He was silent, his head nodded slightly, and he continued to look at me with eyes that made me feel weak at the knees.
I don't know what it is... it is crazy to feel this way about someone so soon, but I want to be with you, I continued.
He glanced down at my hand, and took it in his own.
Swallowing, he moved closer, and leaned his forehead against mine. "I've waited a long time for someone like you," he said out loud, although his voice was a whisper. "I can't promise things will be smooth-sailing, but... I want to be with you. Forever."
I wondered what his idea of 'forever' meant. He would outlive me; I would eventually age while he stayed as perfect as he was now. I pushed the thought away - I didn't want to think about it.
'Star-crossed lovers'. The phrase popped into my mind. I'd first heard it when we'd studied Romeo and Juliet in eighth grade. Two lovers, destined by the stars to meet and fall in love, were thwarted by the circumstances around them. In Romeo and Juliet, the relationship was doomed - I hoped ours would fare better.
Aric leaned forward and kissed me gently, then pulled away and his eyes met mine.
I love you, Lucy, he said quietly in my head.
I'd always had a difficult time proclaiming my affections - a security measure, I presumed, from my childhood, but I had little hesitation in declaring them now. "I... love you too," I whispered back.
We kissed again, and were interrupted by a cough from a scruffy looking man on the next computer.
"Get a room," he said grumpily. I looked at him in surprise, and Aric laughed good-naturedly.
"So," he said, pointing towards the property listing on the screen. "What do you think?"
I took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. What the heck - it was a big adventure. I threw him a shaky grin, and nodded.
He hugged me, and planted a quick kiss on my mouth. "I'll get it sorted then."
* * * * *
Chapter Seven
"I really wish you'd reconsider." Aric maneuvered the car into a parking space and killed the engine.
I shook my head and stared at the imposing Victorian facade of the sanitarium . Aric had been trying to dissuade me from visiting my mother for days, but in the end, when he saw I was determined to go with or without him, he conceded defeat, and offered to drive me. I almost changed my mind as we climbed the marble stairs to the entrance, but the image of the tiny black speck in a pool of blood rose in my mind. I steeled myself and walked on.
We were ushered into the treating psychiatrist's office to discuss the unexpected visit. My knees were knocking as the doctor poured over my mother's file. Aric held my hand and rubbed his thumb over mine.
Relax.
"Well, this is entirely out of left field, I must say." The doctor peered over his thick black-rimmed spectacles, and shuffled some papers in the file.
"I see you haven't visited her at all in the past ten years." It was an observation, not an accusation, and I bobbed my head.
"For the past few years she has been a model patient. In the beginning she was under the impression everyone around her were... 'aliens' out to get her - there was no chance of anyone visiting as she was afraid of everyone. She's much improved. We've considered releasing her, but, unfortunately, she still persists, to some extent, with her delusions."
I threw a disturbed glance at Aric.
The doctor tapped his pen on the desk as he flicked another page over. "I know you were the one she injured. How do you feel about seeing her again?"
"It was ten years ago. I'd just like to... see how she is."
He looked up again and pushed his spectacles down the bridge of his nose.
"Are you afraid of her?"
"No," I said.
He made a vague grunting noise, and continued to examine the papers. We waited in silence until he closed the folder with finality, resting his hands neatly on top.
"Well, I can see no reason why there shouldn't be a supervised visit. As I said, she is a model patient - she has made great progress in the past ten years. She hasn't had many visitors. I can't say how a visit from you will affect her, but it may be just what she needs."
I sat back and beamed at Aric. He was looking at the doctor stonily.
We were taken to a waiting room and told we would be called when my mother was ready to see us.
"I think it should be just you this time Lucy." I gulped and looked at the double doors, with the electronic locks and the wire mesh window. I couldn't rely on Aric to be there for everything. Some things I just had to do by myself, just as I had had to do growing up. I mentally berated myself - don't be pathetic, Lucy.
