by Tessa Teevan
Twice.
A BABY.
A freaking baby.
Of course Lily would ask for that.
I froze as soon as the words came out of her mouth, and Kalli did nothing to help me out. The thing is, although it’s a conversation we haven’t had, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it. It’s crossed my mind on more than one occasion. A lot, actually. We’ve just never sat down and actually had the talk. With things being so new, and Ma’s upcoming surgery, it’s just another thing I haven’t wanted to worry about.
Until now.
Now that Lily’s opened the can of worms, I can’t stop thinking about it. Kalli hasn’t mentioned it, however, and I’m wondering where her head’s at. I want her to have my kid. I want Lily to have brothers and sisters, especially now that it’s apparent she’d be completely on board with the idea. I want a little girl who has Kalli’s eyes and sass. Maybe a little boy with whom I can do father-son things that I missed out on when I was a kid. And I want her to want them, too.
Once I finally ushered the three meddlers out of the house, I was prepared to have the discussion, but instead, Kalli’s innuendo landed us in bed, all previous thoughts thrown out the window as I made love to my wife. The idea of taking her without a condom, hopefully in the near future, had me virile enough to go for two rounds, and by the time we were finished, she was ready to hit the road, still not mentioning Lily’s “present” as she chattered about still not knowing what to get her.
The more she avoids the conversation, however, the more worried I become that perhaps she doesn’t want kids and that’s why she’s not bringing it up. She was facing my back when Lily brought it up, so I have no idea what her initial reaction was. Mine, naturally, was shock. I had no idea Lily was even thinking about it, and I definitely hadn’t expected her to ask for that her birthday. And then, with Kale’s teasing, I was worried it was too much too soon for Kalli.
But the longer we don’t talk about it, the more the air between us swirls with tension. I’m probably creating it myself, being all up in my head, and for once, with Kalli, I don’t want to do that. Hell, I don’t want to do that anymore with us. I owe it to her to have these types of conversations instead of wondering and worrying until she brings it up.
By the time we get to the mall, I’ve had about all I can take. She takes my hand and leads me towards Justice, walking right past Carter’s, the window seemingly taunting me with bright-colored onesies that say things like My Dad Rocks and Mommy’s Little Guy. My resolve snaps, and I grip her hand tight as I turn us around.
“Xavier, what’s going on?” she asks, practically running to keep up with me as I take us out the door and to the truck, where I let down the hitch.
Placing my hands on her waist, I lift her up and set her down on it before stepping back and pacing back and forth in front of her as I try to put my thoughts into words.
Romantic, I know. It’s probably the most privacy we’re going to get right in the middle of a Nashville mall, and although I could wait until we get home, I can’t. I need to know what she wants, and I need to know now.
A thought crosses my mind
What if she says yes?
Then another.
What if she says no?
Only one way to find out.
I stop pacing directly in front of her and step closer, nudging her legs apart so I can slip between them. She looks up at me, her eyes curious, but she doesn’t say a word. All of a sudden, I imagine her belly swelling as our child grows inside her, and I want it. God, I just hope she does, too.
“I know we probably should’ve had this conversation a long time ago, but we’ve kind of done all of this a little backwards. I love you, Kalli, and I’ll forever be thankful you agree to be my wife. To be Lily’s mom. We’re blessed to have you in our lives.”
“Xavier, I’m the one who’s blessed. When I moved to Tennessee, I had hopes, but I never imagined I’d be where I am today. Sometimes, I still want to pinch myself when I wake up. You two are my whole world. But what’s going on? Why’d you drag me out of the mall?”
Here goes nothing. “Will you consider . . . I mean, if you want . . .” I pause to collect my thoughts. God, please don’t say no.
Kalli’s hands slide up my chest and lock around my neck. Her eyes search mine, and she urges me on. “Spit it out, baby.”
“Havemybaby,” I rush out before inhaling sharply as I wait for her answer.
