by Kiki Swinson
With tears running a race down my face, I turned around and started moving slowly back toward the convenience store. I had all of the things I had stolen in my hands, unopened, because I was no longer starving for food. All I wanted was to be reunited with my sister.
Halfway to the store a police car slowed down and pulled alongside me on the street. Without looking over at the cop car, I stopped walking. My legs gave out and I crumpled to the ground like a deflated balloon. I sobbed uncontrollably. “I want my sister!” I wailed. I wasn’t looking for their sympathy. I was truly feeling like our lives were over. For a quick second I thought about my mother. The pain I felt from her neglect felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest with a butcher knife.
“Come with me, young lady,” a fat, baldheaded white police officer snarled as he grabbed my frail, bony arm roughly.
“I hear you have sticky fingers. We don’t tolerate that around here. Not on my watch,” the officer pontificated with not even an ounce of sympathy in his tone. It was clear that the cops in our city didn’t care about poor little kids like me and Mariah.
“Where’s my sister?” I asked weakly. The officer kept talking shit, but he didn’t answer my question.
“Where’s my sister?” I asked again, this time with a little more feeling. Still, he didn’t answer me.
Suddenly, every fiber in my body came alive. I actually felt like I had been jolted with electricity.
“Where the fuck is my sister?! I want my sister now! Bring me to my sister!” I screamed, flailing my arms and kicking my feet. The officer was caught off guard so he lost his grip on me. I was able to land a perfect kick. “I want my sister! I want my sister!”
“Oof,” the cop coughed after catching a kick to the nuts from my foot.
Before I knew it, I was surrounded by at least four police squad cars. A bunch of officers circled me like I was a mass murderer. They handcuffed me like I was a criminal and took me down to the social services building. I was completely out of energy by the time I got there. I was longing for my sister, some food, and a warm bed, all of which seemed impossible at that moment. I was led into a small room. Inside, there were two older ladies.
“C’mon, child. This is the search room. We gon’ take you out of those old dirty clothes and give you a nice new sweatsuit,” one of the women said to me. My mother was right! That place was like kiddy jail. I was stripped, washed down, and given a plain sweatsuit and some plain white skips. The other lady in the room blow-dried my hair and put it in three big braids.
“Okay, all done. Look how cute you look when you’re clean,” the first lady said proudly. “Now you gon’ get some food and a warm bed. You look like you ain’t been eating or sleeping, child.”
I was led through the maze of hallways in the building. Finally, I arrived at the room.
“Lulu!” Mariah screamed when I walked into the big room they used to herd all of the abused and neglected children as we all waited for a home assignment.
“Mimi! Oh my God!” I cried, rushing into her with outstretched arms. We hugged so tight that we were stabbing each other with our bones.
“I thought I would never see you again,” I huffed into her ear. We released the tight grasp we had on each other. I looked Mariah over. I could tell by the sparkle in her eye that she had finally had a decent meal.
“Mommy was lying,” Mariah said, twisting her lips. “Ain’t no holes in the ground and no rats here. This place is nice, Lulu. They have food here and TV. They have soap, toothpaste, and toilet paper, too,” Mariah said excitedly. I knew better than to be tricked by all of that stuff. I knew at that moment that our lives would never be the same again. I was definitely right about that.
* * *
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling during my cab ride to the airport.
“Miss. Miss. What airline?” the cabdriver called out to me, breaking up my nightmarish memory. I blinked a few times to shake it off.
“Oh, um, American,” I said, finally opening my eyes to see that we had already made it to the airport.
I took a deep breath and hoped for the best. I contemplated backing out of the trip back to Virginia Beach but each time I told myself not to go, something tugging at my conscience would propel me forward. I was at the airport now. It was final. I was going back. It was up to God now.
I had spoken to Daysha and she had confirmed for me that Mrs. Shepherd was in bad condition. Daysha had laid it on thick with the guilt trip about me coming to see Mrs. Shepherd. By the time I had finished speaking to Daysha, I was an emotional wreck. I thought she would’ve still been mad at me from the gift card situation, but I guess she put it on the back burner because of what was going on with my foster mother. I was glad for that.
