I reach for my hair, grabbing my neck instead when I realize it’s in a bun. “Ain’t there some rule against it, anyway? Won’t it look bad for you to be seen with me?”
He shrugs, running a hand through his locks. “Probably. I don’t know, I guess I didn’t think of it that way. I just thought maybe we could talk about how today went. How you thought I did with them. That’s all.” His jaw clenches as he slightly shakes his head. “It’s stupid. I’ll just call Connor.”
I cock my head as I watch him ramble. Is he nervous? He seems almost vulnerable. Or maybe I’m just reflecting the emotions I try to hide. Either way, I can’t find it in me to say no, even though we both know I should.
“Okay.”
His posture relaxes, and he bites his lip as he grins. A thousand fireflies light up my stomach. This is not a smart decision.
But it’s never felt so good to act so dumb.
17
Eli
Asking Becca to go to dinner with me is the stupidest decision I can make, but the words spill out before I can suck them back in.
Friends.
If I can keep it to just that, then I’ll consider it a win. The truth is there’s a nagging insecurity scratching at my insides, threatening to swallow me whole. My heart pumps faster at the thought that I wasn’t good enough—didn’t live up to everyone’s expectations. Again. There’s no ulterior motive to my offer, I really do want to talk about the first day of practice. How I handled my first day as a coach.
It’s stupid.
I should just call and meet up with Connor. Or Sarah. But they weren’t there, and I‘m not interested in another person who will just tell me what I want to hear. Becca’s the only one who won’t.
“Where you wanna go?” she asks.
I shrug. “Wherever is fine with me.”
“There’s a good spot about ten minutes from here that has the best burritos.” She pats her stomach and grins. Sparks burst through my chest at her smile.
“Sounds good.”
I park next to her when we get there, watching as she hops out of her car and prances over to my driver side window, miming for me to roll it down.
“Lotta people here,” I say.
She nods, her eyes scanning the groups filling the patio tables. “Yep. Lotta students, too. I recognize some of ‘em from my classes.”
I palm the back of my neck. This wasn’t the best idea. She’s probably right, I shouldn’t be seen with her. Especially since I’ve already bent her over a sink and fucked her until she couldn’t speak. If whispers started, there wouldn’t be a way to keep my guilt under wraps. I’ve always had a shit poker face.
She leans into the window of my car, her arms resting along the frame, fingers dangling inside the door. From this angle, I’m level with her chest and I can’t help where my eyes go. Her tits are just right there.
I swallow hard, visions of those same tits in my hands as I impale her from behind filling my mind. My mouth runs dry and I shift in my seat.
“Eyes up here, friend.”
My gaze snaps to Becca’s face.
Her eyes glint. “Maybe we should get the burritos to go? I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be eatin’ together at places crawlin’ with students.”
“Sure.”
“Okay.” She smiles. “I’ll go in and grab the food. But I get to pick, and you’ll just have to suffer through whatever I choose for you. I’ll follow you back to your place?”
She sashays away before I can protest and my gut jolts at the thought of her being in my house. Alone. With me. This is a terrible idea. My mind knows it and repeats it to the rest of my body on a loop, but it doesn’t stop the thrill of anticipation at the thought of having her all to myself.
She comes out with a bag of food and I start my car, reversing out of the lot and driving home, my nerves making my stomach jostle, my foot jerky on the gas pedal. I glance in the rearview mirror as I turn on my street, making sure she’s following me.
Once I’m in my driveway, I blow out a breath, my knuckles tightening around the steering wheel as I give myself a pep talk. You can do this, Eli. There’s nothing wrong with being friends.
I step out of my car and lean against the side, watching as Becca stares at my house with wide eyes.
“Whew, buddy.” She whistles. “This is quite the place you got here. I didn’t realize assistant coaches had such a nice salary.”
I shrug. “NBA pays well.”
Her eyes squint. “You didn’t play in it very long.”
