by Micol Ostow
It didn’t take long to get to the top of the Louise ladder. But once I did, it still felt pretty high up. The tightwire looked skinny and slippery, and it didn’t have a net at all.
Not even the wide, knotty, fall-on-your-keister kind.
I wasn’t feeling less afraid of heights. I was feeling worse! I wished I’d never asked to fly on the trapeze in the first place.
“Nice tightwire!” I heard from nearby. “At least you finally got it off the ground. Barely.”
There was a snicker.
A ferrety snicker.
It was Fernando Worther.
Also known as: Ferret-breath Fernando.
My big-time enemy.
Fernando Worther is totally my big-time enemy. He’s the only gooberhead in our entire troupe. Everyone else in our circus family is nice.
Fernando is Ringmaster Riley’s son. He thinks he’s hot tamale sauce because he’s nine. Stella and I call him Ferret-breath. That’s because Fernando has a pet ferret named Linus who sleeps in Fernando’s bed with him! Can you even?
Yuck.
“You’re a real daredevil, Louise,” Fernando said. “On Planet Opposite.” He laughed at his own joke like it was actually funny. (It was not.)
Fernando is the stilt walker in our circus. He wears his stilts everywhere. That meant he was much higher up than I was, even standing on my Louise ladder. I had to tilt back just to see his whole gooberhead at once.
“If it’s so easy, why don’t you try it?” I stuck my tongue out, even though it was a babyish thing to do. Fernando wouldn’t try the tightwire. He would never, ever take off his stilts.
“Thanks, but I’ve got an act that doesn’t need training wheels,” he said. He swayed close-close-close to me, just to show off how good he was.
“Well, of course you’re superb at stilts. It’s the only thing you do,” I snapped. “It’s different when you have to learn a whole aerial arts repertoire.”*
Fernando smirked. “Actually, stilts aren’t that easy,” he said. “For instance, they wouldn’t be easy to learn at all…if you were afraid of heights.”
My face got very hot. Fernando had guessed my deepest, darkest secret!
“Well, I’m not afraid of heights. Not even a teensy percent,” I said.
“Okay,” Fernando replied. But he shrugged like he didn’t believe me.
“You’ll see,” I said. My voice was a little bit shouty again. “You think you’re so great because you’re nine. But tomorrow is my Actual Birthday Day, and it’s going to be my fabulous flying debut! Just wait!”
“Louise?” said a friendly voice from the tent behind me.
I heard the thumping of elephant footsteps. Stella and Clementine! Stella was still wearing her brand-new leotard.
Actually, it looked extremely perfect on her.
Everything always looks extremely perfect on Stella. And even if she’s afraid of rare arachnids, she is not afraid of heights one bit. Pfft.*
Stella didn’t notice how grumpy I was. “Your parents are letting you fly for your birthday?” she called. Her leotard was glimmery in the sunshine. “Wow!”
“They totally are!” I said. “Even if this gooberhead doesn’t believe me.”
“Ignore him,” Stella said. “Your tightwire is higher up, too! Superb!” She was best-friend-forever excited for me. BFF excited! That made me cheerier.
“Come down! Show me what you’re going to do for your trapeze act!” she called.
Fernando laughed.
“Yeah, Louise,” he said. “If you’re not afraid of heights, why don’t you show us?”
Fernando and Stella were waiting for me.
And then they were waiting for me to swing on the flying trapeze.
“I will show you!” I said. I tried to sound brave. I climbed back down the tightwire ladder without wobbling once.
But then it was time for the flying trapeze. The way-high-up flying trapeze.
I took a deep, being-fearless breath and forced myself to walk to the trapeze, even though my hands were getting very shake-ish and sweaty.
Step.
Step.
Step.
Now I was in front of the ladder. I grabbed it with both hands. It felt slippery because of my sweaty palms.
I wiped my palms on my pants and grabbed the ladder again. I stepped up.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
I lifted one foot on top of the other, rung to rung.
