by Miss KP
I gave her the look of death. “This better be good.”
“One of the doctors in the NICU just informed me that it’s okay for you to go see your daughter. Would you like to go now?”
“Of course,” I said, quickly getting a ball of energy.
After obtaining a wheelchair, Nurse Thomas helped me into the seat then quickly escorted me to the Intensive Care Unit. From there, I was handed off to a NICU nurse. As soon as I washed my hands then entered the dim and quiet specialized unit, it immediately made me depressed. Seeing all the sick babies; some inside incubators some hooked up to several monitors and ventilators brought tears to my eyes. I cursed myself for putting my baby girl through so much stress already.
“Here she is,” the nurse informed me. “I can tell she’s gonna be a little fighter. She’s already showing signs of trying to breathe on her own.”
“Is she gonna be okay?” It was hard to see her in the incubator.
“It’s a little too early to tell. Plus preemies have good days and bad, but I have high hopes. The emergency room doctor said that he thinks you may have been about twenty-nine or thirty weeks along, so she definitely has some work ahead of her.”
I covered my mouth with my hands as tears consumed my face.
“Don’t worry. Like I said, she’s gonna be a feisty little thing. Oh, by the way I’m Nurse Brooks. I’ll be one of your daughter’s nurses while she’s here.”
I looked at the thin black woman who had big eyes and a pointy nose like the Girlfriends actress, Tracee Ellis Ross. “Can I hold her?”
“No, it’s a little too soon for that, but you can touch her,” Nurse Brooks informed as she opened one of the little round doors to the incubator. “I’ll leave you two alone. Let me know if you need anything,” Nurse Brooks said as she pushed me closer then walked away.
I smiled at my new bundle of joy. I couldn’t wait to get a closer view. I wondered if she had both me and Carlos’ complexion. The anticipation of who she looked liked was killing me as I inched my face closer to the glass.
“Hi Carlie, are you going to wake up for mommy,” I whispered, before gently touching her little arm.
After a few strokes, my daughter finally opened her eyes. They were too familiar, light brown, with a tiny mole under her left eye. She was the spitting image of Rich.
Chapter Two
RICH
“Hold up…so you’re leaving and that nightstand is empty,” Shelly snapped.
“Bitch, I’ve given you enough fuckin’ bread in the past to get free pussy for years. You aight,” I answered then pulled up my jeans.
“Muthafucka, I got bills. It’s the first and my mortgage gotta be paid. You know the drill. Now, you gonna make me treat you like the rest of these niggas and make sure I get my money first before you get some.”
“I ain’t good for some free shit as much as I looked out for your ass? Your damn son is in private school because of me, so don’t get cute.”
“Nigga, I’m not trying to hear that shit. Pay me my money,” Shelly said, with her hands on her wide hips.
I shook my head. “All you whores are the same. When a nigga down y’all still wanna have y’all hand out. Well, you takin’ one for the homies, cuz I ain’t givin’ your ungrateful ass shit.”
“Rich, you’re a petty muthfucka. You could at least give me some money to pay my babysitter!” Shelly yelled as the hotel door slammed.
“The bitch better be lucky I fed her ass,” I said lookin’ at the room service tray outside the door. “Plus, we at the damn Westin.” As light as my money had been lately, she was lucky I ain’t take her to the Days Inn. “Damn, where’s Honey when you need her. She never complained,” I said, walkin’ down the hall.
As bad as I missed fuckin’ Honey’s grade-A pussy, I couldn’t trick her out of some sex like I could with Shelly. I had been fuckin’ Honey for so long, I knew she counted on my money to make ends meet, so hookin’ up wit’ her wasn’t in the plans. Besides, my dollars were valuable, so payin’ for pussy wasn’t an option right now.
Since Carlos got killed, I’d been avoidin’ Uncle Renzo for the last couple of months which had definitely put a damper on my bread. I wasn’t used to watchin’ my money and budgetin’, but the situation wit’ my daughter Denie and my soon to be ex-wife Lisa had cost me some major cash. Every time I think back to the day my relationship wit’ my daughter went downhill because of that bitch Lisa; the shit made me hate her mor and more every day.
