Keelee stretched and contemplated his face. The man appeared as if he’d been through the wringer. “Been better. You’re tired.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, it sometimes happens.”
She smiled weakly and glanced around. “Where are Tori and Jacob?”
Adam put a hand on her forehead and gave a quick smile. “They moved the cattle down the mountain three days ago.”
Keelee’s brow creased. “Three days ago?”
“Mmm… you ended up with pneumonia and a high fever. The fever finally broke this afternoon.” He wiped her brow with a cool cloth. “Are you hungry?”
She shook her head slowly. “Thirsty.” He lifted her into a sitting position. Keelee’s head hammered and she grabbed his arm steadying herself.
“It is alright, I got you.”
She took several sips of the water he offered and lay back down. The cool liquid felt wonderful. Keelee cleared her throat. She’d dreamed of him, not really remembering what she dreamed, but the man was definitely ingrained in her subconscious. “You stayed with me?”
He pushed her hair back and stroked her cheek. “I stayed with you.”
She reached up and grabbed his hand, stilling the motion. “Why?”
Adam removed his hand and replied, “You know why.”
“No, I don’t.” Please tell me it’s because you like me. She leaned back and closed her eyes. The warmth of the cabin and soothing sound of the fire in the hearth lulled her back to sleep.
Adam’s voice floated toward her. “Yeah, that’s about my luck.”
*
Adam made soup with a light broth and waited for her to wake again. Today her sleep had been peaceful and restorative. Based on the woman’s strong health prior to the onset of symptoms he knew they’d be off the mountain soon. She was sitting up watching him from the couch as he turned.
“Hi.”
Keelee hugged her knees to her chest and peeked at him through her lashes. “Hi.”
He walked over and felt her face and forehead, noting her temperature was normal. Her color was good and there were no noticeable sounds of distress in her breathing.
“Adam, I think I need a bath.”
He chuckled. “Indeed you do.”
She laughed weakly. “You didn’t need to agree so readily.”
“Really? Do you want me to start lying to you now?”
Keelee ran her hand through her hair and grimaced. “No, please don’t.”
He pulled a large pan of hot water off the stove and winked at her. He walked through to one of the smaller rooms and emptied the hot water into a large silver tub he’d found in the lean-to and had been filling for her.
Walking back to the couch, he leaned down and picked her up. “Come on sweetheart, bath time.”
He carried her into the room and sat her on the bed. “Do you want me to help?”
Keelee lowered her eyes and shook her head. “No. But I don’t… I’m so damn weak, I don’t know if I can manage by myself.”
“No worries. Medical professional, remember?” A few minutes later, he had her undressed and settled in the warm water. He placed a washcloth on the side of the tub and a dry towel on the chair next to it.
“Here you go. I’ll give you a couple minutes.” He walked out of the room and shut the door. Adam leaned against the doorjamb, closed his eyes and took a ragged breath. She actually bought that medical professional bullshit. This was harder for him than her. Harder? Hell, if he got any harder he’d be able to pound nails through a two-by-four with his dick. He damn sure didn’t mind giving her a sponge bath, but fuck… seeing her naked in a tub of water. He inspected the ceiling. Don’t suppose you’d bless me with just a little more strength to resist those base urges today, would you? Silence. Huh. Didn’t think so.
He waited five minutes and knocked on the door.
“Come in.” Keelee had covered her breasts with the washcloth and was leaning back on the tub. The ends of her hair were wet, but he could tell she hadn’t washed it.
“Lean forward.” She put her elbows on her knees and held her head.
Casting a glance at the ceiling, Adam shifted to give his cock more room. Yeah, like that had a chance in hell of working. Couldn’t give me that break, could you?
He wet her hair and lathered shampoo through it. Rinsing it thoroughly, he wrapped it in a towel. He made it a point not to survey that sensuous back or the top of that rounded ass—at least ten or twenty times. Damn it… he was never very good at listening to himself.
“Come on.” He held a hand out for her as she stood up glistening from the water. Adam closed his eyes as she lifted and stepped out of the tub. He held out the towel in his hand for her and let it go when she pulled.