“Doesn’t matter. Contract was guaranteed, regardless of injury.” I wave my arm toward the door. “Let’s go inside before the food gets cold.”
I’m not uncomfortable with the amount of money I have. I was paid out my forty-four million dollar contract from New York. I’m set for life. Which is just one of the reasons why I wish Lee wouldn’t fight me so damn hard when I send them money every month.
Becca makes it sound like she’s been struggling. Lee even makes it sound like they’ve been struggling, so I don’t know why she’s being so hardheaded. I can help. I want to help. I wish she’d understand that. But I guess that would involve her looking outside the bubble where only her issues matter.
Becca and I eat our burritos on the living room floor, our backs against the couch.
“I know you’ve been dyin’ to ask me. So go for it.” Becca pats her mouth with a napkin.
“Ask you what?”
She squints her eyes. “Don’t you wanna know what I thought about your supreme coachin’ skills? Stroke that ego of yours a bit, and make your head swell ten times its normal size?”
My cock jerks, stiffening instantly at her words. That mouth of hers makes words sound so damn filthy.
“If you insist.” I smirk.
She rolls her eyes, reaching over and pushing me playfully. “And your sister calls me crass. Come on, Eli. You bleed basketball, it’s the only thing runnin’ through those veins. Don’t need me to say how obvious it is to everyone around you.”
The smile drops off my face, self-doubt wringing my insides tight. I used to think that, but now… how can I be sure?
She stares at me, her lips turning down. “You really don’t see yourself right, do you?”
I shrug. “I see myself as anyone else.”
“What are you worried about then?”
“Who says I’m worried about anything?”
She tsks. “You don’t have to say it, Eli. It’s clear as day on that pretty face of yours.”
A grin tugs my lips. “Pretty?”
She groans. “You just gonna repeat everything I say all night, or can we have an actual conversation for once?”
I lean my back against the foot of the couch, running a hand through my hair. “I don’t know, Becca. I guess I just want to hear it didn’t seem like I was an imposter. Basketball is all I’ve known. It’s all I’ve lived and breathed since Pops found out I could dribble the ball. But… I’m only a few years older than the guys on the team. And when it comes down to it, in the big leagues, I couldn’t hack it.”
Her brows draw in. “You got hurt, Eli. That’s hardly a failure.”
I huff out a laugh. “Yeah? Tell that to the expectations lingering on my back.”
She scoots next to me, placing her hand on mine and squeezing. Tingles race up my arm, my heart slamming against my ribs at her touch.
“Eli, those boys don’t care about your injury or your age. They worship you. If you could have seen the way their eyes lit up with every word you spoke...” She trails off, shaking her head.
A bit of my doubt chips away with her words. “You really think so?”
“I know so. If I could feel your passion, there’s no way they didn’t.”
My eyes flick over her face. From the freckles on her nose to the sharp gaze of her emerald eyes. She’s so close I can feel the heat of her energy zapping along my side, trying to lure me into its embrace. Christ, I want to kiss her.
Friends.
I clear my throat and scoot back. “Well, thanks. I hope I can live up to how you think they see me.”
Her eyes dim as I say it, nodding her head as she jumps up, gathering the trash from our meal. I let her, not knowing what to say. Not daring to act on the things I want. Because what I want is to pull her into my arms. Apologize for not realizing the way she’s always lit me up inside. For not voicing how damn beautiful she’s always been, and not doing something about it when I had the chance. For not being able to do anything about it now.
What I want is to dive deep inside her and stay there, until she admits she feels this just as much as I do.
But I can’t.
So I let her clean up as I open a bottle of wine and take it to the patio, overlooking the coast. I’ll sink into a make-believe world where every fiber of my being doesn’t reach out to fuse with hers.
I’ll settle for her friendship, and pretend that it’s enough.
18
Becca
Time moves differently after a few glasses of wine. I thought we were just grabbing a quick meal. Convinced myself I would leave right after eating, not wanting to torture myself by staying next to Eli for long periods of time. I hate how much I like him. I feel like my loyalty to Lee is slipping away with every second in his presence.