I will say that she didn’t know the entire reason behind why I had left town. I had only told her that I was leaving Matt for cheating on me again. She knew how Matt could get, so the story and the fact that I needed to leave town just fit together perfectly. I told her I needed to hide out for a while and that when I got settled I’d let her know where I was so she could visit. That was the truth, though. I couldn’t wait until I felt it was safe to let Daysha know where I was. I missed hanging with crazy-ass Daysha. She always knew how to make me laugh even when I was feeling depressed. I was definitely going to make sure I took care of Daysha after the dust cleared. She was my girl. I wanted so badly to give her some of the money when I first got my hands on it, but that would’ve meant telling her the entire story, which I couldn’t. I loved Daysha to death but I knew Daysha’s mouth ran like water, especially when it came to talking about money. If I had told her my plans about the lick and how I was going to steal all of the proceeds from Matt and Yancy, before long the entire hood would’ve known. Even with the credit card and check operation, I would’ve loved to add Daysha to the mix instead of that traitor Yancy, but I knew how much Daysha talked and bragged. She was never any good at keeping secrets. She was also a loose cannon when it came to spending money and showboating. Daysha liked to act like she had more than she actually did. I was guilty of that, too, so I couldn’t judge her too much.
I did plan on hitting Daysha off when I got to the safe, though. After all, she was the only person I could trust. I would just have to tell her I hit the number or something. I chuckled just thinking about how she’d react when I told her I won the lottery.
Daysha had agreed to pick me up at the Norfolk International Airport. At least she sounded happy to get a chance to see me. I begged her not to tell anyone I was coming. I hoped she had kept her promise. I didn’t even want my sister, Mariah, to know I was in town. It would open up a whole situation I wasn’t prepared to deal with.
I was mentally fried by the time my plane landed in Norfolk. I hurried out of the airport wearing dark shades and a head scarf. I’d dressed up simply because I didn’t want Daysha to think anything about me had changed. When I lived in Virginia Beach I always kept myself well put together so I had to keep it up.
I spotted Daysha waving at me. Instantly a smile spread over my lips. I happily rushed toward Daysha’s little Hyundai. It felt so good to see her.
“My boo is back,” Daysha cheered as I opened the back door and dumped my bag onto the backseat.
“Girl, damn. This was so unexpected. I’m so happy to see you, boo,” I huffed as I flopped into the front passenger seat. “And damn you’re looking good. Love the new hair,” I said, smiling.
“Humph. You too. Looking mighty rich,” Daysha said snidely.
“Oh please. Far from it,” I replied with a little chuckle. “And what? You don’t miss a bitch enough to give me a damn hug?” I joked.
“Girl, you know my mind be all over the place,” Daysha said. We both reached over from our seats and gave each other a quick hug.
“Are you hungry?” Daysha asked as we pulled out of the airport.
I looked at my watch. I was on a time restraint. I needed to get to the hospital and then to the assisted living pl
ace so I could get the hell out of town before anybody got wind of me being in town.
“No, girl, I ate in the airport,” I answered quickly. I looked at my watch again. I didn’t want to make Daysha feel like I was just using her for a ride.
“Well I’m hungry and we are not going anywhere until we stop at our spot and grab some food. We have a whole lot of catching up to do. Shit, you’ve been gone three damn months. I’m not letting you get away that easily for three more long damn months,” Daysha said. She was leaving me no choice. I let out a long breath.
My heart sped up. I balled my toes up in my shoes.
“Um . . . I . . . I . . . really can’t stop, boo,” I said nervously. “This was not a pleasure trip. I have to check on Mrs. S., take care of a little business, and bounce before anyone gets wind that I’m here. Which I hope is still a secret,” I said. I hated to disappoint her like that. Guilt immediately trampled on my mood.
