“And I, you,” she answered slowly.
She felt as though she had just handed a complete stranger the key to something she had locked away for safekeeping all her life.
“Can I see you after you finish here?” he asked.
She hesitated, but just for a moment. Then she surrendered. “Yes, but you must meet me where no one will see us. My father is the bishop, and it would bring great shame to him if—”
“If he knew you had gone outside your religion?” Robert asked.
“Yes,” she said with a shrug.
“My apartment is about eight blocks from here. Will you come there?” He pressed a slip of paper into her hand.
She nodded without speaking, and he turned and walked out of the store.
I opened the paper and read the address. Then I went back to my work. I don’t know what is happening to me except that my heart is his and his is mine. I can see it in his eyes, I hear it in his voice, and I feel it in his touch. I will go to him today and whatever happens, I will be his.
Jenny set the pages down. Her mother had loved her father, and he had loved her. It was enough.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
The Road Home
May 26, 1946. Today is the saddest day of my life. My papa found out I’m pregnant with Robert’s child. Papa is so proud, and I have hurt him so deeply. I have never seen him so angry. He did not say a word to me but gathered my things…
“Papa! Please! Papaaa!”
Rachel beat her fists on the door of her home. The door was shut, and she had heard her daed lock it and slide the wooden bar into place after he pushed her out. The shades over the windows were drawn, and the house was dark. The unseasonably warm sun beat down on her back as she knelt on the porch, pounding futilely on the wood. She knew her papa and mama were standing on the other side of the door, just inches away, but they didn’t say a word.
“Please, Papa! I’m sorry. Don’t do this! I need your help.”
Her papa answered her from behind the door. “You can keep the child but you must give the Englischer up and never see him again.”
“I can’t do that Papa, I love him.” She sank down in a heap on the porch and wept, great sobs torn out of her gut as if by the talons of evil birds. Her clothes and personal belongings lay scattered on the porch and out in the yard behind her. As she lay there, she heard a car pull in the driveway. A car door opened, and then she heard footsteps coming quickly up the gravel path.
“Rachel! What is it?” It was Robert. He knelt down beside her and drew her into his arms. “What has happened?”
“Papa…Papa has…put me out of his home.”
Robert stood up and knocked on the door. “Bishop Borntraeger, it’s Robert St. Clair,” he said. “I would like to speak to you.”
A grim voice answered from the other side of the door. “Take the girl and go. She is yours now. She is dead to me. I’ll speak no more of this matter.”
I heard Papa’s footsteps going away from the door, and then there was silence. Robert knocked again and again, but the house was quiet and still, like a tomb.
Jenny put the page down. Her hands were trembling, and she looked at Reuben. “My poor mother,” she said. “She must have been heartbroken.”
“It is hard being an Amish father and a bishop,” Reuben said. “Unless he had ein herz aus stein, I’m sure it was a difficult time for her papa also.”
Jenny started to reply, and then it came to her. Her papa had feelings too! She thought back to all the times she had clashed with Reuben over the years, and it occurred to her that Reuben had always done everything with her best interests in mind. Even though she might not have liked his decisions, they had always been made out of love. The revelation was like a bright ray of sunshine on a stormy day. Instead of snapping at him, she took his hand.
“Yes, Papa, I’m sure the situation was very hard for Rachel’s whole family.”
Jonathan asked, “Can you read a little more?”
The four of them had gathered in the restaurant at the motel the morning after they had found the missing pages of Rachel’s journal. They’d had breakfast, and now Jenny was reading to them as they sat together drinking their coffee. Jenny picked up another page and began to read.
December 12, 1949. I can’t bear this. Today two policemen came to my door. They asked me if I was married to Robert St. Clair.
Rachel sat in her rocking chair with her daughter. Jenny had Bear and was holding a book that had pictures of animals with their names printed in large letters.
“Cow,” Jenny said, pointing at the picture.
“Yes, cow,” Rachel said, pointing at the letters. “That’s my good girl.”
Rachel looked around their small apartment. She and Robert had been married for three years. The time had been difficult, and she was estranged from her family, but they had each other. Robert had his family problems too. Robert had called his father after Jenny was born and told him about Rachel and the baby. His father had been furious. Rachel heard him shouting over the phone.
“Yes, Father,” Robert answered. “I know I should have come to you, but I love her, and I want to bring her home so you can meet her.”
There were more angry words from the other end of the line.
“I know you could have fixed it, but I wouldn’t do that to Rachel. I love her, and I love my baby.”
The conversation had ended with Robert’s father shouting something and hanging up. Robert’s shoulders slumped as he hung up the phone. That had been three years ago, and Robert’s father still refused to meet her. Robert had gone to New York several times but had always returned without winning his father over.
“Mother is heartbroken, but Father won’t let me bring you and the baby home. He’s still hurting over my brother Frank’s death, and it’s made him bitter and hard-hearted. Even though I’m the oldest son, he always favored Frank. When he was shot down over Germany, Dad never recovered. Now he thinks I did this just to get his attention.”