The electronic locks beeped, and a nurse appeared through the doors.
"She's ready for you now." I drew a deep breath and stood up shakily.
Aric rose and put his hands on my shoulders. "You don't have to do this you know. You can still change your mind."
I shook my head again. "I need to know her."
I left him and followed the nurse. He led me into a large room furnished with vinyl-covered lounge chairs and a few tables dotted with board games and puzzles. A television flickered silently in a corner. There were numerous patients milling about the room, some had visitors. On the far side a woman sat at a table flanked by two well-built male nurses. The doctor I recognized from our recent interview stood further back, a folder in his hands. She looked smaller and more vulnerable than I remembered.
My legs felt like they were made from cardboard as I walked toward her. Butterflies appeared in my stomach, and my heart beat a fast staccato rhythm against my chest. My mother stood up slowly as I approached. I reached the table and she smiled at me with tears in her eyes.
"Oh... oh! You are so beautiful!" Tears rolled down her cheeks, but she was beaming at me. My own tears clouded my eyes, and I blinked them away quickly.
"Hi, Mom," I said simply. I hadn't been able to call her that for ten years. Her expression told me she was thrilled to hear it again. She gestured to the seat opposite, and we sat down. We both felt a little awkward.
"My goodness, you're so tall! I can't believe how big you've gotten." She reached out a hand and I tentatively took it. Tears threatened to spill again at the first touch of my mother since my childhood.
"So how have you been? Tom's been giving me updates, but, well, it's better to hear it from you." Evidently, Uncle Tom hadn't told her I was missing.
I opened my mouth, wondering where I should start. "Well, let's see, I've only got two more weeks of high school left, I'm doing pretty well."
She leaned forward encouragingly. "Two more weeks... where has the time gone..." Her voice petered out, and I knew she was pondering all my childhood milestones she'd missed as a mother. A fleeting look of sadness crossed her face, and then vanished, replaced by a genuine smile. She was obviously determined to make this a positive visit.
"God, you look like your dad. You have his eyes." I didn't think so. I looked at my mother and saw an older version of myself - the same long dark hair - although hers was threaded with silver... green, almond shaped eyes. Her eyes held a haunted look that I hoped mined lacked. She was still attractive despite her ten years of confinement.
We talked for a while about my life (carefully avoiding the kitchen knife incident). When I couldn't think of anything more positive to tell her, I made it up. I painted a picture of a happy childhood, and it seemed to please her. By the time I'd told her about my horses and my attempt to bring a pony upstairs to my bedroom, we were both giggling away. She seemed so 'normal', and I wondered whether she was really mad at all. Her psychiatrist was watching her with interest, and he looked rather pleased. A pang of sadness shot through me - if she wasn't mad, then she'd wasted ten years of her life in here, and I'd missed out on growing up with a mother who loved me. It also meant she had been serious about protecting me from the Innaki. What horrors drove a mother to resort to a makeshift surgery to protect her offspring? I shivered, and pushed the thought out of my mind.
"No," I said. I looked down at the table, then glanced up at her shyly. "Mom, I have a boyfriend. He drove me here."
Her eyebrows shot up, her interest peaked. "Oh? Do tell!"
"Mom, he's gorgeous! He's... perfect... God, where do I start?!" I realized I was gushing like a lovesick fool.
She beamed at me. "Where is he? Is he here? Can I meet him?" She looked up hopefully at her doctor.
He smiled at her; he was obviously as pleased with her reaction to this visit as I was. "I think that will be okay."
I was filled with excitement. I might not have been able to bring my boyfriend home to meet my parents, but this was more than I could ever have hoped for.
"I'll go and get him." I jumped up and nearly skipped to the door.
I found him pacing in the waiting room. "Oh, Aric, she's wonderful!"
He smiled at me, a look of relief on his face. "That's fantastic Luce."
"She wants to meet you." I grabbed his hand, and went to lead him through the doors.
