Indestructible Desire

by Danielle Jamie

  Taking my hands into hers, she smiles at me, but I can see the pain in her eyes. She’s just as scared as I am. “Believe me Savannah, nothing will happen. You have security watching over you. I’m scared too, how do I know he won’t come after me? That’s why I’m allowing Jerome to drive me to the airport. I don’t think Zak can get through that two hundred and fifty pound beef cake out there.” She lets out a nervous laugh while reaching for a gift bag on the floor. Handing it to me, I notice it’s from one of the hair salons in Houston.

  “What’s this?”

  “I got you a little present when I was out getting us coffee yesterday. I think it will help with your anxiety about going into the city.”

  I quickly open the gift bag and am shocked when I pull out a red long-haired wig. “A WIG?”

  Taking it out of my hand, Brooklyn adjusts it on my head, and pulls my hand leading me to one of the large mirrors on the wall. “Here, look. See now, when you are out and about in Houston, if creepo Zak is lurking around somewhere he won’t recognize you because he’ll be looking for long blonde hair. Am I not a freakin’ genius?”

  Playing with the hair I smooth it out around my face. Its crazy how just changing my hair color makes me look so different. It looks so realistic you can’t even tell it’s a wig. Taking in a few deep breaths, I try to fight back the tears welling up in my eyes, but I can’t. Turning, I pull Brooklyn in for another hug.

  “Oh no! You hate it don‘t you? I knew I should have gone with the brunette one.”

  Wiping away the tears running down my cheeks, I try to calm myself down. “No, I like it. I just can’t believe you did this for me. I never would of thought of this.”

  “Kayden is going to love it, Savannah…the sexy redhead.” Letting out a loud laugh, Brooklyn plays with the fake locks resting on my shoulder.

  “The only thing is the car, not too many people drive an orange Audi SUV, Brooklyn. That will be a sure giveaway that it’s me or Kayden.”

  “Come with me.” Brooklyn says dragging me outside. When we step out I see Alec standing beside a black Audi Q7. “See, Kayden is already one step ahead. He and Jax left in his truck this morning. He told Jerome to bring me to the airport in the orange Audi, and Alec will take you to all your appointments today in the black car. So, between your new hair and new car, no one will ever know it’s you.”

  Knowing that helps me relax a little. I sadly say goodbye to Brooklyn after grabbing my purse, then with Alec‘s help, climb into the back of the car. Buckling up, I stare out the window trying to calm my nerves. My phone beeps, alerting me of a new text message. I’m grateful my phone wasn’t damaged in the accident.

  Fishing it out of my purse, I open the new message, instantly smiling when I see it’s from Kayden.

  Kayden:

  Hey baby, just wanted to tell u I <3 u

  I’ll be home around 7, so order whatever you want for dinner.

  ~Kayden

  Me:

  I <3 u more ;) I’ll surprise u w/dinner. I’m so nervous about today :-/

  <3 the new car btw, u r a life saver! OHH I got a surprise for you!

  xoxo Savannah

  I send the text to Kayden along with a picture attached of me wearing my new wig. He is going to be totally shocked when he opens the picture. Within seconds Kayden has text me back.

  Kayden:

  U didn’t dye ur hair did u?! And glad u like the new ride ;)

  <3 ur shocked boy toy

  As I'm laughing out loud at Kayden’s text, Alec looks back at me and smiles. “Kayden just texted me.” I say, holding my phone up. All I need is my body guard thinking I’ve lost my marbles and sitting back here laughing at myself. I quickly type a reply to Kayden’s text. I know exactly what he’s doing. He’s distracting me with these text messages, helping take my mind off the car ride. I have to admit, its working.