“Uh-huh. First of all it is still a secret because who was I going to tell? But you are not going to just come into town and run back out without at least having lunch with me. Hell no, Lauren. I will be putting your ass in the used-to-be-friends category if we can’t even sit down for a few minutes and chat,” Daysha snapped. I knew she was serious, too. I didn’t want to lose her as a friend.
“Okay. Okay. But look, we have to eat, catch up a little bit . . . and then I really have to run, Daysha. I’m not even spending the night in town,” I told her. “Deal?”
Daysha let out a long, exasperated breath and twisted her lips.
“You know you get on my damn nerves being so damn bossy all the time. Okay, deal. You spoiled damn brat,” Daysha relented jokingly. I laughed at her.
“You’re the one that just threw a tantrum because I said I couldn’t do lunch and you’re calling me spoiled? Your ass is still as crazy as ever,” I replied with a laugh. Damn, I loved Daysha. A true ride-or-die chick who never let me down.
“So to make the most of our time, start catching me up now,” I said as we drove toward downtown. “I know your Ms. Benita ass got all of the scoop for me.” We both laughed.
Daysha smacked her lips, and sang in the ghetto bird way she always did, “Shit, girl, it’s so much stuff going on in the damn hood I don’t even know where to start . . . Okay. Wait. Let me start with the craziest shit to happen. Your man—” She stopped and rethought her words when she saw the hostile side eye I gave her. “I mean Matt. That condo he was living in burned to the ground and it was real suspicious. Suspicious as in Randy’s lil brother says he saw two hulking dudes walking away from your place just as smoke began shooting out.” Daysha paused and smacked her lips again, so I knew the next bit was going to be even more juicy . . . or tragic, judging by what she’d just told me.
“And then he saw Matt crawling from the place looking like he’d just lost a fight with The Rock. I mean, he was beat up like hamburger. Crazy, right? And would you believe his boys on the block, I mean his ex-soliders, just stood by and let them dudes get away with . . .”
I just stared at her. Blank. No expression. But inside my mind was whirling, like what the hell was going on!? Leaving Matt high and dry was my revenge; I really hadn’t had any fantasies of Matt getting a beatdown. I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it for all the dirty he’d done to me, but I didn’t want that kind of karma. No, I didn’t want to lay a hand on him, I just wanted him to be broke, desperate, and miserable because he’d fucked up a good thing. But back to what Daysha was saying.
“. . . and word on the other side of the block is that Yancy is pregnant with Matt’s baby,” Daysha said in a gossipy old lady voice. “Mmmm hmmm. Yup. They saying she is big-time pregnant, like seven months along. Like Matt is going to be a father any day now type of shit,” Daysha reported. “If he ever tried to deny it, there’s your proof there. That baby proves that they were fucking on the side. That bastard!” Daysha finished up her news with a wave of her hand, like she was Vanna White revealing the final letter.
My entire body got hot. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I was immediately feeling crushed, but I put on my brave face. I was not going to let this throw me off from what I’d come back to accomplish.
“Oh really? Well I guess he’s her problem now. Good fucking luck with that. Matt is selfish so he won’t even be able to give of himself enough for a child,” I replied as if the news didn’t even bother me. In actuality, I felt like someone had driven a knife right into the center of my chest and kept turning it and turning it. Daysha could’ve kept that little tidbit of information to herself.
“Mmm. Hmm. That’s what I said when I heard about it. I know everything you been through with that nigga. But I ain’t gon’ lie. If I was you I would feel some kind of way. Especially because you couldn’t hold one in for the nigga after all of those tries,” Daysha said. The end of her statement landed in my brain like a hard kick to my skull. A sharp pain literally exploded at my temple when she said it.
I whipped my head to the side and shot her a dirty look. I didn’t even realize that my chest was heaving, but I could feel the wave of emotion swelling in my throat in the form of a hard lump that had formed there.
“Why the fuck would you say such a cruel thing!” I shot back. I could not believe she had brought up the three miscarriages I’d suffered over the years. “My struggles have nothing to do with Matt and his nasty bitch. That was nothing to bring up,” I said, my voice rising and falling with emotion.
