by Miss KP
“Yeah, I’m here,” Juan replied.
“So, are you gonna answer the question or not?”
“Look, Rich I’m not trying to get into that shit right now.”
“Oh, really. Well, what about you and Renzo? Y’all got something goin’ on that I need to know about, too? He was here when you called and seemed overly concerned about what happened.”
“Nah, me and Unc’ don’t have nothing going on.”
“Good, keep it that way. He’ll probably just try to use you to get to me. If either of them call you, don’t answer. I’ll see you at the airport. We’ll continue this conversation then.” He was quiet once again. “Juan, just trust me for once.”
When I hung up the phone I laid across my bed and thought about how I could make all this go away. I needed to make amends wit’ my son before it cost him his life. This last thing he needed was to get in knee deep wit’ the Columbians. He wasn’t built like that, which was why he was in this predicament now. I wanted better for him. Because of my lifestyle, I’d lost one child and was on my way to possibly losin’ another.
After eatin’ some of Marisol’s leftovers, hoppin’ in the shower, and watchin’ a bit of CNN, it was time for me to make my way to the airport. It was gonna take a lot for me not to smack the shit out of Juan for gettin’ caught up in Atlanta. That nigga was never careful, which pissed me off. He was so caught up in the material shit that this life brought, but was never ready for the consequences.
“I guess he’s learnin’ the hard way,” I said to myself just before gettin’ in the car.
When I pulled up to the US Airways baggage claim at National Airport, Juan was already outside waitin’. His face was fucked up. All he was missin’ was a sign that said, ‘I lost the fight.’ But then again, who was I to judge? Lookin’ in the mirror, my own lip was swollen from Uncle Renzo kickin’ my ass. I couldn’t speak for Juan, but there wasn’t gonna be a next time for me though.
Gettin’ out of the car, I immediately gave him a hug. I hadn’t given my son a hug in such a long time, but something told me we both needed it. It was an emotional moment as we patted each other’s backs. From the outside lookin’ in, I’m sure bystanders thought we hadn’t seen in each in months. If only they knew. As soon as we got in the car and pulled off, my curiosity sprung into action.
“So, tell me from the beginnin’ what happened,” I said calmly.
I wanted my son to know I was on his side. I also had to convince him to stop fuckin’ wit Marisol and to dismiss any thoughts about Renzo. If Juan were to get caught up, there was no doubt Uncle Renzo would try and turn my son against me. The same way he’d used me and Carlos for years.
“It’s a long story,” Juan stated.
“So…we got time.”
At that point, he started by lettin’ me know about Kwame and how he kept tellin’ Juan that the nigga Malik was a made dude in Atlanta. Once he was deep in the story and got to the part about the bitch, I couldn’t hold back my emotions any longer. All I could think about was Trixie and how her bitch-ass man, Mike robbed me. I never wanted this for my son. The more I looked at his bruises on his face and his puffy right eye, the angrier I got.
“First off, don’t ever trust a bitch. Juan! She should’ve never been in your room!”
“I don’t think it was her.”
Instantly, my fist hit the steerin’ wheel. “Are you listenin’ to yourself right now? How the fuck do you know that?”
Juan lowered his head. “I don’t.”
“Exactly. How the fuck you gon’ trust a stripper? Damn right it could’a been her. You down there wit’ no gun, makin’ it rain in a strip club full of goons. Hell, it could’a been anybody. All them niggas down there knew you were an out of town dude wit’ money. That nigga Kwame and Malik probably set your ass up.”
“Are you serious?”
“Damn right I’m serious. You were a mark. Now, since you don’t know much about Malik, Kwame gotta go. You can’t let these muthafuckas ruin our family name in the streets. You have to make an example out of these niggas.”
“Man Rich, I ain’t no killer. I’ve been around that nigga Kwame since I was knee high.”
“Fuck that nigga. You think he cared about that shit when he set you up? I bet you that nigga was in Atlanta wit’ your ass the whole time. He probably still down there. Call his mother and see if she knows where he’s at. You know her drunk-ass won’t remember what she told you anyway. If anyone knows where he is, it would be her.”
