As they walked to the park, Chris immediately spotted Iris and her dog Cutie sitting on a park bench. Cutie was right next to her, his head in her lap. She was watching kids play. Without a word of warning to his brother, Chris jogged up to her and sat down next to Cutie. The big black dog immediately started slobbering all over him, trying to lick his entire face.
“Do I smell like food, boy?” Chris grinned, trying his best to pet the huge, frisky dog.
“Um, Chris, is that your brother headed here?” Iris’s voice sounded a bit strange. Strangled somehow.
Chris stood up to get away from Cutie’s enthusiastic affections and looked in Ethan’s direction. “Yeah, we’re going to kick the ball around.”
“Uh, I gotta go.” She jumped up and tugged on Cutie’s leash. Cutie quickly abandoned Chris and trotted after her.
“Were you just sitting here with her?” Ethan asked incredulously as they watched her go.
Frowning and confused, Chris was about to go after her when Ethan asked, “Do you know her?”
Chris shrugged. “I’m not sure.”
THAT NIGHT, CHRIS didn’t know what to do. He was confused and he was hurt. Why did Iris just leave all of a sudden? Didn’t she want to be seen with him? Sure, he was just a freshman, but she had kissed him. Talk about mixed signals. Just then, the phone rang.
“Chris, it’s for you! It’s Katie,” his mom yelled.
“Thanks, Mom!” When he got the phone, he knew he was going to tell Katie everything. He could never hide anything from her. And as expected, Katie was outraged. She felt Iris had taken advantage of Chris and she was ready to tell her exactly what she thought of her.
“I mean, how dare she! Chris, you do know—”
He interrupted her mid-tirade. “Kate, I know. I know. But…” he trailed off.
“Don’t say it, Chris.” He could hear her voice lower dangerously.
“I think I’m in love with her, Kate. I don’t know.” He put his head in his hands. He wouldn’t even admit that to himself but whenever he talked to Katie, things just came out. It was always that way.
“Well today had better be a fluke then and she, like, had to rush home because of some awful emergency.” She sounded really pissed. “Like diarrhea!”
Just then there was a knock on his bedroom door. “Hang on, Kate.” He got up and saw his mom standing there holding an envelope.
“The doorbell rang and I saw this on the doorstep. It has your name on it.” She handed it to him curiously.
Chris took it, thanked his mom, and sat down on his bed, the phone still cradled between his ear and his shoulder. “It’s a letter.”
“From?” Katie’s voice sounded distant in his ear.
Chris opened the envelope and took a look at the neat, flowing handwriting. He knew it was from Iris. Her writing was just as delicate and pretty as she was.
To my dear freshman Chris,
I’m so sorry about today. I panicked. I don’t think I was ready to meet your older brother and admit to our newfound friendship. Not yet anyway.
Want to come over tomorrow after school? I’ll bake you brownies. From a mix. But still good.
—Iris
Next to her name was a sketch of a flower with three long petals and three little ones in the middle. An iris, he figured.
“No, Chris. You cannot go!” Katie screeched in his ear. “Not ready to admit to your newfound friendship? What on earth is that supposed to mean?!”
“Let me live my own life, Katie.” And with that, he put the phone down. He had never talked to Katie that way—ever. But this had never happened before. He had never felt this way before. He took the note and put it on his bedside table next to his lamp. Just a few hours more till he saw her again.
THE NEXT FEW weeks were a blur to Chris. His life was consumed with Iris. She was all he thought about. After school, he would head straight to her house and they would watch videos, play pool—he eventually convinced her to learn how, do some homework, make out. He was in heaven. He actually had a girlfriend—and she just happened to be the girl of his dreams. Who got that lucky? The only glitch was he couldn’t tell anyone about it. His heart was bursting with his wonderful, glorious secret, but if he told anyone (not even Katie—who wasn’t speaking to him), he would lose Iris forever. She had told him as much. She didn’t want anyone to know. She said to keep it their little secret. That would make it even sweeter, more exciting, more special. Before he could protest and tell her he wanted to show her off to the world, she would kiss him and that was that.
