“Alexandra, dear, this is wonderful,” my father complimented. “I am so proud of you and the work that you have put in for Roderick’s campaign. Now, you see,” his eyes landed on everyone on the circle, “that is how a true wife works. She’s undeniably supportive in her husband’s endeavors, no matter what they are.”
“What if she disagrees with his cause?”
Instead of Gia, my father’s usual adversary, it was Ethan who asked the question.
“Excuse me, son?” my father asked. “And you are?”
Roderick snickered and pulled me tight to his side. “This is Dr. Stewart, Mr. Miller.”
“Oh yes.” My father extended his hand. “Forgive me. I didn’t recognize you.”
“But back to the topic at hand,” Roderick said. “The thing that you brought to Alexandra say, around Christmas Eve.”
“You mean the punch?” I asked. “What about it?”
“What punch?” My father asked, once again making eye contact with everyone.
Gia finally traipsed up to the circle and stood next to Ethan. He smiled and wrapped his arm around her in a half hug. The exchange made me forget, for just that second, everything that was happening around us.
Then, my father’s eyes rounded.
“Are you talking about that…what does she call it…that velvet punch, concoction?” he asked.
My grandmother’s eyes were already on me before I searched for them, and her face was preeminently apologetic although I still had no clue about what was going on.
Five minutes, runners!
I glanced back at the people collecting at the starting line. “We should go,” I announced. “We can pick this up later.”
“Is that what you did, Mother?” My father went on. “Did you try to use that silly love potion crock on my daughter or try to fill her head with stories about being rooted?”
“We should get to the line,” Grandma Evelyn insisted.
“No, Alexandra should hear this.” My father refused to let up on his argument. “A long time ago, before Alexandra and Gia were born, I was in the kitchen with Mother when I found this pitcher in the back of the freezer—”
“I don’t think we need to hear this right now,” Grandma Evelyn interrupted.
Three minutes until starting time!
“When I asked her what it was,” he continued, “she wouldn’t tell me. It wasn’t until I threatened to throw it out that she told me that it was some kind of, I don’t know, ancient love potion that my grandmother and great grandmother had cooked up. It’s infused with some sort of Caribbean herb that’s sworn to be an aphrodisiac.”
I felt my forehead wrinkle with each sentence, but when I looked over at Ethan, he looked as though he was calculating a difficult math problem in his head.
“Hunch punch?” Gia asked. “Wait, does it look like sangria?”
“It looks like sangria,” Ethan confirmed.
“Grandma, didn’t you bring a batch of something that looked like sangria over to my house when I told you that it would be my first time making dinner for Eli?”
One minute!
Grandma Evelyn turned and walked away from the group. Ethan looked up at me, his expression unreadable, but just like before, I had a feeling in my gut that something was very wrong with him.
“We’ll come back to this,” Roderick said, releasing me and walking over to where Eli was stretching and getting ready to race. Ethan turned and followed him, his mind still somewhere other than the venue. Gia and I took our places.
“Hunch punch?” I asked her.
“That’s what I called it,” she whispered. “After Eli and I had a sip of that, it took the heavenly father and the holy ghost to stop us from ripping off each other’s clothes that night. I mean, I know that Grandma’s full of hocus pocus, but whatever’s in that thing, it’s strong.”
Ethan glanced back at me, but this time I could feel what was pumping through his veins. Part of it was his readiness to begin the race, but there were also hints of uncertainty and apprehension. He was mulling over what my mother had said and what Gia had pretty much confirmed.
And now, so was I.
The starting pistol was fired into the air and we took off. Gia and I opted to only do the three mile run, and our shoes thudded in synchrony next to each other. The minute I caught a stride, my mind took over.
Hunch punch.
While I’d considered it a bit strange how my body had reacted in my office that first night with Ethan, I’d just chalked it up to finally no longer being able to resist him. I’d been attracted to him for ages. I was still attracted to him. Although it was out of the ordinary for me to have been that aroused, the man was unbelievably gorgeous. I moistened from his gaze alone.
Yet, there’d been something else. There was something else. With Ethan, it felt like reckless abandon. I could barely stop thinking about him long enough to sleep, and I wanted only the feeling of his fingertips on and inside me. Ever since that first time, I never even considered sleeping with Roderick again, and somehow I’d just known that my feelings for Ethan would have only increased. I’d chalked it up to my naiveté, but I’d secretly known that I was never going to stop seeing him and craving his touch. When I wasn’t in his arms, everything else felt like Alcatraz. I lived, slept, and breathed this man.