Her head cocks to one side as her eyes continue to bore into mine. “Is that what you want?” she asks, her voice soft.
Wanting to be nothing but honest with her, I nod slowly. “But only if you do, too.”
A slow smile spreads over her beautiful face. “I do. I love our family, and now that I know that Lily’s okay with it, I can’t think of anything better than expanding it. So, yes, Xavier, I will absolutely have your baby.”
Relief and pride both cause my heart to swell nearly to the point of exploding. I had no idea how much I wanted this until she agreed, and now that she has, I want it now.
She hops off the edge of the truck and goes to the passenger’s door. “Well, what are you waiting for? The clock’s ticking and we have to get a bun in my oven,” she says, laughing.
“What about Lily’s birthday?” I ask even though I want nothing more than to race home to start this new chapter in our lives.
Her eyes flash with desire as she gives me a wicked grin. “Thank God for online shopping,” she says, and it’s good enough for me.
I join her in the car, and just as I’m about to back out of the parking spot, she slides over and places her hand on mine. When I look at her, she’s smiling widely.
“We’re really going to do this?”
“Yes.” It’s simple, but it’s enough.
Her smile widens. “All right. Take me home, Xavier. We have a baby to make.”
Who could say no to that?
THE WEEKEND passed way too quickly, mostly spent in bed. Lucy could read it on my face as soon as they dropped off Lily, and she leaned in to whisper wishes of luck for us. Even though we had to tell Lily that she wouldn’t quite get a sibling for Christmas, she was pacified when we told her that we’d work on it. Kale’s nose wrinkled, but Lily, naturally, beamed at the prospect of being a big sister. And I was beaming at the thought of expanding our family.
I’m right in the middle of spelling words when there’s a knock on my classroom door. Turning from the chalkboard, I see Lucy and Mrs. Winters, one of the usual substitutes, in my doorway. Lucy beckons me. Frowning, I tell the kids to talk quietly amongst themselves before I slip into the hall. Lucy looks nervous, and I immediately worry about Lily.
“What’s going on?” I ask. “Is it Lily?”
Mrs. Winters squeezes my shoulder. “I’ll go on in and watch the kids. Take your time,” she says, walking into the room and leaving us alone in the hallway.
I turn back to Lucy. “Seriously, what the hell?” I whisper. Then something hits me. “Oh no. Is it Anna? Oh my God. Did something happen?”
“No, no,” she insists, shaking her head profusely. “Look, calm down, Kalli. I already left messages with Kale and Xavier, but neither of them answered.”
“Messages about what?” My irritation is growing by the minute, wishing she’d just spit it out.
She nibbles on her lower lip and glances at the floor before looking up at me. “It’s my free hour and I was in the office trying to plan for a sub for Jacob’s checkup in a couple of weeks. And well, a woman came in.”
Oh no.
“And then she asked for Lily. I didn’t recognize her, but . . .” she says, trailing off.
My heart sinks—I know exactly who this woman is. Without another word, I turn on my heel and stalk towards the office, rage boiling deep within me with each step closer I get. Lucy shuffles after me, stopping me just outside the door.
“Kalli, this isn’t the place,” she warns.
Spinning around, I’m practically
seething. I know she’s right, so I take a few calming breaths. “Of course it’s not. But she showed up, didn’t she? I just need to get her away from here. Away from Lily. Do you know if Mrs. Winters is available for the rest of the day?”
She nods.
“Okay. Thank you. Will you do me a favor and get my purse? Then meet me in the office.”
She hesitates.
“Lucy, I’ll be fine. I promise.”
Inhaling deeply, I smooth out my skirt and put on my game face. I open the door and see Mrs. Foster, the school secretary, give me a relieved smile.
“Oh, here she is,” she says.
The woman standing in front of her turns, her smile waning when she sees me—presumably because I’m half a foot taller than she expected. I study her for a moment, seeing the unmistakable resemblance to Lily. All of this time, we’ve been waiting and wondering if she was going to show up, I don’t think I actually expected it to happen. So seeing her here, now, at Lily’s school, terrifies me as much as it pisses me off.
