Ti kicked his feet off the desk and stood. “Well, I’m out. Just think about the song tomorrow. Don’t stress over it. I’m sure she’ll pick it up and do fine.” Ti left without another word.
As Gabe sat alone in his apartment, he thought over the lyrics to Siren’s Song. None of them would make sense for her to sing solo. He closed his eyes and pictured Tori, the way she was confident and hidden all at the same time. He remembered the excitement in her eyes when she recognized him, the distance when he asked her to join them and she couldn’t. Is that why the sirens sang men to their death? Had they been oppressed and heartbroken, their lives then only driven to lure men to a similar fate? I’m terrified. Gabe remembered her words on the screen, the image a flash of his memory that he would never lose. Maybe the sirens were terrified and alone, cold in the breeze. A siren’s only chance at contact with the world was to sing men to their deaths. To kill. Gabe felt his eyes glaze over as he imagined what the sirens would really sing. Was it their message that caught the sailors or the tone, like a dog obeying a whistle? He scribbled on pieces of paper around his desk.
Alone and afraid, I know I’ll lead you to a watery grave. You’ll never love me, never see, what I was before someone else did this to me.
Maybe it was too simplistic, he could add to it, change it, but it seemed to fit. As his fingers thumped against the paper, his mind made the melody. It still felt wrong to be doing this song with Amelia, but she was harmless. Gabe squeezed at his eyes and glanced at the window, seeing it was nearly dark. Why hasn’t Tori called? He grabbed his cell and checked, but there were no missed messages or calls.
“Tori?” When the line picked up, only silence had met him. He heard her clear her throat.
“Yeah?” Victoria’s voice was thick with sleep.
“I’m sorry, did I wake you?”
“No, yes, ugh. I fell asleep. So yes, you did wake me, but I’m glad you called.” Gabe could hear her moving around on the other side of the line. He imagined her straightening out her sweater and maybe pulling the clips down to take off her tights and garter belt.
“I should have stayed.” Gabe smirked into the phone.
“What? Why? I’m fine.” Victoria’s voice strained; something hit and rattled against a counter.
“Could have been better. I like to be with you.” Gabe thought about all the time they’d already spent together and how happy he was. How he felt strange being away from her, and his mind raced, thinking of how he could see her or make her come over. “All the time,” he said, but it came out quietly. True silence rang from Victoria. Where he thought she would be agreeing wholeheartedly was silence. Gabe pushed through it. “So I need to talk to you. About Amelia.”
“Yea-yeah?” Victoria wavered.
“The guys think the best song for her to sing is Siren’s Song. And I don’t disagree, but it’s your song. You’re the siren. I don’t feel right with her singing a song I wrote for you.”
Victoria exhaled loudly. “Gabe?”
His stomach dropped to the floor. Was she leaving him? She didn’t seem to be earlier, but her tone and everything was way off.
“It’s okay to sing with her. You weren’t the one fawning over her like she was the object of your desire. I shouldn’t have acted that way. I’m…I’m really sorry.” Her hand covered the mouthpiece of the phone. It sounded like she was crying or coughing.
“That’s because I can’t stop thinking about you. You really don’t care if she sings the song?”
“Of course not, just don’t…” Victoria’s voice cut out. Gabe took the phone from his ear and glanced at it to be sure the call hadn’t been dropped. It was still connected.
“Tori? Don’t what? Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Don’t…screw it up. You know, this is a big deal for you guys.” She was trying to sound better, but Gabe could still hear hesitation and sadness in her voice. If only he could crawl through the phone and hold her. He wanted to sleep with her body curled against his. The scent of coconuts in her hair waking him up, a pleasant reminder to breathe deeply. But she said she was fine and didn’t ask him over.
“Did you want to come over Tuesday when we practice? I won’t get to see you tomorrow.”
“You won’t see me Tuesday, either. I have to pick up some extra shifts. Call you tomorrow?”
