by M. Mabie
I could save myself.
Ironically, he saved me from myself at that moment by saying my name.
“Hannah.”
It snapped me out of my worrisome thoughts and my eyes locked on his.
“Lost you there for a minute.”
“Sorry,” I said and laughed to pretend like my thoughts weren’t getting much deeper than I wanted.
“That’s all right. You want to talk about it?”
“Nothing to talk about. Now what were you saying?” I could hear the change in my voice. Normally, around him I spoke much softer than I usually did. In that moment, I sounded like I was talking to anyone in town. “You wanted to tell me what I’d done all day that bugged you?”
Time to face the music.
He got closer and it shocked me when he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him.
“You haven’t kissed me all day.”
That was it? He’d wanted me to kiss him?
“What?” I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right.
“Before I go I wanted to let you know that I want you to touch me, to kiss me. I saw you today—you looked at my lips more than my eyes. You licked your lips after I lifted my shirt to wipe sweat off my face—which I did as an experiment. You want to touch me.”
Where does this stuff come from?
Where did he get the balls to say things like that?
Right as he was, I’d never known anyone who could just say whatever was on their mind the way he did.
It was one of the things I liked about him the most. His sincerity. He never let me wonder where I stood with him for too long. Never left me hanging.
Still, he hadn’t kissed or touched me either. What was that about?
“I don’t know. I guess I’ve just never been a touchy feely kind of girl. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? Do you want to do those things?”
“You just said you knew I did.” I wasn’t following?
“What I’m trying to say is, I know this is new for you—and I really like that—but if we’re seeing each other now, then that means a few things. If there’s something you need, or want to do, then do it. I want you to grab my hand, or kiss me, or touch me. It lets me know I’m doing all this the way you like it. It lets me know I’m treating you well if you want to be near me. It’s not about being clingy or anything like that. It’s your body communicating to my body it likes it, too.”
My body was all over that and I kissed him, without holding back.
He made me feel so good about being me. Which made things a bit trickier. I didn’t want to change for anyone, but for Vaughn, I wanted to be other things that I wasn’t sure I knew how to be.
Gentler.
More attentive.
Sweeter.
It wasn’t something I had to think about doing, somehow I was already starting to behave those ways. And that part of me, a part I didn’t know was even there, sort of existed when he was around.
He’d magically turned all of my rough edges to silk when he touched me. Made all of the empty and lonely spots full with his attention. When his fingers moved over me, everything male in him spoke to everything female in me, and I felt beautiful. Fragile and vulnerable.
I loved how he knew he should take his time and be careful with that part of me. Because obviously I did not.
When my swollen lips almost abandoned my face to take up residency on his, I pulled away, slowly breaking the kiss.
“Thanks for the invitation.”
“I mean it. I want you, Hannah. But I’m going to take my cues from you. I won’t rush this. Won’t rush you.”
“But I want you, too,” I admitted, not much louder than a whisper. I wasn’t used to saying things like that. I knew for a fact that those words had never left my mouth.
We stood there, the late afternoon sun sneaking under the cabin and warming me from behind, the front of me warmed by him and his romantic words.
The light was in his eyes and they shimmered like brilliant, glowing ripples on the water.
“I like hearing that. I’m going to run home and clean up, and I’ll come back, if you want. Then, instead of looking at my lips, you better kiss them.”
“And I’ll touch you,” I added to let him know I understood what he meant.
He groaned a little, but it was more of a tease. “That doesn’t sound like too bad of a time.”
“Yeah, but what if, after I start, I can’t stop?” That was something I should have thought to myself.
“Then I guess it’s going to be a long night.” He placed a kiss on my forehead. “Need anything from town?”
I didn’t, but I didn’t want his offer to be empty.
“5-hour Energy,” I said, then silently prayed to the gods of sexy dentists who said all of the right things that I would blissfully need two.
I needed a shower.
I needed clean clothes.
I needed the gas station to have condoms.
I wasn’t being forward, and if she still wasn’t ready, she’d never know that I had them. But if—IF—she was ready, I had to be ready, too.
All day she’d been looking at me in a different way. I loved that she never shied away when I caught her. She’d just smile and then go back to what she was doing. Almost like she hadn’t the faintest idea she’d been staring at me.
After I said what I had, I would never want to slow her down. I’d seem like a liar. Like I’d been all talk and I wasn’t all talk. Even as I pulled away from the cabin, my all-action dick was still hard.
5-hour Energy.
Yeah, you’ll need a few of those if you start something entirely too fun to finish before I’m done with you.
The fucking gas station better have some damn condoms.
I showered and didn’t skip the shave, glad I’d waited until then. Her poor lips were red and I didn’t want kissing me to feel like sandpaper, because there would be a lot more kissing that night than there had been that day.
Sure, I’d told her I’d follow her cues, but there’s only so much a guy can take. Especially, when I’d been watching her all day working and laughing and closing her eyes, face up to the sun, enjoying the moment.