That bitch had actually made me shoot my own fuckin’ daughter in the stomach, tryin’ to fight her for the gun. I called myself tryin’ to save her from Lisa’s deranged-ass, and ended up makin’ matters worse. I couldn’t believe my son Juan didn’t even bother to help, but I could remember like it was yesterday when the smirk on that nigga’s face turned to fear when he saw his sister get shot instead of me. His reason for not helpin’, I’m sure was so Lisa could finally get her revenge, but I bet he didn’t realize his sister would be the one hurt in the process. Reflectin’ back to that day made my fuckin’ blood boil. Hatin’ Lisa for makin’ me kill my brother, Carlos was no comparison to how I felt about that miserable bitch now. She knew that hurtin’ Denie would break me, and I couldn’t believe she’d stooped to such a low.
Once the hotel valet pulled my car up and I drove off, thoughts of the drama I went through when Denie got shot continued to flood my mind. Then there was my cash flow problem. The moment Denie was shot, I immediately called up a doctor I used to deal wit’, named Toyia, who worked at Washington Hospital Center’s trauma unit. Not only did she rush to my side because of the dick I used to put on her, but also because she was forever grateful to me for keepin’ her house out of foreclosure when her husband’s gamblin’ caused them some major debt.
Of course, Toyia came through. She took a leave of absence from her job which cost me $100,000 for her to care for Denie around the clock for three months. I also ended up movin’ Denie back in wit’ me at my mother’s house, which allowed Toyia to nurse Denie back to health. Words couldn’t even describe how happy I was that she was able to save my baby. I was devastated to find out that not only did my daughter suffer from a shattered pelvic bone and damage to her kidney, she also lost a life in the process. My daughter was pregnant. Not only did I nearly kill my daughter, but killed my grandchild, too. My relationship wit’ Denie was already broken because I forbid her to see Nelson, but all of the recent events made things even worse. In the past I could buy her a new car, a new bag or some shoes and she would forgive me, but this was the first time that my money couldn’t get me out of the deep hole Lisa had dug for me.
Every day I catered to Denie, tryin’ to make up for all the pain that I’d caused her. It took months for her to regain her strength and heal, but no matter how much she’d healed on the outside, I knew it would possibly take a lifetime for her to forgive me. I even allowed her to see Nelson, thinkin’ that would make her at least talk to me, but nothin’ would break her silent treatment. That was the only time I heard her speak, when Nelson was around. Even though I used to love him like a son, when I learned he was fuckin’ my daughter, that love turned to hate. However, I had to put all those ill feelings to the side. I owed them both since I was responsible for the loss of their child.
As I drove toward my house, I started thinkin’ about the big fight we’d had the day before. I didn’t even know how to deal wit’ the situation as I played back the conversation in my mind.
“Why, Daddy, why?” Denie asked as she rocked in my mother’s old chair.
The sad thing about it was, I’d hurt my baby girl sotheI didn’t know where to begin. I didn’t know how to give her answers.
“Huh?” was all that I could say.
“Why did you lie to me all these years about my mother?”
“Denie, I was tryin’ to protect you. I’m not perfect. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“But to b
e honest, I’m not sure who your mother is. I mean I have an idea, but…”
“So, you slept with that many women unprotected that you have no idea who my mother is?”
“Denie, when you were left at my door you were only a couple of weeks old. The doorbell rang and when Lisa went to answer it, there you were, with a note attached. Eventually, Lisa promised to forgive me for cheatin’ and promised to raise you as her own. Deep down inside she was so mad at…”
“Fuck Lisa, and fuck you, too! That bitch always hated me. Look at what she did to me. I’m scarred for life because of her. But you know what, I should blame you for how fucked up she is. Is my birthday really November 29th ? Do you even really know how old I am? My brother always warned me on how fucked up you were, but I never listened. No, my daddy could never do any wrong.”
“Denie, what do you want from me? Baby, I’m sorry. You’re all I lived for; you’re the only thing that matters to me.”