Gabe wanted to persuade her to stay on the phone longer, to talk to him more. Maybe even invite him over so they could at least see each other a little in the next few days. Why isn’t she offering? He let her win this one, let her hang up and go back to sleep or whatever she was going to do. Did he make her as happy as she did him? Whatever was wrong, he hoped it would be over soon.
* * * *
As Tuesday rolled around, Victoria had calmed down. She still sounded distant, but the hesitation was gone from her voice, and most of their conversations were light and easy. Gabe laid out sheets of paper with the lyrics to Siren’s Song on them and added in a repetitious chorus, an idea of what the siren was really singing. Dread still sat in his stomach as he thought of Amelia singing the song. As much as he didn’t like the genre, he’d rather do a cover of a popular country song than let her in on this.
A light rap on the door brought Amelia, all smiles and positivity. Her dark hair hung in long curls down to her waist, and she wore a light denim jacket and floral shirt. She looked like a wholesome summer day. How could she ever be a siren?
“The rest of the guys will be here anytime. Here are the lyrics, and I thought we could work you in some solo spots with this chorus, you would…essentially, be, uh…the siren.” Gabe averted his eyes, put a hand over his stomach. Something’s not right about this.
“Gabe? Are you okay?” Amelia’s large eyes were watching him, her frown showing concern.
“Honestly?” Gabe huffed. “Not really. I wrote this song for my girlfriend before she was my girlfriend. The first time I really got to talk to her was the first night we played this.” He hesitated, trying to think of how to say he didn’t want Amelia singing it, but she jumped in.
“Kinda feels like you’re cheating on her, huh?” Amelia shrugged.
“Yeah. It does.” Gabe frowned but reached for his guitar anyway. Silence accompanied them for several minutes. He rubbed the neck of the guitar, feeling the smoothness turn rough when he reached the chords, but he didn’t play.
“What’s this?” Amelia looked through a sheet of half written lyrics.
“Oh, crap, those are lyrics I was working on for something else…” He walked over and took them, rereading his scribbles.
“Solo project?” Amelia asked, her eyebrows arching high up her forehead.
“No, no, the band’s not breaking up.” A small laugh came from him. “It’s another personal song.”
“So, why don’t we work on it and perform it instead of Siren’s Song?”
“Uh, because it’s got no music, and the lyrics aren’t ready, and we have about a week to get the song we do perfect?” Gabe laughed as he threw the paper back on the desk, but Amelia remained untouched. Her slender fingers picked the paper back up and read through the words.
“So your girlfriend had a boyfriend, huh? Someone she was with but didn’t really want to be?” Fire could have sparked on the paper with the concentration she was giving it. Her eyes narrowed, and Gabe could see the wheels turning. He gave her silence, watching, knowing that sometimes you have to sit back and let the idea work its way through. “Why couldn’t we do this? Think of it as like the Sheryl Crow/Kid Rock duet. You could be her hero, you could protect her, and I could give her a voice.”
Chapter 23
The black, red, and white scheme seemed depressing instead of freeing in the evening light her laptop produced. Freedom to be. Victoria read this over in her mind, but without hearing from Gabe, coupled by knowing tonight was practice night with Amelia, made her uneasy. Freedom to be alone. She plopped herself on the bed. She knew he would call when they were done, but what if he was slippin
g away from her already? Victoria pictured Gabe and Amelia sharing a microphone, their gazes meeting. If she didn’t call and interrupt them, what would happen? Stop it. Out of the seclusion of her bedroom, Victoria turned on the television and focused all of her attention on finding something entertaining to watch. Her eyes felt heavy, but she fought to keep them open. She wanted to be awake when Gabe called—even more so if he didn’t. She needed to know he meant what he said, that he wasn’t leaving.
Victoria woke with a start. She had fallen asleep. That was the only explanation for having so vividly seen Todd lying in her bed, hearing him ask how her day had been. His eyes had turned to ice, his lips forming words meant to hurt. “He’ll leave. You’ll be alone. How could anyone want you? I barely want you, you’re lucky to have me.” Before she was fully awake, she was dialing Gabe’s number.
“Gabe?” Victoria cried into her phone.
