The Uncommercial Traveller

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by Dickens, Charles


  characters, HUNGRY! and to sit down here. Yes; one thing more

  remained to Mr. Anderson - his character; Monarchs could not

  deprive him of his hard-earned character. Accordingly, as you come

  up with this spectacle of virtue in distress, Mrs. Anderson rises,

  and with a decent curtsey presents for your consideration a

  certificate from a Doctor of Divinity, the reverend the Vicar of

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  Dickens, Charles - The Uncommercial Traveller

  Upper Dodgington, who informs his Christian friends and all whom it

  may concern that the bearers, John Anderson and lawful wife, are

  persons to whom you cannot be too liberal. This benevolent pastor

  omitted no work of his hands to fit the good couple out, for with

  half an eye you can recognise his autograph on the spade.

  Another class of tramp is a man, the most valuable part of whose

  stock-in-trade is a highly perplexed demeanour. He is got up like

  a countryman, and you will often come upon the poor fellow, while

  he is endeavouring to decipher the inscription on a milestone -

  quite a fruitless endeavour, for he cannot read. He asks your

  pardon, he truly does (he is very slow of speech, this tramp, and

  he looks in a bewildered way all round the prospect while he talks

  to you), but all of us shold do as we wold be done by, and he'll

  take it kind, if you'll put a power man in the right road fur to

  jine his eldest son as has broke his leg bad in the masoning, and

  is in this heere Orspit'l as is wrote down by Squire Pouncerby's

  own hand as wold not tell a lie fur no man. He then produces from

  under his dark frock (being always very slow and perplexed) a neat

  but worn old leathern purse, from which he takes a scrap of paper.

  On this scrap of paper is written, by Squire Pouncerby, of The

  Grove, 'Please to direct the Bearer, a poor but very worthy man, to

  the Sussex County Hospital, near Brighton' - a matter of some

  difficulty at the moment, seeing that the request comes suddenly

  upon you in the depths of Hertfordshire. The more you endeavour to

  indicate where Brighton is - when you have with the greatest

  difficulty remembered - the less the devoted father can be made to

  comprehend, and the more obtusely he stares at the prospect;

  whereby, being reduced to extremity, you recommend the faithful

  parent to begin by going to St. Albans, and present him with halfa-

  crown. It does him good, no doubt, but scarcely helps him

  forward, since you find him lying drunk that same evening in the

  wheelwright's sawpit under the shed where the felled trees are,

  opposite the sign of the Three Jolly Hedgers.

  But, the most vicious, by far, of all the idle tramps, is the tramp

  who pretends to have been a gentleman. 'Educated,' he writes, from

  the village beer-shop in pale ink of a ferruginous complexion;

  'educated at Trin. Coll. Cam. - nursed in the lap of affluence -

  once in my small way the pattron of the Muses,' &c. &c. &c. -

  surely a sympathetic mind will not withhold a trifle, to help him

  on to the market-town where he thinks of giving a Lecture to the

  FRUGES CONSUMERE NATI, on things in general? This shameful

  creature lolling about hedge tap-rooms in his ragged clothes, now

  so far from being black that they look as if they never can have

  been black, is more selfish and insolent than even the savage

  tramp. He would sponge on the poorest boy for a farthing, and

  spurn him when he had got it; he would interpose (if he could get

  anything by it) between the baby and the mother's breast. So much

  lower than the company he keeps, for his maudlin assumption of

  being higher, this pitiless rascal blights the summer road as he

  maunders on between the luxuriant hedges; where (to my thinking)

  even the wild convolvulus and rose and sweet-briar, are the worse

  for his going by, and need time to recover from the taint of him in

  the air.

  The young fellows who trudge along barefoot, five or six together,

  their boots slung over their shoulders, their shabby bundles under

  their arms, their sticks newly cut from some roadside wood, are not

  eminently prepossessing, but are much less objectionable. There is

  a tramp-fellowship among them. They pick one another up at resting

  stations, and go on in companies. They always go at a fast swing -

  though they generally limp too - and there is invariably one of the

  company who has much ado to keep up with the rest. They generally

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  talk about horses, and any other means of locomotion than walking:

  or, one of the company relates some recent experiences of the road

  - which are always disputes and difficulties. As for example. 'So

  as I'm a standing at the pump in the market, blest if there don't

  come up a Beadle, and he ses, "Mustn't stand here," he ses. "Why

  not?" I ses. "No beggars allowed in this town," he ses. "Who's a

  beggar?" I ses. "You are," he ses. "Who ever see ME beg? Did

  YOU?" I ses. "Then you're a tramp," he ses. "I'd rather be that

  than a Beadle," I ses.' (The company express great approval.)

  '"Would you?" he ses to me. "Yes, I would," I ses to him. "Well,"

  he ses, "anyhow, get out of this town." "Why, blow your little

  town!" I ses, "who wants to be in it? Wot does your dirty little

  town mean by comin' and stickin' itself in the road to anywhere?

