“Okay. When?”
“This Friday,” Laura decided. “He can get ready for it in between addressing Christmas cards and baking cookies.”
“Are we going to have to eat them?” Kathleen asked, obviously horrified.
“Afraid so.”
“Great. Then I’m bringing a giant bottle of Tums for a hostess gift.”
Ten
Carol had been in a relatively good mood before coming to volunteer at the food bank on Monday, but seeing Sunday’s paper with the article on the strike sitting on the little house’s kitchen counter had made her grumpy. Now the Christmas music playing on the small, portable radio in the reception area sawed on her nerves with every tinny note. Who had brought that article in, anyway?
She managed to ignore it while she bagged food requests and started to fill a pot with chopped vegetables for soup. But every time she had a temporary lull in customers the darned thing drew her attention.
She leaned on the formica counter and studied the shot of Bob and Joy and their terrifying tree. Why had Joy pulled this stunt? It didn’t seem like her. And surely, after all the years she’d been married, she and Bob had established the rules of give and take for their marriage. Was everything okay with them?
Carol turned her attention to the picture of Laura, stretched out in a chair, sipping something from a big mug, while behind her chaos bloomed. She was obviously enjoying this.
So were the others. They wore their various states of discontent like new fashion finds.
They should all be ashamed of themselves. They had so much and they appreciated it so little. They should each have to spend a few days here at Helping Hands, talking with people who were homeless, unemployed, or suddenly divorced and struggling desperately to make ends meet, or try rattling around a house with only memories for company. Maybe then they’d appreciate what they had.
“Ho, ho, ho!”
The deep voice behind Carol made her jump. She turned to see Darren Matthews entering the small, utilitarian kitchen, grinning at her.
Darren was divorced, in his early sixties, and recently retired. He was also a recent recruit, eager to make meaningful use of his newfound spare time. Every Monday he went to Holly’s two grocery stores and picked up food contributions.
He was a big, husky man, and the clothes he was wearing made him look even huskier. It wasn’t the usual slacks and shirt outfit that he wore to make his collection rounds. Today he was in old jeans and work boots, with a plaid flannel shirt under an Eddie Bauer vest. This Paul Bunyan look was accessorized by the leather work gloves he carried in one hand.
Darren wasn’t the most handsome man Carol had ever seen, but he certainly made the top ten list for most appealing. With his burly frame and round, Germanic face, he always made her think of Santa. Right now she looked at him and thought not of Santa, but of hard muscle hiding beneath soft flannel. He smelled good, too, a winning combination of fresh air and aftershave. All in all he was an appealing package…for some woman.
“Think you’d have any customers for a Christmas tree?” he asked.
“A Christmas tree?”
“I’ve got some out in my truck.”
“The grocery stores donated Christmas trees?” Here was a first.
“No. I’ve got a friend who lives on a tree farm. He let me cut a dozen down yesterday. I know we give away other things besides food here, and I thought we could use some trees.”
“They’ll be gone by tomorrow,” Carol predicted.
She stuck her head out the kitchen door and called over to Gert, the food bank’s oldest volunteer, who was busily writing at her tinsel-swagged desk, “Guess what we got.”
Gert pulled off her bifocals and looked up expectantly.
“Darren brought us some Christmas trees.”
Gert craned her head. “Some what?”
“Trees,” Carol repeated.
“Trees!” That got Gert up and hobbling over to the kitchen as fast as her bad hip would let her.
“I’ve got a dozen out in my truck,” Darren said. “Where should I set them up?”
“Oh, my stars!” declared Gert. “Well, let’s just prop them along the front porch where people can see them when they come up the walk.”
Darren nodded and started for the back door.
“I’ll help you,” Carol offered.
“It’s okay, I’ve got it,” he called over his shoulder. “Anyway, you’ll get your hands all cut up.”
“This is so exciting,” Carol said to Gert. “I can think of several people who will be thrilled.”
