In the end she simply wrote that she could walk Sox on a leash while Tracy pushed Lucas in his stroller. That picture was easy enough to see, but it still hinged on the looming question of whether or not she would be able to keep the dog.
It was nearly midnight when Meghan closed the notebook and pushed her chair back. Sox was sleeping alongside the desk, but when she stood, he stood, and when she climbed into bed, he jumped in after her.
She playfully ruffled his fur. “Oh, so you want to sleep with me, is that it?”
The dog whimpered, lowered his head, inched forward, and started licking her hand. He made it clear he knew she was the boss, and he was asking, “Please.”
Meghan couldn’t help but laugh. “You know I’m a sucker for you, don’t you?”
She slid beneath the blanket and patted the spot next to her. It was the okay signal he was waiting for. He scooted up, rumpled the blanket until it was just so, then curled his back into her chest. A few minutes later, his head dropped down onto her arm.
As she drifted off to sleep, Meghan could almost swear she caught the aroma of the pipe tobacco her daddy had smoked.
Making Plans
When everyone gathered for breakfast the next morning, Lila reminded Meghan about calling the ASPCA.
“And be sure to put that notice in the Snip ’N’ Save,” she added.
“I will,” Meghan promised. “But first I have to finish up a few other things.”
As soon as Lila began clearing the dishes, Meghan tugged Tracy into her office and whispered that their first priority should be to find a pediatrician for Lucas.
“I’m not so sure,” Tracy replied hesitantly. “Mama said some babies are just late talkers. It may be that Lucas is—”
“Wouldn’t it be better to know for sure?”
“I suppose so, but . . . ”
Although fear of the truth was what held Tracy back, she claimed there were a number of other considerations. She first needed to get settled and make sure the COBRA insurance had gone through. Then there was the problem of Lila. Given her tendency to worry, she’d be frantic if she suspected something was actually wrong with Lucas. Right now, Lila believed he was simply a late talker.
“Boys are almost always slower than girls when it comes to talking,” she’d said. “Why, you were talking a blue streak before Cindy Hendricks’s boy said his first word.”
Tracy hadn’t argued the point. Instead she’d taken hold of it and swallowed the belief, because it was what she’d wanted.
“Without Dominic and me yelling at one another, Lucas will probably have more of an interest in talking,” she suggested hopefully.
“Possibly, not probably,” Meghan replied. “You should at least have him checked. I can make the appointment. You don’t even have to tell Mama.”
“And what if there’s a problem with the insurance?”
“COBRA has to let you keep the plan. It’s the law,” Meghan said. “And if the paperwork doesn’t come through in time, I’ll pay for the visit.”
Tracy heaved a disheartened sigh and lowered her eyes. “Suppose something really is wrong with Lucas? I don’t know how I’d manage—”
“Don’t even go there.” Meghan’s voice was strong and definitive, with no extra words thrown in to cloud the issue. “We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.”
Tracy noticed her sister didn’t say you’ll cross that bridge. She said we’ll cross that bridge. She’d also said if not when.
Tracy looked up with a smile, then flung her arms around Meghan’s neck.
“I don’t deserve a sister like you!” she said.
Meghan laughed. “I know, but you’re still stuck with me.”
Together they spent most of the morning calling around asking for pediatrician recommendations. After three strikeouts with friends, Meghan suggested they call Tracy’s old pal Kelly MacPharland. Kelly had married her high school sweetheart two weeks after graduation and had a baby six months later. She now had three little ones, so she was certain to know a pediatrician.
Once Kelly heard Tracy was back in town, she wanted to know the whole story. After nearly twenty minutes of chitchat, she finally gave them Dr. Driscoll’s name and number.
“Make sure you see him,” she said. “Not Manners, his partner.” She then went on to say Manners had misdiagnosed Kristie’s runny nose, claiming it was just sniffles rather than a pollen allergy.
Once Meghan got Kelly off the line, she called Dr. Driscoll and learned the earliest appointment they could get was six weeks out.
“That’s crazy,” she said. “What if this were an emergency?”
“Then you’d take the child to the ER at Magnolia Grace,” the nurse replied.
The only other alternative the nurse could offer was an appointment three weeks out with the new associate, Dr. Manners.
Having been forewarned about Manners, Meghan said no, they’d wait.
The morning flew by, and although she had every intention of making the call she’d promised, Meghan never got around to it. When she eventually did phone the ASPCA, an answering machine said they were out to lunch. Without leaving a message, she hung up, figuring she’d call back later.
Then there was the found-dog ad that was supposed to go in the Snip ’N’ Save. But to create the ad, she needed a picture of Sox. With Lucas hanging onto the dog, it would be impossible to get a decent shot until after he went to bed. She quickly tabled the idea and moved on to some overdue billing.
Although it was nothing more than wishful thinking, it somehow seemed the longer she held on to the dog, the less likely it would be for another owner to come forth claiming him.
The following afternoon, Meghan finally called the ASPCA. The only missing-dog report they’d received was for a female Chihuahua that answered to the name of Princess. Feeling she’d crossed two major hurdles, she breathed a sigh of relief and allowed yet another day to roll by before she took the photograph of Sox.
