“You must be in love,” I mumble.
“Why do you say it like that?”
“Love is blind.” He gets out of bed and walks to the bathroom, slamming the door and making me jump. Sarah lets me know that they are at Patty and Marshall’s house doing a bonfire. I pace the floor for thirty minutes waiting for him to come out. I knock on the door. “Cash, will you come out so we can talk, please?” He comes out with a towel wrapped around his waist. I know he’s angry, but I don’t know what to do or say. I don’t know why he suddenly got so pissed off.
“You don’t get it do you, Abby?” Cash barks. His tone reminds me of the one my dad would use with me when he’d had a bad day, or I’d “disobeyed” him and did something that I wanted to do. I start to shake as memories wash over me, but he doesn’t notice.
“What don’t I get?” My voice is small even to my ears.
“Abby, sit down with me.” Cash motions me to sit with him on the floor leaning up against the wall. I sit across from him, and we hold hands. “Why do you make those comments about being ugly, fat and undeserving of love?”
“No secrets right?” I question. He nods.
CASH
“My dad has been hitting me most of my life.” Abby stutters.
“HE WHAT?!” I yell, and she jumps. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. When did he hit you?” I have so many questions, but my blood is boiling. The urge to find her worthless father and take my anger out on him is strong.
“No one but my mom, dad, and Lizzie know. He hit me whenever he had a bad day, or I did something that he didn’t approve or give me permission to do something. He’s the reason I missed my high school graduation. I had bruises on my face. He usually tried to stay away from my face, but sometimes…he didn’t.”
“Abby, I’d never hit you. I raised my voice out of frustration. That’s all.”
“Why did you get mad at me? What did I say?” she asks, her voice barely a whisper. Her eyes are filled with sadness and unshed tears.
“You made a comment about love being blind. I wish you would see yourself through my eyes. I love every part of you, but I love your heart more.”
“When my dad would hit me, he’d make sure to tell me that I was ugly, fat, and undeserving of love. I don’t do it on purpose but for the last twenty-five years, that’s all I heard from the man who was supposed to love me and be my hero.”
“I understand more about you now. I want you to know that you’re not alone. You never have to fear that I’ll hurt you. You didn’t deserve that, and your father should be ashamed. I knew he was a bully, but I never imagined something like this. I’m so sorry, Abby.” I gently pull her into my arms and cradle her head against my chest. “I love you; that’s all that matters. Just you and me.” She nods and we take a moment to allow ourselves to comfort one another.
“Are you feeling up to going to dinner? We can cancel,” I offer, looking deep into her eyes. She nods and takes a steadying breath.
“Yes. I think it’s time I tell everyone the truth about what happened to me,” she answers.
“I agree, and I’ll be there with you. They have a right to know. They love you.” She goes into the bathroom to shower, and I decide to give her some time to herself.
“Have you talked to a shrink about this?” I ask her when she comes out dressed again in clean clothes. Her whole demeanor has changed; she’s almost defeated.
“No I haven’t, but if you want me to go then I will,” she says as she put her flip flops on.
“I want you to go for you, not for me. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“I just need you to do me a favor and not coddle me. I adore you, but I need you to be by my side not fighting my battles.”
“I’ll try, but every instinct will compel me to do otherwise. Promise that you’ll talk to me let me be there for you. If I don’t know what’s going on, then I’ll be in the dark as to how I can best support you.”
“I hope I can do that for you. It’s going to be tough telling Max. He’s going to want to kill him, and I don’t want to see him in jail.” Right on cue my stomach growls. “Well, let’s get my man some food.” Abby laughs as she grabs her cell phone and purse.
“I can try to eat something else to see if that sustains me.”
“Umm no. I need food, and you can’t feast on this until we have real food,” she says firmly as we leave the room. We take our time walking to Marshall’s place. I refused to let go of Abby’s hand as we look at the windows of the shops. There’s a tux rental place and a dress shop that catches Abby’s eye.