“A wonderful idea,” Gert agreed. She gave Carol a nudge. “That Darren is quite a find.”
“We’re lucky to have him,” Carol said, playing dumb.
“I wasn’t talking about Helping Hands,” Gert said, and arched an eyebrow.
Carol knew where this conversation was going. She gave Gert a look that made her shrug and return to her desk.
But not without getting in the last word. “He’s interested in you. I can tell.”
“Thanks for sharing,” Carol said, then turned to check on her soup. He wasn’t interested, he was just being nice. And that was all Carol wanted him to be. Anything else she simply couldn’t deal with.
She was fine-tuning the seasoning in her soup when Darren returned to the kitchen. “There’s one left in my truck, and it’s a beauty. Noble fir. Got a tree yet?”
“Oh, that’s sweet of you,” Carol said. “But I’m not doing a tree this year.”
“Not having a tree at Christmas? I can’t believe it. I’m an old bachelor and even I put up a tree.”
“Maybe next year. Meanwhile, I know we’ll have lots of people who will want to stake a claim to that noble fir.”
“Okay,” Darren said, resigned. “But let me know if you change your mind. I’m sure I could get another. And I’d help you put it up, too.”
His friendly promise turned Carol’s throat tight and started images from the past swirling around her like snow in a globe. She saw her young son, clapping chubby hands at the sight of the tree on Christmas morning, her husband kissing her after they put up the last ornament, the three of them sitting beneath the tree, opening presents.
She blinked hard to hold back the tears and, unable to speak, nodded her thanks to Darren.
“I guess I’ll put that last one out with the others,” he said, suddenly awkward. “Then I’m off to Town and Country for food.”
Carol nodded again and he left. She listened to the sound of his boots clumping out of the room and sighed.
Maybe she should have taken him up on his offer, but somehow it seemed disloyal to her husband’s memory, frivolous even. She’d felt that way after their son died, too, and Ray had finally insisted they try to find their way back to normal and put up a tree. It hadn’t taken them back to normal then. It wouldn’t take her there now. Anyway, trees were a bother, and live ones shed their needles and made such a mess.
The kitchen was filling up with the aroma of garlic and bay leaves now. Soon it would waft through the building, sending a subliminal message of comfort. Carol turned the burner to Simmer and started cutting up French bread. The food bank always had plenty of customers for lunch. Men looking to pick up odd jobs fortified themselves with whatever the volunteers concocted from the pantry, and women with hungry children always sat down for a quick meal.
While Carol was cutting she looked up and saw a young mother approaching the order window with her list of needs, a two-year-old girl on her hip, and two preschoolers in tow. Good. Customers. Carol set some of the bread on a plate and smiled a greeting.
The food bank supplied its customers with a sort of grocery list that itemized what was available. Their customers checked what they needed and volunteers went to the pantry and filled grocery bags according the list.
Carol knew this woman. Her name was Ariel, and she was on her own. The father of her two-year-old girl was no longer in the picture. Ariel was starting school in Ja
nuary to become a dental hygienist. Meanwhile, she did child care for friends and supplemented that sketchy income with occasional checks from her mother, who lived in another state. Ariel was a pencil-thin, thrift-store fashion model, always wearing a determined smile. And it was that smile that tugged at Carol’s heart every time she saw the girl.
“Need a Christmas tree?” she asked Ariel.
The girl’s eyes lit up. “Those ones out in front? Are they free?”
Carol nodded.
Ariel’s forehead wrinkled as she thought. Then her eyes dimmed and she shook her head. “I don’t think any of those would fit on the roof of my car.”
“I think I know someone who might be willing to make a delivery,” Carol said, and added, “You’ve got to have a place for Santa to leave his presents.”
“Santa’s coming to our house this year,” announced one of the preschoolers in Ariel’s care.
Carol smiled down at her. “So, you’ve been good?”
The child nodded.
“Then I’m sure he’ll come.”