Her brow wrinkles. “Excuse me. Who are you?”
Closing the door behind me, I square my shoulders and try to keep my emotions at bay, not wanting to give her any indication that I know who she is—or that she scares me. “I’m Mrs. Cruz,” I tell her.
I see a flicker of recognition in her eyes before she narrows them. Apparently in her research, she didn’t care to find out if Xavier had married.
“May I help you with something?”
Her eyes flash as she stiffens. “I’m here to see my daughter, Mrs. Cruz,” she replies, practically spitting out my last name as if it’s some dirty word.
If I were a lesser woman, I’d already be pulling her hair and dragging her outside, but alas, Mom raised a lady and the last thing I want is to cause a scene. But the mama bear that’s awoken inside me ever since Lily started calling me Mom is threatening to rise to the surface to ensure that this woman gets nowhere near my daughter.
For a split second, I close my eyes and return to just a few minutes ago when all was right in the world. Or so it seemed. Because that’s the funny thing about bubbles. No matter how hard you try to keep them afloat, eventually, they burst. And right now, Angela’s holding the proverbial needle, just waiting to strike.
When I open my eyes, she’s watching me curiously. Mustering up the closest thing resembling a smile, I speak. “I assume you’re referring to my daughter, and I can guarantee you’re not on the approved list to see her or take her out of class.”
She glowers at me, and I practice my yoga breathing so my head doesn’t explode.
“Your daughter?” she scoffs.
Fire blazes deep in my belly. Lily might have only been mine for the past few months, but that’s many more than Angela spent acting like a mother. As much as I want to rip her hair out, I remind myself where I am and that, even though I loathe this woman, she did bring Lily into the world.
“Considering she calls me Mom, yes, she’s my daughter.” It’s probably a low blow, but she has ten years’ worth of abandonment insults coming.
Lucy steps into the office and hands me my purse before taking a place at my back.
“Look, no matter how long you wait, you’re not going to see her. And you’re not going to earn any brownie points with Xavier by showing up here unannounced. If you want to be part of her life, you speak with her father first.”
She starts to protest, but I hold up a hand.
“You have two choices. I can have you escorted from the premises, or you can get in your car and follow me someplace where we can talk, away from here. I will not have you coming into my workplace, Lily’s school, and disrupting her life.”
“Fine,” she mutters.
I glance back at Lucy. “Will you take Lily home? I’m going to try to get ahold of Xavier. Keep her until we call you?”
She looks back and forth between me and Angela. “Of course. You’ll be fine?”
“I’ll be fine,” I reassure her even though fine isn’t anywhere near how I’d describe my mental state right now.
AS I drive to a coffee shop not far from the school, I call Xavier, begging for him to pick up. Relief flows through me when I hear his voice.
“Hey, baby. How’s work?” he asks, apparently not having heard Lucy’s message.
I brace myself for this, not wanting to say the words out loud. Not wanting to be the one to rock the boat or turn his world upside down. But I have to. The only comfort is knowing that we’ll deal with this together.
“She’s here,” is all I manage to choke out as tears fill my eyes. I will them down, though, knowing I need to be strong for him right now.
“Fuck,” he breathes out.
My sentiments exactly. I quickly relay the conversation we had at the school and then tell him where we’re going, hoping he can make it there as soon as possible.
“I’ll hold her off until you get here,” I tell him as I pull into the parking lot.
“It shouldn’t take long. The captain should understand after he gets done saying, ‘I told you so.’ God, I never thought this would actually happen. I’m sorry,” he says.
“Hey, stop it. We knew it was possible, and it’s not your fault. There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. Just get here. I love you.”
He sighs. “I love you, too. So much. Be there soon.” With that, we hang up.