He stopped, and pulled his hand from mine. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Oh, come on. I've told her all about you - well, not all obviously, but she's happy for us and she wants to meet you."
His expression was grim. "I don't want to spoil it - today is about you two."
I grabbed his hand again, and pulled him along. "Oh, don't be silly. Come on, it'll make me happy."
He followed reluctantly, his hand grasping mine in a vice-like grip.
We were halfway across the room when he stopped. I pulled at his hand and laughed - "Come on, she's not going to eat you!"
His face was pale and his eyes stared stonily ahead. What was wrong with him? I looked back at my mother. She was getting slowly to her feet, her face as colorless as Aric's.
I let go of Aric's hand, and stepped towards my mother. "Mom? Are you okay?"
She looked at me, her face a mask of fear. Picking up a chair, she threw it with incredible force across the table, just missing me. It fell at Aric's feet.
"Lucy! They're still after you! Run!"
The nurses reacted quickly, she was grabbed and wrestled to the floor.
She was screaming over and over: "Get away from her!" I stood transfixed, numb with shock, watching the scene as though it was a replay on a news channel.
"Get her out of here," the doctor yelled at Aric. Aric put his arm around my shoulder, and guided me out. I moved as though I was in a trance.
It was only when we were standing on the front steps, that I stopped and burst into tears. My mother was mad after all.
* * * * *
"Go on, say it." I stared glumly into the mug of tea Ellen had placed in my hands.
"Say what?" asked Aric.
"I told you so."
He sat down next to me and placed his arm around my shoulders. "I would never say that, Lucy. I'm sorry it didn't work out."
A tear balanced on my eyelashes, welled slowly, and spilt down my cheek. I dashed it away angrily.
"God, what did those things do to her? She's a mess!"
Saul pulled the coffee table closer to the sofa I was slumped on, and used it as a makeshift seat.
"You said the first hour was a good one Lucy. Focus on that."
I shook my head sadly. "The doctor said she fears everyone around her. Imagine living like that..."
A thought came to me. "Maybe it was just you Aric - do you think she could sense you are half Innaki?"
He looked away. "I don't know..."
"Ugh! I hate those things. Why can't they just leave people alone!"
I stood up, and began to pace the living room floor.
Stopping abruptly, I placed my mug on the coffee table, and turned to Saul.
"Saul, I want to know what happened to me - I want you to regress me, right now."
Aric shot out of his seat. "No!"
I turned to him in surprise. "Why are you so against it? It's not up to you - it's my decision!"
His jaw was rigid with tension. "Because I don't want you to be frightened any more!"
"Not knowing frightens me!"
He stepped closer, and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Look at how it affected your mother, Lucy. The Innaki put the amnesia in place for a reason."
I shook his hands off my shoulders and wheeled around to pace the room again.
"I don't care - I need to know!"
He stood still, his palms out in an imploring gesture. "Please don't do this," he said quietly.
"It's her choice, Aric," said Ellen. Aric threw her a frantic glance, then his eyes focused back on mine.
"She deserves the truth." Saul observed.
Aric ignored him. His gaze never wavered from me. "Please," he said simply.
I shook my head. "I have to know."
Without another word, he turned and left the room.
* * * * *
Transcript of Lucy Doyle's Hypnotic Regression Session.
(Begin Transcript)
You're feeling nice and relaxed now Lucy. Remember, you're in a safe place. Nothing can hurt you here. Breathing deeply, good... I want you to go back to the night - the night before you woke up in the barn. Do you remember?
Yes.
Good. Tell me what you see, Lucy.
I'm in bed. It's night time. Something woke me up...
(Pause)
Go on. Look around the room Lucy, what do you see?
I... see... oh!
(Pause)
Lie back down Lucy, remember, you're safe - nothing can hurt you now.
(Pause)
There's someone in my room! Kids. Luke? Michael?
Look closer Lucy. Who are they?
Oh! Oh... they're not the boys. They're, like, oh god, they're monsters!
