XXOO, KG
From: Woz
Date: November 8, 2007 1:38:55 AM
To: Kathy
Subject: Re: Seoul?
I had met Negroponte only one time before.
On his panel they saved me for last. I spoke of his integrity and of some issues with his laptop program, based on my own experiences. In his answers to all of us on the panel he actually only acknowledged my own remarks. Afterward he expressed a desire to get together and talk so we’ll do that in California or Boston sometime. I really think that he deserves and could win the Nobel Peace Prize in a year or two. Unlike Gore, he’s actually making a measurable positive change in some lives. My opinion. And he cares about the poorest kids of all. Apple offered him their OS but he declined because it’s proprietary. I do wish him great success and luck with the program. He had handshake deals with 6 country leaders but they backed out when it came to writing the checks. So now he’s going first with Uruguay. Some of the technology in his laptop is beyond clever in fact.
I’m rather shocked to hear those NBC comments. I thought they had to be smart to be successful. At least it should help. If it’s about D List, boy did they blow it.
Oh, one more thing. Those Oakland Junkyard Dogs play dirty. And they play on slightly larger Segways, the offroad XT models. I hate playing against them because they are so intimidating and the Dogs just take them in any direction they feel like without looking, like someone driving a Hummer does. This one guy is the worst. He modified his Segway to go faster and he cuts ahead of me as I head down the field and he cuts in front of me. it’s fair and good strategy to block, but with a larger faster Segway it’s very unfair. Well, I still get right into the frays and skirmishes, Segway to Segway. At one junction I’d crowded him and as he tried to turn we were colliding. Well, he actually fell off (hopped off) and I cheered loudly how I’d taken out an XT!!
XOXO STEVE
From: Kathy
Date: November 25, 2007 11:13:06 PM
To: Woz
Subject: Re: Thanks baby!
I think you’re coming to my Cupertino show on Friday night, right? I’m getting in to San Francisco Thursday afternoon or early evening. Want to do something Thursday night? XXOO, KG
From: Woz
Date: November 26, 2007 12:53:02 AM
To: Kathy
Subject: Re: Thanks baby!
I have tickets to the show in Cupertino Friday night. I also have tickets to your SF show Saturday night but a huge long-time music hero of mine, on whom I have never seen, is playing in Berkeley that night so it’s a dilemma.
I must warn you that I will be at the show with a woman friend who works at Apple in the Education Department.
I still can’t get my Google calendar up. It indicates that my friend, who will be coming to your Cupertino show, might be flying in to San Jose Thursday evening. I thought she was flying in Wednesday, but if she’s coming Thursday I may have to pick her up. I’ll let you know when I find out more.
It’s off to sleep for a couple of hours now.
XOXO
Steve
From: Kathy
Date: November 26, 2007 2:09:15 AM
To: Woz
Subject: Re: Thanks baby!
I am more than ok with you missing either show as I get a little self conscious. My “Woz chunk” is growing though. The straight guys who were dragged to the show seem to really like it.
Can you take me for a bite after the show at one of your local haunts? I’m always struggling to find places that serve food after 10PM on a week night. Can your woman friend from Apple’s education dept please help mw with my iphone and my mac.com mail problems. Frankly, you’re useless in that department. Can she relocate to LA and move in with me? I have a very impressive home.
XXOO, Kathy G
From: Woz
Date: November 26, 2007 6:04:01 AM
To: Kathy
Subject: Re: Thanks baby!
Ha ha. Janet is actually an instructor on iLife and I need her assistance to keep my own computer going.
I don’t think that Janet would move to L.A. ever. She doesn’t mind it but she’s moving now to Cupertino from Iowa/Kansas only because she loves Apple so much and got a job at corporate.
See you soon,
XOXO STEVE
From: Kathy
Date: December 11, 2007 10:01:30 PM PST
To: Woz
Subject: Last night
Did you go to your Monday night supper club last night? They seem like good company.
XXOO,
KG
From: Woz
Date: December 11, 2007 10:27:20 PM
To: Kathy
Subject: Re: Last night
I missed the Monday night dinner due to an important panel at the Computer History Museum. That museum not only tries to preserve artifacts of the history of computers but also captures stories before the parties involved die. They have a regular speaking program. Last night was about a computer of major influence, the Commodore 64. I was on the panel (we offered Commodore our Apple but they turned us down) and a guy from the first IBM PC, another computer from that time frame (1982-1984) and the guy who joined Commodore later and invented their Amiga computer, another great one technically that didn’t go so far.
Tomorrow is Janet’s birthday and I don’t have a card or present but I joked that a concert ticket was her present and she said OK. Whew until
I get time. We have been going to shows together and playing cards and all so it’s been fine.
I’ll probably do all my X’mas shopping at Cosco the day before Christmas. Then I’m flying to Kansas to meet Janet’s family. Someday I’ll get 4 hours of sleep. I think.
I got a robot guitar the other day but haven’t had time to use it yet. I love calling it a robot guitar but more accurately it tunes itself.
