! Mommy!”
“You got it! Let’s see,” Sutton encouraged.
She was sitting at the end of the slide, waiting for him to slide down. He pushed his way down, and then she scooped him up and swung him in a circle.
“Yay! Good job.”
“Again!” he crooned and then ran back to the stairs.
We watched him together for at least five million slides. Every single one of them, he insisted that we watch him and applaud his mad skills. It was surprisingly entertaining, all things considered.
Jason was sliding down his five millionth and one time when Sutton looked like she was about to fall over. It was at that time when one of Jason’s friends showed up, and he hurried over to play with the girl. Sutton nodded at the dad carting his daughter around and then plopped down onto a bench.
“I’m so glad he has friends,” she said. “Only time I get a reprieve.”
“He’s such a great kid.”
“He is.” She smiled with her eyes glued to Jason like a hawk. “Do you still keep up with your friends from home? The ones who you got in trouble with?”
“Oh,” I said, taken off guard. “No, not really. I’d known them my whole life, but I only really liked Court. He was kind of a jackass, but at least he was an honest one.”
“I can understand that.”
“The rest were…cling-ons. They wanted to be Court or close to him. He had that charisma, you know? Our families were like peas in a pod, so we always got along. I never had to work for his time.”
“Ah, yes. Jensen has that charisma.”
I nodded. “Definitely. I’m honestly surprised Katherine isn’t marrying Court’s brother. I thought that was the obvious choice.”
“Did they date?”
“Nah. But they were best friends. We all thought it would happen. But, no…she’s marrying someone else. Guy’s kind of a douche actually.”
She laughed. “Sounds like you know a lot of them.”
“Yeah. That’s fair.”
“Well, all of this sounds better than my friends.”
“Annie and Jenny are amazing.”
“Yes,” she agreed. A sadness cloaked her face for a moment. “But all my college friends kind of disappeared. They called and came by when Mav first died, but I guess, when it became clear that I wasn’t going to bounce back right away, they all slowly moved away and never spoke to me again.” She sighed. “Sorry to keep bringing him up.”
“First, they don’t sound like real friends.”
“They weren’t. I know that now. Hard way to find out who really matters.”
I reached out and laced my fingers through Sutton’s. She glanced down at our hands and flushed.
“Second, you never have to apologize to me about Maverick.”
“It’s just…awkward. Isn’t it?”
“He was your husband. I’m not here to shame you into never thinking about him again. Frankly, it’d be a little weird if you never thought about him.”
“Really?” she whispered. “Everyone else treats me like a pariah every time I bring him up. Like it’d be easier for me if I just forgot about him.”
“You’re not a pariah, and you don’t have to forget him. For Jason’s sake, I hope that you don’t.”
Sutton’s eyes snapped back to her son playing in the sandbox with the other toddler. “I wish he didn’t have to grow up without his father. I know what that’s like, and it sucks.”
“You’re doing a great job. You know that, right? You’re a great mom.”
Tears welled in the corners of her eyes. “Thanks. That’s, like…the best compliment anyone could give me.”
I kissed her forehead and helped her up. “Come on. Let’s get out of this oppressive sun. There’s pizza and a movie with your name on it back at the house.”
“You’re making pizza?”
“Yeah, no. But I know how to order one for delivery.”
She giggled, swiping the lingering tear from her eye. “Even better. No dishes.”
We wrangled Jason, and heedless of the sand he was now covered in, I threw him onto my shoulders for the walk back to the house. Sutton pushed the stroller but kept glancing up at the two of us as if we were a mirage…or a memory.
Twelve
Sutton
As soon as we were home, I disappeared into the bathroom with Jason. He needed a bath after playing in the sandbox, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t need a moment to regroup. Watching David with Jason was…heart-wrenching. And wonderful.
All the things Maverick was missing.
All the things David was getting instead.
It was wrong to compare them. Maverick and David were nothing alike. Maverick had been funny and silly and always an adventure. David was more serious. He had this look in his eyes that said he’d been through shit, but I could never tell if I was just projecting.
Plus, Maverick would always be what once was, and I couldn’t compare David to a ghost. They weren’t the same. I didn’t want them to be. But, sometimes, it was hard seeing David in Mav’s place.