But one afternoon, he ruined everything. She was mixing brownies for him, something he found so domestic and romantic, while he sat at the kitchen counter just watching her.
“You want to taste the batter?” she asked, moving closer so he could dip his finger into the bowl.
“Mmmm. This is so good, Iris. You’re perfect, you know that?”
She laughed. She was used to him saying things like that. She knew how much he adored her.
“I love you.”
“Chris…”
“No, Iris, I do.” He was stung by the sadness and regret in her eyes as she looked at him, but he couldn’t stop now. “I know you don’t want any labels, and you don’t want to hear me say it. But I do. I love you. And I don’t know why you won’t let me say it over and over.”
“Because…”
“Because what? Why not, Iris? Don’t you love me?” Chris knew he was treading on very dangerous ground. All the doubts, all the pain he had been covering up in his cloud of euphoria were rushing to the surface and he was powerless to stop them.
“I…” There were tears in her eyes, but as he looked into her tormented face, he knew what the answer was. “I’m sorry, Chris.”
A part of him wanted to beg, wanted to ask her what he could do to make her love him. But a louder voice, one that was screaming in his ear, was telling him to get the hell out of there while his pride was still intact. The voice sounded a lot like Katie’s. “I’m sorry too.” And he got up and walked out the door.
A MONTH LATER, after agonizing daily over whether he should call Iris and apologize or hang on to his pride, Chris found himself having a milkshake with Katie and Megan for the first time in a long while.
“So she’s back together with her ex. He moved here from the province too. It was a bad breakup and he wanted to make up for everything he had put her through.” Megan was gossiping away while Chris stared moodily out the café’s big glass wall.
Katie looked at him, her eyebrows knitted in worry. He had told her everything and made her promise not to breathe a word to anyone. Thus Megan’s insensitive story.
“Meg, did you see Inca’s plans for Fresh Night? Do you think we can bring guys?” Katie desperately tried to change the subject.
Megan shot her an incredulous look from across the table. “Katie, have you been listening to me? They say Iris is finally happy after being so miserable all this time—”
“I’m going.” Chris pushed his chair back and walked out of the café. Katie ran after him and signaled to Megan to wait.
“Chris—” But Katie stopped when she saw tears in his eyes.
“She used me, Kate,” he said savagely. “She never loved me. She was still in love with that guy. She lied to me too. She told me she hated him. I was supposed to make things better. Why was I so stupid?”
For the first time in her life, Katie didn’t know what to do. She had never seen heartbreak before. Sure, she had fancied herself in love with Ethan, Chris’s brother, a long time ago. But puberty cured her of that. She still thought he was great and all kinds of Disney-prince good looking, but she wasn’t obsessed with marrying him anymore. And when she realized that, she wasn’t heartbroken. She didn’t even think she felt anything. Maybe amusement. Maybe embarrassment. But nothing more. This, however, was different. Her best friend was in pain, and it was a kind of pain she had never experienced before. She took his hand, which was now significantly larger
than hers, and pulled him down to the sidewalk. They sat side by side for a while, not speaking.
“You weren’t stupid, Chris.”
“You said I was!”
“Well, yeah, because I was angry. And protective of you.” She sighed heavily. “But you know what? Even if she did use you, even if she was just trying to feel better about herself while getting over her ex, you gave her your heart and that makes you a grownup. Makes you more of a grownup than me.” She gave him a little nudge.
“Are you saying I’m more mature than you now because I’ve had my heart broken?” He still sounded hurt, but Katie could hear the amusement in his voice. She was slowly getting through.
“Well, yeah. I mean, come on. You never cared about girls before this one showed up. Then all of a sudden you’re like making out and getting your heart broken! How can a girl keep up?” Katie demanded, her hands on her hips.
But Chris didn’t rise to her bait. He pulled her to him and gave her a big hug. “Thanks for not giving up on me, Kate. Even when I was such a chump while it was all happening. Thanks for taking me back.”
Katie squeezed him back just as tightly. “You know I always will. No matter how stupid you are. You are entering your stupid testosterone-filled years, you know that?”