XOXO,
Steve
From: Kathy
Date: December 11, 2007 10:57:24 PM
To: Woz
Subject: Re: Last night
That’s so weird,. I also was on a panel for the Computer History Museum. We must’ve just missed each other. My speech was called “the Sharp Wizard, bring back the greatest tech gadget ever invented”
What is your card game of choice with Janet? Texas hold ’em? Ooh, birthday presents are fun. May I suggest a rubber ring from, say Tiffany? You do know that telling me you’re going to do your X-mas shopping at Costco is the same as driving that joke right in to my act in your Prius. Thank you Jesus (and you, Woz) Gotta go. I’ll finish later. “Hi” to my girl Janet. XXOO, KG
From: Woz
Date: December 11, 2007 11:45:28 PM
To: Kathy
Subject: Re: Last night
The Computer History Museum has a great array of calculators through time.
I was a big fan and user of the Sharp Wizard myself! The trouble was, I didn’t want my life to be carried in an electronic device. I resented having a calendar on my person, so I never used it, only showed it off.
You had better check Costco out. Last X’mas I did my shopping the last day there. I got lots of books and CD’s and DVD’s and house stuff and kitchen stuff and toys and gifts and could even have gotten jewelry there. It was my best X’mas shopping ever.
missing you,
xoxo
steve
From: Kathy
Date: December 24, 2007 4:59:53 PM
To: Woz
Subject: Thinking of you
at Costco just going NUTS! I can’t stop imagining you running from aisle to aisle gleefully filling your shopping cart with books, cds, and 20 lb cans of funyuns, carmel corn and french onion dip. I hope you are having a wonderful X-mas and I look forward to seeing you in the new year. XXOO, KG
From: Woz
Date: December 24, 2007 11:03:54 PM
To: Kathy
Subject: Re: Thinking of you
I did much better this year.
A few days before Christma
s Julie and I went shopping at a Cosco of her choice and it was a smaller Cosco. I wasn’t interested in any of the tech stuff there, iPods, cameras, etc. I got some books and DVD collections but not very much overall. I found lots of stocking stuffer type stuff like magic tricks and candles and back scratchers and forks that can grab your friends’ food.
I do love you and all your people and the fun you bring to us all,
xoxox steve
From: Kathy
Date: January 8, 2008 5:51:40 PM
To: Woz
Subject: Hey and Hi
My God, the straight guys love you! I was on kimmel last night and he was beside himself. He went to some convention you were at and said the crowd went apeshit. How is your new year going so far? Back in to traveling?
Have you given any thought to driving down for the Producers Guild Awards on Saturday, Feb 2nd? Please, please, please? Just being next to you at these things is a purifying experience. Besides, you’re the only one smart enough to keep up with my high brow, cerebral and environmentally conscience brand of humor. XXOO, KG
From: Woz
Date: February 1, 2008 1:10:01 AM
To: Kathy
Subject: Re: Hey and Hi
Kimmel … kimmel … please tell me who or what he is …
I decided today to drive down on Friday but now I’m having such problems with tech at home that I may still wind up coming down on Saturday. Anyway, I can’t wait. How fun it will be, and I’m pretty much in the dark. I love all our times together so much!
xoxo
steve
From: Kathy
Date: January 22, 2008 12:20:15 AM
To: Woz
Subject: So many things!
I’m bursting with stuff to talk about with you. First of all, I’m beyond thrilled you’re my date for the PGA’s. We can really catch up then. Some topics on the table …
How was the MacWorld Expo, or as I call it Mac Pride Fest? Granted, it must have been a bitter pill for you when all the tech gays just wanted to hear what it’s like for you to be allowed to be in my presence.
I’m dying to know if you ran in to Jobs?
should I get the 3K air thing? What if I drop it??? Do I have to think of everything?
I’ve been getting a big laugh when I tell the Gays in my audiences that the Mac Enthusiasts are giving them a run for their money.
Did you really invent the universal remote? Finally, something that can actually improve people’s lives.
XXOO, KG
From: Woz
Date: February 1, 2008 1:26:53 AM
To: Kathy
Subject: Re: So many things!
MacWorld was good and I got to chat with Steve Jobs for a while.
He was friendly for a photo. I talk to him at all the MacWorlds. I get in early with VIP’s and it’s easy to talk with Steve. I also talk to him right after as well. Oddly, he suffered some bad publicity when some girl asked him for a photo and he said that it would be rude, which is sort of accurate—it would be rude to the thousands of others that he’d have to turn down.
I made up a joke while there. Q: What do you call Steve Jobs’ bodyguards? A: Jobs Security.
