"Awwww, come on," Fat Bastard whined. "I already won half a million off the ugly magic gnome fuckers in the basement."
"Interesting," Daaaaad said as he rubbed his hands together with a look of child-like excitement in his eyes.
I now knew how Naked Dude made his fortune. We'd have to discuss it at a later date.
"Holy shit, I forgot about the warlocks," I said and began to pace. "Do you think the warlocks can be trusted? Can we use them?"
"Debatable," Sassy stated. "However, if you threaten their nads, I think you could control them."
"Worked on me," Jeeves announced happily.
"Isn't he adorable?" she squealed.
I had nothing.
"This is not just your problem," Mac said firmly as he stepped forward.
All of the Shifters nodded and stood taller.
"We're a team," Simon said. "You are not a lone wolf anymore. Well, you're not actually a wolf at all, but what I meant…"
"We know what you meant, Simon," Mac said kindly as Simon blushed and moved back to his group. "You're not alone anymore, Zelda. Not today and not ever again."
Goddess, I wanted to believe him, but getting people killed was not something I could stomach. I liked—or kind of maybe possibly loved these dumbasses—enough to choose to die in their place. Why couldn't anyone understand?
"I really think…" I started.
"They're coming here! Soon," Little Bo yelled and ran to his mom.
"What?" I shouted, stunned. Why were they coming here?
"Spread out and hide in the tree line in a circular pattern around the house," Mac commanded as I still tried to figure out why they were headed this way.
"Wanda," Mac continued. "Take Bo, the rest of the children and the oldest Shifters to the basement. You'll be safe there."
"What about the Warlocks?" Daaaaad asked as he put his hand up to halt Wanda and the rest.
He had a fine point, but a solvable point.
"Sassy, you go to the basement with them. The warlocks are terrified of you. Daaaaad, you go too. I want the weaker protected," I instructed, back in business mode. "Sassy, threaten their testicles or tell them you'll ransack their brains again. I don't care."
No time to discern motive. I had to live in the moment. Hopefully I would live period.
"But I wanted to smite some fuckers," Sassy complained and stamped her foot causing part of the front porch to crumble.
"And I want you to do as I say," I snapped.
"Dang it," she groused. "Next time I get to smite the bad guys. And I get to keep your jeans."
"Fine," I told her.
"If there is a next time," I added under my breath.
"There will be," Mac assured me. "Chuck, team A and the cats get behind bushes around the house and conceal yourselves. No one touches the vampire but me. Zelda, can you do a spell that will cloak the scent of our people?"
"On it," I said having no clue if I could.
I took a deep breath and let her rip.
“Goddess on high, hear my call
Save the good from evil and don't let them fall
Cover, um... the damn scent with this improvised spell
Cloak them in magic, get rid of the smell”
I waved my hands in a confident circular motion and prayed it worked. Mac sniffed the air and grinned.
"Perfect, baby," he said with a quick slap to my ass.
Daaaaad's grunt of disapproval at Mac's display made me giggle, but the reality of what was to come sobered me. After an 'I'm the dad and I'm gonna kick your ass' glance at Mac, Daaaaad led Sassy and the others to the house.
"I think you should have said 'fucking spell'," Fat Bastard advised without cracking a smile. "Those dudes stink."
"Pot, kettle, black," I told him, still enjoying the fact it worked.
"Use my magic—it’s inside you," Hildy urged as she flew above me.
"I though I had been," I told her. What was she talking about? I had more shit inside me I didn't know about?
"No," she said. "You haven't pulled deep enough to find it."
"Oh my hell," I snapped. "How will I know the difference?"
"My magic feels orange," she replied as she wrung her hands.
I was struck dumb. What in the Goddess's name did orange feel like? Also, I didn't take the wringing of the hands as a good sign.
Motherhumpercowballs.
"You'll recognize it," she promised. "It's yours. It belongs to you. I believe in you, my child."
If only…
If Hildy had been my mother my life would have been vastly different. Wait. That was actually a disgusting thought. It would mean she'd done the nasty with her brother. Oh my hell, I needed to stop thinking altogether. My wandering mind was dangerous to my gag reflex.
In the distance I heard a car. They were driving up? That was ballsy.
"Either arrogance or stupidity," Mac said hearing the same thing I did.
"Why are they coming here?" Chuck asked as he popped out from behind a large bush.
"That's the question of the hour," I said as I tried to feel around for something orange in my gut.
Nothing.
Shit.
"Are we going to stand out in the open?" I asked Mac.
"Yep."
"Any reason?"
"Nope," he replied. "Just thought it would be polite to greet our guests."