“I’m covered.” Her soft whisper lifted his eyelids and he gave her a glance. Nothing clinical registered, that’s for sure. Leading her to the front room, he spread a blanket on the floor. “Sit down.” Keelee sat in front of the fire wrapped only in the towel.
Adam sat behind her and worked a small comb through her hair. When he finished, she leaned back against him and sighed deeply. Her soft body against his felt good, but her shiver forced him to move. He lifted off the floor and extended a hand.
Once they were in the bed room, he pulled one of his T-shirts out of his duffle and helped her put it on. He removed the towel after he pulled the cotton shirt over her head. Pulling her damp hair out from the back of the shirt, he led her to the bed and opened the sleeping bags. “Time for bed.”
She lay down and cast her eyes toward him. “Adam, please hold me.”
He put the sleeping bag down, tucking her in before he kissed her forehead. “Not tonight, you need to rest.” He walked out and closed the door. Sitting on the couch he raked his hands through his hair and drew a shuddering breath. Really, what did I do to deserve this hell? I want her. I admit it. Fuck!
He rocked forward and added several logs to the fire. Turning back to the couch, he saw her standing in just his shirt. Her hair fell to her waist. Her body… holy hell, did he just swallow his tongue?
“Adam, I need you to sleep with me.”
“What?” On some level her comment registered. Yeah, it actually rang loud and clear on the lust and desire levels and both were on board with the request. Rational thought, however, sputtered several thoughts that his lips couldn’t seem to form. Adam blinked repeatedly trying to reboot his freaking mouth.
He stood and moved to the far side of the room. The space seemed to help his selective mutism. “Keelee, don’t. I can’t. You don’t know what you are asking.” She smiled softly and walked up to him laying her head on his shoulder. He held her lightly against him. “Keelee, I will not take advantage of you. Go to bed.”
She pulled away from him and slanted her eyes toward his. “I never thought you would. I don’t want to be alone. Sleep with me.”
He dropped his head and cringed inwardly. Of course she didn’t mean sleep with him, just sleep. He could do this. She was a patient. She needed to rest and he could help her do that. “Okay, let’s get some sleep.”
She took his hand and led him into the room. He put her under the covers and lay on top of them. There weren’t nearly enough to stop his mind from imagining the woman beneath them. She snuggled close to him and fell asleep almost immediately. His lack of sleep in the last four days enveloped him as he held her, but he came to a decision. She was a tempting woman, but he wasn’t going to let himself succumb to his base desires. Fuck, he’d been there and done that. He had the emotional scars to prove it. No matter how attractive he found Keelee, he couldn’t afford to get involved with the woman. His mind clearly made up, he knew what he was going to do, and she wasn’t it. He’d make sure she made it down the mountain and he’d make himself scarce. He didn’t need the complication of a woman, even a sexy one like Keelee Marshall. Making love with her would be so damned easy. But without protection it wasn’t going to happen. Never again. Not after what Bianca did… no. Never aga
in.
*
Keelee woke to his strong, regular breaths against her cheek. She knew how tired he was last night and his deep sleep now gave her a chance to study him. His dark blond hair fell across his forehead and his beard was full after five days without shaving. She stretched carefully and winced from the soreness of her muscles—lack of activity, no doubt. She lost herself for a moment in the scene out the window. The sky was just starting to show daylight. Five thirty, by her guess. She carefully moved out of bed and walked into the kitchen. She checked the pot and put it on the propane burner. Turning to the fire she added three logs and stoked the coals igniting the dried wood. She took a deep breath and for the first time in a week didn’t feel like coughing.
After the coffee had percolated, she poured two cups and walked into the bedroom. She set his cup on the bedside table while moving to the top of the bed with hers. She leaned her back against the wall and covered her legs with the sleeping bag as she stared at the man asleep in front of her. She wanted him—a fling, an affair or even just a roll in the hay. She’d cast all her fears and inhibitions to the wind to answer the pull she felt. The decision to give herself to a man freed a small piece of her she’d never let loose. A rather giddy sense of excitement zinged through her as she waited for him to wake.