Ariel looked at her own child, a little doll with huge, brown eyes and hair that was a cascade of black ringlets. “A tree would be nice.”
“Leave me your address and I’ll have our tree guy bring it over later,” Carol promised.
Ariel nodded. “Wow, that’s awesome. Thanks.”
“Our pleasure,” said Carol. And it was. Every child should have a tree at Christmas.
Ariel handed over her request list and Carol went to fill it.
The pantry was a huge storeroom with rows of shelves marching across its rough, hardwood floor. It held everything from diapers to dog food. And off that room was a smaller room with a huge chest freezer stocked with meats. Soon they would be getting frozen turkeys and holiday hams.
Carol had never had to wonder where her next meal would come from. She’d never needed to worry about how to pay for groceries, or to humble herself to go to some charitable organization and ask for food. As she pulled canned goods off a shelf she tried to imagine herself in Ariel’s shoes, but quickly gave up. The bottom line was, she didn’t want to. At least Ariel had a child. Having a child made all the difference. A woman could face anything as long as her child was with her, safe and well.
Children, there was another road she was not going to let her thoughts wander down. She pulled the last of the requested canned goods from the shelves and went to get bread and milk.
By the time she returned with the groceries, Ariel had gotten the kids settled at a little table in one corner of the reception area and they were happily munching on gingerbread boys donated by the local bakery.
“Do I have some customers for vegetable soup?” Carol asked.
“Oh, yeah,” Ariel said.
The smell of soup had permeated the reception area now, and Carol hoped it gave the little house a homey smell. She ladled it into bowls, then set them on the counter. “So, how’s it going?” she asked.
Ariel shrugged. “Okay, I guess. But maybe I won’t take that tree after all.”
“Why not?” It really wasn’t any of her business. She probably wasn’t supposed to ask. On the other hand, no one had told her when she went through her volunteer training that she couldn’t show an interest in someone’s life.
“I don’t have any ornaments,” Ariel confessed. “Well, I have a few, but not enough for one of those monsters.”
Carol could see the disappointment in the girl’s face. It wasn’t right to not have a tree for a child at Christmas. She had three huge boxes filled with tissue-wrapped ornaments and enough lights for two trees just collecting dust on a shelf in her basement.
“You know. I think we’ve got that covered.”
Ariel looked at Carol as if she’d just promised a trip to Tahiti. “Really?”
Carol nodded. “So, write down your address and phone number.”
Ariel was grinning as she wrote.
And Carol was still grinning when Darren returned an hour later with his grocery store finds. “Are you up for making a Christmas tree delivery?” she asked him.
He smiled like a guy who had just gotten a date for the prom. “Change your mind?”
“This isn’t for me, it’s for one of our single moms. But we do have to swing by my house to get some ornaments.”
“Works for me.”
“I’m done in an hour.”
“That works for me, too. I’ll be back,” he said and sauntered out of the kitchen.
“Now you’re getting smart,” Gert murmured from her post at the desk.
Carol sighed. The last thing she wanted was to give Darren the idea she was interested. She should have handled that differently—she should have just sent him to deliver the tree. She could have gone home, gotten the ornaments, and dropped them by later, after he was gone. Actually, she could still do that.
She scrawled Ariel’s address on a fresh piece of paper, then hurried outside to catch Darren before he drove off.
He was just about to back his big, manly-man pickup out of its parking slot when she called his name. He rolled down the window and stuck out his head, an expectant smile on his face.
Now that she had his attention she wasn’t sure what to say. As she ran up to the cab she dug around in the corner of her mind where she kept polite refusals. It wasn’t all that well stocked, at least not for things to say to a man who was interested in her. Too many years of married life honesty.
“You know, I was thinking,” she began.
“Yeah?”
Great. Now he probably thought she was going to throw in dinner at her place. Oh, Lord, this was awkward. “I think, if you don’t mind, I’ll just have you go on over to Ariel’s.”