(Pause)
They can't hurt you Lucy. Lie down. Just look at them. What do they look like?
(Pause)
They're small... really skinny. Ugly. Their heads are really big. Oh my god - their eyes! They have big black eyes. They're looking down at me!
How many are there?
Three... wait, there's another one, in the shadows, in the corner. It's bigger though. Way bigger. Four of them.
Remember, they can't hurt you now Lucy. What happens next?
They're standing over me, looking close. Oh god! God help me! They're... coming closer. I can't move. Why can't I move? Get away from me!
Shhh, remember you're in a safe place. You're just watching what's going on. Tell me what's happening.
I'm... calling my uncle, but my voice won't come out. They're watching me, they smell... strange. Why won't Uncle Tom come? What have they done to him?
(pause)
God I must be dreaming - a nightmare. I can't wake up. I'm floating off the bed! Uncle Tom! Where are you?! ... My voice isn't working!
Relax Lucy - you are safe. Tell me what happens next.
What have they done to my uncle?! Uncle Tom! I'm trying to move - but my body... I'm, like... paralyzed. I'm floating towards the window. Please wake up. Wake up - wake up! - Oh! My arms, my legs - I can move them!
(Pause)
There's my jewelry box - I throw it at them and I drop to the floor. I can move now. I'm screaming, but no one is coming to help. Uncle Tom! Uncle Tom!
Your uncle is safe now Lucy. What is happening?
Why don't they leave me alone? I hate them! They're... I'm... one is flying back against the wall. It's lying on the floor. It's knocked the trash over... Get out! Get out of my room! Another one - it just hit the wall. What did I do? Oh!...
(Pause)
What is it Lucy? What do you see?
The one in the corner. It's coming. It's not one of them. It's... he's - I know him! It's... Aric! What is Aric doing in my bedroom?
Lucy, you're just watching, you don't have to think about that now. Tell me what happens next.
He's talking to me.
Telling me I'm safe. He has beautiful eyes. I can't look away... I feel... strange...
(Pause)
Lucy, talk to me. Are you okay?
(Pause)
What is happening Lucy?
I'm... in a room. A space. It's all white - the walls glow. I can't see a door. They're here. God, where am I? It's very hot. I'm all sweaty... Oh! Oh, god - where are my clothes? I'm naked! Get away from me! Wake up! Please wake up! I can't wake up... They're coming closer. Three of them. They want me to lie on the table. They... their voices are in my head. Their mouths don't move! I'm not getting on the table - get away! One is flying across the room again. They're backing away from me.
(Pause)
You're safe Lucy. Tell me what is happening.
One left the room, right... right through the wall! I've got to be dreaming. The other two are looking at me. I want to kill them! If I can just get my hands on them... They're looking at each other, backing against the wall... I'm going to kill them! Oh!
(Pause)
What is it? What do you see?
It's Aric! Oh, he's beautiful. Oh god - he can see me, nake...Where are my clothes? I'm naked, oh god! Oh god! What the hell is this?
Relax Lucy, don't worry about what you are wearing. What is happening?
Aric is... talking to me. His voice sounds nice, I can't describe it. It's making me feel good. He's telling me to get back on the table...
(Pause)
I can't stop looking at his eyes. They're blue! Really blue... a strange blue... His voice... I want to run, but... He says if I'm still, I'll be home sooner.
(Pause)
What's happening now?
He's closer, his face is so close. I feel... wonderful, there's a buzzing noise and I'm so tired. My eyes are closing. I can't keep awake!
(Pause)
Oh, Aric... Aric! What have you done?
(Pause)
Lie down Lucy. Relax
(Pause)
Lucy, when I count backwards from ten, I want you to wake up. You're going to remember everything, but you're going to feel calm and refreshed... 10, 9, 8... waking up now... 7, 6, 5... you're starting to stretch... 4, 3, 2 and 1.
Starcrossed: Perigee - A paranormal romance trilogy Page 13
