Bugged at the fact Ray should know better and enter in through the back, I turned to answer the door but stopped dead in my tracks as soon as I saw the face peeking in the window.
I couldn't believe my eyes. He stood at the door, dressed in a Coldhaven Fire Department jacket. I couldn't move from my spot, it felt like I was seeing a ghost. The last time I had seen him, he had been walking away from me, down the front steps of my house back in Greyfield, in a rush to get away, to leave me. In those couple of seconds our eyes met, everything came rushing back. The way it felt to be comforted by him after Jackson had died, all the secrets we had shared, the fear I had felt when he couldn't be reached after that big fire, the complete joy I had felt when he had come striding up my front steps after I thought the worst, the greatest sex I think I'd ever had, and the worst mistake I had made that drove him from my life. I was ashamed to admit, I still dreamed about that night, and after I woke, the anger and resentment I had felt when he left without a word, never to be seen or heard from again would always come creeping back in.
He held his hand up in a wave, a small smile coming to his lips, then he pointed to the door handle mouthing the words can I come in. I swallowed and took a hesitant first step forward, unsure whether my legs would hold me, or if I would fall to the ground. I turned the deadbolt and pulled the door open, the frigid cold hitting me in the face. Brody stepped inside and shut the door behind him.
“Is it really you?” I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“It's really me, in the flesh. How have you been, Cass?” he asked, not taking his eyes from mine. In that instant, I had a moment of weakness. I just wanted to have him hold me in his arms, against his chest, and I wanted to tell him everything that had happened in the time we had been apart and beg him to make it better, but I couldn't. He couldn't be my weakness, I had to keep my guard up.
“You doing okay?”
“It's been a while. I'm doing well, how are you?”
“I'm alright.” The air in the room was thick, and I could feel the tension mounting. “I was hoping that you would reply to the messages I sent you.”
I looked at the ground, I was having a hard time keeping it together. The scent of his cologne combined with his large muscular frame was making me feel weak.
“I'm sorry, I couldn't, I didn't exactly know what to say.”
“I'm sorry to just show up like this, but I needed to see you. I have to tell you how sorry I am for what I did. For leaving.”
We stood there, eyes locked on one another, his gaze burning into me. What did he expect me to say, it was all okay? When the truth was it was far from being okay?
I stood there frozen. I was afraid, afraid if I took my eyes off him even for a second, he would disappear again. I wanted to be excited and happy to see him, but since everything that had happened to me over the last three years had been a direct result of him leaving, it was a little hard. Despite the silence that hung between us, I didn't hear the back door open or Ray calling my name. I didn't hear his footsteps as he walked through the back of the store and came up behind me. I even jumped when I felt his strong hand squeeze my shoulders.
“Everything okay here, Cass?”
I took my eyes off Brody for an instant and turned my head to see Ray standing right behind me, in a rather protective stance. When I looked back at Brody, his gaze was fixed on Ray. I saw a look in Brody's eyes I had never seen before—jealousy, rage—I wasn't sure what it was, but I didn't like it. I didn't need a fight in the middle of my store.
“Ray, it's okay. This is a friend of my husband. He was just passing through town and stopped in for a quick hello.” It was the only lie I had to offer. I glanced at Brody, waiting for him to calm down and take his eyes off Ray, but he continued to study him closely.
Ray relaxed a bit but still stood behind me as if I needed protecting, his hands rubbing my shoulders, letting me know he was there. Finally, he leaned into me and whispered, “I have the tickets, we should get going. Movie is going to start in ten minutes.” I knew he had done that to get Brody to leave.
I nodded, but when I turned to Brody to say something to him, his eyes were set on Ray's hands, still sitting on my shoulders. I now knew the look plastered on Brody's face was jealousy. I was just about to say something, but Brody beat me to it.
“I thought you didn't know her, Ray?” he said through clenched teeth.
I glanced from Ray to Brody, both men now glaring at one another. I stepped out from under Ray's hands and walked over to Brody who stood there, tense, avoiding my eyes, taking in slow, steady, controlled breaths. I placed my hand on his bicep.
“Brody, how about I call you later? When we can talk,” I said, giving him an unsure smile. I had to get him out of here. If I didn't, there was no doubt in my mind, there was going to be a fight. I knew Ray, he didn't back down from much of anything, and neither did Brody.
“No, Cass, I want to know why Ray here didn't tell me the truth. I asked him if he knew you,” he said, taking a step closer to Ray, pushing himself against me. I felt a surge of excitement run through me as his hard chest pushed into my small frame.
“Buddy, look, the lady wants you to leave. I suggest you take a hike before I remove you,” Ray bit out, squaring up to Brody.
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. Jackson had always told me Brody could have a temper when he wanted. I had never seen it before, but I knew he had been right. At this point, I knew he certainly didn't need to be provoked. Ray may have been bigger, but I knew Brody could take him. Jackson had told me too many stories, and Brody was almost twenty years younger after all.
“Ray, could you leave us for a moment,” I asked harshly.
I didn't look at Ray, just kept my focus on Brody, listening for Ray to leave. I knew when we were alone—Brody had visibly started to calm down. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Ray had indeed left the room.