Climb.
Climb.
Climb.
After what felt like foreverness, I was at the top. I stepped onto the platform. One trapeze bar swayed in front of me. It was too far away to grab.
I looked down at Fernando and Stella. “I can’t reach the bar,” I called. Maybe I wouldn’t have to fly for them after all.
Fernando snickered. But Stella made an asking face at Clementine. Clementine nodded and stomped over to the trapeze. She wrapped her trunk around me.
“Clem’s going to help you!” Stella shouted.
“Oh, good,” I said. But my voice was small. Actually, I didn’t think it was so good at all.
Actually, my head was going to maybe tell my stomach to throw up any minute now.
I squeezed my eyes shut. When I opened them again, Clem had moved me gently to the bar and let me go.
I wrapped my hands around it tight-tight-tight. Clementine blinked at me. She gave me a tiny push with her trunk.
Swing.
Swing.
Swing.
“Do a split, Lou!” Stella called.
(I am superb at splits on my plain old Louise-sized solo trapeze.)
This is exactly the same, I told myself.
But deep down, it didn’t feel exactly the same.
“She can’t!” Ferret-breath said.
That made me the angriest. I do not like when ferrety boys tell me I can’t do things. “Yes,” I shouted, “I CAN!”
It was time to fly.
“Cheeze Louise and holy TRAPEZE!”
I glued my legs together and pointed my toes. I pulled in all my muscles, then swung my legs forward-backward-forward, and swoop-swoop-swooped my right leg up and under the bar. I arched my back.
Flip-flop-flip!
I had turned totally upside down, my hands still grabbing the bar and my legs in a perfect split! I did it!
I DID IT!
I did a split on the flying trapeze!
From the ground, Stella clapped and cheered. Clementine stomped her feet (it’s the elephant way of clapping). Petrova the Human Pretzel was there now, too, all twisted up pretzel-y, applauding. I felt proud-proud-proud.
Until all of a sudden, my big moment wasn’t so proud-making anymore.
Instead, it had changed into something else: an Extremely Embarrassing Time.…
My split was all finished. I was hanging again. More and more Sweet Potatoes were arriving to see my Extremely Embarrassing Time! Everyone was looking up at me, waiting. My arms were achy.
It was time to drop to the net.
The wide, knotty net that was very far away.
My brain said: The net is safety.
My feelings said: Nuh-uh.
If I couldn’t drop down to the net, what would happen? Would I just stay there, way-high-up, forever?
That sounded like a terrible plan. And the embarrassing feeling was not getting better.
“Are you okay, Lou?” Stella called.
“I’m superb!” I said. But really, I felt silly. And a smidge grumpy again. I was going to be swinging from this trapeze bar for the rest of my lifelong days.
“Come down and try another trick!” That was Maharaja Moe, the snake charmer. Khan, his ten-foot cobra, was curled around Maharaja’s neck.
I thought I might faint.
But fainting would mean falling down to the net, and I definitely wasn’t going to do that.
I couldn’t faint, I couldn’t drop, and I for certainly couldn’t sway there for the rest of my lif
e. What could I do?
“Actually,” I called, “instead of doing more tricks, I’m going to take it easy.* So I’ll be rested for my fabulous Actual Birthday Day debut!”
Maharaja and the others nodded like that made sense. But I was still stuck, hanging from the trapeze bar. That was definitely still a problem.
Stella looked up at me. Then she and Fernando made a little glance at each other.
I did not like my BFF glancing at Ferret-breath.
But all Stella said to me was “Good idea.” She turned to Clementine. “Since Louise wants to take it easy, can you help her back down?”
“Excellent thinking, Stella,” I said.
It was excellent thinking.
Even if it maybe meant she and Fernando both guessed my deepest, darkest secret.
Clementine wrapped me in her trunk again and lowered me down, soft-soft-soft. My arms felt like mushy spaghetti, but I was extremely happy to be back on the regular ground.
