by Karen Booth
“I just wish you’d give me some time to wrap my head around it.”
The thing was—she didn’t need more time. She knew exactly how much she loved him. She felt it in the depths of her belly right now, a terrible burning. She knew exactly how bad it was going to hurt to step onto that elevator. She couldn’t wait. She couldn’t give him another chance. Aiden might never get to the place she needed him to get to. It wasn’t his fault. He’d been deeply hurt by his past. And he’d always been very up-front—he needed space.
“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have said anything this morning. Just forget it.” She rushed over to Oliver and crouched down, raising his face with the tip of her finger. “Goodbye, sweet...” her voice cracked into a million pieces. Her lip shook. Her chest convulsed. She couldn’t say it. Her heart wouldn’t let her. She leaned down and placed a single kiss on the top of his head, committing to memory his smell and the feel of his soft curls against her lips. She would miss that so much. Forever.
She straightened and turned away from Aiden. The tears were streaming down her face in a deluge and she couldn’t let him know that he’d gotten to her like this. “I have to go. I’ll miss my train.”
“Are you sure about this?” he asked, doing the thing she’d dreaded—grasping her arm.
She didn’t look back. She hid. “I’m sure.”
“At least let me call down to John and have him take you to the station. Let me do that much. Just to say thank you for everything.”
Don’t fight him. Just go. Just walk out. Save yourself. She nodded. “Okay. Great. Thanks.”
With that, she rushed to the elevator, jabbed the button and walked on board. She dropped her head as the door closed, her tears dotting the floor. She couldn’t look up. She couldn’t watch everything she’d ever wanted disappear.
Sarah went immediately into autopilot, putting on her sunglasses to hide her eyes and marching through the lobby outside. Luckily, John was always waiting for Aiden—this time it paid off for her.
“Ms. Daltrey. Penn Station?”
“Yes. John. Thanks.” She climbed into the backseat, sucking in a trembling breath. Just get me to the train. Then I’ll be okay.
Her phone beeped with a text from Aiden.
This is stupid. Come back. We should talk.
Words weren’t enough this morning. Not sure what’s different now.
I need time. I’m sorry.
It’s okay.
She stopped herself from typing the words she wanted to. I still love you even though you don’t love me.
“Ms. Daltrey?” John asked from the front seat. “I have a message from Mr. Langford. He’s asking me to bring you back to the house.”
She blew out a breath. It was just like Aiden to snap his fingers and expect the world to conform to his wishes. “No. Please don’t do that. Just pull over and drop me off and I’ll get in a cab.”
“Ma’am? I don’t want to leave you, either.”
Every sad feeling she’d had a few minutes ago was turning to frustration. “I’ll text Mr. Langford. Please just keep driving.”
She tapped out a message to Aiden.
Please don’t put John in the middle of this. Let me go.
Waiting for Aiden’s response was agony. She didn’t want to argue. But she wasn’t ready for the end, again.
Ok.
She tucked her phone into her bag. “All straightened out, John. It was just a misunderstanding.”
“Oh, good. Okay. I’ll have you at the station in no time.”
“Great. The sooner, the better.”
Seventeen
Day ten arrived with sunshine streaming through the windows and a giddy Oliver, full of energy and ready to take on the day. Right after breakfast, they’d started doing laps in the house. From the kitchen to the library to his office and back, Oliver walked while Daddy followed, holding his little hands to steady him. Oliver had discovered this new routine while they’d been playing last night before bed. Judging by the way he took to it and the enthusiasm with which he cruised along furniture, he’d be walking and running in a matter of days.
Aiden, however happy he was to share this milestone with Oliver, was dragging—no sleep and a gaping hole in your heart will do that to a guy.
Sarah was gone. And her absence was much more noticeable than Aiden had expected. The house felt strange and incomplete. Had it felt like this before she came along? He couldn’t recall, exactly. It was quite different with Oliver there, but still, it wasn’t the same without Sarah.
He missed everything about her—the way she hummed when she puttered around in the kitchen and her sweet smell when she walked past him. The way her face lit up when she laughed and the way she wouldn’t let him get away with anything when she was mad. Memories shuffled through his mind—the day she managed to talk her way into one of the most secure office buildings in the world. She’d made his entire life turn on a dime that day, and done it in unflappable fashion. That night in the bathtub, when he’d first bonded with Oliver and Sarah had made it happen. That was also the night he’d caught her staring at him, the night he’d foolishly thought that seducing her would be like taking any other woman to bed. He’d relied on their ten-day deadline then. It made it easier for him to get what he wanted, no strings attached. Little did he know that Sarah was capable of tying up his heart and his head with those strings...and tugging them all the way back to Boston.
But what was he supposed to do? They were operating at different speeds. She was comfortable with bold strides. He needed to ease into it. He knew no other way.
His phone rang from the kitchen counter. His pulse picked up. Was it Sarah? He steered Oliver over and consulted the screen. Anna. Not the call he wanted, but maybe she could tell him to stop being such a wimp.