“Hold up a sec!” Gabe yelled out, muffled just enough that she could tell he’d put his hand over the mouthpiece of his phone. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“Are you still practicing?”
“Yeah, we’re working on something new. Seriously, guys, shut it for a second?” Gabe must not have covered the receiver. His voice boomed over the line, but the voices in the background didn’t listen. Victoria heard Amelia giggle even over the steady beating of the drum and Troy turning a country song into a scream-filled metal song.
“Something new, huh?” Victoria wiped the tears from her eyes. She knew fully well that Amelia’s giggles were for Troy, but that almost made it worse. How could she call Gabe while crying when someone so happy, so easy and carefree, was right in front of him? Because I’m needy and need to be reminded constantly that I’m wanted. Real attractive.
“Yeah, for the Street Fest. I guess we ran late, huh? Did you want to come by?” Gabe’s voice was friendly as always, but Victoria could hear his distraction.
“No. If you guys are busy, I’ll just hit the sack.” Fight for me. She willed him to beg, to offer to come and get her himself, but no offer came.
“All right, well, I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I guess. Good night.” Victoria clicked off the phone, feeling hot tears stream from her eyes. Fury built in her at Todd for planting the thoughts, the seeds of doubt he took care to water when he saw her happy. As much as she knew, or wanted to know, that he was wrong, Victoria was more terrified than ever, and it wasn’t about what she said in her sleep, it was more of what she said in her mind when she was awake that scared her.
Pawing through her drawers, Victoria found her most comfortable cotton shorts and baggy T-shirt and climbed under her covers. Her computer screen blinked from across the room, beckoning her to play online, to waste time until she fell asleep like she used to, but she didn’t want to see the posts. She didn’t want to see if WriterGuy had posted about what he was working on with Amelia. If they were in a real relationship, he’d tell her. If not, then at least she knew where they stood. As much as it would hurt, she had to know.
* * * *
Sleep hadn’t come easily but waking was harder, and the ache over her swollen eyelids was hell.
“Why didn’t you go by last night?” Sarah asked as soon as Victoria’s feet crossed the restaurant’s threshold.
“I was tired.” Victoria brushed past her, crouching by her cubby and grabbing her apron and note pad.
“Tired? Too tired to see your incredibly sexy boyfriend?”
“Maybe I’m too tired of everyone else noticing how incredibly sexy my boyfriend is and hogging all of the time with him,” Victoria snapped. “And why the hell were you there?”
“I was invited. Like you were. Only I’m not locking myself in my room afraid of some dumb crap my ex-boyfriend said. Get over it, Tori.”
Victoria looked at Sarah. Her face masked her emotion, but her eyes were full of question.
“What did you just call me?”
“Tori. Like Gabe does. Doesn’t bother you when he does it.” Sarah was arguing a point, but Victoria hadn’t connected them yet. “You two are ridiculous. You just met, and already you’re consumed with him. And Gabe, shit, you should see him with Amelia. It’s like—”
“It’s like what?” Victoria threw her notepad across the room, whipping past Sarah. “You have no idea! You have never been in my head. I tried forever to be enough for Todd, and it didn’t work, and Todd was only a guy. But Gabe? Gabe is everything I ever dreamed of, and a day after meeting my ex, he’s like what with Amelia?”
“Whoa, calm down. Victoria, breathe.” Sarah smoothed out Victoria’s hair. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I know Todd was a complete ass.”
“Am I losing him?” Victoria whispered, tears in her eyes.
“No, you’re not losing him. But he did ask how you were. Apparently you’ve been kind of quiet. Maybe you should talk to him?”
Victoria shook her head, loosened tears slid down her cheeks. “Let me get my shit together first, okay?”
“Yeah, okay. It’s all okay. Okay, Vic-toria?” Sarah smiled, but Victoria couldn’t bring herself to smile back. She was more worried after talking to Sarah than before.
Order, refill, receipt. The motions completed themselves until it was time to go home. Her feet hurt, her back was sore, and she was sure if someone cracked open her skull, they’d find all seven dwarves mining away. A hot tub and early to bed would do her wonders. Summer was approaching fast; the sun set high in the sky as she walked home at the end of her shift. A gust of wind blew her hair forward, but instead of the coconut shampoo she used, she could only smell the grease of the fries she’d served.