Chris pulled back and said, “Tell me about it. Thank God I have you looking out for me, huh?”
“That’s what makes you lucky.” Katie grinned, glad he was feeling better. But her heart twisted, because she knew this was only the beginning.
JUST ALWAYS REMEMBER
IT WAS THE summer before senior year, and Katie was at a semi-private beach with her family. Her baby sister had just turned two and her parents wanted to celebrate. She loved playing with little Summer, named after the season when she was born, and sometimes people would ask if she was her mom. She’d laugh and say she was only sixteen. But then again, she knew of some girls her age who had actually gotten pregnant so it wasn’t too farfetched.
With her long, wavy hair pulled up into a messy bun to keep it from sticking to her neck, Katie was building something with Summer on the sand. It wasn’t a sandcastle, neither did it resemble anything recognizable. Summer was just happy squeezing the sand between her chubby fingers and patting it down with her green plastic shovel. Katie, who found she had overflowing patience for her little sister (something she never would have guessed in her entire life), was copying Summer and making sure she drank water from her bottle every few minutes.
“Kate, make sure Summer stays hydrated!” her mom called out from the shade of her cabana. She was wearing a black one-piece swimsuit with a little ruffled skirt, perfect for hiding her post-pregnancy tummy, she said. She also had on a huge straw hat and tortoiseshell-rimmed sunglasses.
Katie rolled her eyes and yelled back, “Yes, I know, Mom!” Then looking away, she muttered, “What do you think I’ve been doing for the past thirty minutes?” She looked down at her blue and white striped bikini and checked to see if, while bending over to help Summer who was also in a matching blue and white striped swimsuit, her tummy was folding over and doubling in size. Heaven forbid that happened while a cute boy was passing by! Because even if one of her parents’ friends owned the resort, they weren’t the only ones there. She had spotted a few teenage boys playing Frisbee earlier that day.
“Wa! Wa!” Summer demanded, pointing at the water bottle.
Katie looked up from her flat tummy and smiled. She loved how her little sister could already say a few words and how they could finally tell what she wanted and not have to guess all the time. She took the bottle from the little hole she had dug in the sand, popped the cap, and handed it to her sister. But instead of drinking from it, Summer started shaking it, letting little droplets of water rain down on them. She shrieked in laughter while Katie tried her best to take the bottle away. “Summer! That’s for drinking! If you want to get wet, we can go swim!”
Before Katie could grab the bottle from Summer, the little girl had already jumped up and was toddling toward the surf. “Wait! Summer!” Katie made a mad dash after her sister. It was a good thing the sand slowed her down and Katie was able to catch up with her. “Are you crazy? I told you to always wait for Ate, remember?”
Summer just giggled and tugged on Katie’s hand, pulling her toward the gentle waves. Katie sighed, scooped her up in her arms, and said sternly, “Okay, but I have to carry you while we’re swimming, okay? Say ‘Yes, Ate.’” Summer made a sound that was good enough for Katie and in the water they went.
Katie was too busy splashing around with Summer to notice that there was another Frisbee game going on next to her. But this time, it was in the water. She nearly dropped Summer when something heavy crashed into her from the side. Sputtering in anger, Katie spat out, “What the hell!” She was usually careful about what words she used around her little sister, but that just came out unbidden.
“I’m so sorry. Are you guys hurt? Is the baby okay?” All she heard was a male voice and the guilt and concern laced through it. But Katie didn’t care. Didn’t he see she had a two-year-old in her arms?!
“No, she’s not! She could have drowned!” It was then that she turned to face her attacker. Surprisingly, Summer wasn’t bothered at all by the commotion, probably thinking it was just part of their water play.
Katie’s eyes widened when she saw who it was. She felt the heat immediately rush to her face and wished she hadn’t said what she just did. He was back. And he looked even more like a Disney prince now that he was all grown up—a Disney prince with well-defined abs and biceps and... “Ethan.”