After Lucas was in bed, she snapped a single shot of the dog sitting between the brown sofa and matching chair. The picture came out grainy and dark. The only thing clearly visible was the white of Sox’s two front paws, so it seemed a waste of time to upload it to the computer.
Two days later, Dominic’s car arrived back in Philadelphia, and he called screaming like a banshee. His voice was so loud, Tracy held the phone at arm’s length.
“What the hell do you call this?” he yelled. “I tell you to get your ass back here, and you send some bozo home with my car?”
Tracy half expected something like this to happen, and she was ready.
“You said you wanted your car back,” she replied, “so I sent it back. The delivery service was bonded and insured.”
“Don’t give me that crap!” Dominic screamed. “You knew what I meant. I want you and Lucas back here by tomorrow!”
“You want?” Tracy repeated angrily. “I’m sick of doing what you want! You can forget it, Dom. We’re not coming back.”
“Like hell you’re not! He’s my kid, and you’ve got no right—”
“Actually, I do. I’m his mama, and you’re nothing.”
“Your smart-ass sister tell you that? Well, it’s not true! I’m his daddy and—”
“You’re not his daddy. At least not legally.”
There was a moment of hesitation before Dominic spoke again. “Not legally? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re not listed on the birth certificate. I left it blank, remember?”
“Oh, so that’s what this is all about! You’re thinking you can hold this over my head and force me into marrying you?”
Their getting married had been a bone of contention for more than two years. His single statement wiped away any illusions Tracy might have had about Dominic trying to win her back.
“I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth!” she snapped. “And forget about ever seeing Lucas again! He’s a good kid and deserves a better father than you!
”
Without giving him time for a response, she slammed the receiver down.
The conversation had been angry and loud. Even after ending the call, Tracy stood rooted to the spot with a swell of heartache and anger rising up inside her. Fearful such a scene would upset Lucas, Lila scooped him up and rushed him out to the backyard.
“What you need is some fresh air,” she cooed as she carried him from the room.
Tracy didn’t object. She blinked back the tears and bit down on her lip. Meghan crossed the kitchen and wrapped an arm around her sister’s shoulders.
“I know this is painful, but you’re doing the right thing.”
It had taken every last ounce of Tracy’s resolve to remain strong against Dominic’s tirade, but given this gesture of kindness, she let go. With her face buried in the hollow of Meghan’s shoulder, she began to sob.
“It doesn’t feel right,” she said tearfully. “Nothing feels right. It seems as though all I’ve done is make a mess of my life and Lucas’s.”
“Nonsense. What you’re doing will make a better life for him. And you’re right—he does deserve it.”
The phone rang again. Unknown caller. Neither sister answered it. After a while the ringing stopped. Less than ten minutes later, the ringing started again. Still they ignored it.
Tracy followed Meghan into the living room, and they sat side by side on the sofa. This room was nothing like the living room in the apartment Tracy had left behind. That living room was a mishmash of colors and thrift-shop finds. The sofa had a wobbly leg and a burn hole in the armrest. The table was too small for even a lamp.
The sofa they sat on now was a warm brown. It was plump and cushiony with colorful throw pillows. Tracy sank into it and felt the comfort of a place to call home, but even this didn’t soothe the ache in her heart.
She gave a gloomy-sounding sigh. “What’s wrong with me?”
Although her sister was sitting beside her, the question wasn’t aimed at Meghan. It was a question Tracy asked of herself.
“I know Dominic is bad for me,” she said. “I know he lies and cheats, but I keep thinking about the times when it wasn’t this way. I think about the early days when we made love every night. It was good back then. We found a thousand things to laugh about and never worried about the future. Dominic used to say, ‘We live life in the present; the future will take care of itself.’”
“But wasn’t that before you had Lucas?”
Tracy nodded. “I thought Dominic would be thrilled to pieces knowing we were going to have a baby, but he wasn’t.”
She lowered her eyes and studied her hands in her lap. She’d hoped to see a wedding band on her finger one day. Now that dream was gone. There was nothing except anger and bitterness.
“Once I was certain about the pregnancy, I told Dom it would be a good time for us to get married. He looked at me like I was crazy and said absolutely not. That was it, a flat-out no. He wasn’t even willing to discuss it.” Tracy’s eyes grew teary. “He claimed we weren’t ready for marriage or a baby and suggested I get an abortion.”
Meghan’s surprise was obvious. “An abortion?”
Tracy nodded, and her eyes narrowed as she settled into remembering. “He said a baby would be the end of everything. We argued the whole nine months. Every day. Every night. It was nonstop.”
“I’m so sorry.” Meghan stretched out her arm and placed a sympathetic hand on her sister’s knee.
“The morning my labor started, Dominic and I had another huge argument. He stormed out and didn’t say where he was going. I figured with knowing the baby was on the way he’d be back in an hour or two to take me to the hospital, but he wasn’t. I waited all day, and then that night when I felt the baby coming, I called for an ambulance. Lucas was born minutes after the medics got there.”
“You didn’t make it to the hospital?”