“Hey,” Aiden said. “This is a surprise. It’s a little early isn’t it?”
“I figured you were already up with Oliver and I wanted to check in on you after the other night with Mom. How are you holding up?”
Aiden dragged a barstool around the kitchen island so he had a good view of Oliver, and sat down. “I’m doing fine. I’ve had years to stew over it. It’s more of a relief than anything. And at least we can all get together now without it being hopelessly uncomfortable.”
Anna blew out a breath. “Good. I’m glad you feel that way because I have something else I need to talk to you about. Jacob told me I should probably just butt out, and we kind of had a big argument about it, but I don’t want to butt out. I can’t not say something.”
“What in the world are you talking about?”
“Sarah, Aiden. Don’t you dare let her go back to Boston today without you two making a plan to keep seeing each other. I know how you are and I’m telling you right now that she’s not like other women. She’s a keeper, Aiden. I don’t want you to blow it just because you’ve convinced yourself it’s easier to play the field.”
Aiden could only imagine what his face looked like right now—pure shock. Astonishment. “First off, why don’t you tell me how you really feel? And second, how do you know there was anything going on between us?”
Anna huffed at what she apparently saw as Aiden’s absurdity. “I saw the way you two were looking at each other the other night. And the minute that all of that stuff went down with Mom, she was the one you turned to. Right away. You didn’t even hesitate. It’s so obvious to me that you two are in love.”
“How can you tell that from a look?”
“Am I wrong? There are feelings between you two, aren’t there?”
“Well, yes, there are feelings between us. But that doesn’t mean it’s love. And besides, it’s too late. She’s already gone.”
“What?” Anna shouted so loudly, she nearly blew out Aiden’s eardrum.
“Careful or you�
��ll go into labor.”
“You let her leave? Why did you do that? Why would you be so stupid?”
Because she said she loved me and I couldn’t say it back. The realization hit him, and the repercussions came at him just as hard. “It was moving too fast for me.”
“The man who jumps out of airplanes thought it was moving too fast? Sounds to me like you’re confused.”
“Yeah. I guess I am. I just don’t want to make a mistake. She means a lot to me. But I can’t tell her I love her if I’m not sure. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to know if it’s really love. People always say that you’ll know when it happens. Well, I don’t know.”
“Let me ask you this. How do you feel now that she’s gone?”
“Horrible. Like somebody ripped my heart out of my chest.”
“And what’s the house like without her there?”
“Terrible. I’m thinking Oliver and I might need to move.”
“And if you could do anything at all right now, what would you do?”
“Go see her. Apologize.” Oh God. I love her. Aiden cast his sights down at Oliver, who was hitting the floor with a wooden spoon. I really am an idiot. I’m a complete jerk. He’d said to himself many times over the past ten days that he would never let Oliver go without. But in letting Sarah leave, he was not only depriving Oliver of the perfect mother, he was keeping himself from the one person who understood him and loved him despite his faults. Oliver had shown him unconditional love. But so had Sarah.
“Do you enjoy feeling like this?” Anna asked. “Because you know you can fix it.”
“I can’t fix it. I ruined it. She told me she loved me and I didn’t say it back.”
Anna gasped on the other end of the line.
“That’s pretty much the end, isn’t it?” His conscience was impossibly heavy. He’d trampled all over the heart of the woman he loved. “I mean, how do I come back from that?”
“Groveling.”
“Groveling?”
“It’s the only thing that works. Flowers help. Jewelry. Chocolate. A gift certificate for a massage. But mostly groveling. You need to get your butt up to Boston and beg for her forgiveness. You need to tell her how you feel.”
“You think it will work?”
“Not sure, but I think you’ll regret it forever if you don’t try. Jacob and I can be over in a half hour to watch the baby.”
None of this will be right without Oliver. “No. It’s okay. I’m taking him with me.”
* * *
Sarah went into the Kama office Sunday morning. Although it was their headquarters, that word was generous—it was really just an old warehouse she’d been renting for the last year. Sleep last night had been pointless—too many painful things wreaking havoc in her head. Too many things running through her heart, like water through a sieve. She’d been so scared of what would happen if she got too close and now she knew how right she’d been to fear it. Losing Oliver and Aiden was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. No doubt about that.
She didn’t bother flipping on the lights as she wound through the sewing room with its massive cutting tables, stacked high with boxes of inventory ready to ship. She went straight back to her office and got to work—the act of a woman invested in her own success, but it felt like an empty gesture. A show. More faking it. Her heart wasn’t in it, as much as she might very well be standing on the precipice of great success. On the inside, she was as empty as she’d ever been, which was a devastating realization. Her hard work was finally paying off, and she felt horrible. She’d seen low moments, but not like this.
Not like last night, when she couldn’t get a single minute of relief because her eyes were like a faucet. Her heart had stubbornly chosen to ache and throb in her chest and remind her with every pointless beat that the difference between the love a person gives freely and the love they receive in return is what ends up breaking us. This was the second time she’d had to learn the lesson of how it empties a person—giving and giving, never refilling the tank. And she was as done as done could be. The fate of her business felt as inconsequential as a speck of dust floating in air. It was nothing worth holding on to if she couldn’t have what she’d truly invested in—Aiden and Oliver.