“Oh man! Katie?” he laughed, pulling her and Summer into a wet, salty hug. “Wow, I’m really sorry about that. I wasn’t looking. I have no excuse.”
Katie felt as if all her words had deserted her. Ethan, the older brother of her best friend Chris, had been away for two years. He had gotten a soccer scholarship in Europe and was spending the remaining years of his college education abroad. And he was the love of her life. Well, when she was maybe eight years old, but she had thought she was over him. When Chris told her his older brother was leaving, he was all broken up about it and was even hinting that Katie might share in his despair, but she didn’t feel anything. Maybe a little sorry for Chris because he was going to be an only child for a while and she knew how that felt—the scrutiny, the nagging, the dreary family trips—and she didn’t wish that on him. Not now that they were in high school and all they wanted to do was get out of the house. But she knew she wasn’t heartbroken over Ethan leaving. She had been over him for quite some time already. Till now.
“You look great! All grown up.” He grinned. Then reaching out for Summer’s chubby little hand, he asked, “What’s her name again? I don’t think I was here when she was born.”
Summer grabbed his hand and then yelled, “Carry!”
Katie’s blush turned darker, if that was even possible. “She—”
“Come here, sweetie.” Ethan easily took Summer from Katie’s arms and started bouncing her around in his strong, muscular ones. Katie marveled at how easy it was for her little sister to charm just about anyone. Chris loved her too and always played with her whenever he got the chance. It seemed like his older brother had the same affection for kids.
“Are you back for good?” Katie was finally able to get some words out of her strangled vocal cords.
“Nah, we have a two-week break and some of my high school friends invited me to the beach. How could I say no? It’s freezing back in school!” Ethan was smiling at her and didn’t look awkward at all carrying Summer. Not like most high school boys would. Well, he wasn’t a high school boy now, was he? She was sixteen, so he was most probably twenty-one.
Just then Summer said, “I love you.” Or something that sounded like it. Katie knew that was what she meant because she had crossed her arms then pointed at Ethan, doing sign language for “love” and “you.” Hugely embarrassed, Katie wanted the surf to rise up into a tidal wave and take h
er with it out to sea.
“Oh, Summer, I love you too!” Ethan’s handsome grin grew even wider.
“It’s something Chris taught her,” Katie mumbled, thinking maybe it was time she took Summer back to her mom before she embarrassed her any further.
“Smart girl!” Ethan gave Summer back to Katie in one fluid movement. “My girlfriend has a baby sister too and we babysit a lot when we visit her family on weekends.”
No way. He didn’t just say that, did he? But it explained why he was so comfortable around Summer. And of course he had a girlfriend back in school. Why wouldn’t he? He was hot, he was a soccer star—oh, wait, football star (he was in Europe after all)—why wouldn’t he have his choice of girls?
“Oh, it’s a good thing you have somewhere to go on the weekends.” Yes, she had said that. Of course her brain decided to desert her now. Wasn’t that always the way—you lose it when you need it the most?
Ethan laughed easily. “Yeah, Bridgette’s parents are really cool. They even let us sleep in the same room. My mom would freak!”
Right. More embarrassment. More heat in her cheeks. It was a good thing she could pretend she was just sunburned. Now she couldn’t shake from her mind the picture of Ethan and a really hot blonde sleeping in the same room—in the same bed.
“Uh, yeah, she would. I have to get Summer back to my mom.” Lame, lame, lame.
“Sure. It was great seeing you, Katie. I’ll let Chris know. He’ll be so jealous we’re both here! He’s stuck at home taking summer classes.” Ethan smirked.
Katie rolled her eyes. “That’s because he didn’t hand in his final English term paper. He was too busy playing basketball.”
“Yep. Definitely my brother.” Ethan laughed and made his way back to his friends. All of a sudden, he turned around and yelled, “Why don’t you join us tonight? We’re going out for a few drinks.” Without waiting for a response, he turned around again and rejoined the crazy Frisbee water game. Katie’s heart was thudding in her chest. Drinks? That night? Of course she wanted to go. She had to find a way to convince her mom to let her.
Only A Kiss Page 4