Tracy shook her head. “There was no time. The EMTs delivered him.”
“But what about the picture you sent?”
Tracy looked down again; it was obvious she was embarrassed.
“The EMTs took us to the hospital so they could make sure everything was all right, but when Dom got there the next morning, we checked out.”
“Why?”
“Because I knew we couldn’t afford even one extra day.”
“You had health insurance, didn’t you?”
“Not then. Dominic joined the group plan after he went to work for the city. When Lucas was born, all he had was that temp job at the bar.”
Tears welled in Meghan’s eyes. “You should have called. Mama or I could have come to help out.”
Tracy pinched her brows, and her expression tightened into a grimace. “I was too ashamed to say anything. You and Mama both warned me about Dominic, and when all this happened, I felt it was payback for my not listening.”
“That’s nonsense. Mama and I only want the best for you.”
“I can see that now, but it was different back then. My feelings were all mixed up. I cried and cried about how thoughtless Dom was with me and how he didn’t care about our baby. I wanted to hurt him the same way he hurt me, so I deliberately didn’t put his name on Lucas’s birth certificate. I wanted to punish him for the way he’d acted . . . ”
She hesitated a moment, then let loose an embittered sigh. “But the irony of it was he didn’t care. I’d planned to add his name when I got over being mad, but I never did.”
They sat and talked for a long while, not finding a solution to any of the problems, simply letting out the anger and hurt of the past. Tracy told of the small slights and big disappointments that consumed the last two years of being with Dominic: day after day of not speaking, evenings of loneliness wondering where he went when he left the bar, and endless nights of climbing into bed with his back turned to her.
“Given the way he felt about having a baby, I would have thought he’d be glad to get rid of Lucas and me.”
“Obviously not,” Meghan said. “But now that he understands you’re not coming back, maybe you won’t hear from him again.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Tracy’s words suddenly had the hollow sound of sadness in them.
Meghan heard it. “You’re not thinking of going back to him, are you?”
“I guess not,” Tracy replied, but her words were weak and wobbly.
Book of Wishes
Long after everyone was asleep and the house was so quiet Meghan could hear the thump-thump-thump of the dog’s heart, she lay in bed looking at walls lit only by the glimmer of a pale moon. The events of the day kept cycling through her mind. She remembered how Tracy’s eyes blinked nervously and how her hands trembled after she’d slammed the receiver down. It wasn’t just anger; it was fear. Was Tracy fearful for herself, Meghan wondered, or was she concerned about Lucas?
She reached out and absently ran her hand along the smooth fur of Sox’s side. He rolled onto his back and offered up the underside of his belly. She stroked it, and he squirmed closer.
Although she was still troubled about the events of the day, a smile softened the corners of her mouth as she tightened her arm around his warm body. Pushing himself deeper into the hug, Sox stretched his neck and nuzzled his snout in the curve of her neck. He settled himself, then sighed with satisfaction.
“Oh, Sox,” she whispered softly, “you understand everything, don’t you?”
There was a muffled chuff. It was the dog’s way of answering.
“Please don’t let me fall in love with you if you belong to someone else.”
The dog snuggled closer, his fur soft and warm against her skin.
“If only you could talk,” she said. “Then you could assure me no one will ever show up and take you away.”
Her words were still hanging in the air when she could have sworn she heard a chortle that sounded like her daddy.
For a long while they stayed side by side, Sox nuzzled close and Meghan gently scratching the feel-good spot behind his ear. She spoke to So
x the way she’d once talked with her daddy, confiding in him the troubling thoughts that picked at her brain.
“I’m worried about Tracy,” she said, “but more worried about Lucas. I know Tracy needs time to work through this, but I can’t help feeling I need to do something. How do I help a person who’s not ready to be helped?”
She rambled on for several minutes. Then Sox wriggled free and jumped down from the bed. He trotted across the room and sat beside the desk, looking back at her.
“Do you need to go out?”
The dog didn’t respond as he usually did. He sat there eyeing her as if to say, “Nope, guess again.”
“I know you want something, but I have no idea what,” she said, smiling.
He stood, put his paws on the chair, and eyed her again.
In an odd and almost indescribable way, she felt he was telling her to write in her journal. She laughed. Such a thought made sense.
“Sox, you know me as well as Daddy did.”
It was always easier for Meghan to sort through problems when she saw them written out. Things that were gray and fuzzy in her head became crystal clear once they were penned in her journal. She swung her legs from the bed and started across the room. As she dropped into the chair, Sox gave a sigh of contentment and curled up alongside the desk.
Taking a new composition book from the drawer, Meghan began to write. She wrote page after page of words describing all that had happened. When she wrote of Lucas, the letters were scripted with a flourish and flowed easily into one another. When she wrote of Dominic, the words were scrawled in bold heavy-handed strokes of anger.
As she told of Tracy’s fear, her hand trembled, and the words fell into a slant as if they were leaning against one another—the same way Meghan hoped her sister would lean against her. Although she felt neither fearless nor bold, she wrote of these attributes as her wish for Tracy.
The Summer of New Beginnings: A Magnolia Grove Novel Page 8