  Me:

  Nooooo I didn’t dye my hair! Brooklyn bought me a wig, she said u will love having a wild redhead in the bedroom. I will love the new car more once we christen it like the orange one ;)

  xoxo<3 ur naughty nympho

  ***

  My doctors’ appointments went okay. My surgeon Dr. Willow said my stitches are dissolving and my incision is healing up fine. She said my ribs could continue to be sore for weeks. She said my memory loss is nothing to be concerned about. It’s expected with a head injury and after experiencing something as traumatic as I have.

  She refilled my prescription for my pain medicine and told me to come back in two weeks for another follow up. She thinks seeing Dr. Wilcott will help me with my anxiety, and to cope with everything. Putting my wig back on, I step out of Dr. Willow’s office and spot Alec waiting against the wall in the hospital corridor. “Ready, Miss. Livingston?” Nodding his head at me, we make our way out to the parking lot.

  As we approach the doors to leave, my feet freeze in place. I spot a man around Zak’s height, build, and same hair style walking in through the hospital doors. Panic shoots through my body making my entire body numb.

  “Is everything okay?” Alec asks resting his hand on my arm. I can’t speak, my body is shaking, and I can’t get my mouth to work. My heart is beating so hard and fast, it feels as if it’s going to explode.

  The guy walks by and smiles at us. I then realize it’s not Zak and find my body beginning to relax. Looking over at Alec, my head is spinning from the panic attack I just experienced. “What? Sorry. I’m okay, I just thought…” my words trail off as I watch the man step onto one of the elevators.

  “We don’t want to be late to your appointment, so we best get going.” Before I can answer, Alec is walking through the doors, so I pick up my pace to keep up with him. My chest is still extremely sore, so the fast movements are not the best thing for me to be doing right now. Holding my hand over my abdomen, I follow Alec through the parking lot to the new car.

  Within a few minutes we are making our way through the busy streets of Houston. Dr. Willow has an office in one of the buildings down the road from Kayden’s Beaumont Offices Building. I am hoping to catch him after my appointment to let him know how everything went, instead of sending it through a text or waiting until tonight to tell him.

  My phone rings, making me jump. It’s playing one my mom and dad’s songs, so I know instantly it’s one of them. Looking down I see my mother’s face on my screen. “Hey, mom.”

  “Hey, honey. How are you feeling?”

  Resting my head against the back seat I gaze out the window. I am five minutes away from my shrink’s office. Now I have to talk to my mom before I get there. I will probably show up a blubbering mess. Every time I talk to my parents about how I’m doing I end up a crying.

  “I’m doing alright, just left my appointment with Dr. Willow. She said everything is healing well. Now I’m on my way over to Dr. Wilcott’s office.”

  “Well I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better, sweetie. I’m going to try and fly back in next week for a day or two.”

  “Sounds good, I can’t wait to see you. Hope the tour's going well. I’ve been stalking your website and twitter. The fans seem to love the new single.”

  “Yeah, we’ve sold out at every event! We’re having a blast, but sad we can’t be there with you.”

  I talked to her a few more minutes. I’m grateful she kept the conversation light. I think she knew if she asked about anything else I would lose it. I’m nervous enough about my first appointment with Dr. Wilcott. I don’t want to walk into her office looking like a complete and utter mess.

  Pulling up to the curb, Alec parks the car and comes around to open the door for me. Taking my hand, he helps me out. My pain medicine is starting to wear off so the pain in my ribs is increasing. As soon as we enter the towering building, I excuse myself to use the ladies room. Shutting myself into one of the bathroom stalls, I dig my bottle of meds out of my purse. Washing it down with my bottle of water, I walk over to the mirrors to check how I look.

  Gently I run my fin
gers through the wig, smoothing my loose red ringlets. I apply a fresh coat of lip gloss, and head back out to the lobby. Standing at the elevators, I find Dr. Wilcott’s name. She’s on the twelfth floor. I hate having Alec following me around everywhere because it draws attention to me. I appreciate it because I feel safe with him around, but I hate the feeling of everyone’s eyes on me.