“Why, cuz you broke? Your money was all you cared about, and now that’s damn near gone. Oh, so now that Lisa’s deranged-ass is done with you, I’m a priority. That’s bullshit!”
“Broke! Is that what you think? If I was broke there was no way I could’ve had a nursin’ staff care for you around the clock. That was a $100,000 note right there. I’ll show you broke!”
My daughter had hit a nerve and I was pissed. I remember runnin’ down the stairs, and out the back door to the shed. After movin’ several things around, I pulled out most of my stash. I never wanted my daughter to lose faith in me. Never would I be broke, I vowed to myself a long time ago. I raced back up the stairs wit’ the gardenin’ bag full of money and threw it across the bed.
“Broke is that bitch-ass nigga, Nelson, you love…not me.”
The money obviously didn’t faze her. “Now you wanna hate on the man that loved me, when you didn’t!”
“You think he’s so perfect. I watched that man fuck whores Denie. That’s why I didn’t want you to be wit’ him. He lives the same life that I do. I always wanted you to have a better life. Am I wrong for wantin’ better for my little girl? Damn, Denie!”
Not even wantin’ a response and desperately needin’ air, I left. Just like that. That’s how I ended up spendin’ the night wit’ that trick, Shelly. As I got closer to home, I snapped out of my deep thoughts and questioned what I could say to Denie to repair what we had left. I wondered if I would’ve stayed and talked things out, maybe she would begin to forgive me, or even see where I was comin’ from. Wit’ my life in such turmoil, I needed my daughter now more than ever.
I pulled into the driveway, and got out my truck in slow motion. Practicin’ what I was goin’ to say, I finally got the courage to face my daughter. When I opened the door and the ADT alarm didn’t go off, I got a little worried.
“Denie!” I called, but got no response.
Wit’ all my family had experienced, I drew my .45 and slowly walked through my house to see what was up. After checkin’ downstairs, I walked up the steps and checked every room, which were all clear. My heart dropped to my stomach right before I got to Denie’s room. The last thing I wanted was her to be hurt…again. However, when I kicked the door open there was no one there. No Denie, no clothes, just a neatly made bed with a note.
Dear Daddy,
I need some time away from everything including you. Don’t try and contact me I’ll be okay. There are a lot of unanswered questions that no one can seem to help me with, so I’ll just disappear. That way your big mistake (me) who ruined your marriage can vanish into thin air. Just act like I was never left on your door step. I don’t have any identity here. I’ll start a new life for myself, without you and anything associated with you. When you start feeling sorry for yourself and wondering what you’re gonna do without your baby girl, remember… I’m no longer your baby girl. Go take care of your other daughter, you know the one you had with that whore Trixie. Maybe you can be a better father to her. I’m out! Wish me luck and thanks for the cash! That’s the least you can do!
Denie (if that’s even my birth name)
P.S. Oh, and tell your wife, Lisa that I’ll never forget what she did to me. I owe her one because it’s definitely not over.
What the fuck is goin’ on, was all I could think to myself as I took a pillow from Denie’s bed and threw it across the room. All that I had left, the only thing that mattered to me in this world was gone and there was nothin’ I could do about it. I sat on the edge of the bed and held the letter as my eyes watered. I had to keep talkin’ to myself. “Real men don’t cry,” I kept reiteratin’.
“Maybe I should’ve stayed and talked to her,” I told myself as my phone started to ring. It was Juan.
“Yeah.”
“I just called to tell you Ma had the baby.”
“So. Why are you callin’ me? Fuck Lisa and that bastard-ass baby. My daughter is gone thanks to that bitch. Fuck her!”
“What you mean Denie’s gone?” Juan asked wit’ concern.
“She left and obviously took my fuckin’ stash wit’ her!”
“Aight, well I just called to let you know wassup, but I guess you got your hands full, holla.”
CLICK.
“Fuck!” I yelled before fallin’ back onto the bed.
I was pissed. Denie had taken damn near all the money I had left and I didn’t know what to do. I’d been chillin’ from the streets lately wit’ all the chaos goin’ on wit’ Uncle Renzo, so I needed every bit of cash I could get. Denie was my heart, but she’d crossed the line fuckin’ wit my bread. She was definitely on my shit list!