“We’ll have to go there tomorrow to look for suits for you boys. I’d like to look at that store for a dress,” Abby nods in the direction of the shops.
“Are you sure you don’t want a real wedding dress?”
“No. I’ve never wanted a big wedding or dealing with a dress fiasco. I’m just glad that Marshall will be there.”
“Do you know which one is walking you down to me?” I laugh as she crinkles her nose. “You didn’t decide. Well, you have a few days to make that choice.”
ABBY
My excitement earlier from going over to Marshall’s house to have a bonfire on the beach has faded and a black cloud is following me. I worry about Max’s response since he’s more of the protector with me. Cash and I walk to Marshall’s house which isn’t too far from the bed and breakfast. “How are you holding up?” I look to Cash and see the worry in his eyes.
“I’m terrified.”
“My dad told me when Robin broke my heart. He goes, “Son, if you’re too busy looking in the rearview mirror, you just might miss what’s in your windshield.” Abby, you need to stop using the past as a reason to be unhappy and think you are unworthy of happiness.”
“Cash, how? How do you let go of the past?” I want to be able to look in the mirror and not hear my dad constantly.
“I can’t tell you how to do it but I can tell you how freeing it is.” We’re stopped in front of Marshall’s house and we can hear them all laughing in the back.
“Cash, I love you. Thank you for being the guy who sees past all the emotional bullshit in my life and not giving up on me.” Cash kisses me with so much strength like he’s giving me his strength. I can do this. I need to do this. I let out the breath I was holding and go to the back where everyone is standing.
“Well look who decides to show up!” Marshall’s manning the grill while Sarah and Patty are setting up the table. I look around the area to see where Max is but don’t see him.
“He isn’t here yet. He found a redhead that had, “an ass that just won’t quit.” Sarah rolls her eyes as she tells me and I couldn’t help but laugh. Cash comes back to me and gives me a beer to drink.
“Hey, sweets, how are you?” Marshalls pulls me into him and kisses the top of my head.
“I’ve been better.” I shrug then walk over to where Patty is standing to be introduced to her company. I smile and hug Patty then she introduces me to her brother and his wife, Samuel and Alison. I shake their hands and couldn’t believe that this man was a pastor. Samuel is a tall guy probably close to six feet tall, salt and pepper hair with a beard to match. He’s wearing a red t-shirt and cargo shorts with full sleeve tattoos on both his arms. Alison looks like a little kid standing next to her husband. Alison is beautiful with her brown hair pixie cut with hazel eyes standing about five foot five. They’re a stunning a couple.
“How are you enjoying our little piece of heaven?” Alison starts the conversation while her husband and Patty are talking about their parents.
“I love it. The beach seems home to me.”
“Well, it’s a good thing we are living in Miami huh?” Cash comes over and kisses my forehead as I introduce him to Alison.
I opened my mouth to speak and then I heard, “I have arrived, the party can start.”
“Sorry, Max but the party’s over.” He had a look of confusion as he turned to Marshall, “you’re here now.�
�� Max punches Marshall in the shoulder and grabs a beer.
“Food is done. Why don’t you come up and get your burgers? I think I have enough chairs down by the fire.” Marshall was handing all of us plates. I look around to my family, and it makes me nervous for what I have to say. I think Cash could tell that I was ready to bolt, he came around to whisper in my ear that I need to be strong. I look up at him with tears in my eyes. He sets our plates down, and we walk away from the group.
“Where is your head?” Cash took a strand of my hair and stuck it behind my ear.
“I don’t want to tell them about my dad hitting me.”
“WHAT!?” I muttered shit under my breath as I turn to see Sarah standing there. I’m trying to shush her, but she is getting louder. “Abby, is that true?” I look to Cash for some help, but he nods his head.
The rest of the group gathers around us, but Samuel and Alison, who have their heads bowed over by the grill. Max was the first one to speak, “Is what true?”
“Your asshole of a dad would hit your sister.” Everyone just kept quiet. I think they were all afraid to talk first that Samuel was the first one to speak.