  It doesn’t help that most people already know who I am, and now, because of the new broadcasts over the last week, everyone now knows what happened to me. So seeing me heading up to a psychiatrist office will definitely cause rumors to spread quickly. Stepping into the elevator, I make my way towards the back, away from everyone. I am a ball of nerves right now. I just keep staring at my cell phone, scrolling through my text messages with Kayden this morning. Doing anything to distract myself from what I’m going to be dealing with the moment I step into her office.

  ***

  Chapter Five

  ***

  Walking into Kayden’s office building, I feel a little less anxiety. My appointment with Dr. Wilcott went better than I expected. She’s actually really easy to talk to. After a good long cry in her office, I feel rejuvenated. She understands my fear of taking medications, so didn’t push the subject of antidepressants. She said the more I get out during our sessions, the better I’ll feel, which I for one am happy about because I just want to get back to my life.

  Waving to the front desk, I make my way towards the wall of elevators. With Alec right behind me, we head up to Kayden’s office on the twenty-fourth floor. I was thrilled when I texted him on my way out of my appointment and he said his schedule was open for the next hour. He’s been on work overload the last few days catching up from being out last week.

  Stepping off the elevator I’m bursting with excitement to wrap my arms around Kayden. After such a stressful morning, I need to be in his arms so I can feel safe and like everything will be okay. Kayden is like my life preserver right now, the only thing keeping me from drowning in a sea of

  gloom.

  “I’ll let Kayden know you’re here.” Dionne, his secretary says cheerfully, smiling up at me from her immaculate desk.

  “Thanks.” I flash a small smile and turn to follow Alec into the waiting area. Taking a seat in the far corner beside Jerome, Alec picks up a magazine and flips it open. He looks up at me over the magazine, “When you’re ready to go, Miss. Livingston, just let me know.”

  “Thanks Alec, we’re having a quick lunch. If you’re hungry we can have something brought up for you also?”

  “That’s okay; I’ll eat when we get back to Sugarland.”

  Leaving Alec to his travel magazine, I head to the large oak double doors, which lead into Kayden’s office. He and Dixon both have offices on the twenty-fourth floor, each on opposite sides of the building, with a conference room between them. I wonder if Brooklyn’s ever been here to see Dixon? I doubt it since he’s so hot in the bedroom and cold in public.

  Turning the knob slowly I pop my head in and see Kayden standing in front of the floor to ceiling glass windows. He looks so sexy and ready to take on the world. He’s wearing black dress slacks, a crisp white shirt, and a mint green tie that I picked out for him last night; I love that tie. His jacket is lying on the couch and he’s pacing in front of the windows overlooking Houston while speaking French to someone on his ear piece. It amazes me how he can speak four different languages. I could barely pass high school Spanish. I know just enough to get me margaritas in Cabo.

  Setting my purse down on the white plush contemporary couch, I slowly make my way over to where he’s standing, trying my best to surprise him. He has both hands in his pockets, totally oblivious to me being in here. Walking up behind him, I slip my arms through his and wrapping them around his waist.

  I can feel his breathing increase as his abdomen begins to rise and fall quickly. Removing his hands from his pants pockets he rests them over mine, spinning around to face me. He says something in French and then taps his ear piece ending his call. “Hey, baby.” Leaning down, he takes my face into his hands and kisses me so sweetly that my stomach does flip flops and my heart is racing.

  “Hey yourself, sooo what do you think of the new do?” I ask, flipping my red hair.

  “You still look as hot as ever. But I’m happy it isn’t permanent because I love you blonde.”

  “Believe me; I love my blonde hair just as much as you do. I will not be dying my hair any time soon, so you can rest easy my love.” I say playfully patting his chest.

  Taking my hand, Kayden leads me over to the small white couch. Sitting down he pulls me onto his lap and wraps his strong arms around my waist. Curling up against him, I can’t help but smile as he kisses my temple lovingly.

  Holding me tightly against his chest, he finally asks, “So how did your appointment with Dr. Wilcott go?” I feel his body tense beneath me as he asks.