She was becoming irresistible to me.
I wanted to tackle her there in that boat, and I’d decided on the next trip, we’d have to carve some time out for the occasion. Now that I knew how good she felt in my arms, tasted on my lips, I only wanted more.
I’d had so many fantasies of taking her clothes off in the middle of that river and kissing every square inch of her. Seeing all of her.
The view when she bent over nearly drove me insane. The way her skin looked warm and inviting. The way her mouth would part when I spoke to her. Her body sent all of the right signals to mine, even when she didn’t know she was doing it.
There were almost two different Hannahs. There was the girl the town knew, the capable, hands-on, do-it-herself character who had a wall up so high nobody ever bothered to climb it.
And, oddly enough, it’s like with me she was this other person. Someone who was confident in their skin, yet still breaking out of it a little more each time we were together. Someone who never let anyone get close to her, but was brave enough to try. Someone who never let herself get close to someone else, but was tiptoeing her way inside me.
She was a woman who knew more duty than desire, more perseverance than passion, and more acquaintance than affection.
I wanted to show her what she was missing. I wanted to be the man that could handle her strong will and headstrong ways. I wanted to be what she needed, what she desired. Someone she could rely on for anything.
I wondered if I was changing a little myself.
It would be cooler when the sun went down, so I wore jeans and a T-shirt, grabbing a zip-up hoodie on the way out the door.
I ran by the damn gas station and the stupid condom machine was fucking broken.
As I drove back to Johnson’s Chute, I was disappointed, an
d then again I wasn’t.
There were plenty of places to take the night that still ended with her being satisfied, even without sex. I’d let her steer me there.
I stopped where I was on her road and pulled out my phone. Finding I had three glorious bars of service in the middle of nowhere, I opened up my Amazon app and ordered two more boxes of condoms.
At least, I’d never not have them again.
Good thing I was a silver lining kind of guy. There were many worse ways to spend a Saturday night than finding all of the ways I could bring Hannah to orgasm without selfishly seeking my own.
That was going to happen. I couldn’t wait any longer to witness it. Imagining what that would look like … I was surely going to arrive the same way I’d left the cabin earlier.
Hard.
When I finally reached the spot in the road, which ended at her place, I put the SUV in park and watched as she flapped a white tablecloth over a small table she’d set up on the deck overlooking the water. She had on a pair of jeans and a tank top; her brown hair was wavy and moved with the breeze as she finished straightening the fabric.
She’d looked so good the night before, and then again that day, but—and I knew it sounded crazy—she was even more beautiful that evening. I was more and more attracted to her the more I got to know her.
“Well, are you getting out or staying in there all night? Hurry up,” she shouted from the wooden rail that ran around the cabin.
So I got out and climbed the stairs as she waited for me at the top.
“Took you long enough,” she teased when I stood on the last step, which made her my height.
“Trust me, I went as fast as I could.”
She ran a hand over my smoother face. Touching me like I’d invited her to do. It was a mystery to me why a woman, who was so damn stubborn, would do whatever I wanted, and all I had to do was ask. It was a manly feeling and, oh, so rewarding.
“This looks good.”
“You like that?”
“I bet it feels good, too.”
Then she kissed me. Her lips were warm and soft and welcoming, and her hand lingered on my neck. Everything about the way she kissed me made me want her to do it again and again.
The way she’d sweep my lip with her tongue. The way she tipped her head to kiss me deeper. The way she pressed her chest into me to get closer. And the way her quiet little sounds, which played on repeat whenever we were apart, always sounded fresh in my ears.
“Can you peel potatoes?” she asked when the kiss eventually faded.
“I think I can manage,” I assured her. Even though I didn’t want it to end, I wanted to get dinner over with. The sooner, the better.
She put me to work, setting three large potatoes in front of me inside the small kitchen. I peeled them as she made tartar sauce and prepared the fish.
I enjoyed working with her. Actually, it wasn’t what we were doing at all. It was that we were doing it together.
“I know it’s not good for you, but it tastes so good this way,” she told me later as she dunked the metal basket into the fryer outside.
We filled up on potatoes, fish that we’d caught ourselves, and dined beside the river as the light slipped away. Earlier, she’d said something about having another fire, and I liked that idea. What I didn’t like so much about that plan though were the chairs.
Her chair.
My chair.
It wasn’t close enough.
Apparently she felt the same way.
After we cleaned up from dinner, she asked, “Want to go hang out on the boat? Listen to music?” She cocked her head to the side, being both a flirt and a shy vixen. Then she admitted, “Maybe I’ll touch you.”
“Maybe?” Her words alone gave me enough pleasure, but I was seriously interested in how she was planning on doing this touching. That thought alone made my dick twitch.
“Your odds are very good, Doctor.”
Very good was good enough for me. I’d let her lead this round since she was going for it.
Stupid fucking no condom having gas station.