I am not a big fan of the Apple Air but you are probably the perfect candidate for it. As tech objects get smaller, they get tighter too and don’t break as easily when dropped. Look how many times people drop cell phones and they usually survive. Steve Jobs showed the Air by taking it out of an interoffice mail envelope. I joked right away that I wanted a case that had the interoffice design on it and a day later a company announced one. I have it on order but that case may be months off.
actually, yes, [I did invent the universal remote] and there’s a story behind it, a normal story
XXOO
SGW
From: Kathy
Date: April 10, 2008 12:53:11 AM
To: Woz
Subject: ep 1
Hey Steve-I just saw the rough cut of episode one of season 4 and you’re so cute in it! Thanks for participating. I hear from Julie that it may have caused some discomfort for you with Janet, but you and Janet will see that it has truly been in fun! XXOO, KG
From: Woz
Date: April 10, 2008 7:43:04 AM
To: Kathy
Subject: Re: ep 1
The show was more fun than anything for me! It was so different from the other exciting times and adventures in my life. I hope it does go well.
Xoxo steve
From: Kathy
Date: April 14, 2008 10:00:31 PM
To: Woz
Subject: Holy shitballs!
Are you engaged? Some one from NBC emailed and heard you got engaged. Congratulations, if you are, but let me know as I will have to answer on talk shows etc. XXOO, KG
From: Woz
Date: April 14, 2008 10:06:35 PM
To: Kathy
Subject: Re: Holy shitballs!
actually, yes, but we’ve been hiding it for some time … this NBC source may not be in the know … I don’t know anyone at NBC …
we are planning kids too!
xoxo Steve
From: Kathy
Date: April 14, 2008 10:34:58 PM
To: Woz
Subject: Re: Holy shitballs!
Steve, I wish all the best for you! Have you guys set a date? XXOO, KG
From: Kathy
Date: April 25, 2008 1:32:53 AM
To: Woz
Subject: Finally!!!
I sent you an email Sunday night, but my iphone ran out and I couldn’t find it in my sent or drafts or anything. Anyway, there’s a cute picture if us in the STAR, so folks online are commenting on your wedding ring slash not wedding ring. SO, did you two crazy kids actually tie the knot or not? On the D-List show, we’re kind of dating. It’s harmless stuff, but I don’t want to be seen as some one who would “date” a married guy. XXOO, KG
From: Woz
Date: April 25, 2008 8:58:00 AM
To: Kathy
Subject: Re: Finally!!!
not married but it’s possible secretly
I’ll have to see the STAR.
From: Kathy
Date: May 9, 2008 2:19:53 PM
To: Woz
Subject: Goodness gracious!
I’m sure youre laughing at the STAR article. Some very funny mistakes, but did want to let you know I did not speak to them and I would never say I’m “glad its over” Hope youre well.
XXOO,
KG
King and Queen of Woz’s charity event, The FurBall.
From: Woz
Date: May 14, 2008 1:30:22 PM
To: Kathy
Subject: Hi, love!
Kathy,
I have to thank you profusely for the great fun you brought into my life, in many ways.
I can also never thank you enough for helping out at the Fur Ball. The Humane Society raised something like $315,000 after expenses, far above what they had expected. You have done a good things for me by helping them out.
missing you,
xoxo………sw
From: Woz
Date: July 1, 2008 6:04:47 PM
To: Kathy
Subject: Fwd: Re: geeksaresexy.net
Hey, so guess who’s going to be on Dancing With The Stars this season?
xoxo steve
BFFs 4-evuh.
I know Barack Obama had an historic 2009. But really, can it top the fact that the world realized I have what has been referred to as a “bangin’ bikini bod”?
I have Paris Hilton to thank for it.
Not many people know this, but Paris Hilton is a genius. She speaks seven languages, including Urdu and I believe Romulan. She’s written countless scholarly works under pseudonyms, because she’s famous enough as it is without being pestered for her intellectual prowess. I heard she just declined a position on the board of directors of the Rand Corporation because she’s too busy advising the Pentagon on delicate international matters. And apparently she’s at the
forefront of a gene therapy breakthrough.
Okay, that was fun to write. Really, she’s an idiot. But she’s my idiot, dammit. And here’s why.
For season five of My Life on the D-List we did a whole episode chronicling my harebrained scheme to join Young Hollywood at the tender age of forty-eight. We decided that the quintessential example of living out loud Young Hollywood–style was, of course, Paris Hilton. She really is the generation’s best ambassador. (See, she’s a diplomat!)
When I brought this idea up to her, Paris and I hammered out a trade whereby I agreed to do a day of filming on season two of her MTV show Paris Hilton’s New BFF, and she agreed to do a few hours of taping for My Life on the D-List. Now, in her defense—and I have to admit, it’s killing me to write anything about a celebrity that starts with “in her defense”—Paris was one of the easiest people I’ve ever worked with on my show. She got the drill. The more Paris-y she could be, the sooner we’d be done, so she flicked the switch when the cameras rolled, laughed at my jokes, and generally took it on the chin. I walked away from my day with Paris liking her, and telling her I would think a little longer before being as hard on her in my act. Then I reminded her that it was still my job to put her into the act, and that if she could go to jail one more time but maybe stay a little longer, I would be personally grateful. A moving violation would be nice, but assault and battery would be ideal.
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