Chapter Three
JUAN
Ever since I was sixteen years old, I longed for this moment of being my own man. Not having to ride on the coat tails of Rich. No more people saying, “Oh, that’s Rich’s boy. He good peeps.” No more of that shit. I hadn’t heard that in months, which felt good. I had finally made a way for myself. Gaining respect on the streets on my own meant a lot to me, and there was nothing anyone was going to do to take that away. In jail, I’d met a lot of connects, but I just wasn’t that trusting of people. So badly, I wanted to be done with dealing heroin since I witnessed firsthand what it had done to my mother. I had a plan. I was gonna make it outta this game untouched.
No matter what she’d done and who she’d become, I loved the woman who raised me; the woman that she was, before the drugs, before the rape, before Rich destroyed her innocence. I loved that woman, and I was determined to get her through these hard times. I was determined to get her back to the old Lisa. I loved my mother to death, but lately she had been getting on my nerves. She and her drama always put me behind schedule, so I texted my man to let him know I’d be about twenty minutes late. Ever since my little sister was born last week, my mother had been calling me every five minutes like I was her baby’s father. Damn, didn’t she know there was a reason why I didn’t have any kids?
As I made my way down South Dakota Avenue, and jumped onto Route 50, my phone rang. Looking at the caller ID, I had no idea who it was.
“Yeah, who’s this?”
“Wassup my nigga, this Cornell. You trying to go to Lux tonight?”
“Damn, what you got another new number?” I asked.
“Yeah, man this chick I was hittin’ from Detroit keep hackin’ into my phone, even my damn Twitter account. Yo’ she started trippin’ when I told her I wasn’t tryin’ to put a ring on her finger. Man I’m tired of these bitches thinkin’ they gonna get saved,” Cornell replied.
“Is this the one you met when you played with the Pistons?”
“Yeah, she was cool at first, but when I got traded to the Wizards last season, I didn’t talk to her as much and so we kinda fell off. Man, I’m just tryin’ to play ball and make some money. All that other shit is irrelevant.”
“I feel you man. I don’t have as much paper as you, and these bitches even get on my nerves,” I said with a huge grin. “Well, I gotta make a run. Lux sounds good. I’ll meet you at the clu
b about 12:30. I’ll text Brittney and let her know we coming through so she can grab us a table.”
“Bet.”
Cornell Willis was my man. He played basketball for the Wizards and was probably one of the few dudes I hung out with who wasn’t wrapped up in the street life. We met last year at a club’s valet when we both pulled up at the same time with the same color SL. I had just gotten mine and couldn’t wait to pull up in it and have the girls sweating my new ride. Wondering who the nigga was, we exchanged looks until we got to the front door of the club…both wanting tables, of course. When we were told there was only one left, I lost it on the promoters, who ended up giving me a couple of bottles of Ace of Spade if I was willing to share a table with the nigga. I was a little hesitant at first because I didn’t usually fuck with corny-ass athletes, but he ended up being cool as shit.
It was history from there. He ended up giving me my money back for the table at the end of the night and even picked up the bill. I was never a nigga who accepted handouts from dudes, but since I gave him one of my girls for the night, he was appreciative. He was a real nigga, with swag, like me. We started hanging out from that day forward. In and out of town, we did it big. Finally, it felt good to have someone in my circle that wasn’t a fucking leach. He had a legit bankroll; something I would get one day.
Breaking out of my deep thought, I concentrated back on the task at hand, and that was getting my paper straight in the DMV area before I took my venture to ATL. My man, Kwame that I were going to meet tonight since he’d been talking nonstop about some dude named Malik from Atlanta. He was supposed to be this paid nigga down there and by the way Kwame was sweating him, I couldn’t wait to see what he was all about. With us expanding in DC by the day, adding down south to our roster, would be the come up I needed. Kwame needed me and my paper, in order to make this major deal happen. Originally, I was supposed to meet Malik at a strip club on New York Avenue, but with our Virginia partners needing to re-up, I didn’t want to discuss business in front of him. That first date would just have to be on hold.