I didn’t know how fast she could shower, but in the time I was gone, she’d gotten a lot done. Walking down the narrow dock behind her at sunset, I saw that she’d put a quilt down on the floorboard of the boat and added a few pillows. I noticed a cooler. She was prepared.
“What if I would have said I didn’t want to get in the boat?”
She chuckled as she stepped onto the boat. “I have more than one trick up my sleeve.”
I found a place to sit and propped one leg up against the side of the boat. She knelt on the quilt and pulled two glasses out of the cooler and a chilled bottle of wine.
“Wine?” I asked, surprised that it wasn’t her customary Newcastle. She’d passed on wine at my house.
“I like this kind. It’s from a winery not too far from here. I like it because it’s not too sweet and not too dry.”
I thought, sounds about right, just like you. A perfect blend.
I liked wine, and it was just another fun element about her I hadn’t expected. Another thing in common.
“You have a nice little picnic down here.”
“I wanted to do something nice to say thank you for last night, and for going out with me today. For everything.”
Last night wasn’t the best, most thought-out first date in history. I would have loved to take her out on the town somewhere, maybe see if she liked to dance, or even take her to a nice place to eat. Wynne only had one nice place that I knew of, the golf course by the lake, but it was all so new and I’d wanted her to be comfortable.
The fact that she’d had a good time and needed to thank me for it only proved how no one had ever taken the time to show her a proper date.
And today?
I couldn’t remember a day where I’d been more out of my element, but enjoyed it nonetheless. She was in her element, and damn, did she shine.
“You don’t have to thank me, but I like this.”
She reached up and flicked on the radio, turning the volume only loud enough to hear what song was on. Then she kicked back and sat close to me with her wine.
I wrapped an arm around her and we sat there for a while drinking and enjoying the fiery sky.
When our glasses went dry, she refilled them and came right back to my side. Her warm body fit next to mine like it was made to go there.
She drank her second glass a lot faster than the first, which led me to believe she was looking for a little courage.
After she emptied it, she said, “Last night, when you said all of that stuff, I didn’t know what to say, Vaughn. I know I’m a little strange, but hearing you say what you did really made me think.”
I didn’t want to interrupt. So when she paused, I just rubbed her arm and gave her time to get it all out.
“I don’t know how to do this. I like you, and I think you like me, but I’ve never been someone’s girlfriend. Hell, I don’t even know if that’s what you want. I just know that I like the way you make me feel, and I like the way you look at me.”
She sat her empty glass down, not caring that it tipped over and rolled away.
“And I’m not very good at talking about this stuff, and you are, but I want to try. When you kiss me, or when you look into my eyes, I don’t know what to do with myself, and I get worried that I’ll make a mistake, or say something stupid. Which you’ve already witnessed. I don’t want to mess this up.”
I stretched my arms out to her.
“Come here,” I said, and she moved to my lap, facing me. The boat rocked gently against the bumpers, separating it from the wood of the dock. I moved the hair from both sides of her face and held her gaze.
“You don’t have to worry about any of that. I wouldn’t want you any other way. I’ve yet to find anything about you I’d ever want to change. I think you’re sexy because you don’t have a clue you are. If you’re not comfortable putting a name on this yet, we don’t have to. But I want you t
o know I’m not going to see anyone else. I’m a one girl at a time kind of guy. I can’t tell you what to do, but I know inside I don’t want you with anyone else either. I won’t say we’re just having fun though, because I don’t think that’s what this is.”
Her blinking became slower and her breathing shallower. My hands ran up her back caressing her warm skin, causing her to lean into me even more.
“Then what is this, Vaughn?” she whispered.
“It’s the beginning of everything.”
She leaned forward and her mouth found my neck, her wet lips kissing me. My hands found her ass and pressed her into me so she was straddling me exactly how I wanted her to.
As good as she felt on my neck, I wanted her mouth. I led her there by leaning down to meet her lips with mine, earning an appreciative moan when I did.
She rocked into me and I moved my legs together and bent her forward so she leaned back on my knees.
I wanted to see her.
She followed my lead and relaxed on my legs as I pulled the bottom of her shirt up and over her head and arms. I was lucky it hadn’t gotten as cool as I’d expected, because it was incredible being outside in the open with her like this.
Her perfect skin glowed in the dark for me. She wore a simple white bra, no lace, and without any words she leaned forward and removed it. All of her curves and valleys given to me in one movement. She shivered, not from a chill, but under my touch as my hands roamed the uncharted nakedness of her breasts.
They were full, and in the twilight I could see perfectly round nipples that stiffened under my caress. She moved against my zipper searching for something more than my touch on her chest.
I let my hand wander to her button fly and I leaned against the pillows propped up behind us as she rested against my legs, allowing me to explore her.
When there were no more buttons to work apart, there was a moment where I thought it was too much for her, her body shaking like she was nervous.
I had to know if she wanted me to go any further, before I did.
“Hannah?” I asked as I ran a hand over her center above her jeans, along the denim seam between her legs. “Do you want this?”