  Why don't you get a shovel and a barrer, and clear your town out o'

  people's way?"' (The company expressing the highest approval and

  laughing aloud, they all go down the hill.)

  Then, there are the tramp handicraft men. Are they not all over

  England, in this Midsummer time? Where does the lark sing, the

  corn grow, the mill turn, the river run, and they are not among the

  lights and shadows, tinkering, chair-mending, umbrella-mending,

  clock-mending, knife-grinding? Surely, a pleasant thing, if we

  were in that condition of life, to grind our way through Kent,

  Sussex, and Surrey. For the worst six weeks or so, we should see

  the sparks we ground off, fiery bright against a background of

  green wheat and green leaves. A little later, and the ripe harvest

  would pale our sparks from red to yellow, until we got the dark

  newly-turned land for a background again, and they were red once

  more. By that time, we should have ground our way to the sea

  cliffs, and the whirr of our wheel would be lost in the breaking of

  the waves. Our next variety in sparks would be derived from

  contrast with the gorgeous medley of colours in the autumn woods,

  and, by the time we had ground our way round to the heathy lands

  between Reigate and Croydon, doing a prosperous stroke of business

  all along, we should show like a little firework in the light

  frosty air, and be the next best thing to the blacksmith's forge.

  Very agreeable, too, to go on a chair-mending tour. What judges we

  should be of rushes, and how knowingly (with a sheaf and a

  bottomless chair at our back) we should lounge on bridges, looking

  over at osier-beds! Among all the innumerable occupations that

  cannot
possibly be transacted without the assistance of lookers-on,

  chair-mending may take a station in the first rank. When we sat

  down with our backs against the barn or the public-house, and began

  to mend, what a sense of popularity would grow upon us! When all

  the children came to look at us, and the tailor, and the general

  dealer, and the farmer who had been giving a small order at the

  little saddler's, and the groom from the great house, and the

  publican, and even the two skittle-players (and here note that,

  howsoever busy all the rest of village human-kind may be, there

  will always be two people with leisure to play at skittles,

  wherever village skittles are), what encouragement would be on us

  to plait and weave! No one looks at us while we plait and weave

  these words. Clock-mending again. Except for the slight

  inconvenience of carrying a clock under our arm, and the monotony

  of making the bell go, whenever we came to a human habitation, what

  a pleasant privilege to give a voice to the dumb cottage-clock, and

  set it talking to the cottage family again! Likewise we foresee

  great interest in going round by the park plantations, under the

  overhanging boughs (hares, rabbits, partridges, and pheasants,

  scudding like mad across and across the chequered ground before

  us), and so over the park ladder, and through the wood, until we

  came to the Keeper's lodge. Then, would, the Keeper be

  discoverable at his door, in a deep nest of leaves, smoking his

  pipe. Then, on our accosting him in the way of our trade, would he

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  call to Mrs. Keeper, respecting 't'ould clock' in the kitchen.

