Scary Dead Things - 02

by Rick Gualtieri

  Speaking of which, I almost wished I had some Mongolian cash on me because I was starting to see how this was going to play out. Cheng must have been slightly older than Bang because slowly but surely I was starting to power him back.

  I could hear my Dr. Death persona awaken in my brain. ‘Time to end this on a high note, buddy,’ my inner voice said.

  Kinda figured that, I thought back. By the way, where the hell were you when I was talking to Sheila?

  ‘Oh that? Sorry, I was...eh...busy.’

  Busy? With what?

  ‘Busy with...fuck you, that's what! Now finish this thing, dickface!’

  *sigh* Life can be so difficult when even my inner monologue is an asshole.

  I pretended to give way under Bang's assault (damn, that sounded dirty), until I’d bent my arms enough to get some leverage. I then put all of my borrowed strength into one big shove. As I did so, I let go of Bang's hands, and he went flying. The crowd went crazy. Oh yeah, I’m the people's champion! Can you smell what Dr. Death is cooking!?

  The point being made (and my nose a good way towards being healed; thank you, vampire powers), I walked over to where Bang had fallen and offered him a hand up. This was apparently another feather in my cap because the crowd again went nuts. Over all of it, through, I distinctly heard Gan's voice yell, “Well done, Freewill!” in that shrill tone that only a sub-teenage fangirl can achieve.

  I walked back to the center and soaked up some more of the applause. Hell, I even started throwing them some poses. So this was what the roaring adoration of a crowd felt like. OK, I take back what I was saying earlier. This was kind of worth getting punched in the nose for. After another minute of basking in my own glory, I glanced over at James to see if he was enjoying things as much as I. He wasn't.

  James’ attention was diverted towards where the Khan sat. I followed his gaze and saw that the Khan appeared to be in the middle of an argument with his daughter. I couldn't hear what they were saying over the crowd, and let's face facts, even if I could it's not like I'd understand one freaking word. The argument appeared to be heating up, however. Gan kept pointing in my direction and yelling at her father. The Khan, in return, kept shaking his head and yelling back at her. What the hell? Maybe Gan wanted to perform some more insane tests on me and the Khan was telling her no. If that was the case, then I was definitely rooting for him. Hell, I might even take back what I said about Captain Kirk kicking his ass...maybe.

  My attention was diverted from them by James. He had gotten out of his seat and grabbed hold of my arm.

  “Your truck will be here soon. I think we should go,” he said.

  “And leave my adoring fans?” I joked, but he didn't seem to be laughing.

  “I think it would be in your best interest to leave now,” he said, sounding dead serious.

  I was about to ask why, but, as is typical with my life, that was when all hell broke loose.

  He Who Fights and Runs Away

  The first thing I noticed was the screams. At first, I assumed they were just some more wild cheers from the crowd. After all, they seemed to be loving my shit up; however, upon a closer listen, I realized they were actually screams of pain and terror. Before anyone could react with anything other than confusion, one whole wall of the palatial tent collapsed in on itself. The resulting crash kicked up lots of dust and debris...a little too much. That was when I realized some of the dust was actually smoke.

  As James and I were still pretty much in the center of things, he grabbed my arm and shoved me towards the entrance. “Go!” he yelled, half pushing me along. I may be relatively inexperienced (although not sexually so...especially after last night), but I'm not stupid. I got my feet underneath me and rushed in the direction James had directed. I made it to the hallway, which was still clear (I was ahead of most of the vamps in the Khan's chamber), and then bolted for the entrance itself. I made it outside and saw that the guards were nowhere to be seen. No wonder, too, as what had been a quiet settlement a few hours ago was now a battlefield.

  Half the tents were burning. Thick smoke was everywhere. Vampires have excellent night vision, but smoke is another matter entirely. I could see forms running back and forth, but I couldn't tell friend from foe. Hell, I didn't even know who the foe was. What I did know was that people...err, vampires, that is...were dying. I could see occasional flashes of fire from inside the smoke. I'd seen enough vampires killed to know a dusting when I saw one. The big question, though, was: were the dying vampires the good guys (relatively speaking of course) or not?

  I'm no soldier, but I'm also not an idiot. One of the first rules of battle is don't just stand there out in the open, gaping like a halfwit. Really wish I had remembered that rule. Maybe I should revise that not-an-idiot rating. But it'll have to wait because...OOF!!

  As I stood there looking around, something solid and heavy slammed into my chest. The next thing I knew, I was on my back with the wind completely knocked out of me. From the feel of things, there were at least a few cracked bones in there as well. No wonder, as I was glanced around from my prone position and saw what the culprit was. One of those head-sized rocks lay only a few feet from me. Thank god for the Khan's little tests. If I hadn't been amped on another vampire's blood, that thing could have gone straight through me. Considering the trajectory and the force with which it had hit me, someone or something had thrown it...which I guess is kind of an obvious thing. I mean, rocks don't usually get pissed off at random people and hurl themselves.