“Hooray!” cheered Maharaja. Petrova whistled. Khan flicked his tongue.
Stella and Fernando didn’t cheer, though. They were still making little glances at each other.
My stomach squeezed up when they did that. I was still afraid of heights. Ferret-breath Fernando knew it. Stella probably knew it. And tomorrow, everyone else would know it, too.
It was too hard to be mature and not jealous of Stella right now! “Thanks for getting Clem to help me,” I said to her. “But I have to go…get the surprise ready for Birthday Eve.”
“Of course,” Stella said. “Birthday Eve. It will be so, so fun.”
“It will,” I agreed.
But neither of us was smiling.
Birthday Eve was fun.
It was late-late-late. Stella and I were having our sleepover. We’d stretched out sleeping bags in the Easy Trapezee tent all by ourselves. (Mama and Daddy were sleeping in our trailer,* right in front of the tent.)
“Do you want another watermelon gummy?” Stella asked.
“No thanks. I’m full,” I answered. “Maybe just one more glitter tattoo instead.”
We still had lots of tattoos left over from Mama’s present. That was the super-secret Birthday Eve surprise: a Deluxe Glitter Tattoo Kit from the Funky Town Odditorium Emporium! Mama saw it in the store and knew it would be perfect for Stella and me. And she was right!
“How about this one? It’s a butterfly,” Stella said.
“Yes, please.” There was one teensy section of my right hand still untattooed, next to my thumb. I held my hand out. Stella reached over and stuck the tattoo on. She patted it with a wet sponge. Then she peeled the backing off.
“That looks perfect,” I said.
I blew on my hand until I was sure my tattoo was dry. Then I unzipped my sleeping bag and snuggled inside. The butterfly tattoo really did look superb. It made me feel better about my Extremely Embarrassing Time up on the trapeze.
Stella snuggled into her sleeping bag, too. She yawned. “Did we take it easy enough for your fabulous debut?” she asked.
We hadn’t talked about my flying. Or the Embarrassing Time. Or the not-smiling-at-each-other from before.
“Of course!” I said. I tried to sound extra cheery. But I remembered how Stella glanced at Fernando.
Then Stella said, “Lou?”
My heart made a thump-thump-thump. Stella sounded like she had a serious-business question. But I just said, “Mm-hm?” like I wasn’t so worried.
“You know that I’m scared of lots of things,” Stella said.
“I know.” It was true. I counted Stella’s Scaredness Things on my fingers. “Monsters, masks, staying inside the car for the car wash, and also the moon.”
Some of the things on Stella’s list were a little silly. But I never teased her about them. Teasing is not a best friend way to be.
“And you are scared of yapper dogs,” Stella said.
“I do not care for them. Because of their yappy barks,” I explained. It wasn’t exactly a fear, but yappy barks make my nose go wrinkly.
“You do not care for them,” Stella agreed. “But…if you had another Scaredness Thing to add to your list, that would be okay. Like if you were scared of zombie movies. Or centipedes. Or even…high-up places?”
My heart thumped again. My best friend did guess my deepest, darkest secret! What if she and Fernando even joked about my scaredness together, behind my back?!
I didn’t think my BFF would do that to me. But I wasn’t for-totally certain. After all, Stella was extremely perfect at everything she did. And Fernando was superb on his stilts.
Maybe they were so-so-so much more mature than me that now…
they were going to be…
BFFs…
with each other?!
It was a horrible feeling. Like there was a giant glob of peanut butter stuck in my throat, and I couldn’t talk around it.
I coughed and tried to push the lump down. “I need to be totally, one hundred percent, fearless,” I said. “To be mature.”
“Louise, one hundred percent is all the percents!” Stella said. “You could still be ninety-nine percent fearless! Or even ninety-eight percent! That’s a lot percent!”
I liked that Stella felt the exact same way about ninety-eight percent as I did. It was a lot percent. But it wasn’t one hundred.