“Why don’t we let Abby and Cash get some food? Let’s eat then Abby can talk. How does that sound?” Samuel looks at me with sincerity in his eyes.
“I’m not hungry right now but let’s go to the fire and let me explain.” Samuel is so understanding and compassionate that he grabs my hand to lead me over to the fire.
“Everyone, grab your food and sit down.” They all sat down not sure who should say something first. Samuel being the pastor in this group, stands to say a pray. I don’t pay attention because I’m too busy looking around.
When he was done praying, I sigh as I am twisting my hands in my lap. Cash puts my hand in his to give me the reassurance that I will be okay. So I tell them the story of when the beatings started.
I came home from school one day when I was around ten years old. I’d gotten into a fight with Chelsea again, and I knew I would be in trouble. Mom was waiting for me in the kitchen. “Hi, Mom. Before you say anything, Chelsea pushed me down on the ground, and I just defended myself.”
“Abby, when are you going to learn just to let it be?”
“Mom, why should I not defend myself? Dad is always telling the boys to protect themselves. Why can’t girls stand up for what they think is right?”
“Another fight, Abigail?” My dad is standing directly behind me.
“Chelsea pushed me down and I just defended myself.”
“Girls do not fight. I’m very disappointed in you. Now turn around and put your hands on the back of the chair.” I did as I was told, with no idea of what was going to happen next. I heard a rustling sound and then a searing pain as his belt hit my back. I screamed and tried to scramble away, but he put his hand on my shoulder to keep me in place as he brought the belt down over and over.
After what felt like hours, he stopped and ignoring my tears and whimpers, ordered me to go do my homework. The next morning, I could barely move and I had to hide it from everyone. I begged Mom to let me stay from school; I was so sore from the beating and had hardly slept at all.
She told me she’d check with my dad. He was at the diner already, but he must have agreed as she sent me back to bed. In my room, I took my shirt off and looked at my back in the mirror. I had three long bruises on my back from the belt, the longer I stared at them, the more unbelievable it seemed, and I started to cry. My dad did this to me, and my mom did nothing to stop it. With painstaking care, I got dressed and climbed back into bed. I cried myself to sleep, clutching my blankets tight around me.
I was awakened by Dad shouting at the bottom of the steps for me to come down now. I hobbled out of bed and obeyed, finding him standing in the living room.
“You wanted me, Dad?” His face twists and he slaps me, hard and fast across the face. I cried out and put my hand on my cheek.
“You think that you can just stay home from school because you’re a little sore from a punishment? I don’t think so.” He spits on me.
“But, Daddy, I could barely move. It hurts so bad.” I try to explain. He brings his hand up and hits me again, his ring catching me right below my eye. I cried out and felt blood dripping down my cheek.
He mutters something unintelligible under his breath and leaves the room. I heard him in the kitchen with Mom telling her she better makes sure I’m taught how to cover up any marks. She obeys and left for the store, when she came back she made me sit through a lesson with her on how to correctly apply make-up to hide bruises. She repeated over and over that it had to be a secret, hiding these marks from the world was what was best for all of us.
Sarah finally finds her voice. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“I told the counselor at school when they started to notice the bruises. She called Mom, but she lied about where the bruises came from. They believed her over me. That night when I got home, well, that’s how I broke my nose. I went face first into the door when he shoved me.”
“Abby, you should have told me,” Max’s guilt over what happened to me is written all over his face.
“I tried, but I could never get the words out. When I finally did tell someone, it earned me a broken nose.”
“I’m your brother; I’m not some damn counselor.”
“You went away to college. You didn’t come around. Everyone was gone. I took the abuse like a good girl.” My temper starts to rise at their reactions.
“That isn’t fair, Abby. If I’d known you were being abused, I would have been there for you and you know it.”
“Well, now you know!” I yell at him as I start walking away from the group. I can hear Max and Marshall calling my name. I stop to let them catch up to me. We stand there not sure who should talk first.