She had finished her coffee before he stirred. His eyes opened immediately as he reached toward where she had lain beside him. She smiled at him from across the bed. Holding her empty cup, she toasted him. “Dr. Cassidy.”
He propped his head on his hand. “Miss Marshall.”
“Was I a horrible patient?”
He nodded. “The worst.”
“How can I make it up to you, doctor?” She purred the question.
He closed his eyes and grimaced as if he was in pain. “Keelee, you’re killing me.”
What had she done wrong? “How?”
Adam rolled away from her and dropped his legs over the edge of the bed. He hung his head in his hands as he almost shouted, “Keelee, I have spent the last five days taking care of you as a patient. You have been very ill and you are in no condition to deal with anything I may want or need.”
Oh, well, he didn’t need to worry about that. She felt good enough to ride him into the next state. She chuckled, “My, my, Dr. Cassidy. It would appear it is you and not I that need some relief of their condition.”
He chuckled wickedly, “Yeah, I need relief.” He stood and started to walk out of the room.
“Adam?” He stopped and directed his eyes to the ceiling. Keelee regarded the spot that held his attention. She didn’t see anything.
“Look at me, Adam, not the ceiling.” He dropped his head and stared back. She lifted the T-shirt off and flipped her hair back. “I am in complete control of my faculties. I am a grown woman who wants you to make love to her. I think I could give you the relief you need.”
He turned away and buried his hands in his hair, eyes once again lifted up to the ceiling as he spoke. “That isn’t going to happen for several reasons. I have been pumping you full of antibiotics. I have no condoms with me, and even if you are on birth control you’d be in danger of becoming pregnant.”
“I think we can find some way to make this happen,” she chuckled as she walked towards him. She leaned up and nibbled on his ear and kissed down his neck. He grabbed her hands and stepped back. “Fuck, Keelee, you have to stop. I am only a man!”
“Yeah, Adam, you are all man.”
She slowly dropped to her knees and nuzzled his rock hard cock through his jeans. She had no idea how to do this, but the romance books she’d read made it sound simple. Take him in my mouth and make him feel good. How hard could it be? “Let go of my hands, Adam. I want us. I want us, now.”
He pulled her up. “Keelee, stop it.”
*
He knew he needed to explain this better. He absolutely couldn’t make love to her without contraception. Not after Bianca. Yet his will to resist her, to deny his desires, was running past empty. He needed this to stop. He needed to make her understand why he couldn’t do this, but damn it, he didn’t want to go there. Fuck, at this point he wasn’t sure he was capable of speech, let alone a rational discussion about his screwed-up life. His ex-wife had fucked him over good, and he’d be damned if he would allow it to happen again.
The hurt expression on her face hit him in the gut.
“Why? Am I repulsive to you?” Her words pushed him into a self-loathing he hadn’t felt since Bianca.
“No.” The acid in his gut roiled and he fought to keep the memories of his pain and loss at bay.
“Then what the hell is going on here?” Keelee backed away from him and crossed her arms across her breasts.
Adam groaned. “Listen, this is really fucked up, I just can’t do this…”
Keelee grabbed a flannel shirt and shrugged it on. Her lips pinched tight and she turned her back on him. “I… I thought you liked me.”
Oh, just fucking kill me now.
He stepped forward and put his hand on her shoulder. “It’s not that I don’t like you.” God, even to his own ears that sounded pathetic. “I’m not going—”
“Yeah, right. Don’t bother. I get your message loud and clear. Sorry I forced myself on you. Don’t worry, Dr. Cassidy. That will never happen again.” She shrugged off his hand and stepped away from him, but he reached out for her again.
“Damn it! Listen, I’m not going to be your ticket out of Hicksville…”
She spun around, hands on hips. “What?”
“I get you’re searching for something, but I won’t be your free ride out of here.”
“You think I want… that I would… use you? Like that? Why the hell would I want to leave?”
“It’s been done before.” The sneer in his voice came from a pain he couldn’t hide.
