“But you were wrong,” I said.
“We were wrong,” he repeated. “I think—I think we made matters worse by both running for the director position. Two potential directors who believed in a Sightless boy. Obviously those who opposed weren’t going to sit by idly and allow this to happen. And we helped them, Liam and I, by getting so caught up in the race that we stopped speaking to one another.” Charles laughed bitterly. “What an idiot I was, to let such a thing come between us and our friendship. Do you know how many nights I’ve laid awake, wondering if I could have prevented his and Rosa’s deaths if I had just done the right thing and pulled out of the race? Liam was far better suited for the position, far better…”
“But that wouldn’t have saved him,” I pointed out. “They still would have tested Rafe, right?”
His face darkened, the rage finally breaking through the calm mask he had been wearing. “That is what I want to find out. After Liam died, I assumed the position of director and buried myself in the role of running this branch. I never spared a moment of my time to look for the truth, the real truth. I told myself it would just be too painful, but now I know the real reason.”
He took a deep breath. “I’m nothing but a coward.”
Silence settled over us. I knew he wanted me to say something, anything, but I needed time to process everything. The man sitting before me was aching with guilt—not because he had killed his best friend, but because he had stood aside and allowed it to happen. And now some teenage girl had waltzed in and thrown his life upside-down with Davenport’s farfetched theories that might not actually be so farfetched.
“I need you to trust me, Gabi.” He said it with such raw desperation that I found myself nodding, realizing that I did trust him. And I believed him. Silver Moon was shady, evil even, but Charles?
Thanks to Nina and Mrs. Chen, I knew firsthand what evil was.
Charles had made mistakes, a lot of mistakes, but he wasn’t evil.
He exhaled in relief. “Thank you. That means so much—thank you.” He reached a hand out, then seemed to think better of it and dropped his hand to his side. “I will continue to dig for the truth, and I will tell you what I learn.”
“All of it?”
He nodded. “Yes. All of it.”
“And can I tell Rafe?” I dreaded doing so, but he deserved to know the truth. He still trusted Silver Moon—not to mention blamed himself for his parents’ deaths—and I couldn’t let him continue to do that. Thinking about the ones who ordered the demon test, and how they must be laughing behind Rafe’s back, even now, set my blood boiling. It seemed like the deeper I entrenched myself in Silver Moon politics, the longer my list of people to hate grew.
“You can, but break it to him gently.”
“Well, duh,” I said with an exaggerated eye roll. “‘Welcome back to the land of the living, Rafe, and by the way, Silver Moon killed your parents.’ That’s exactly how I’m going to tell him. No big deal, right?”
Charles shook his head. Come on, Mister Director, you couldn’t have forgotten already how frustrating I can be! Standing, he gestured to the door. “Are you ready to see him?”
I swallowed, suddenly nervous. What would I see, when I finally went to his room? Would it make me cry? Probably. I imagined Rafe all bandaged up, bruised and battered, and already my throat started hurting with tears I choked back.
Charles said quietly, “I’ll have Philip bring you up. You’ve probably had your fill of me.”
“I had my fill of you after our first meeting, in that warehouse,” I said, brushing away the tears on my cheeks.
“For what it’s worth, I am truly sorry about that,” he said, ducking his head in embarrassment. “I got so caught up in the myths and the idea that I had finally found a Soul Healer, that I forget that you were an actual person.”
“So you’re going to leave me alone now?” I hated pushing my luck like that, but I needed to know.
Charles nodded. “I swear it.”
“Even if I may have demon blood inside of me?” Okay, really pushing my luck here. He was probably two seconds away from brandishing a sword and chopping off my head.
“Now why would you think something as ridiculous as that?” he asked with a slight smile. A smile that wasn’t creepy but actually… kind.
Whoa.
Maybe I had pegged Mister Director wrong. Like, really wrong.
I felt stupid.
But then I thought about all the things he had done to me—kidnapping, threatening both me and my family, yelling at me—and realized that no, I had been correct to assume the worst from him. It was nice that he was trying to make amends, but if he thought we were going to become BFFs and paint each other’s toenails, he had another thing coming to him.
The idea of Charles painting his toenails was pretty entertaining, though.
He was watching me closely, a wary look replacing his smile. “Let me get my son before you ruin this moment by saying something ludicrous.”
“Hey—” I started, but he walked out of the room before I could throw something snarky his way.
And I swear he chuckled. Chuckled!
“Totally creepy,” I whispered, trying not to smile myself.
Chapter Forty-eight
I didn’t speak until Philip had wheeled me inside the elevator and the doors had closed. “I look like crap,” I said, staring at my reflection in the mirrored doors. My hair was completely white (it was so bad that I had actually started quietly crying in the bathroom when I first saw it) and there were huge purple bags under my eyes that stood out against my pale skin. “I look like a freaking corpse.”