So they had made a life for themselves like two marooned sailors on a desert island. Rachel’s papa refused to see her, and Robert’s father was just as difficult. It was a terrible situation, but they had each other, and somehow that was enough. And then one day, everything changed.
My heart turned to stone. They said they were very sorry, but Robert had been killed in a car accident. He was driving home from the plant and a trailer-truck ran through a red light and hit his car. He died instantly. Oh God, I can’t bear this.
“So that’s why Rachel went to New York,” Jonathan said. “She couldn’t go back to her family, and she had nowhere else to turn. And then Robert’s family rejected her, and she ran out of money and ended up out on the street. And that’s how she met Joe Bender. Of all the bad luck.”
Reuben and Bobby had talked it over and decided they needed to make one last journey to tie up all the loose ends. So now they were in the car headed toward Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Jenny sat in the backseat staring out at the night sky. Everything was so different! Her life had changed so dramatically in just a few weeks. She had met Jonathan and fallen in love, she had been shunned, and she had run away. She had been kidnapped by drug dealers and rescued, she had been restored to the church, and she had found out who her birth mother and father were.
But the most important change was her new relationship with the Lord. She no longer felt as though her prayers fell on deaf ears, and she knew they never had. Jesus had been with her all her life. He had saved her in the storm, He had put her mama and papa in her life, and He had guided her and guarded her all these years. And now He was bringing her to the end of a journey she had been on since she was born. Jenny had a strange feeling she was going to find the answer to all her questions in Lancaster. Suddenly she giggled. Jonathan glanced over at Jenny with a quizzical look.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“I just was thinking how verrückt my life has been the last few weeks. Not what you would expect
from an Amish girl.”
Jonathan looked away.
“What is it?” Jenny asked.
“It’s nothing,” Jonathan said. “I’ve just been thinking some things over.”
“What things?” Jenny asked.
“I’d like to tell you when we can speak privately,” Jonathan said quietly.
Jenny looked at Jonathan, and an uncertain feeling came over her. She had been so sure that everything would work out.
Jerusha spread the quilt out on Jenny’s bed to look at it. Except for a few tiny, almost invisible stains where the main part of the quilt met the border, the Rose of Sharon quilt looked almost as it had the day she finished it. Now she thought back to the day she had finished restoring it for Jenny. The Lord had impressed her to add one small thing to the quilt. She had taken a scrap of the red silk and cut out a small, key-shaped piece of the fabric. At first she wondered where to place it, and then she knew.
She had pulled the quilt to her until she had the red rose in her hands. Carefully she placed the key-shaped piece in the very center of the petals. Then using her tiniest stitch, she sewed the key in place. When she finished, she had examined her work. Except for the outline of the stitches, the key was almost invisible against the matching red rose. Now she looked at the key again and ran her fingers lightly over it.
“The quilt is the key,” Jerusha spoke out loud. “Thank You, Lord, for revealing Yourself to me through Jenna’s quilt. And now it is truly Jenny’s quilt, and I know Jenny’s life will be whole and complete.”
Jerusha carefully folded the beautiful quilt and wrapped it in the brown paper. As she did, a memory of Jenna came to her. One day when Jenna was four years old, some of Jerusha’s friends and their children came to visit. After the women visited for a while, Jenna came into the house from playing in the yard with tears in her eyes.
“Was ist los, dochter?” Jerusha had asked.
“Jonas hit me, Mama,” Jenna said.
Jonas’ mother got up to fetch her child. “I will make sure to spank him, Jerusha,” she said.
“Please don’t spank him,” Jenna said. “I forgive Jonas.”
“But Jonas did a bad thing, Jenna,” Jerusha replied. “He deserves a spanking.”
“We all deserve a spanking,” Jenna answered softly. “But God forgives us, so I forgive Jonas.”
The women stared at Jenna with surprise, and then Jerusha took her little girl into her lap and held her.
“You are kind, my darling, and you are right. We all do deserve a spanking, but God in His mercy has forgiven us.”
Jerusha smiled at the memory. She remembered being in awe at the wisdom her daughter had shown. And then she realized she was smiling. Jerusha put her face in her hands and began to cry—not with grief, but with tears of joy. Now she knew that the quilt was indeed the key, not only to Jenny’s healing, but to hers as well.
Jenny stood at the desk of the county clerk and held out the birth certificate. The lady behind the desk glanced up at her with a questioning look.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“Yes,” Jenny said. “This is my birth certificate. I’m adopted, and I’m trying to find out more about my birth mother.”
“Well, dear, I’m afraid that adoption records are sealed.”
“I’m an unusual case,” Jenny replied. “I’m not looking for adoption records because I wasn’t given up for adoption. My mother died, and I was stolen. The man who stole me was killed in a car wreck. There was no way to trace me, so I was given to the people who rescued me. My adoptive parents are helping me to locate my birth mother. So there are no legal impediments keeping me from finding out about her. What I’m looking for are any records you might have on my birth parents.”
Bobby stepped forward. “She’s right, ma’am. I’m Sheriff Bobby Halverson from Wayne County, Ohio. I can assure you she’s telling you the truth.”