Taking that extra minu
te to wash the sand off of Jason was enough for me to feel sane again. I changed him into his new favorite pajamas that said Future President and hauled him back out to the living room.
“Why don’t you pick out a movie?” I told him.
He raced to the movie cabinet and began pulling every single movie we owned off the shelves.
“Pizza should be here in fifteen minutes,” David said.
“Great.”
Jason picked Trolls, of course. I popped the movie into the player and set Jason down on the couch. David sat next to him, and I took the other spot.
“Bet this is exactly what you were expecting when you asked me out.”
“I mean…I was kind of expecting Thor. Abs and all,” he joked.
“Ha-ha. You’re so funny.”
He wickedly grinned at me before slinging his arm across the back of the couch and pulling all of us closer together. Magical.
By the time pizza arrived, David was as deeply engrossed in the movie as Jason was. I rolled my eyes at the pair of them and got up to get food. We ate our pizza on paper plates in the living room and sang along to the songs until Jason’s eyes were drooping. Eventually, he lost the fight and fell into a deep sleep, still sitting between us.
David swept Jason’s thick hair off his forehead. “I’ll carry him into his room if you get the door.”
With practiced ease, he carefully hoisted Jason into his hands. I walked in front of him and opened the door to Jason’s bedroom, tugging back the covers to his toddler bed. David gently laid him down on the mattress and tucked him in. His little head lolled to the side. He was completely out of it.
“Guess all of that time in the sun wore him out,” I whispered. “Usually, bedtime is an ordeal.”
David nodded. “Seems so.”
I bent down and kissed Jason on the forehead before quietly exiting the bedroom with David. I peeked inside one more time to get another look at my slumbering boy before walking back to the living room with David. Where we were finally…finally alone.
Our eyes met, and my heart stuttered at that look. Desire coiled through me—as hot as it was unexpected.
I wanted this man.
That much was so obvious to me.
Yet…I hesitated. I awkwardly stood there, staring up at him, like I’d never been intimate with anyone before. The two-year-old in the other room proved that wrong. But, of course, he was also one of the main reasons I hadn’t been with anyone else in over a year.
I hated this part. This pause. This inaction. This second-guessing.
Even if it was perfectly reasonable for me to question moving forward.
As if David could see what was racing through my mind, he reached down and picked up the remote. “Do you still want to finish the movie?”
I laughed, releasing some of that tension. “Do you know how many times I’ve seen this?”
“At least a hundred.”
“At least.”
David flipped the TV off, bathing us in darkness, except for the soft light coming from the side table. I chewed on my bottom lip.
“Do you…want a drink?”
He shook his head. “I’m all right.”
Then, he stepped across the room. His fingers pushed up into my dark hair and tilted my face up to look at him. My pulse accelerated, and both fear and excitement struck me like lightning.
“Are you all right?”
When I looked up into those golden eyes, I lost all thought, all doubt. I just nodded. And he kissed me.
I exhaled softly as a groan escaped me. He tasted delicious and utterly, undeniably wonderful. Our lips melded together. He opened my mouth on a sigh. Our tongues volleyed, meeting and touching and tempting. We stayed like that, lost in a perfect kiss, until he dragged my bottom lip between his teeth and then moved to kiss down my neck.
Goose bumps erupted on my skin. I felt as hot as the Texas summer. My body couldn’t seem to keep up with the sensations it had been deprived of. Everything was so intense, so much. I wanted to dive into a cold pool, into this feeling of exquisite rightness.
I arched my body against his chest. His hands slipped down my back, digging into the muscles as he scooped his way down, down, down. He wasn’t tentative or questioning when he grabbed my ass, and I didn’t try to stop him. If anything, my moan and thrust against him only indicated the opposite.
I was aching for more.
Aching to feel again.
He bent forward, capturing my lips again. Then, he grasped my outer thighs and lifted me into the air. A breath loosed from my mouth as I threw my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.
I was now at eye-level, which, with his considerable height, never happened. I could see the molten-gold ring around his eyes and the little flecks of green that threatened to take over when he wore the color. My body pulsed against him. I was sure he could feel it.
His enthusiastic smile at my reaction was enough to say that he didn’t care. Not one ounce.