“Cass, please, for the love of God, tell me you’re not dating this guy? He's got to be twenty years older than you. I mean is he even able to get it up?”
“Brody, please, can I call you later? We can talk then, get reacquainted.”
He studied my face. “Sure, answer my question first.”
I didn't say anything, just stood and looked into his blue eyes. They were darker than I remembered, maybe it was because he was angry, but they were still the same blue eyes I had loved to get lost in. Brody came closer and brushed a loose strand of hair from my eyes, his warm, strong hand cupping my cheek as he looked down into my eyes. I could feel the heat from his breath on my cheek.
“Cass, just answer me, I need to know,” he whispered.
Placing my hands on his chest, I could feel his strong tense muscles underneath his shirt. “We've been seeing one another for about a year,” I whispered. “Now, please, I'll call you later.”
Brody's looked back to the curtain that separated the front of the store from the back. “Am I too late, Cass?”
I frowned, I didn't know what he was talking about, and I wasn't sure if I should ask, but my curiosity got the best of me.
“Too late for what?” My voice was low, the last thing I wanted was for Ray to come out here.
“Fuck it.” He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to mine, pulling me into his embrace. I closed my eyes, kissing him back—I had been dreaming for the last three years about this kiss. He took hold of both my hands and wrapped my arms around his neck, running his hands down the side of my body, his thumbs grazing the sides of my breasts, finally resting his hands on my hips as he deepened the kiss, forcing my lips open, sweeping his tongue through my mouth. It was exactly how I'd remembered, maybe better, and as his teeth grazed my bottom lip and his tongue swept across mine again, I felt my knees go weak. My body was on fire—he had awakened parts of me with his kiss that had been dead since he left. When his lips had been on mine, I felt completely whole, but as he pulled away from me, I felt completely empty and lost. He looked over my shoul
der, toward the back of the building, smirked, then looked down into my eyes.
“Call me tonight. I plan to fight for you Cass, but judging from your reaction to that kiss, I'm not going to have to fight too hard even if you've been with him for a while, and remember, I have a sexual appetite you can't quench, I can go for hours, in case you’ve forgotten,” he whispered into my mouth, kissing me one more time.
I remembered all too well as I watched him walk across the street toward his truck, the little bell over the door bringing me back to reality.
“So, he’s finally gone, are you ready to go?” I didn't answer him I just locked the door quickly. “Cass, is everything okay?” I felt his hands on my shoulders as I watched Brody pull away from the curb.
I nodded, I didn't trust my voice, so I swallowed hard before answering.
“Yep. Let me grab my purse and coat.” I shrugged, pulling away from him. I reached up to wipe the tears away before turning around. I had no idea I was even crying. I grabbed my purse, and we left from the back door. The last thing I wanted to do was go and watch a movie, I really wanted to take my car and head home. But since Ray had already bought the tickets, how could I say no? The phone call I wanted to make tonight would have to wait.
Chapter Eight
Cass
I pulled into the driveway and sat in the car, waiting for the garage door to open. When I had been married, not a Christmas went by without the house being decorated in outdoor lights. There was a time, I would have already been driving Jackson crazy about getting a tree. I parked the car in the garage and walked into the house, throwing my purse on the counter and looked around. There was nothing that would say Christmas was just around the corner. I should have had this whole place decorated by now. Regardless, I was happy to finally be home. It had been a long and emotional day, and I was exhausted. Even though the movie was good, and it had been a nice break, it seemed to go on and on. I was ready to head home, but Ray wanted to take me out for a bite to eat. At first, I refused, but my stomach gave me away, letting out a large groan at the mention of pizza.
While we ate, he kept asking me questions about Brody. I really wasn't ready to talk about him, and I was pissed Ray would have lied to anyone who came around looking for me. I really wanted to ask him why he would do that, but I just didn't have the energy to get into any sort of argument or discussion about any of it tonight.
The conversation between us died after we left the restaurant. I sat quietly, looking out the window as Ray drove back to the store so I could get my car. Just as I was about to get out of the car, Ray cleared his throat.
“Why don't you come back to my place tonight, spend the night with me?” he asked, placing his hand on my knee before I got out of the car.
I kept my head turned away from him. I didn't know how to tell him I wanted to be alone.
“Cass?”
“I think I'm going to go home tonight, I’m tired.” Ray went silent, and I felt his hand slip off my knee.
“Whatever, Cass. Go home.” I could feel the disappointment in the car.
“Please don't be like that, Ray.”
He didn't respond, just stared ahead. All that was on my mind was Brody and how he lit me up like the fourth of July when he had kissed me tonight.
The first thing I did when I got home was put the kettle on, then pulled all the blinds closed across the back of the house. It was cold tonight, and the glass from the windows and sliding doors was just magnifying that temperature. I needed to build a fire and was happy I had brought in lots of wood before leaving this morning. Missy came running and greeted me in the kitchen, meowing like crazy.
