by Andy McNab
We had some problems at the joint funeral in Hereford.
Legs was cremated, and Vince and Bob were buried in the regimental plot.
Afterwards there was a wake in the club-curry and drinks. A group of Vince's male relations started to give me a bit of a hard time. As far as they were concerned, there was no way such a tough man could die of hypothermia. I tried to explain that it doesn't matter how good you are or how strong you are: if hypothermia hits you, there's not a lot you can do about it. I appreciate that grief takes different people in different ways, but I hope that in time Vince's relations will come to accept the truth.
The following week, taking advantage of British Airways' "two for the price of one" offer to Gulf servicemen, Jilly and I went camping in California. It was a fantastic holiday, and it really helped put everything behind me.
A fortnight later I went back to work. Mark was in a rehabilitation unit, where he remained on and off for the next six months before returning to squadron duties. Chris went to training wing as one of the instructors in charge of Selection. Dinger had already left on a one-year job abroad. Stan, too, was away within two months, and once the medics had finished with my hands and teeth, so was I.
Epilogue.
Our heating bills have been horrendous since I got back. It's nice to be warm. When it rains now and I'm indoors, I get a big brew of tea and sit by the window, and I think about all the poor blokes stuck on tops of hills.
As my stress-test score showed, I'm not emotionally affected by what happened. I certainly don't have nightmares. We are big boys and we know the rules that we play by. We've all been close to death before.
You accept it. You don't want it to happen, of course, but sometimes, there you go-occupational hazard.
In a strange way I'm almost glad I had my Iraqi experience. I wouldn't like to repeat it, but I'm glad that it happened.
Some things, however, will live with me for ever.
The jangle of keys.
The crash of a bolt.
The rattle of metal sheeting.
A hatred of zoos.
The smell of pork.
I joined the army to get out of the shit I was in with the law, but there was never any intention to stay in for the full twenty-two years.
I've been very fortunate. I've been all around the world, doing things that were outrageous but great fun. Now it's time to get on and do something else. I'm 33 going on 17, because I've always been too busy playing the soldier. I want to do the things I've always wanted to do.
Our big joke in prison used to be, "Well, at least it can't make us pregnant," and I have learnt that nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
Things that might have bothered me in the past are less likely to now-the car not working, red wine being spilt on our light-colored carpet, the washing machine flooding, something valuable getting lost. I know my limitations better now, yet I feel more positive and self-assured. I no longer take anything for granted. I appreciate simple, everyday things much more; instead of going downtown in the car, I'll make an effort to walk through the park.
The Regiment used to have priority; the job always came first. Now, if it's Katie's school sports day, I'll make the effort to be there and cheer her on.
During my time in Baghdad, and when I got back, I kept going over the decisions I had made, trying to work out if they had been right or wrong. The conclusion I came to was that I made some good ones, some bad ones, and some indifferent ones. But at the end of the day they had to be made. You're presented with a problem, you make your appreciation, and you make your decision. But make no decision at all and you're dead. Should I have gone for the border instead of hiding up? The answer undoubtedly is yes. Should I have appeared to give in to the Iraqis when I did? Again, yes-I know I did the right thing.
Tactically, and morally.
As to the rights and wrongs of the war-well, that's never been a worry to me. I was a soldier; that's what I was paid for. It was very exciting; I got high doing it.
And as for the people who interrogated me, if I met any of them in the street tomorrow and thought I could get away with it, I'd slot them.
Glossary 203 M16 rifle with 40mm grenade launcher attached 2 i/c second in command 66 lightweight, throwaway antitank rocket AAA or Triple A antiaircraft artillery APC Armored Personnel Carrier AWACS Airborne Warning And Control System beasting army slang for a beating bergen pack carried by British farces on active service berm entrenchment for tank Big Four the only four pieces of information which, under the Geneva Convention, an enemy is allowed to ask for: number, rank, name, date of birth bone (adj.) stupid brew mug of tea buckshee free, without charge, surplus bulk up vomit cabby, as in fire your weapon at "have a cabby at" chin strap be on really knackered, as in "I can't go your on, I'm on, my chin strap here." claymore antipersonnel mine used for area protection COP Close Observation Platoon CT Counter Terrorist CTR close target recce curls countryside cyalume stick light-stick activated by squeezing DF direction finder find the direction of Dinkie short-wheelbase Land-Rover (term first used during the Gulf War) OOP drop-off point DPM disrupted-pattern material (i.e. camouflage) E&E escape and evasion ERV emergency rendezvous FOB Forward Operations Base FRY final rendezvous fuddle or getting together and having a brew kefuddle or conference gob off speak GPMG general purpose machine gun glossary 421 green slime member of Intelligence Corps hard routine regime in the field that demands, among other things: belt kit on, weapons at hand, no flame or smoke, and all equipment packed away unless in use HE high explosive Head Shed nickname for anyone in authority. From Malaya days, this is what any form of leadership in the Regiment has been called-after the term for the start of a river course hex amine (hexy) small block of solid fuel ID identify identity Jane's military encyclopedia jundie Iraqi soldier laager an armored vehicle LUP launched punched LSV light strike vehicle (dune buggy) LUP lying-up point MSR Main Supply Route NBC nuclear, biological, chemical (warfare) net radio network NVA night-viewing aid NVG night-viewing goggles OC officer commanding OP observation post I OP SEC operational security j PE plastic explosive j pear-shaped got the hump pinkie (110) long-wheelbase Land-Rover , Regiment Special Air Service remf rear echelon motherfucker rupert nickname for officer-not always derogatory RV rendezvous point scaley signaler scaley kit signals equipment Sit Rep situation report SOP standard operating procedure spook member of Intelligence Corps squaddy soldier stag sentry (also sentry duty) stand stood to ready to fight in your position Syrette automatic one-time injector S60 57mm antiaircraft gun tab forced march over a long distance, usually carrying a heavy load 1 TACBE tactical beacon TEL transporter erector launcher 1 VCP vehicle checkpoint ] ANDY McNAB, Sergeant, SAS, joined the British infantry as a boy soldier.
In 1984 he was "badged" as a member of the SAS-the British Special Forces-and has since been involved in elite intelligence and combat operations worldwide. During the Gulf War he commanded Bravo Two Zero, a patrol that in the words of his commanding officer "will remain in regimental history forever." After six months of medical treatment immediately following his release by the Iraqis, Andy McNab was back on active service. He remained with the SAS until February 1993, at which time he was the most highly decorated soldier in the British Army.
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Epilogue.
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