But I can’t help it.
So here I am a few hours later. The sun has long since dipped behind the sea—which you can see from his million-dollar deck. Holy crap, how did I not know Eli was loaded? Talk about a smack in the face when I pulled up to his mansion with a view.
“How many rooms does this place have, anyway?” I sip my glass of wine, relaxing on a lounge chair.
“Six.”
“Six? For what? Who’s gonna be takin’ up the space? Not like your family’s gonna visit anytime soon.” My hand slaps over my mouth immediately, the wine loosening my tongue beyond what I meant to say.
Eli sighs. “No shit, right? They wouldn’t come out even if I asked.” He hangs his head, peering into the liquid swirling in his glass.
“Have you?... asked, that is.”
“Naw, why set myself up for the letdown, you know?”
My heart pinches at his words, but I’m not sure why he thinks that way. There’s nothing that Lee would want more than to see him.
“Eli, Lee wants to see you. You know that, right? She misses you. She loves you. She needs you.”
He scoffs, setting his glass on the wicker table and facing me, his elbows on his knees. “Please, spare me the theatrics, Becca. Lee doesn’t miss me. Lee doesn’t even know me. All she wants is someone there to help carry the weight of her life.”
I sit forward, anger piercing my chest for my best friend. How dare he act like she doesn’t care. “And that’s a bad thing because…?”
“Because nobody was there to help me carry mine!” he explodes, his hands flying out to his sides.
“You wouldn’t let them be!” I yell back. “Lee tells me how she tries with you. How she begs every time y’all talk for you to come home, and you just ignore her pleas. They fall on deaf ears… just like they always have.”
His spine stiffens, his eyes narrowing. “This comin’ from the girl who says she ‘gets it.’ You’re runnin’ so fast from your family, you can’t even catch your breath. You have no clue what you’re talkin’ about.”
That accent again. It’s his biggest tell. He can try to hide it all he wants, but his emotions show the truth of his roots, no matter how many layers of dirt he tries to bury them under.
He’s not wrong, though. His words cut into my skin, showing the hypocrisy underneath, but I won’t let him know I feel it. “The only clue I need is that you’re sittin’ pretty in a multi-million dollar mansion while your family can barely make ends meet. Now why is that?”
“You think I don’t try to help them?” he hisses through clenched teeth.
“Obviously not enough.”
He chuckles, but it’s an empty sound. “Must be nice on that pedestal, Rebecca. Does it ever get lonely up there?”
Irritation flares, making my cheeks hot. “Probably as lonely as is it is down there with the people who abandon their family.”
“Well, make sure you ask Lee all about it when you talk to her next,” he bites back.
I suck in a breath, the twang in his voice and the glassy sheen in his eyes twisting my stomach. Is he insinuating that Lee abandoned him?
“What are you talkin’ about?”
He shakes his head, dusting off his pant legs as he stands. “It doesn’t matter. You’re right. I’m an asshole. Lee can do no wrong… and you should go.”
I move to sit on the edge of my lounger, reaching out and grasping his wrist. “Hold on. I’m… I’m sorry, alright? I spent a lotta years wipin’ Lee’s tears that came attached to your name. It’s hard for me to see past that to hear you.”
He nods sharply. “It’s late.”
I don’t move from my spot. My mind is telling me to pull myself away, to stand strong in my loyalty to Lee. But I swear I can see anguish swirling in Eli’s eyes, and it calls to the part of me that aches for understanding. The part that wishes someone in that godforsaken town would open their eyes and just see me for me. Accept me the way I am.
“You’re right,” I whisper. “I don’t know what I’m talkin’ about.”
His eyes lock on to mine and my stomach jumps so high I swear it’s trying to leave my body. It must know I’m a traitor for feeling about him the way I do.
I swallow, making the choice before my logical side can catch up to my mouth. “I don’t wanna go.”