“I want to say I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I can’t change the past, but I’m going to see a therapist when I move to Florida. I need to find out how to love myself. Dad would tell me that my siblings couldn’t wait to get out of the house because they hate me and were embarrassed by their cow of a sister. I believe him especially when you stopped coming around Marshall. I thought it was because of me.” I start to cry; Marshall takes his finger to my chin to raise my face to look into his eyes.
“First of all, we all love you. We hated leaving you. We wanted to take you with us. I didn’t stop coming around because of you; it was his fault. I thought he was hitting you, but I didn’t have the proof to go with him about it. I asked him one night after drinking too much. He told me that I was stupid for even thinking that he would hit his daughter. Then I saw a bruise on your arm, and I knew. I couldn’t be around him anymore.”
“You knew that he was hitting her, and you didn’t do a damn thing about it!” Max is pacing back and forth. I held up my hand when I saw Cash, Sarah, and Patty coming towards up. Max is in now in Marshall’s face “We could have done something, anything to protect her. You should have told someone. You just left and never came back. You let it continue. You are no better than dad.” Max spit in Marshall’s face.
“Max! Stop it right now.” I’m trying to pull him back.
“Stop it!” I scream out in pain as his elbow hits my nose as he got out of my grip. “Holy Mother of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.” Max spins around to look at me to see the blood coming from my nose. He takes off his favorite Star Wars shirt then hands it to me. “Thank you.”
“How could you hit her?” Cash yells at Max as he was trying to check my face.
“I didn’t mean to; how was I supposed to know my elbow would connect like that? I’m so sorry.” Max stammers.
“I know, but God that hurts,” I try to lighten the mood, “Black and Blue will make great wedding colors. Look, my makeup is already done.” I start laughing, and everyone joins in but Max. “Max, don’t blame this on Marshall. Is that why you started drinking and doing the drugs?” Marshall just looked away.
“This family has so much healing to
do and if the three of you start dividing now, how is Abby going to be able to face your dad?” Sarah said as she looked at my nose. She cringed when she touched it, and I yelled out in pain. “You need to get this checked out. I think your nose is broken.”
“It’s broken so let me sit down to get the bleeding stopped. I know how to take care of myself.” I turn to see Max and Marshall not even looking at each other. Patty and Sarah help me back to the bonfire. Cash and Samuel are heading towards Max and Marshall. Alison has an ice pack for me, and I smile weakly at her. The guys came back to the fire, and the tension was so bad.
“Well, now you know. There’s nothing you can do to change it. I need to figure out how to move on from it and not live in fear with Cash.” My stomach starts to churn, talking about my past always makes me sick. The urge to run back to the bed and breakfast and hide in my bed is strong. My hands shake and I can’t hold back the tears. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t talk about this anymore.”
CASH
“Enough about the gloom and doom, we have a wedding in a couple of days.” Patty was the first one to speak up and clap her hands. Sarah pulls out her phone and brings up the Notepad app to start taking notes.
“Well, Miss soon to be Mrs. what are our plans?”
“We’re going tomorrow to get our license, then we need to find someone who will marry us. Cash and I walked by a couple of shops we want to check out. I am not looking for big hoopla of a wedding. I just want to marry him and start our new lives.” Abby was talking to the girls and I was half paying attention. I’m watching Marshall and Samuel together. Max grabs a beer for himself. He isn’t dealing with this very well.
“I’m off tomorrow and know a few shops to look at too. If you don’t mind me tagging along.”
“Patty that’s awesome, we want you to come with us. I was going to ask your schedule.” Sarah was the first one to speak up.
Alison clears her throat. “Samuel is a pastor; he can marry you. You’ll have to meet with him so he can ask some questions.” Abby looks to me as I agree with him marrying us. We make an appointment with Alison. Patty will take us over there since we don’t know where we are going. Abby starts to yawn and whispers to me that her nose was hurting.
Love Me Like You Do (Love Me Book 1) Page 29