But Aiden hadn’t been able to go there. He just couldn’t say I love you. If only he knew—or cared—three little words and she would’ve figured out a way to stay. She would’ve told him that she’d meant it. She would’ve done everything she could to make them all whole again, to knit them into the family they could have been. But apparently, for a man wealthy beyond anything she ever imagined, three words was too high a price to pay.
She tidied her office—going through the mail she’d missed over the last week, filing away things, neatening stacks of paper. She made sure her computer screen was free of smudges, and watered the pink orchid on her desk. She did every mindless task she could come up with, all in the interest of staying busy. If she couldn’t move forward, she could at least tread water. She could keep her head above the rising tide. She had to fight back her thoughts of her last night with Aiden, of the connection they’d shared. There was no doubt in her mind that it had been more than sex that night. And she knew, deep down, that Aiden knew it, too. He just couldn’t admit it to himself. He was too wounded.
Tessa popped into view. “Morning,” she said, stepping foot into the office.
Sarah jumped. “You scared me.” She pressed her hand to her chest. Her heart was pounding. “What are you doing here? You didn’t need to come in today. You should be at home relaxing. Tomorrow’s a big day. I need you on top of your game.”
A mischievous smile spread across her face. “I came by to let somebody in. He was pretty sure you weren’t going to let him in on your own.”
“What? Who?”
Just then, Aiden appeared in her doorway, Oliver in his arms. “I had to talk my way in. I needed to bring Oliver to you. He misses you. I miss you.”
The grin on Tessa’s face had only grown. “I’ll leave you three alone. See you tomorrow.”
Sarah walked out from behind her desk, in shock. Was this a dream? Were Aiden and Oliver a mirage? Surely a figment of her imagination couldn’t have the pull on her that Aiden did right now. All she wanted to do was fling her arms around him and kiss him. Oliver reached for her. The minute she had him, Aiden’s arms were around them both.
“Sarah, I’m here because I had to tell you in person that I love you.”
“But...” Tears rolled down her face. How could she possibly cry more? “You don’t have to do this. Don’t feel like you have to say that to me. And you really shouldn’t feel like you have to travel hours with a baby to say that to me in person.”
“But I do have to do those things. I have to make it up to you. And I have to tell you the truth.” He loosened his grip, to see her better. “I’ve been falling in love with you since the first night, when you put me in the bathtub with this little guy. It’s grown so fast that I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t see it. I don’t know if I was afraid or confused or what, but the minute you left, I knew it wasn’t right.”
She nodded eagerly, feeling as though a weight had been lifted. Her hunch had been right. And it hadn’t taken long for Aiden to see it, too. “I know it happened fast. I thought I was crazy to say that to you yesterday, but I had to. Especially after everything with your family.” She studied his face, his blue eyes nearly taking her breath away. “I couldn’t not tell you that I love you. You deserved to know.”
He sighed and looped her hair behind her ear, caressing her cheek. “I’ve spent my whole life homesick for a home I never even knew. And you showed up out of nowhere, and made that home for me in ten days.”
“Technically, it was nine.”
A breathy laugh left his lips. “You showed me what love is. You op
ened up my closed-up heart. And that heart is going to shrivel up and die without you. The home you built isn’t going to work without you.”
“What are you saying, Aiden?”
“I’m saying that I love you and we have to find a way to make this work.”
“But you’re in New York. I’m here. How are we going to manage that? You don’t even have a permanent nanny.”
“I called Lily from the plane and convinced her to take the job. She’s flying up here tomorrow morning to take care of Oliver while I go into the LangTel regional office downtown for a few hours.”
Sarah wasn’t sure she was hearing him correctly. “You’re going to hang out in Boston? For how long?”
He shrugged. “Depends on what Sylvia Hodge tells you tomorrow. Then we’ll figure it out. Anna said that if Sylvia acquires Kama, she’ll probably ask you to work out of New York so you’re available for meetings and are more plugged in to the industry.”
Sarah hadn’t considered that. It was all still so new. “So we wait and see what happens tomorrow?”
“I was hoping Oliver and I can move in with you for a few days. I figure we’ll put Lily in a hotel.”
“I don’t know. I need my space.”
Aiden laughed and kissed the top of her head. “Darling, as long as you come back to me, you can have all the space you need.”
Eighteen
For the third weekend in a row, Sarah was back in New York with Aiden and Oliver. She looked forward to these days more than anything, even when the back and forth was tiresome. Only one more week and the Kama office would move to Sylvia Hodge’s Manhattan headquarters. She’d be in the city full-time. She, Aiden and Oliver would be together. Even though she and Aiden hadn’t discussed their future, Sarah was more than content. It hadn’t seemed necessary and her forcing of I love you had flopped—at least at first. Plus, Aiden was a complicated guy. Commitment wasn’t easy for him. Just knowing that he loved her and wanted to be with her was enough for now.