Even though Juan had a hesitant look on his face, he still pulled out his phone. My mind started spinnin’ instantly when I thought about how different Juan was from me and Los. I guess our street cred had gotten him by so long that he never had to stand up for himself. However, all that shit was about to change. My son had to break out of this bitchassness quick if he wanted to survive in this game. This shit wasn’t for weak hearted muthafuckas.
Fuck that, he’s gonna do this job himself, I thought as he dialed the number. I had him put the call on speaker.
“Hello,” a woman answered.
“Hi Ms. Johnson this is Juan. Is Kwame around?” Juan asked.
“No baby. Him and Kyle went to see my sister Elaine in Atlanta. They’ve been gone for the past week. He should be home today though. You want me to tell him you called.”
“No, I’ll just call his phone. Thanks.”
“No problem. You make sure you tell that fine-ass daddy of yours I said hi.”
“I will.”
When Juan hung up the phone, he looked at me wit’ so much pain in his eyes. I’m sure he knew now that I was on his side and not the enemy. I needed my son to trust me and this was gonna be the glue to put our relationship back together.
“Now you see what I’ve been talkin’ about? I’m all you got out here. Those muthafuckas used you to get bread and then threw you to the wolves. They knew they couldn’t get away wit’ doin’ that shit here, so they baited you and took you to Atlanta so their family could do the dirty work. Now, we really have to send a message. Niggas need to know you’re not to be fucked wit’. Kame and Kyle both gotta die tonight.” It was times like these that I missed Carlos. He woulda been down wit’ this shit…no questions asked.
All Juan did was shake his head as I gave him a quick lecture about betrayal. Although I’m sure he didn’t wanna hear it, he had to be reminded once again to stop trustin’ these niggas out in the street. I didn’t give a fuck how long they went back. When it came to this game, it was the same motto every time, trust no man. I walked him through my experiences about killin’ niggas wit’ no remorse then jogged his memory about the Mike and Trixie situation. He was takin’ it all in, but I could tell his mind was heavy. Now, it was time for him to get his revenge.
Juan knew the first place Kwame would go if he had the money was to his baby mother’s apartment in Temple Hills. After drivin’ in that direction like a maniac, we sat in the parkin’ lot of the high rise for almost two and a half hours. We kept the conversation to a minimum ‘til finally Kwame and Kyle pulled up in their raggedy-ass Impala.
I reached under my seat and grabbed my .45 then proceeded to the secret compartment in my glove to retrieve the .9mm. I never left out the house naked.
“You ready?” I asked handin’ Juan the nine.
“Yeah.”
Kwame and Kyle’s first mistake was pullin’ in, instead of backin’ up because they never saw us comin’. As they opened their car doors and tried to get out, Juan and I both walked up on each side wit’ our pistols in hand, silencers attached. I let Juan know I would handle Kyle, but Kwame was all him.
Juan put the pistol to Kwame’s head, while I placed the pistol in Kyle’s mouth. I didn’t want to hear shit he had to say.
“Man, what the fuck are you doing. Juan?” Kwame asked.
“Nigga, shut the fuck up. Did you think you were gonna get away with robbing me? You thought I didn’t know it was you, bitch!”
Surprisingly, Kwame didn’t show a
ny fear. “I see you ran back to daddy. Rich, did you know word on the street is your son a snitch?”
Both Juan and my eyes widened, but I wasn’t about to listen to that shit.
“Snitch this nigga!” I said, lettin’ off a shot into Kyle’s mouth. He slumped over instantly.
“Kyle…Kyle!” Kwame yelled. “Fuck you, Rich! I knew I should’ve killed your ass when I had the chance. You killed my Uncle Mike!” He looked over at Juan. “I never fucked with your punk-ass. Oh, by the way, your mother got some good pussy. Ask her about the warehouse. I’m sure she remembers.”
It was satisfyin’ to finally see my son take a nigga out as he let off two bullets in Kwame’s head. As crazy as it was, I felt proud…like he’d just graduated or some shit.