“Well…” the woman said skeptically. Then she reached out and took the paper from Jenny. “Let me see what I can do.”
CHAPTER FORTY
Journey’s End
JENNY AND JONATHAN sat next to each other in two molded plastic chairs in the waiting room of the Lancaster County courthouse while the receptionist went to talk to her supervisor about Jenny’s request. Jonathan had been very quiet the past two days, and Jenny felt a little disconnected from him. Her papa and Uncle Bobby had gone to get some coffee from the break room down the hall, and Jenny and Jonathan were alone.
“What was it you wanted to talk to me about, Jonathan?” Jenny asked.
Jonathan looked at her and then lowered his gaze and began to speak. “I’ve been thinking a lot about…about…”
“About what?” Jenny asked.
“Well, about us,” Jonathan said softly. “And a lot about me. First of all, I want to tell you that I love you with all my heart. I always will. You’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met. You helped me to find a part of me that’s been missing all my life, and I’ll never forget you for that, but…”
Jenny’s heart lurched in her chest. She suddenly felt cold. “But what?”
“But I just don’t think it is going to work out between us.”
There! It was out in the open, and Jonathan looked relieved.
Jenny clenched her hands. “But why, Jonathan?”
“Jenny, you’re Amish. I’m not. You love your mama and papa more than anything. Your dad is a wonderful man. I wish my father had been like your papa. Reuben is strong and brave, and yet he’s kind and gentle too. He loves you so much. And then there’s your mom. She’s your rock whether you realize it or not. I know she prays for you every day. Without her to guide you and love you, I think you would be very lost.
“If I take you away from them, I just don’t see how it would work out. You would be shunned, and they couldn’t speak to you or associate with you. In the beginning we might be happy, but after a while you’d miss them terribly. And the life away from the Amish community is so different. You would always feel out of place. Instead of a family who loves and cares for you, all I can offer is a father who cheats on his wife and a mother who’s an alcoholic. It just wouldn’t be right.”
Jenny started to protest, but Jonathan shushed her. “Let me finish. I’ve thought this all through and I want to say it the right way.” Jonathan turned in his chair and took her hands in his. “Even though it doesn’t seem that it will work out for us, one thing I can say is that I’ve been watching this God of yours at work, and the past few weeks have blown my mind.”
He frowned, and paused. “That’s not how I meant to say it. It sounds dumb, so let me start again.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve been amazed at the things that have happened through all this. Actually a better word would be astonished. I can’t just call it coincidence anymore, but I haven’t known what to call it. When I was a kid, I never really thought about God, and no one told me about Him anyway. I heard my grandfather use His name as a cussword, but for sure that didn’t help me find out anything about Him. Then when I got older, I read books that filled my head with a lot of philosophical nonsense. I tried to apply it to my life, but I found out it just wasn’t true. I went out to San Francisco to put my great wisdom to the test, and all I found was a bunch of people who just stayed stoned all the time and did nothing productive. It was like they refused to grow up and take responsibility for their lives.”
Despite the somber tone of Jonathan’s words, Jenny giggled.
Jonathan drew himself up and tried to look solemn. “What’s so funny? I’m trying to be serious.”
Jenny squeezed his hands and smiled. “I know, Jonathan, and I don’t mean to make light. It’s just that as you were talking I was thinking about the day we met. You thought I was in a costume for a play, but the costume you were wearing was much more…well, it was silly. You looked very strange. And that van.” She giggled again.
Jonathan looked at her for a moment, but then his stern expression cracked and he smiled too. “O
kay, you’re right. I looked very weird and, boy, did you let me know it. But hear me out, please. This may be the most important thing I’ve ever said in my life. I never had anyone who really loved me. Not my dad or my mom, nobody. And then I met you, and for some reason I’ll never understand, you loved me—without question, without reservation, holding nothing back, you loved me. I’ve been thinking about that a lot.
“How did I get to San Francisco from Long Island, and then to Pacifica with Shub, and then to Wooster, where I met the first person who ever loved me and the first person I ever really loved? How does that happen to two people who are so far apart one day and then totally entwined together the next?
“And then when I thought about the incredible gift that your love is to me, I realized that someone must love me a lot to give me such a precious thing. Someone big enough and powerful enough and merciful enough to take someone like me, who doesn’t deserve anything, and give you to me, just to show me how much He loves me. And then I knew. It has to be God. No one else could do it—not karma or destiny or coincidence, but a real, loving, kind merciful being who cares enough about two little people in all this wide world to bring them real love. Your God must be real. And not only is He real, He loves me, and you are the proof of that. So I have decided that whatever it takes, I want to follow your God. I don’t know how, but if you’ll show me, I’ll do it.”
Jenny looked at Jonathan and was about to reply when someone put a hand on Jonathan’s shoulder. Jonathan turned and looked up. It was Reuben. They had been so engrossed in their conversation they hadn’t noticed him walk up. Jonathan stood up and faced him.
“I heard what you said, Jonathan, and it pleases me,” Reuben said. “Only a fool says there is no God. Jenny can explain to you what it means to be a Christian. It’s very simple. It can be summed up in one sentence: ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself.’ ”
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