  That train of thought would need to wait, however, as I was roused from my introspection on the nature of angry, self-throwing stones by a bloodcurdling scream. Whatever it was, it was loud, close by, and scary as all fuck to hear. That's the type of stuff you hear in a horror movie just about the time you realize that the guns the heroes are carrying would be better served if they used them to blow their own brains out. I didn't even have a gun with which to shoot myself, thus I felt a wee bit screwed.

  That was when a shape began to take form from out of the smoke. Something was coming to finish the job. I couldn't see much detail, only a vague outline, but it was enough to tell me that it wasn't a human, a vampire, or a magical pixie come to grant my wishes. Whatever it was, it was big. Hard to tell from lying on the ground, but I'd say it was close to nine feet tall. It appeared to be humanoid in shape, and judging from its muscular outline, it could have been the poster boy for steroid abuse.

  The thing raised its arms and screamed again. It wasn't quite the same as a compulsion, but it was damn loud, enough to rattle in my bones. Unfortunately for me, I was just now starting to be able to suck breath again. If this thing decided to fuck me over, my choices were basically limited to closing my eyes and taking it like a bitch.

  Or I could rely on a convenient save. That'd work, too. There was a quick whistling sound, following by a dull *thunk*, and the...whatever the fuck it was...screamed again and fell back from sight. I turned my head to look, and there stood James. Judging by the empty sheath by his side, he had just given that thing a sucking chest wound with a big-ass Bowie knife.

  I’d just started to say, “Thanks,” when he grabbed me by the shirt and hauled me to my feet.

  “For once in your life, keep your damn mouth shut and just follow me!” he said with a tone of urgency that instantly convinced me to obey. He ducked down and headed off into the smoke. I was still sucking gasps of breath, but there was nothing wrong with my legs, so I followed as best as I could.

  More bone-chilling screams filled the night, but this time they were finally met with battle cries. From the sound of things, the vampires were attempting a counterattack. Yay for us. Go team vampire!

  I had thought James would be heading towards them. After all, strength in numbers, especially when those numbers included centuries of ass-kicking battle prowess. Thus I was surprised when he started leading me away from the sounds of battle.

  “We're not gonna help them?” I asked.

  “That was al
most a full minute of silence. A new record for you, no doubt,” James hissed. “And to answer your question, no.”

  “But don't they need us?”

  “No, they do not need us,” he said, gliding to the edge of a tent and looking around. The coast was apparently clear, as he gestured for me to follow.

  “But we could help,” I whispered back.

  “Don't flatter yourself. I could help. You, on the other hand, would just quickly get yourself killed.” I would have felt insulted if he hadn't probably been right. I wasn't exactly born and bred to battle, and considering that my intelligence on the enemy consisted of the words big and scary, there was some sound logic behind James' insult.

  “But what about the Khan? What about Gan?” I nevertheless protested.

  “Don't worry about them. The Khan is far more formidable than he may appear.”

  “But Gan's just a kid.”

  “Yes,” James said, continuing to lead us towards the edge of the encampment. “A kid with ten times your life experience. Trust me. They can both take care of themselves.”

  We reached the edge of the camp. The smoke had dissipated out here, and open desert stared back at us.

  James turned back to me. “Can you move at top speed?”

  My chest had come a long ways towards healing itself in the past few minutes. Even if I couldn't do my best, I could do a fair approximation of it. I nodded back.

  He continued, “Good. From here, we move fast. In a flat out foot race, they won't be able to catch us.”

  I had just started to open my mouth to ask who wouldn't be able to catch us, but I stopped when I noticed that James was already a dozen yards ahead of me.

  * * *

  When we had covered about two-thirds of the distance back to the original camp, James finally slowed down. We were probably out of danger by now, and even if we weren't, we'd be able to see anything coming for us long before it got here.

  “What the hell was that all about back there?” I finally got a chance to ask him.

  “Off hand, I'd say that was a surprise attack.”

  Suddenly, an ugly thought occurred to me. “It didn't seem like much of a surprise to you,” I said and immediately regretted it. James stopped and turned back towards me. The look on his face was so intense that I actually backed up a step (maybe two).

  “I'm sure I didn't hear that correctly,” he replied in an emotionless tone, “because that sounded vaguely like an accusation.”

  God, I am an idiot! I presented someone with damning evidence against them when they clearly had the advantage. I just did the same thing that would normally make me scream at the TV when the morons on some show did it. How many scenes had I watched where some plucky young woman confronted her boss alone in his office about the corruption she’d uncovered at his hands? That almost always ended badly for the would-be heroine. Yet here I was, despite knowing better, putting my plucky young ass on the line with nary any backup in sight, against a vampire I stood absolutely zero chance against. It would serve me right to get ashed.

  Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound. “Funny how you told me we needed to get moving right before we got attacked. Or does that not sound a little suspicious to you?”

  I had said my piece. Time to die now, I guess. I tensed for whatever beating James was about to lay on me; instead, he chuckled.

  “That?” he laughed again. “Unlucky coincidence is all.”

  “But you...”

  “I was trying to get us out of there due to the little argument going on between Gan and her father, in case you didn't notice,” he said with a grin.

  “What, did they have more stupid tests for me?”

  “You could say that.” He seemed to think about it for a moment, and then continued. “It's not important. I doubt you'll be seeing either of them again for a long time. Suffice to say, things were about to get awkward, and I decided it was in our best interest to leave.”

  We started walking again; however, I still wasn't convinced. James was definitely leaving something out. “Well then, explain why we didn't stay and help them back there. I mean, maybe I'm not the best guy to have someone's back in a fight, but you could have definitely helped.”

  “I am helping,” he answered as we continued on our way.

  “By running off?”

  “By saving your ass!” he said, the edge creeping back into his voice.

  “I don't underst...”

  “You really can be dense sometimes, you know. Even for a child, you are sometimes unbelievably thick,” James sighed. “You know that Freewills are rare. I told you as much myself. But did you hear those people back there? To them, you are a legend. In the States, this might make for an amusing comic book story; however, out here they pay a great deal of respect to things like that.”

  “OK, I guess I follow you.”

  “Do you?” he asked. “Do you really? To allow you to be killed before reaching your full potential...and no, I have no idea what that might be. Well, that would be simply intolerable to them. Your mere presence gives them hope. Don't get me wrong. If they spent enough time with you, I'm sure that hope would evaporate like rain in the desert (yep, can always count on James to make a guy feel good about himself). However, for right now it's in our best interest for you to keep living.”

  “Our best interest?” I queried.

  “Most definitely. I will admit to a certain selfishness with regards to my own well being. You see, you're under my charge. If you die here, then it would be my fault.”

  “And your ass would be on the line.”

  “Exactly!” he remarked. “Perhaps you're not entirely as dense as I thought.”

  * * *

  We arrived back at our camp a short while later. All appeared to be in order. It was quiet, but we could clearly see the guards and a few others walking around, attending to their duties. The truck that would take me back to the airport was also there waiting for us. I could see the driver lounging by the cab, looking bored.

  “Thank goodness,” said James with an audible sigh of relief. “I couldn't be sure until I saw it. The Almas have never been this bold before. To attack the Khan directly was an outright declaration of war.”

  “Who?”

  “Never you mind. Ignorance is bliss. All you need care about is that New York City is not within their territory for now, so you needn't concern yourself.”

  “Not gonna tell me, huh?” I grumbled, probably sounding like a pouty teenager. “Wait, what do you mean for now?”

  “Enough. You know far more about the Draculas' business already than is good for you. You're not even a year old, for midnight's sake (yeah, definitely feeling a wee bit insulted now). Go back to your coven. I'm sure there's plenty there to concern yourself with.”

  I thought back to Sally, dull anger once again filling me. There was definitely enough waiting for me back home to concern myself with. “Oh yeah, speaking of concerns,” I replied, suddenly reminded of the whole point for this trip, “what was it you wanted to talk to me about anyway?”

  James stopped walking, and a look of confusion crossed his face. “That’s funny. Now that you mention it, for the life of me I can’t remember.”

  * * *

  We reached the supply tent and entered it. James told me that the truck driver was a human, thus it was probably best to package me up outside of his sight. I guess some people can get a little weird if they know their cargo is a box full of grumpy vampire.

  My bags were all packed and already loaded into the crate. Sure enough, James' word was good, and there were a few rugs inside to pad things out a bit. It wasn't exactly a luxury suite at the Hilton, but it would probably be at least marginally more comfortable for the return trip. Oh crap! Speaking of the return trip, I had never recharged my iPod. Damn! Well OK, I hadn't exactly seen a lot of outlets during my adventures in Bedouin land. Guess I'd be alone with my thoughts. Fortunately, I had my memories of the day before...more specifically, naked sweaty memorie
s of the day before. And if those didn't get me all the way back to New York, well then sorry, Sally, but it's back to the wood chipper for you!

  I sighed and started to climb in. “Not looking forward to doing this again,” I admitted to James.

  “A necessary evil for now, I'm afraid,” he replied. “However, I did bring something that should make the trip more palatable. Here.” He pulled a small vial out of his pocket and handed it to me.

  “What is it?”

  “You know how some people are afraid to fly and they take a tranquilizer beforehand to calm themselves down?”