I rolled my eyes and flicked my fingers rendering Mac and me invisible to all but each other—and apparently Hildy as she squealed with glee.
"It will only last ten minutes at the most," she reminded me.
"I know, but it might give us the edge to see what they're up to," I said as I made sure all the rest were hidden.
"Will they be able to see you?" I asked her.
"Only if I want them to," she replied with an evil little giggle.
"Can you freeze them?" I asked.
"But of course," Hildy said with a smirk.
Well, as far as preparation went, I thought we had it covered. One bad witch, one undead boyfriend and a honey badger. How hard could this be?
Never ever count your chickens before they hatch.
A convoy of military trucks approached my long drive way. There had to be at least seven and they were loaded with honey badgers.
"Looks like they rounded up reinforcements," Mac growled as we watched the incoming vehicles.
"Fuck," I muttered and tried to find the orange again.
"Couldn't have said it better myself."
There was no way Hildy could freeze the hundred or so honey badgers that climbed out of the back of the trucks and I had no idea if I could pop that many. Where was the leader and where was my mother?
Did we have it wrong? Was she not as evil and horrible as I'd assumed? Maybe she had no part in this. Maybe she had become kind and loving.
Did the badgers already have the syringe and were even now coming after me? Was this simply a revenge plot?
Did everyone want to be a fucking Baba Yaga?
Shitshitshitshitshit.
At least five minutes had passed as the badgers lined up and looked as if they were awaiting instruction. They needed to hurry up and show their hand before Mac and I became visible again.
And then she arrived.
My stomach roiled and my chin dropped to my chest as tears filled my eyes. A very expensive Mercedes sedan pulled up and came to a halt in front of the trucks. Two people, and I use the term loosely, as well as a badger stepped out.
She was as beautiful as I remembered and clearly just as heartless. All my instincts screamed to run and try to hug her, but I stayed put. Her boyfriend was the typical vamp—good looking, pale, tall and skinny. His eyes glowed an eerie red and I had to swallow my gasp. He was a scary mother humper. The thought of Mac going up against him didn't leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling. It horrified me.
"Where is it?" my mother snarled.
It was at that moment I realized she had the badger on a chain. He growled
and clawed the ground in frustration as she kicked him in the head.
"Kitchen," he hissed. "Behind the fridge."
Mac's body tensed and he silently moved toward the house. Hildy hovered over my mother who clearly didn't see her.
Oh. My. Hell. The syringe and the solution had been in my house the entire time? Why hadn't I considered that possibility? Hide it in the place we were least expected to look.
"Go get it," she snapped. "Hugo darling, go with him. I don't trust the little bastard considering he tried to take the magic for himself the first time."
Well that answered the question as to if she'd been behind it all.
"What if we come upon your daughter?" he asked. His voice was as slimy as he was.
"Kill her," she said with a laugh. "No! Wait. Keep her alive. I need her to get the damn magic."
My tears flowed freely now. How could a mother hate her own daughter? Was I doomed to end up like her?
My decision to leave was only solidified by hearing my own mother plan my death. She was so power hungry, it made me ill. Mac wanted and deserved children. If I ended up like her, I was obviously not mother material.
I could feel the invisibility spell slowly wearing off. That was fine. I wanted her to see me before I destroyed her. I wanted her to know it was me.
"What about Shifters?" Hugo inquired as he gnashed his teeth and licked his lips.
"Kill them. I don't want any trail," my mother said viciously.
"I shall drain them. I'm quite hungry, Cassandra," he purred.
“As you wish," she said in a bored tone.
So she was now Cassandra. Whatever. Her name made little difference. A new name didn't change the person.
I became corporeal, but she didn't see me. She was too busy fixing her make up. However, the badgers saw me, and began to hiss and growl.
"Shut up," my mother shouted. "I can end you with a flick of my fingers."
She was wrong. Unless she'd gained a bunch of magic after she'd left, she was capable of very little—a major source of her frustration.
Let's just see if I couldn't add to her frustration.
I started with the honey badger on the end, the one foaming at the mouth and giving me the death stare. Sadly, it was easy. I pointed and he popped. I hated what I had just done, but I knew in the end it was them or me.
My mother jumped and whipped around. Her eyes narrowed dangerously when she finally saw me. It made my heart hurt, but I expected no less.
"Zelda dear," she sneered. "How lovely to see you."
"Nope, can't say it is. You're trespassing," I said coldly.
"Why, I've just come to visit my daughter. Is that such a crime?" she asked with a pout.