His nostrils flare. “Pretty sure I didn’t give you the option.”
I blow out a breath, regret from my outburst inching through my body and squeezing my throat. Didn’t I just tell him the other day I understood?
I’m no better than my folks.
Nodding, I set down my wine glass and stand up. I try to ignore the way his smell makes my heart ache as I brush by him.
“Wait.” His hand grasps my wrist.
The word thickens the air, wrapping itself around my body and jerking me to a stop. I close my eyes, willing my heart to stop pounding so hard, afraid he’ll be able to hear. I don’t want him to know how much he affects me.
I wish he didn’t affect me at all.
His hand leaves my wrist, sliding up my arm until he tangles his fingers in my hair, exposing the side of my neck. I feel his breath as he exhales, blowing lightly as his nose skims along my skin.
“Why do you drive me so goddamn crazy?” he rasps.
“I don’t mean to,” I whisper.
He hums. The sound, low and gravelly, is a match to the pit in my belly, sparking a blaze so deep I worry I’ll burn alive.
“You make me want things I shouldn’t. Things I can’t have.”
My heart races, my arms trembling against his fingers. “What do you want?”
The heat of his body flickers against my back, and his hands grip my shoulders like he’s afraid I’ll run from his words.
I can’t be sure I won’t.
“I want you. Riding me against the backdrop of the sky until your body becomes my horizon. On my face, so I can revel in your taste. In my bed, so I can bury myself deep inside you instead of settling for my dreams.”
His hips press into me.
“I want to say fuck the rules. Fuck my sister. Fuck anybody who says we shouldn’t be together. How come they all get a say? They don’t have to live with the torment of not being able to touch you.”
My breath hitches.
“I want you to admit you feel this the same way I do.”
My heart bangs against my ribs, and I bite my tongue to keep from spilling the truth.
“Say it.”
I shake my head, my eyes squeezing tight. I can’t.
His hand grasps my jaw, twisting my face toward him. His grip is strong, and my breathing grows heavy from the sting of his touch. His lips
brush against mine.
“Say it.” His voice is sharp, deep. Authoritative. It should piss me off, but all it does is turn me on. The hold on my restraint slackens, the need to please him rushing through my system and pouring out of my mouth.
“I feel it,” I whisper.
His mouth crashes into mine. My body sings from his taste, and his words linger on my skin.
Why should they get a say?
I spin in his arms, allowing our kiss to deepen. He groans, his other hand moving to frame my face, cupping both sides of my jaw, and I’m lost. Totally and completely lost in him.
I can’t fight it anymore. I don’t want to.
So I won’t.
I’ll give in to whatever this is between us and pray to God it doesn’t take us both down in its fury.
19
Eli
I’m addicted to the taste of Becca’s mouth. Who knew it was possible to fall in love with something you hate?
She never knows when to shut the hell up, but every barb she throws is fuel on the fire, making my temper rage until I snap, wanting to fuck the attitude out of her.
She’s judgmental. Crass. Off-limits. I want her in spite of all that. Hell, probably because of it. She calls to the deepest parts of me, pulling out the pieces that no one else can touch.
My hands reach down to grab her ass as my tongue tangles with hers. Her lithe body rubs against my dick in the most delicious way, and my hips involuntarily thrust, begging for more friction.
“We should stop,” she mumbles against my lips.
My fingers grip tighter, anchoring her to me. “Probably.”
One hand slides up her back, teasing the hem of her shirt. I’d like to take my time but the raw need I feel drives me into a frenzy. I break our kiss, tearing the fabric over her head, and tossing it to the side. She isn’t wearing a bra.
Goddamn.
My eyes are greedy for her flesh, my mouth watering at the sight of her exposed for me. Her stare reaches into my chest and squeezes, urging my blood to pump faster.
Beneath the Stands: An Enemies to Lovers, Best Friend's Brother Romance (Sugarlake Series, Book Two) Page 8