Juan didn’t waste time climbin’ in the car and pullin’ out a black duffle back from the back seat. By the time we sped out the lot and made it down Suitland Parkway, he’d already thumbed through the doe. It was a little under twenty five thousand, which wasn’t all his money back, but it was a start. I couldn’t believe all this time Juan had been runnin’ wit’ Mike’s nephews. I guess they called themselves payin’ me back, but in the end...they didn’t succeed. Now, that chapter was over.
Chapter Twenty-One
LISA
It had been days since I’d been to the hospital to see Carlie. No matter how hard I tried, it was difficult to embrace the fact that what I thought was left of Carlos, now belonged to Rich. I’d been so distant from everyone lately. I ignored everybody’s call, especially my annoying-ass mother. I didn’t want to talk to the hospital staff, so I’m not sure why that bitch thought I was up to her negativity. I hadn’t even spoken with Juan, which was a good thing because the privacy allowed me to indulge in my bad habits again. I couldn’t help myself. My life had been such a mess that the powder was the only way I was able to escape my problems. I never understood how Marisol didn’t get addicted to this shit. It was definitely a weakness for me and I couldn’t stop.
Massaging my temples, I tried to get some relief from the daily headache that kicked my ass, but it never worked. At that point, I pulled myself out of bed, which had been hard to do lately and walked toward the bathroom. However, before I could even get in the shower, I had to take a seat at my vanity and do at least two lines.
When my head finally came up, I couldn’t help but break down as soon as I looked into the mirror. Ashamed of what my life had become was an understatement. Hell…I didn’t even know the person who was staring back at me. Not only did I look like shit, but I felt alone…I missed my father.
I would’ve given anything for him to come and hold me. To tell me that everything would be okay. As tears made a grand appearance, regrets of how I’d chosen Rich over my dad invaded my entire body. I hated myself for that decision.
Once I get myself together, I’m gonna call my dad. He’ll be proud to know that I finally left Rich’s ass.
After doing another line, all of a sudden I got the energy to get up from my vanity and go see my daughter. Even though I had mixed feelings about it, it was eating me up that I’d avoided her this long. As I turned on the shower, it didn’t take long for thoughts about how much I missed Carlos start to emerge. No matter what, in my mind Carlie was his and that’s what I needed to help me move on.
Minutes later, I stood in my closet trying to figure out what to wear. My shape was definitely back, so the days of squeezing into my clothes were finally over. I decided on a pair of skinny jeans with my new Dior knee-high suede, brown boots, an Ella Moss top and my Kenna T leather jacket. Grabbing my purse along with my favorite cat-eye Chanel shades, I was ready to go after giving myself one final look in the mirror. When a smile appeared, I could tell my mood was improving. I felt refreshed and in a better place.
*****
As soon as I got to the hospital, my high was instantly blown once I walked into the NICU and saw Rich standing over Carlie. Obviously, she’d progressed since I’d last seen her because she was no longer in an incubator. Even most of the tubes were gone. I wanted so badly to walk over to where they were, but I decided to stand back and watch. I especially got heated when I listened to him speak to her with the same voice he used when talking to Denie as a baby.
“Sweetheart, I love you. I’m sorry that you have to go through all this. I think about you all the time. I can’t wait ‘til you meet your big sister, Denie. You all look just like your daddy.”
“He’s good with her you know,” Nurse Brooks said as she came up behind me. “He’s been here all day.” She didn’t even ask where I’d been, which was surprising. She just patted me on my back, smiled and walked off.
I guess she was trying to reassure me that everything was gonna be okay, but that shit didn’t work. I didn’t want Rich anywhere near my child. She didn’t even bother to give me an update on Carlie’s status? Did Rich tell them something about me? Beyond pissed at this point, I walked up to him and snatched his hand off her crib.
“Why are you here?”
Rich looked around the room. “Shhh. Lower your voice Lisa, are you high?”
“Fuck you, Rich. I want you out. I don’t care what the courts say, you don’t have a right to be here. You didn’t care about her when you were calling her a crack baby. Get out!”
At that point, several nurses looked in our direction. It was only a matter of time before one of us had to go.