I stopped for a minute and reverted back to being ten. I almost asked her if she needed any healing or if there was anything I could do to make her happy. I bit down hard on my cheek to stop myself from trying to placate her and make her love me. It amazed and saddened me to realize I'd fallen for that pout all my life, but not today. And never again.
"Well, it kind of is a crime. I didn't bake a cake. If I knew you were coming, I'd have baked a cake."
The bushes and tree line snickered and it was all I could do to bite back my grin.
Mother glanced around. "Did you hear something?"
"No," I said with a shrug. "Must be your pets."
"Cassandra dear, I completely forgot. I have to be invited into the house. Can you arrange that?" Hugo called out.
"No, she can't," I yelled back. "I don't let dead people in my abode. Too gross."
His hiss made the hair on my arms stand up and my mother's shrill laugh went all through me. She was batshit crazy and her boy-toy wasn't far behind.
"No worries," he snarled. "I'll try the back. I can usually get in that way without an invite."
"Good luck," I called out and then swallowed the 'fuck-face' I wanted to tack onto the end of my sentence. It couldn't be a good idea to rile up a vamp.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mac in his wolf from silently follow the vamp around the house. I prayed quickly to the Goddess to keep him safe. If anything happened to him, I would bite the head off the vamp myself. I didn't care what it would do to me.
"I've just come by because Hildy has something of mine and I wanted to get it back," my mother said in a pathetic attempt at a sweet voice.
"Hildy's dead."
"Oh, is she?" My mother feigned sorrow and I almost laughed. "How terribly sad."
"It is, isn't it? She was murdered," I added and watched her face.
"Oh, how awful. Did they find the murderer?"
"Yep, the little rubbery motherfucker is in my house as we speak."
Zelda," she snapped and shuddered. "There is no reason for such language. I raised you far better than that. Vulgar language is for classless people."
"Well, shitmotherhumperfuckpigbastarddicknosewankertitty," I said with a polite smile.
"Zelda," she ground out, completely appalled and furious now. "Don't make me smite you. And don't think I won’t."
"You really don't want to fuck with me," I said as my people began to emerge from the bushes and trees.
She glanced around alarmed, caught by surprise and then gave me a small evil smile.
"Kill them," she shouted to her honey badger army. "Leave no one alive except her." She pointed to me and then stepped away from the fray.
She was such a fucking wussy. I was so not like her.
I was like the insane warlock who was in the basement most likely cheating at poker with Baba Yaga's crew of gnomes.
I was like my ghost of an aunt who had the power to heal.
But mostly I was me—just me. I was a slightly less selfish, still unstable, and somewhat dangerous witch who had friends, a real home, and three fat cats. I had a wolf who thought he was in love with me. Me, the unlovable girl. I had things to live for and I'd be damned if I was going to let that woman take any of it away today. I had already lost my childhood to her, but I would not lose my current life.
"Attack," I shouted as I sent a thread of magic which pinned my mother against the car.
Trapping her trapped her magic and she couldn't hurt anyone. The Shifters fought like the animals they were and gave the badgers an ugly run for their money. I ran to the house to find the honey badger leader before he found the syringe. It had to be destroyed.
Before I hit the porch, the badger emerged looking confused and enraged. "It's gone," he screamed above the melee. "It's not there."
His voice boomed over the battle and my mother's shriek made my blood curdle.
Where in the hell was it?
My mother broke free of my magical ropes and hurled a fireball at my head narrowly missing. Shit, it looked like mommy dearest had gained some power since I last saw her. Not good. Not good at all.
"If I can't have your magic, neither can you," she screamed like a banshee at causing me to slap my hands over my ears.
And that's when all hell broke loose.
Chapter 17
I glanced around wildly to see how my people were faring. They were holding up far better than the honey badgers even though we were out numbered. Chuck fought closest to the porch. He was a freakin' killing machine. He even scared me and we were on the same team.
"Oh shit," he grunted as he slammed two badger's heads together and knocked them unconscious. "What did this syringe look like?"
"Um… it’s like the thing the doctor uses when he gives you a shot but bigger," I ground out as I popped three badgers who clearly had my name on their list of things to kill.
"I don't go to a doctor. I go to the Shifter Wanker. Does it look kind of like a meat baster with a pointy needle on the end?"
"It could be described that way," I said as I ducked a flying badger DeeDee had bucked across the yard and searched for my mother. Where had she gone?
"Was it filled with blue goopy stuff?" he inquired as he tore the head of another rubbery bastard and threw it at severa
l others.
"Yep," I said.
"Dude, remember I told you I made a mess when I fixed the fridge?"
"Yep," I answered starting to feel giddy.
Witch Glitch: Magic and Mayhem Book Two Page 14