My lips found his, and he walked us back to the couch where he took a seat with me straddling him. My dress was hiked up to the tops of my thighs, and his hands explored the exposed flesh. Getting intimately acquainted with every inch of my skin. Every sweep of his hands became bolder and bolder until they strayed up to the hem of my pink thong.
My body jerked in response, and that was when I felt him through his khaki shorts. I gasped as desire shot through me like nothing before. His hardened dick was so…inviting. It would be so easy to just strip him out of those shorts and find sweet relief. Quench that throbbing need.
But I reined myself in. I wasn’t even on the pill. I didn’t need another whoops. One was enough.
“Fuck,” David groaned against my mouth. “You’re…fuck.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“Are you…do you…want to keep going?” he asked.
My heart melted for this man. He didn’t just take. He could. I would have let him. But…he still wanted to make sure I was okay. Through all of this, he was worried about me. I could just kiss him.
And I did.
“Yes,” I murmured against his lips.
His arms tightened around my body, squeezing me close once before laying my body back on the couch. I inhaled deeply as he started at my knee and began kissing his way down my inner thigh. He spread my legs a little further before brushing his nose against the satin of my thong.
I groaned, quite ready to throw my underwear off and toss them at him. But he was secure in taking his time. Slipping a finger under the material and swishing it down between the folds. He grinned up at me when he felt how wet I already was. He teased me with my own wetness before dragging my thong down my legs.
He wet his fingers and then circled my clit until I was thrashing. I was whimpering and practically begging for more by the time he inserted two fingers inside me.
“Oh,” I gasped.
I wanted more, but dear Lord, this was…so good.
He pumped in and out of me a few times, bringing me to the edge and then releasing me. When I thought I couldn’t take any more, his tongue replaced his thumb, still working my clit. My head whipped backward, and I arched off the couch. My entire body tensed, centering in my core, as if it were building pressure.
Then, I stepped on the land mine, and everything exploded. It shot out from my core, up through my chest, and all the way to my fingers and toes. I curled into myself and said frantically, “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God.”
Finally, my eyes opened, and I stared at a rather satisfied David.
“God, you’re beautiful.”
I laughed softly. “Wow.”
Wow was the only word in my vocabulary at the moment. I was running on a total high. That was the best orgasm I’d had in a long, long time. My body felt like jelly. My mind was full of cotton balls. Everything was so slow and so good.
David pulled my dress back over my lower half and leaned up to kiss my cheek. “I really want to have sex with you,�
� he admitted in a moment of perfect honesty.
And, in that same second, reality smacked me in the face.
Sex.
Oh, man.
I wasn’t ready for that. I…I wasn’t even sure if I was ready for what had just happened. It had been perfect, yet now, I was wondering if it was too soon. We’d only been talking for a couple of weeks. Sure, he was great with Jason, but was I ready for Jason to have a real father figure in his life? Was it too soon?
Stupid brain. I wished it would shut up for once.
“I’m not…not ready,” I finally told him.
David leaned his forehead into my shoulder. “Okay.”
“You sure?”
“I’m just going to need a cold shower,” he said on a hoarse laugh. “Your orgasm nearly did me in.”
My face turned the color of a tomato. “Oh.”
He gently kissed my cheek. “It’s okay. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”
I kind of adored him for that comment. He was giving me all the space I wanted. And, apparently, an epic orgasm…and I hoped I’d soon be ready for a second one of those. He drew me close to him one more time, and then I wistfully watched him leave.
Jason slumbered in another bedroom, but the quiet creeped me out. I wrapped my arms around myself as the ghosts of the past threatened me. It was much easier when there were other people around. When I didn’t have to remember what it had been like when the silences were filled or realize I was forgetting the sound of Maverick’s voice.
For once, I hoped the amazing evening would block out the nightmares.
Thirteen
Sutton
Jason and I were driving home from church the next morning when I noticed a big red pickup truck in my driveway. My stomach clenched. So, that was what those missed calls had been about.
“Great,” I grumbled.
That was definitely Maverick’s parents’ truck. They lived outside of Lubbock and must have driven in when they hadn’t heard from me in a while. I hadn’t thought much of it because I was spending more time with David.