  Turning and locking my eyes with his I smile at him, trying to ease his worries, and show him I’m okay. Lacing my fingers with his, I pull his hand against my heart, taking a deep breath before answering.

  “I’m actually feeling better since my session with her. It went rather well. I had a good cry and talked about everything that I can remember from that night. She reassured me that everything I’m feeling is completely normal. She tried to prescribe me anti-depressants but I told her for now I want to see if I can get better just from our therapy sessions.”

  “Well, I for one am happy that it went well. I’ve been a nervous wreck all morning; it's been difficult to focus on any of my work. I made an appointment to go with you next Monday. Hopefully, talking to her will be beneficial for us both.”

  “Mya and Brooklyn suggested maybe we get away for a few days. They think it may help us both relax. Maybe getting away from all of this,” I say swirling my hand around in the air, “will help us both feel a little bit better.”

  “I think that’s a great idea. I have to go to Hong Kong on Wednesday for a business meeting. But I’ll be back in Houston on Friday. We can meet at the tarmac and fly wherever you wanna go baby. We can even have Brooklyn come along too, if you’d like?”

  Tapping my chin, I think about where I would like to go for a nice weekend getaway. “Hmmmm…well I have been dying to see your private island. All the photos of you there around the house has definitely peaked my interest.”

  Slapping my thigh playfully, Kayden smiles from ear to ear. “Well then it’s settled. Bahamas it is!”

  Seeing Kayden smile right now is making my heart flutter in my chest. It hurts seeing the man I love stressed all the time. He’s putting all this guilt onto his own shoulders, blaming himself for not looking into Zak and Jacob when they first moved in next door. They never once made me question their intentions. They seemed like genuinely nice people. Brooklyn, Mya, and Braxton all said the same thing. Hopefully this vacation will help us both get over everything that’s happened.

  “I think that sounds perfect.” Lifting our hands, I kiss his knuckles and rest our entwined fingers back on my lap. I glance at him momentarily before dropping my eyes back to my lap. “Promise me you’ll stop blaming yourself, Kayden. We need to try and put all of this behind us and move on. Thinking about it, and dwelling on it is only going to stress both of us out.”

  Pulling my wig off, he tosses it on the table beside the couch, letting out a loud sigh he rests his head against mine. “You don’t understand what almost losing you did to me Savannah. Because I love you so much, I cannot help but blame myself. I want to move on from this, but I just don’t know how.”

  “Well no matter what, Knox, I’m going to be by your side. Together we’ll get through this. We can promise each other right now, our little getaway this weekend will be a fresh start. We're putting the past behind us and moving forward with our future.”

  Kissing me sweetly on the lips and then on the tip of my nose, Kayden whispered, “Sounds like a plan, baby.”

  We sat there for a long time just enjoying
being in each other’s arms. Finally, his assistant arrived with our lunch. I’m happy I decided to stop in and see him before heading back home. I think Kayden needs as much love and support from me right now as I do from him to deal with the fear plaguing our lives right now.

  ***

  The remainder of the week has gone by fast. I continued to have sessions with Dr. Wilcott throughout the week. I saw her on Wednesday and again this morning. Kayden flew to Hong Kong on Wednesday evening and is flying back this afternoon. Brooklyn wrapped up filming yesterday, so she’s flying into Houston today, too. I’m so excited for all of us to go to the Bahamas!

  Jax and Jerome are going to accompany us on our trip as a precaution, and Alec is staying back at the house to monitor things. Kayden asked him to stop by the beach houses also to be sure Zak hasn’t been there either.

  We’re all going to be boarding Kayden’s jet this afternoon to fly to his private island. We’ll be staying down there for three days, and heading back to Texas Sunday evening. I think getting away for a few days is just what the doctor ordered. For the first time in two weeks I’ll actually be able to truly relax. Kayden invited Dixon to come along with us so it will definitely be interesting for Brooklyn.