Daysha of all people knew how painful those experiences had been for me. Even now, I felt like screaming and crying just thinking about it. Especially the one I carried and didn’t know that I was pregnant. It had taken me months to recover from that. Matt reacted like an asshole too. He had spent days out drinking with his friends. I guess he didn’t know how to deal with his grief either.
My head was swirling with the pain of thinking about my failed pregnancies on top of hearing that Yancy was pregnant by my man. I really felt like crying when I thought about it. Yancy was going to give Matt the most precious gift a woman could give a man and I had been unable to do that. I was crushed inside. Once again those feelings of inferiority I had experienced when I first found out about Matt and Yancy were back. It was the first of many things that made me regret coming back.
“That was so fucked up, Daysha. I’m really thrown off by that coming from you,” I said, breaking the awkward, tension-filled silence that had enveloped the inside of the car.
“Oh oops. My bad, boo. I didn’t realize that still bothered you. I mean you left the nigga like a thief in the night . . . or so I heard. I didn’t think you’d care what he was doing now,” Daysha said matter-of-factly. I had to do a double take and make sure this was my best friend, my road dog, my ride-or-die who I was riding with and not an imposter. Not even ten minutes earlier she was all saying how she missed me and wanted to catch up. Now, she had turned into a bitch.
“Damn. Whose side are you on, Daysha? You sound real crazy right now,” I said, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Just real unexpected coming from you. Especially because we haven’t seen each other in forever. I thought this little quick visit was going to be all about laughs and catching up.”
“Ohhh, boo. Don’t take it the wrong way. I’m always on your side. Always. But, sometimes we all need a little reality check about life. I am just stating the facts and giving you the scoop . . . nothing more . . . nothing less. This is not about sides. I don’t have to pick sides when I’m telling the truth,” she said flatly. Then she let out a raucous laugh. Something wasn’t right about my best friend, but I didn’t have time to piece it together.
I just fell silent. I was still going to have a quick lunch with her, but after it was over I would just go about my business. I had decided I didn’t need her to chauffeur me around. I’d take a taxi to the place. Something about her was different in a way that I couldn’t place a finger on. Maybe she was mad that I left town and didn’t give her much detail? Maybe she was mad that I loo
ked so good? It wouldn’t be the first time Daysha had gotten jealous of me. I didn’t know what her problem was and in my assessment, I didn’t have time right now to figure it all out.
In and out of Virginia Beach. That was my plan. Little did I know a bunch of other people, including my so-called best friend, had different plans for me.
MATT
I pulled my fitted cap down farther on my head and slid down a little bit in the driver’s seat of the rental car I had Daysha rent for me. When I spotted Lauren for the first time since she had betrayed me, something inside of me started ticking like what I would imagine the inside of a bomb to feel like right before it exploded. The feeling I was experiencing was surreal to say the least.
So much shit had happened to me since the last time I saw Lauren. I felt like someone’s eyes were constantly on me. I noticed it after the condo burned down, and even though I tried to ignore it, there was no mistaking that I was being hunted. I coulda sworn I was about to get jacked as I left Ryan’s house, but the SUV tailing me did nothing. Spooky as shit to not know why I was being followed and why those thugs left me for dead in my burning condo. All I knew was this situation had something to do with Lauren. She either set me up or . . .
I squinted my eyes into slits and blew air out of my flaring nostrils like a bull on attack. Up until that moment, I didn’t know how I would feel or react if I had ever laid eyes on Lauren again, but now I knew. I was having an out-of-body experience because I could actually see myself rushing from the rental car, running up to Lauren, pulling out my gun, and murdering her in front of thousands of witnesses while she stood outside at the cab stand of the airport. I blinked a few times and realized that I was still sitting in the car. I touched my waist where I had my burner locked and loaded. My hands were shaking fiercely trying to keep myself from pulling that shit out.
“You so lucky, bitch,” I whispered harshly. I bit my bottom lip so hard I could taste the sting of my own blood on my tongue.