Taking one last deep breath, I walk inside and calmly order coffee before taking a seat. When Angela joins me, neither of us has anything to say. Well, I have a lot I could say, but I bite my tongue, not wanting to make anything worse for Xavier.
She fiddles with her coffee sleeve, not looking at me. Finally, I can’t take the silence anymore.
“Look, Angela, I don’t know why you’re here, what you want, or where you’ve been all this time. If it weren’t for Lily, I wouldn’t even care. But honestly, can this wait? Does this have to happen now?”
That gets her attention. Her chin lifts as her eyes race to meet mine, narrowing. “Excuse me?” she asks as if she can’t believe my nerve.
Sighing, I sit back in my chair. “For months, Xavier’s been waiting for this to happen—for you to show up out of the blue. And finally, here you are.”
“Here I am,” she echoes.
God, I wish I could reach over and smack the smug smile off her face. Fortunately, this past year has taught me all about patience, so I take a deep breath and let it go.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but Anna’s having an extremely risky procedure being done next week—you know Anna? The woman who helped raise your . . .” I can’t even say the word that would allow her to have any sort of ownership. “Lily. The last thing he needs is to be dealing with you right now. He’s stressed enough as it is.”
As if on cue, I hear a grumble come from behind me, which is followed by a few curse words. Strong hands brace my shoulders, and I bring mine up to meet them for a reassuring squeeze. We present a solid unit.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he growls, his voice low and laced with anger.
“Nice to see you, too, Xavier,” she quips, smiling up at him as if she didn’t walk out on him without so much as a goodbye eleven years ago.
“There’s nothing nice about this situation, so I’d rather not pretend. What do you want?” he asks, getting straight to the point.
“To see our daughter,” she responds, her eyes on me as she emphasizes the word.
My hands return to my coffee mug and tighten as I barely resist the urge to throw it in her face. Xavier lightly squeezes my shoulders, effectively calming me down.
“You gave up that right a long time ago, and I’ll be damned if I let you anywhere near her.”
“You see, I figured you’d say that. And that’s where you’re wrong.”
Glancing up, I see Xavier blanch. Now it’s my turn to reassure him, but I don’t think it helps.
“I did some digging and I’ve become pretty well versed in the Army’s regulations
on single parents. From what I can tell, it shouldn’t be too terribly difficult for me to petition for some sort of custody. Especially now that I know about your mother’s illness. The way I see it, we’re all Lily has, and I’m sure a judge would understand.”
Dammit, dammit, dammit. I cannot believe this miserable bitch is using that against him. Against us.
Xavier slides into the chair beside me and presses his elbows against the table. “What is this really about, Angela? You can’t possibly expect me to believe you just woke up and decided you wanted to be a mom.”
She leans back in her chair and folds her arms. “You always were an astute one. Here’s the thing. I know my mom left her quite the inheritance while leaving me nothing. Apparently, it’s my ‘penance’ for what I did.”
“This is about money?” he asks, incredulous. “You don’t even care to know how she is? What she’s like? You just want money?”
I’m not sure how anything about this woman could surprise him, and if I have anything to say about it, she’s not getting a cent from us.
“I don’t want to be a mother, Xavier, and from what I can tell, Lily’s still better off without me. All I need is the money that should rightfully be mine anyway. I won’t even fight you for her. Sign it over to me and I’m gone. Forever.”
“Fine,” he says, and I turn to gape at him. “Whatever you want.”
“Excuse me?” I ask.
He gives me a confused look. “What? She’s making it easy. I’ll give her whatever she wants to get rid of her.”
“Xavier, stop. Don’t say another word.” I turn to Angela. “We need time to discuss this. You can’t just come in and drop a bomb like this and expect us to agree immediately.”
Anger flashes in Xavier’s eyes.
Angela watches us with an amused grin. “Fine, discuss it, whatever, but just know, if you don’t do this, you don’t pay me, I will take you to court. Here’s my number. You have twenty-four hours to make your decision.”