  Then, would Mrs. Keeper ask us into the lodge, and on due

  examination we should offer to make a good job of it for

  eighteenpence; which offer, being accepted, would set us tinkling

  and clinking among the chubby, awe-struck little Keepers for an

  hour and more. So completely to the family's satisfaction would we

  achieve our work, that the Keeper would mention how that there was

  something wrong with the bell of the turret stable-clock up at the

  Hall, and that if we thought good of going up to the housekeeper on

  the chance of that job too, why he would take us. Then, should we

  go, among the branching oaks and the deep fern, by silent ways of

  mystery known to the Keeper, seeing the herd glancing here and

  there as we went along, until we came to the old Hall, solemn and

  grand. Under the Terrace Flower Garden, and round by the stables,

  would the Keeper take us in, and as we passed we should observe how

  spacious and stately the stables, and how fine the painting of the

  horses' names over their stalls, and how solitary all: the family

  being in London. Then, should we find ourselves presented to the

  housekeeper, sitting, in hushed state, at needlework, in a baywindow

  looking out upon a mighty grim red-brick quadrangle, guarded

  by stone lions disrespectfully throwing somersaults over the

  escutcheons of the noble family. Then, our services accepted and

  we insinuated with a candle into the stable-turret, we should find

  it to be a mere question of pendulum, but one that would hold us

  until dark. Then, should we fall to work, with a general

  impression of Ghosts being about, and of pictures indoors that of a

  certainty came out of their frames and 'walked,' if the family

  would only own it. Then, should we work and work, until the day

  gradually turned to dusk, and even until the dusk gradually turned

  to dark. Our task at length accomplished, we should be taken into

  an enormous servants' hall, and there regaled with beef and bread,

  and powerful ale. Then, paid freely, we should be at liberty to

  go, and should be told by a pointing helper to keep round over

  yinder by the blasted ash, and so straight through the woods, till

  we should see the town-lights right afore us. Then, feeling

  lonesome, should we desire upon the whole, that the ash had not

  been blasted, or that the helper had had the manners not to mention

  it. However, we should keep on, all right, till suddenly the

  stable bell would strike ten in the dolefullest way, quite chilling

  our blood, though we had so lately taught him how to acquit

  himself. Then, as we went on, should we recall old stories, and

  dimly consider what it would be most advisable to do, in the event

  of a tall figure, all in white, with saucer eyes, coming up and

  saying, 'I want you to come to a churchyard and mend a church

  clock. Follow me!' Then, should we make a burst to get clear of

  the trees, and should soon find ourselves in the open, with the

  town-lights bright ahead of us. So should we lie that night at the

  ancient sign of the Crispin and Crispanus, and rise early next

  morning to be betimes on tramp again.

  Bricklayers often tramp, in twos and threes, lying by night at

  their 'lodges,' which are scattered all over the country.

  Bricklaying is another of the occupations that can by no means be

  transacted in rural parts, without the assistance of spectators -

  of as many as can be convened. In thinly-peopled spots, I have

  known brick-layers on tramp, coming up with bricklayers at work, to

  be so sensible of the indispensability of lookers-on, that they

  themselves have sat up in that capacity, and have been unable to

  subside into the acceptance of a proffered share in the job, for

  two or three days together. Sometimes, the 'navvy,' on tramp, with

  an extra pair of half-boots over his shoulder, a bag, a bottle, and

  a can, will take a similar part in a job of excavation, and will

  look at it without engaging in it, until all his money is gone.

  The current of my uncommercial pursuits caused me only last summer

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  to want a little body of workmen for a certain spell of work in a

  pleasant part of the country; and I was at one time honoured with

  the attendance of as many as seven-and-twenty, who were looking at

  six.

  Who can be familiar with any rustic highway in summer-time, without

  storing up knowledge of the many tramps who go from one oasis of

  town or village to another, to sell a stock in trade, apparently

  not worth a shilling when sold? Shrimps are a favourite commodity

  for this kind of speculation, and so are cakes of a soft and spongy

  character, coupled with Spanish nuts and brandy balls. The stock

  is carried on the head in a basket, and, between the head and the

  basket, are the trestles on which the stock is displayed at trading

  times. Fleet of foot, but a careworn class of tramp this, mostly;

  with a certain stiffness of neck, occasioned by much anxious

  balancing of baskets; and also with a long, Chinese sort of eye,

  which an overweighted forehead would seem to have squeezed into

  that form.

  On the hot dusty roads near seaport towns and great rivers, behold

  the tramping Soldier. And if you should happen never to have asked

  yourself whether his uniform is suited to his work, perhaps the

  poor
fellow's appearance as he comes distressfully towards you,

  with his absurdly tight jacket unbuttoned, his neck-gear in his

  hand, and his legs well chafed by his trousers of baize, may

  suggest the personal inquiry, how you think YOU would like it.

  Much better the tramping Sailor, although his cloth is somewhat too

  thick for land service. But, why the tramping merchant-mate should

  put on a black velvet waistcoat, for a chalky country in the dogdays,

  is one of the great secrets of nature that will never be

  discovered.

  I have my eye upon a piece of Kentish road, bordered on either side

  by a wood, and having on one hand, between the road-dust and the

  trees, a skirting patch of grass. Wild flowers grow in abundance

  on this spot, and it lies high and airy, with a distant river

  stealing steadily away to the ocean, like a man's life. To gain

  the milestone here, which the moss, primroses, violets, blue-bells,

  and wild roses, would soon render illegible but for peering

  travellers pushing them aside with their sticks, you must come up a

  steep hill, come which way you may. So, all the tramps with carts

  or caravans - the Gipsy-tramp, the Show-tramp, the Cheap Jack -

  find it impossible to resist the temptations of the place, and all

  turn the horse loose when they come to it, and boil the pot. Bless

  the place, I love the ashes of the vagabond fires that have

  scorched its grass! What tramp children do I see here, attired in

  a handful of rags, making a gymnasium of the shafts of the cart,

  making a feather-bed of the flints and brambles, making a toy of

  the hobbled old horse who is not much more like a horse than any

  cheap toy would be! Here, do I encounter the cart of mats and

  brooms and baskets - with all thoughts of business given to the

  evening wind - with the stew made and being served out - with Cheap

  Jack and Dear Jill striking soft music out of the plates that are

  rattled like warlike cymbals when put up for auction at fairs and

  markets - their minds so influenced (no doubt) by the melody of the

  nightingales as they begin to sing in the woods behind them, that

  if I were to propose to deal, they would sell me anything at cost

  price. On this hallowed ground has it been my happy privilege (let

  me whisper it), to behold the White-haired Lady with the pink eyes,

  eating meat-pie with the Giant: while, by the hedge-side, on the

 

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