“You do not!” Philip was quick to respond. He had caught me crying in the bathroom and, once he figured out what was wrong, shook Kain awake and sent him to the nearest drug store to pick up some hair dye. Apparently Kain had a bunch of older sisters and knew a thing or two about dyeing hair, so he was going to help me get it back to my normal honey-blonde color. I had expected them to judge me for focusing on something so silly when my boyfriend had nearly died, but they had been nothing but understanding. “You just need some rest and chocolate cake, and you’ll be back to normal.”
I perked up. “There’s cake?”
Philip pulled out his phone and started texting. “There will be now.”
“Oh, god,” I said. “He’s not your servant, Phil. Although maybe you fantasize about that sort of thing.”
He blushed and quickly shoved his phone back into his pocket. “I don’t!”
“It must have been nice, having him come to your rescue like he did.” I didn’t think it was possible, but Philip turned even redder. I decided to be nice. “He kept asking about you, you know. Was all worried and stuff.”
“You don’t have to make stuff up to make me feel better,” Philip mumbled, avoiding my eye in the reflection on the doors.
I turned my head to the left, staring up at him. “I’m not making anything up! He really was worried. And before, in my room, he wanted to know—”
“Just stop, all right?” Philip cut me off, surprising me by using a sharp tone. I knew at once I had taken things too far. “I don’t have a chance with him, and you telling me this stuff isn’t going to make a difference.” He exhaled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped, not after everything you’ve been through. I’m just tired of getting my hopes up.”
I wanted to tell him he could get his hopes up, that Kain had been asking about him because he seemed to be interested, but—what if I was wrong? What if he was only interested as a friend? I couldn’t break Philip’s heart like that. “I’m sorry.”
Philip placed a hand on my shoulder, keeping it there as the doors opened to Rafe’s floor and he wheeled me out. He didn’t say anything, but I knew that was his way of saying he forgave me.
The sterile white hallway was empty save for one familiar blonde leaning against the wall, and an unfamiliar, tiny, black-haired girl standing in fr
ont of him. Alexandra, I thought, suddenly nervous. Philip froze, and we stood there awkwardly, watching the scene play out before us.
Evan was saying something to Alexandra; I couldn’t make out the words, but I could clearly hear the begging tone in his voice. He reached out to touch Alexandra and she snatched her arm away.
“No, Evan,” she snapped. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to pretend everything is okay after what you did to Rafe. I can’t—I can’t do this right now.” Alexandra turned, ignoring Evan’s pleas to stay, and quickly walked down the hall, passing by without acknowledging us.
Philip muttered, “Should we go back in the elevator, try again later when Evan isn’t around?” But Evan had already spotted us. Walking slowly over to us, he smiled. It didn’t quite reach his tired, sad eyes, and I felt a surge of pity for him. I reached out my hand and Evan enveloped it in his before pulling me forward, so that I practically fell out of the wheelchair and into his arms.
“Evan—” He squeezed tightly, burying his face in my (awful white) hair.
“I’m so glad you’re okay.” I couldn’t see his face, but his voice sounded funny. It took me a moment to realize he was choking back tears.
That’s when I forgave him for everything. Telling Charles about me, manipulating my family, hurting Rafe, hurling me into a wall… It was awful, but I knew why he did it.
“She’ll come around,” I said, patting him awkwardly on the back. He stiffened at my words, but I kept talking. “Once she realizes you did what you did because you love her, she’ll understand.”
He pulled away slightly, so I could see his red-rimmed eyes. “She’ll never understand. I don’t even understand what I was thinking. And because of me—” His voice cracked. “Because of me, Rafe—”
“Rafe will be fine,” I said firmly. Forget the fact that I hadn’t even seen him for myself. I knew, deep down, that what I said was true. “Besides, he said he was going to kill you for tossing me into that wall, remember? He’s definitely going to fulfill that promise.”
Evan laughed. It came out low and throaty, and he sniffled, brushing tears from his cheeks. “You’re right. He owes me a bunch of ass-kickings for all the stupid shit I’ve done.”
“The first thing he’s going to do when he wakes up is ask where you are,” I said, “so he can destroy you.”
“And I won’t even complain or try to get away.” He smirked at my skeptical look. “Okay, I will. Your boyfriend is seriously scary sometimes, Gabi.”
I looked at the closed door to his room, wishing I could see through it, to his sleeping form in bed. “He’s just tired of bad things happening to the people he cares about.” I swallowed, thinking of Charles’s Silver Moon bombshell. What would Rafe do after I told him? Would I be able to convince him not to go rushing into HQ, swinging his sword at whoever crossed his path? Even if I did break the news gently, like I promised Charles, I still didn’t think it would be enough to calm Rafe’s fury.
But I couldn’t not tell him, either. That would be even worse. If I was in his position, I would want to know. I owed Rafe the truth. I just didn’t want to lose him because of it.
“Do you want to see him now?” Evan asked quietly. Philip had wandered away, staring at his phone again, to give us some privacy. I looked from him to Evan to the door that hid Rafe and nodded.
“Yeah, let’s go.” I took a deep breath. “I’m ready.”