“Man, I don’t have time for your shit right now. You better watch yourself bitch and enjoy your time with her now. Remember the disappearin’ act you just pulled. You aren’t doin’ nothin’, but makin’ shit easier for me. When Carlie leaves this hospital, trust me…it won’t be wit’ your coke sniffin’ ass.”
“Is everything okay here?” Nurse Brooks asked.
“I’m sorry if we caused any type of disturbanc0" wid’m leavin’ now,” Rich said, trying to make me look like the culprit.
“Yeah, get the fuck out!”
Nurse Brooks’ eyes enlarged. “Ms. Sanchez, please. That language is totally inappropriate.”
I watched as Rich made his way out. “I’m sorry. It’s just that he gets me so worked up.”
Staring down at Carlie, I wondered why I was in denial for so long. She looked exactly like Rich...to the point where it instantly made me sick on my stomach. Now, it was evident and I knew exactly what I had to do to rid Rich out of my life for good. It was obvious that his ties to Carlie were gonna be a problem and I couldn’t deal with it.
“I can understand that, but I’m gonna have to call security if this behavior continues.”
Damn…what happened to the sweet woman you used to be? I thought. Carlie was about to drift back to sleep, so wanted to try and feed her.
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Listen, I wanna try and feed her if that’s okay.”
Nurse Brooks looked at her watch. “Actually, that’s fine. It’s been a while since your husband fed her, so I’m sure she might be hungry.”
The fact that they’d allowed Rich to feed Carlie made my skin crawl.
“I’m gonna try and breast feed, so can you bring her to the private area?”
“Sure.”
The fact that I hadn’t nursed Carlie in days, I wasn’t sure that she would even take my breasts. The drugs were definitely in my system, so I knew it wasn’t a good idea to feed her, but how much more harm could I do now anyway? Since Rich had this newfound love for her, I wanted to see how he would handle what I had planned. This was my only way to cut my ties with him. It had to be done.
Once Nurse Brooks handed the baby to me and left out of the room, I placed my nipple right beneath Carlie’s nose and pretended to feed her. Looking down at my innocent daughter, I suddenly felt bad, but it had to be done.
“I’m so sorry, Carlie,” I whispered.
Pressing my breast firmly against her nose, it didn’t take long for her to start squirming. She tried to fight for air for at least a minute, but eventually her tiny body went limp. I waite
d a few more seconds before lifting my body back up to make sure the task had been complete. Once I saw her face, I knew she was no longer breathing. She was gone. Staring at my baby girl one last time, I kissed her forehead then said a quick prayer.
Father God, please forgive me for taking my own daughter’s life. I just decided that I would rather her be with you than him. I’m sorry. In your nae I pray. Amen
As soon as I was done, the theatrics started. Instantly, I started screaming out of control. Maybe this is what I needed. I just needed to let it all out.
“Something is wrong! She’s not breathing! Please help my daughter!”
Seconds later, several nurses came running in.
“Code blue!” one yelled as loud as she could.
Snatching her out of my arms, I watched as one nurse tried to resuscitate Carlie. Even a doctor came in and worked on her, but after several minutes it was obvious there was nothing that could be done.
“What’s wrong? Is she gonna be okay?” I yelled.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Sanchez, she’s gone,” the doctor finally informed.
“Nooooooo!” I screamed.
Now, I was done with Rich for good. I put on quite a performance as all of the nurses tried to console me.
“I need to call my son,” I finally said after screaming a little bit more.
“Are you gonna be okay Ms. Sanchez?” one of the nurses asked.
“I just need to call my son.”
After she handed me my purse, as soon as I turned my phone on, a text message popped up from my mother.
I’ve been trying to reach you for days. We buried your father today.
Chapter Twenty-Two
RICH
For the past few hours, Marisol’s mind seemed preoccupied. Chances were, it was due to the fact that our sex life had been very active lately and she felt guilty. When I turned over, she was starin’ out into space wit’ the comforter pulled up to her neck. I didn’t understand the point of her sulkin’ so I decided to ask her what was wrong to ease my thoughts before my mind went on a tangent.