My grumpiness was back, big-time. “That’s easy for you to say,” I said. “You’re already the star of your act. You’re not afraid of standing way-high-up on Clementine’s back at all!”
Stella blinked at me. “But I’m not one hundred percent fearless! Or even ninety-eight percent! My Scaredness List is so long!”
Suddenly, words started pushing fast-fast-fast out of my mouth, before my brain could think them all the way through. “But it doesn’t matter for you, because you always do everything extremely perfectly!”
I couldn’t stop the words from rushing out. “Fernando thinks I can’t fly because I’m afraid of heights. And you do, too! You were probably talking all about it together, behind my back!”
Stella gulped. Her eyes were teary. “Why would I be talking to Ferret-breath about you?” she asked. “You’re my BFF, Lou.”
“Maybe,” I grumped. “But if you and Fernando are so busy glancing at each other, maybe you don’t need me for a BFF anymore.” Now my eyes were teary, too. This was a terrible Birthday Eve.
“Well, if you’re going to be so mean, maybe I don’t,” Stella said.
“Fine!” I folded my arms. “If you don’t need me, you don’t have to stay here. Birthday Eve sleepovers are only for best friends.”
I hoped she wouldn’t actually leave.
Stella wiped her eyes. “Of course I’m staying,” she said. “I don’t want to fight. And I don’t have any secrets with Fernando.”
“Great,” I said. “And I don’t have any new Scaredness Things to add to my list.”
“Great!” Stella said. “Happy Birthday Eve. Good night.”
“Good night,” I said back.
But on the inside, I wasn’t feeling so good at all.
Mama says that sometimes bad-mood feelings go away after a good night’s sleep. So when I woke up on Actual Birthday Day, the first thing I did was lie super still to see what my mood was. I thought maybe being seven years old now would help me feel better.
It was a terrible way to feel on Actual Birthday Day.
But when I sat up, I saw something that made me smile wide-wide-wide:
My beautiful, unique-and-special-just-for-ME magenta leotard with the ruffled tutu was right there, waiting!
Mama must have sneaked it in while we were sleeping. It was hanging from a rolling clothing rack. There was a card taped to the front of the leotard, too. I got up and ran to it, lickety-split. I ripped the envelope open and pulled out the card.
My stomach squeezed straight up into my throat. My beautiful costume was a birthday present. And now Mama and Daddy expected me to fly.
I definitely couldn’t tell an
yone about my fear of heights.
But I totally couldn’t fly on the trapeze! Not after what happened yesterday.
I probably wouldn’t even be able to wear my new costume with its ruffly tutu and headband! And that costume was basically the top-most-amazing birthday present ever.
It was all just the very saddest. I didn’t know what to do.
And then: Eureka!
I had a Very Brilliant Idea.
I was supposed to wear my costume for my fabulous flying debut.
But if I didn’t have a new costume to wear…
Maybe my fabulous debut would have to wait!
Stella was still snoring. It was early-early-early. I quickly changed out of my pajamas into regular clothes. Then I pulled the costume off the rack and crept outside. The circus tents and trailers were very still. That was good. Because I needed to find a place to hide my costume before anyone else woke up.
Thank goodness I was so full of Very Brilliant Ideas. Because just then, I remembered a magnificent secret:
The Trick of the Aztec Tomb.
In our circus troupe, we have a magician. His name is Magnificent Blue.
Magnificent Blue knows lots of stupendous feats of magic. For instance, he can saw his assistant, Miss Kitty Fantastico, right in half!
(He puts her back together after, good as new.)
But my number one favorite of Blue’s tricks is:
How it works is: Miss Kitty Fantastico rolls the tomb out to the center ring so the crowd can see how huge it is. It’s eight whole feet tall!
Miss Kitty shows the audience how the silky salmon-pink lining of the tomb is sewed up tight-tight-tight. Magnificent Blue takes off his fancy magician’s topcoat. (This is so everyone sees there’s nothing “up his sleeves.”)