***
I was totally not ready for the sight of my boyfriend lying in a huge hospital bed, hooked up to all sorts of machines and IVs and looking completely different from the person who had chopped off a demon’s head and swept me into his arms just one day ago. I wasn’t used to seeing Rafe looking so weak. It reminded me of when Boneless had stabbed him and I had nearly lost him, and by the time Evan had positioned my wheelchair next to the bed, I was full out sobbing.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Evan murmured, crouching on the floor next to me. “Gabi, sweetheart—”
“I’m okay,” I said, gasping between my sobs.
He raised his pale eyebrows. “Really? Because you don’t look okay.”
“I just don’t like seeing him like this.” I gestured toward Rafe and the machines. “It’s horrible. Why does he need all those wires hooked up to his body? You guys said he was fine!”
“We stopped the spell inside of him, but he was still stabbed,” Evan explained, also looking at the machines. “The doctors had to stitch him up, though, and a wound like that takes time to heal.” His gaze slid to my hands, but he didn’t say anything. I knew what he meant, though. Holding my breath, I held them over Rafe’s body.
Nothing happened.
“Guess I can’t hurry the process along,” I grumbled. “I’m so useless!”
“You are not! You brought Rafe back once already. And Alex. And me.” Evan grabbed my hands and brought them to his chest so I could feel his heart beating through his t-shirt. “You’ve done so much, sacrificed so much for us. I’ll never be able to repay you, but I’m sure as hell going to try.”
“Just promise me…” I trailed off.
He inclined his head, waiting.
“That you won’t give up on Alexandra,” I said. “No matter what she says or does. Even if she tells you to go jump into traffic—don’t give up on her.”
Evan smiled. “Sweetheart, if you think I’m going to give up that easily, then you don’t know me at all. I’m a very persistent guy.”
“I think you mean annoying.”
He playfully swatted me on the shoulder. “Impossible! I’m too awesome to be annoying!”
“I don’t get why you and Kain hate each other so much,” I said. “You’re completely alike. Have you ever realized that?” I watched as his bemused expression changed to one of horror. “Okay, guess not.”
“Bite your tongue!” Evan said, jumping to his feet. “Don’t ever, ever, ever compare me to Sir I’ve Got Something Stuck Up My Bum again! I’ll never speak to you!”
“Is that a promise?”
Evan stuck his tongue out. “I’m leaving. Have fun with your sleeping boyfriend.”
I watched him go, then turned back to Rafe, the smile slipping from my face. “Oh, Rafe,” I said, reaching for his hand. It was cold, shocking me. Rafe was never cold. I felt the tears coming again, and I made no effort to stop them.
After I had cried myself to the point of exhaustion, I started speaking. Even though I had told him almost everything that had happened after I had been kidnapped, I started over from the beginning, to how excited I had been for our Christmas date. I described my fears after our fight, and how Evan had screwed things up before I could get a chance to apologize. I told him how afraid I had been at HQ, but how lucky I was to meet Philip and Kain. I even mentioned the chocolate cake Evan had bought for me. Any interaction with Nina I omitted, but I did tell him about seeing the autopsy room. He’d probably be horrified if he were awake, hearing about his girlfriend observing a bunch of headless demons. And I would have laughed and poked him, and asked how it was any different from seeing him chop their heads off.
“And getting splashed with green blood,” I said softly. “You know, I didn’t have to worry about ruining any of my clothes this week since they weren’t mine. Isn’t that weird? Of course then you walked in and the first thing you did was spray me with monster blood. Why do you do that, Rafe? Do you enjoy destroying my outfits?”
I waited for him to respond, maybe twitch a finger or flutter his unfairly long eyelashes, but there was nothing. No reaction. My heart plummeted as I stared at him, watching his chest rise and fall evenly. I would give anything at that moment for him to pull me out of the chair and embrace me in his strong arms. We would kiss and talk and laugh and kiss some more and—
I would stop crying. God! “You’re making me cry, Rafe. You’re not allowed to do that. You’re supposed to be the one who comforts me when I’m sad, the one who stops my tears. I know they said you’re fine and you’re going to wake up soon
, but I want you to wake up now. I need to see you now.
“There’s so much I have to tell you,” I continued. “About what happened after you were stabbed. About Kain probably liking Phil and Phil being stupid about it and refusing to notice. About Alexandra hating Evan—I’ve never seen the two of them together, but I picture their love as something epic, you know? So I can’t even imagine that they won’t be together now that she’s awake. Maybe you could talk to her? You were close—wait, didn’t Evan say you had a crush on her? Am I going to have to worry about this?”
I cupped his hand between both of mine as I kissed his fingertips. “And there’s other stuff too, Rafe. Darker stuff. About your parents.” My voice faltered, and I took a moment to collect myself. Even with him unconscious, it was still hard to say. “I think Davenport was right, that night. I think Silver Moon killed your parents.”
At that moment, the fingers on the hand I held twitched. I gasped, staring down at them, willing them to move again. When they didn’t, I let out a sigh of disappointment and glanced at his face.
My heart stopped.
His eyes were open.
And they were blazing with fury.
The Soul Healer Page 24