“You must be hungry, huh, Missy? Sorry, I'm so late,” I said, giving her a pet and grabbing a can of food out of the fridge for her. She danced happily around my feet as I put food in her bowl and set it down on the floor. I watched as she attacked it viciously.
Once I had everything done, I looked at the clock. It was only nine-thirty but felt so much later. I grabbed my laptop from the table and curled up in my favorite chair with a blanket while I waited for the fire to finally start to heat the house. I needed to get some words out tonight, and I hoped it would provide a distraction from the thoughts running through my mind. The store had been so busy today, and it had taken away from my plans of writing. However, there hadn't been any quiet time, which wasn’t a bad thing, but with my deadline looming, I needed to get this book written. I was starting to feel super stressed which wasn't going to help matters.
The TV droned on in the background while I reread the few paragraphs I had written the night before. I needed to get into my characters heads. I was just about to start writing when my cell pinged with a message. I had a good mind not to answer it, I needed no more distractions, but when it went off again, then again, I felt I had no choice. I had the alarm company who monitored the store set to message my cell phone if anything was wrong and three messages in a quick period had me wondering. I grabbed it from the table.
As soon as I saw that the first two messages were from Ray, annoyance set in, but when I saw the third message, a surge of heat ran through my body as my heart began to pump a little harder. A soft smile formed on my lips as I reread the message from Brody. I was going to reply, but instead, I dialed Brody's number, a funny flutter floating in my stomach.
The phone rang a couple of times, and I was just about to end the call when I heard him pick up. As soon as his deep voice came over the phone, I felt it travel straight to my center.
“Hey, Sexy.”
“Is now a good time?” I said, ignoring his comment.
“Anytime is a good time to talk with you.”
“What are you doing here, Brody?” I had to cut right to the point, I couldn't risk getting hurt again.
“I got a transfer.” the line went quiet. “I went to see you down in Greyfield, but you moved.”
“I didn't have much of a choice. Things got pretty tough for me.”
The line was quiet for a moment. “Because of me?”
How was I supposed to answer that? Indirectly, it had been because of him, but I didn't want to put all the blame on him. Lying in bed for months on end with no will to do anything had also put me in that position. I thought for a moment.
“It was many reasons, not just you.”
“I see, I'm sorry, Cass.” The line went silent again. I could hear him breathing so I knew he was still there. “So, did you ask that ass why he lied to me? He never did answer me.”
“Brody, Ray is a good man. I'm sure he was just protecting me. Don't read into it, okay?” I didn't know why I was defending Ray’s actions, I wanted to know as well why he had lied to Brody.
“Sort of hard for me not to. I didn't like the smug look on his face tonight.”
I did my best to ignore that comment. I wasn't about to get into it with him. “When did you move into town?”
“Last Saturday. I'm living at the fire station until I can find a place, so until then, this will be my new home.”
“What do you mean you're living at the station? Don’t you have anywhere to stay?”
“No, not yet, the transfer was really fast. Of course, with Christmas coming, it’s near fucking impossible to get hold of anyone who owns any rental property up here, they’re all on vacation.”
“Brody, you can't live at the fire station until after Christmas.”
“Sure, I can, what else do you suggest I do, Cass?”
I took a deep breath. It probably wasn't the best idea I had ever come up with, and I was positive Ray wouldn't like it, but I would deal with him later. I wasn't letting Brody spend Christmas in the firehouse alone, no matter how angry I was with him. I swallowed hard.
“I have a spare room, Brody, you could always stay here with me.”
“You sure about that, Cass?”
“Yes, you can stay here as long as there isn't any funny stuff like this afternoon. You can't do those things, Brody.”
“Do what?” he
feigned innocence.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” I heard his deep chuckle come over the phone.
“What about Ray?” he asked in a mocking tone.
“Just let me deal with him, Brody. You can come by the store on Monday, or you can just come here after the work day is done. I close at five.”
The line went quiet again, and when he spoke his voice took on a somber tone. “When did you start working at the bookstore, Cass?
I looked down at the flashing cursor on the screen. I didn't know what to tell him. I wasn't sure I wanted to tell him the truth just yet or just make something up.
“Cass?”
I cleared my throat, “When I moved here. I just needed something to occupy my time,” I lied. He didn't need to know my writing career had plummeted, and I was the owner. “Listen, I'll tell you more when I see you. I'll have a spare key made for you this weekend I’ll have it with me on Monday, in case you want to move in while I am at work.”
“Alright, I’ll see you then. Good night, Cass.”
“Night.”
I hung up the phone and sat staring at my blinking cursor. My phone pinged with a message. I looked down at my phone, another message from Ray.
Ray: I see you’re still up, I'm coming over.
I rolled my eyes, I just wanted to be alone. I was so tempted to text Ray and let him know Brody would be staying with me. That news would be enough to make him stay home, but I knew he would be pissed, and truthfully, I feared how he would react if we were alone. I didn't want to spend the night in an argument. Brody was a friend, and even though I was angry with him for what he did in the past, I needed to move past it and get on with my life. I'd explain everything to Ray in time. I felt confident that he would understand after he got over his anger. I typed out a text to him and went and unlocked the front door.
On A Silent Night Page 5