His smile fell as he took the slip of paper with the address. It was a quick fall because male pride demanded he instantly cover the hurt feelings he’d just betrayed. He picked up the corners of his mouth and looked questioningly at her.
She should be honest, just blurt out that she was depressed and scared and bad company and not even remotely interested in getting involved with anyone. But that could be even more awkward. After all, he hadn’t exactly asked her out. And maybe his Christmas tree offer earlier was simply kindness. Then she’d look egotistical and make them both feel like fools.
So, of course, that left only one option. Lie. “I forgot I’ve got a commitment later. If you can just tell Ariel I’ll be by with the ornaments that would be great.” Carol started backing away from the truck, still talking so he couldn’t edge in any awkward questions or offers to go at a different time. “Thanks so much for doing this. I know she’ll really appreciate it.”
Now he was making a frown that could have meant puzzlement or disappointment or just plain irritation. She didn’t want to stick around to find out what, exactly, it did mean, so she turned tail and ran back into the building.
Her heart was dancing like the little drummer boy on speed by the time she got back inside the food bank. Then she had a new thought. What if he followed her? He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to get pushy, but you never knew. She went into the bathroom and locked herself in. Then she leaned against the sink and let out a sigh.
“Oh, Ray,” she whispered. “Look what you’ve done. You died and I’m in hell.”
A knock on the bathroom door made her jump. “Are you okay, dear?” came Gert’s voice.
Carol gave herself a mental shake. “I’m fine. I’ll be right out.”
Fine, what a lie. But whether you were in heaven or hell, life went on. She looked in the mirror and gave her wilted reflection a pull-it-together look, then came out and went back to work. And prayed that Darren wouldn’t show up again before her shift was over.
Fortunately, he didn’t. She took Ariel’s phone number home with her and called the girl later in the afternoon. “Did your tree arrive?”
“Oh, yeah,” Ariel said. “He even put it up for me.”
“So, are you ready for some ornaments?”
“Ar
e you sure?”
“Heavens yes. I’ve got tons, and I’m not doing a tree this year.”
“You’re not?” The girl sounded shocked.
“Too much mess.” Too much everything.
“Oh.”
Carol could tell by the sound of the girl’s voice that she couldn’t imagine letting such a flimsy excuse keep someone from putting up a tree. “So, is your tree delivery guy gone?” She sure wasn’t coming over until he was.
“He left a couple hours ago.”
Perfect. “Is this a good time for me to come over?”
“Oh, yeah.”
Just hearing the excitement in the girl’s voice made Carol feel good. This was going to be fun.
And it was. Ariel insisted Carol stay and help trim the tree. Her little girl, Chloe, timidly helped hang ornaments, and when it was all done and lit, the child stood staring at it, an expression of wonder on her face.
Looking at the little girl, Carol felt a swirl of emotion—sorrow, self-pity, but also a small glow of satisfaction for having helped someone in need, and pleasure in seeing a child so happy.
“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Ariel offered.
She couldn’t. This girl was surviving on food bank offerings.
“I’ve got mac and cheese. And we can bake up that brownie mix I got today.”
Carol realized her would-be hostess wasn’t just being polite. Ariel really wanted her to stay. She probably missed her own mom, who was far away. “Well, who can resist brownies and macaroni and cheese?” Carol said with a smile.
Ariel smiled, too. She looked down at her daughter. “Want to make some brownies?”
Chloe nodded, smiling.
So they made brownies, and ate macaroni and cheese and drank Kool-Aid. It was the best meal Carol had eaten in months. “So,” she said as she prepared to leave for her knitting group, “you guys will have to come to my house for a meal.”
They had talked about Ariel’s rat boyfriend, about her money struggles and how much she missed her family. Ariel had openly envied Carol’s good life and Carol had shared a little of the not so good parts. But now Ariel seemed almost shy, as if they were strangers once more. Ariel looked pointedly at Carol’s gray wool slacks and her black cashmere sweater. “I don’t think I have the right clothes to wear.”
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