After turning the doorknob with one hand, Victoria opened her ringing cell phone with the other. “Hello?”
“Hey. Just making sure you made it home okay.” Gabe’s voice was strained. She could picture him sitting on his bed, worried over a song and needing a break.
“Walking in right now. How was your day?” Her purse and keys hit the table with a clatter, and she went straight to the bathroom to draw her tub.
“Long. Slow. I missed you. Want to come over?”
“Honestly, I’m exhausted. I want a hot bath and my bed.” Pink salts sparkled from the bottom of the tub as it filled with water.
“Hmm, sounds like I should come to your place,” Gabe whispered.
“You’re always welcome.” Victoria smiled into the phone. Even her heart smiled with the desire in his voice.
“Gabe? How do I tighten this chord?” Amelia’s voice cut through the background.
“Why is Amelia over now?”
“It’s the second to the top on the right hand side,” he called over and then returned to Victoria. “Working on the song for Street Fest, it’s coming along, though.”
“Well, I won’t keep you, then.” Victoria fingered the bubbles in her tub, popping them with a vengeance.
“You’re not keeping me, we’re about done. So, I’ll stay at your place tonight?”
Yeah sure, after some other chick gets you all wound up. Right. “Why don’t you finish the damn song so I can have you back?” It came out harder than she intended, but she didn’t apologize or take it back. It was nicer than the rest of her thoughts. Disgusted with her thoughts and the inability to control her own voice, Victoria whipped out of her shirt and kicked her pants off.
“Tori, it’s not like that. It’s just really special, it has to be perfect.”
The heat of the water stole her breath as she sat down without giving herself time to get used to the temperature. “Oh, I’m sure it’s real special.” Victoria’s heart sank; the warm water only increased the pressure on her chest. She wanted to tease him, something to keep her on his mind while she was away from him, but she wanted to torture him as he was doing to her. She couldn’t very well come out and say she was soaking already, though. He had to think he was missing something. “Listen, I’m getting cold standing here naked, so I’m getting in the tub. Call me when yo
u can talk.”
“Come on, Tori, be fair. This is my job. I can’t come and sit with you all day at the restaurant.”
“And I can’t talk to you when I get home. Maybe you should spend the day with Amelia so you can make time for me in the evening.”
“I promise, soon. This song is almost perfect, and the fest is days away. It’ll all be over next week.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Victoria whispered and hung up the phone. She slid all the way down until her chin touched the bubbles, blowing them lightly. She watched a few take flight before the pressure of the room crushed them in the air.
Chapter 24
From where he stood, Gabe gently threw the phone onto his bed.
“Everything okay?” Amelia asked softly.
Odds were she could tell by the tone of his voice that everything was actually a little shaky. Gabe shook his head in small, slow motions. “I don’t know. Yeah, I guess.”
“She’s not a big fan of you spending your evening with me, is she?”
Amelia kept her distance, a nonverbal act Gabe was grateful for. Again, he shook his head.
“Is it me in particular, or has she been hurt?”
“Definitely hurt. I didn’t know the guy, but he seemed kind of overbearing when I pun—when we met on the street. Just, really fake, ya know?”
Amelia nodded. “So she couldn’t really be herself, and she knew it. But she put up with it.” Smoke was all but visible as Amelia sat on the desk chair, tapping a pen against the paper.
“And he said some really stupid shit the other day. He kept saying I would get tired of her and that I was ‘doing groupies’ on the side.” Gabe clenched his fists. That low life had said it casually, knowing it would hurt her, knowing his words would sit in her brain and eat away at her. The tapping stopped. Amelia looked over at Gabe, her jaw slackened.
“Seriously, Gabe?”
The words sounded all wrong coming from her. She was usually so fun and innocent, and yet here she was looking at him like he was the biggest dummy in the world. Realization dawned on him. “Shit.”
Siren's Song Page 14