“Excuse me? We haven’t known each other long but you should know me well enough by now to realize I’m not that type of woman. Even if I wanted to expand my horizons, I don’t need a man to get me out of ‘Hicksville’.”
“Look, maybe you’re not pandering for a ticket out, but even if you aren’t, I’m not searching for a relationship and you are definitely a relationship waiting to happen. I’m nothing but a transient in this job. I don’t have any roots and I don’t have any intention of putting any down, so if this…” he circled the air with his hand, “…is your Nirvana, you’d be better off hooking your cart to someone who’d be happy here.”
“What? What does that even mean?” Keelee’s gaping expression frustrated him to the point of anger.
“You! You don’t have what it takes to survive my world, baby. You’re a tough woman, sure, but you’d never make it in my world and I won’t live in yours. I can’t. I have obligations outside my commitments to my team. I’ve got to be aware of the big picture here and no matter how much I want you, this?” He motioned between the two of them. “This will never happen. Period.”
“Oh, you are so right. This? This is done. Forever. Don’t worry, Dr. Cassidy, believe me, this country bumpkin doesn’t have to be told twice. Get out.” Her hands shook as she held the shirt closed around her and pointed towards the door.
Adam pivoted on his foot and slammed the door on the way out. Fuck. This. Shit.
*
Four months later:
Why am I still thinking about him? Why, after all this time, why do I still torture myself? “Oh, you are so right. This? This is done. Forever. Don’t worry Dr. Cassidy, believe me this country bumpkin doesn’t have to be told twice. Get out.” The last words she ever spoke to him were etched in her memory. As were the feelings of shame and morbid humiliation she’d felt that day when the full impact of his comments had registered. After almost four months, you’d think she’d be able to put it behind her. Yet the vivid memory lived as if the events had happened yesterday. Today, the words and feelings slapped her in the face again as she hung up the phone after talking with her sister.
When the men
left the ranch, they went on a mission. Keelee didn’t know the details, but from what she was told, everything went wrong. Several members of the team were missing, including Tori’s husband and Doc. Tori’s call today was a godsend. They’d been found.
Talk about regrets. Before the team left, Keelee had ensured there wasn’t an opportunity to be alone with Doc. His accusations and insinuations had hurt her. The idea that she would use him as a way out? The comment and his accusations threw her for a loop. Why in the hell would she ever leave the ranch? Why would he think she would? The arrogant son-of-a-bitch. The more she thought about it, the madder she got. Hell, the times he had attempted to speak to her, she’d walked away without a word.
Keelee sighed and shrugged her shoulders. They didn’t have a shot. He didn’t want her. He was completely honest about what type of woman it would take to get anyone from Guardian to settle down. Her sister was that type. Worldly, fun, vivacious. Keelee would never be that kind of person. Couldn’t be. Adam’s life held thrills and challenges she could never understand. Or at least until he’d been injured it had.
Keelee cleared her throat. His injuries were extensive but Adam was alive. Well, for that she was thankful. But Tori told her his memories of recent events, including his stay at the ranch, were gone. He didn’t know she existed.
Keelee wiped a tear from her eye and shrugged off the humiliation that followed. Just as well. It was enough that he was alive. She walked without seeing through the kitchen and shouldered into a coat. Life went on. The animals needed food. Livestock needed tending, and work needed to be done. Nothing could change what had happened. Keelee lifted a hand, waving at Clint as he pulled into the yard. The man’s smile and shouted greeting were familiar. Normal. Clint was a part of her world as Adam had never been.
Chapter Five
One year later:
None of it felt familiar. Nothing. Not a damned thing. I stayed here? A year ago? Adam scanned the breadth of landscape outside the clinic’s window—a brand new facility, built on a South Dakota ranch. They told him he’d worked and stayed at this ranch, made friends here and he couldn’t remember a solitary minute of that time. Memories—gone. Only random flashes of conversations, mere déjà vu moments, or ghosts of emotions drifting around his consciousness sometimes, rippling through the emptiness.
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