Still, in my naiveté, I’d assumed that this was normal. That this was how everyone fell in love. I’d assumed that love was filled with great things, but it also carried with it the pain of not being completely sure that it was safe to fall into another person. To trust their cliff. I’d “released my grip” the day Ethan and I visited his grandfather because it was then that I understood that he wanted me in his life. And, it wasn’t that he wanted the libidinous version of me…he simply wanted the version of me that brought me the most comfort. He didn’t want me, for any reason, to have to go against what I felt inside in order to feel safe around him.
But, why hadn’t it happened yet?
It was my mother’s decree that women never got exactly what they were looking for in a mate, and that compromise was often necessary. She’d said this rather haphazardly once when we were getting mani-pedis and she saw me flipping through a magazine. There’d been an article about “the perfect man for you” that I’d been scrutinizing a bit too intently and she’d caught me. Then, she’d simply said that with men, if I truly wanted to live a comfortable life, I would have to look for a man that was driven. A busy man. An often cold man. Yet, this was the man that was always going to come home at some point. He was always going to provide for his family. There might not be any zing or spark, but women were not made of flint. We were not made for sparks. We were made to be kept and Roderick would do just that for me. I’d believed her up until Ethan.
Although I could see where another woman might find flaws, somehow, he was just perfect for me. He had a tendency to shut down when he was upset, but it was a million times better than being the target of his anger. The only time he was selfish was when it came to wanting me, and that was the kind of selfish that I liked. He also never talked about his mother and I could tell that he was holding back mountains of pain because of it, but never did that reflect on me. My plan had simply been to let him be because I just knew, some-freakin-how, that he would eventually open up. I’d also just known that what I felt for him now wasn’t a fraction of what I would feel for him as time passed.
If I chose to believe in what my father said earlier — and it was growing more and more difficult not to by the minute — then, the only real relationship that I’d been exposed to was his relationship with my mother. From the sound of it, Gia and Eli had consumed the same drink and their passion could burn down rainforests. I was pretty sure that Grandpa Ellis had fallen victim to the same fate. Those relationships had been contrived. Inorganic. Manipulated.
Fake.
If all this was true, then my love for Ethan was nowhere near real.
We rounded a bend and my heart thudded ha
rd in my chest. I tripped a little and Gia glanced over at me, but I shook my head to let her know that nothing was wrong. Yet, something was very wrong.
If my love for Ethan was nowhere near real, then neither was his love for me.
-----
Ethan
My mind was slowly entering a lightless tunnel. My shoes were thudding against the pavement, which was the only sound I could hear as my thoughts drowned out the small group of runners that had been able to keep pace with Eli, Roderick, and I. I didn’t want to believe it, but it was the only thing that made sense. My attraction to Alexandra had escalated to a point after that night that had left me feeling completely helpless. In less than twenty four hours, she’d signed the deed to all of my senses. I had never, ever experienced anything like it before but had chalked that up to my lack of real relationships. I’d never even considered letting a woman getting that close to me before her.
Then, the worst part was that I’d still pursued her even though she’d been committed to someone else. Even if that night had happened, the Ethan Stewart that I’d always been would have put the brakes on everything that happened afterward. Unless she agreed to be with me, I wouldn’t have taken things further. I was never the man to share and never had to share in my entire dating history. Yet, virtually willingly, I’d fallen for her, somehow convincing myself that I could make do with just her heart instead of all of her. For God sakes, not but a few moments ago, her father hadn’t even known who I was. Wasn’t it then logical to think that she would never leave Roderick for me? Wasn’t that what men told women all the time? Why didn’t I think it applied to me?
Alexandra was a sheltered woman who wasn’t introduced to passion until I dipped my tongue between her legs. However, passion didn’t transfer to a lifetime. Roderick was stable to the point of predictability and straighter than a steel pole. He was loaded with old money. To add to that, she still hadn’t left him.
Growing up in Louisiana, it wasn’t a far cry for me to actually believe that Evelyn could have somehow done something to facilitate what had happened, and what was happening between Alexandra and I. I wished that I had enough willpower not to believe it, but my actions had been far too left field for something else not to be going on. I hadn’t succumbed to whatever bug constantly bit Kellen whenever he found someone who genuinely sparked his interest. I’d been forced in love, which meant that Alexandra probably had been too. She didn’t choose me of her own free will, and that was if she would eventually choose me at all.
“Is it sinking in?” Roderick’s scathing voice cut in. “Look, I know all about your trysts with Alexandra.”
I didn’t turn to look at him but instead focused on the finish line which was now only about a mile away.
“She had her fun,” he went on. “Just like when she was a girl and would visit those pig farms with her grandparents, she had her moment of rebellion.”
I still didn’t respond, determined not to waste my breath on this man. We were coming up on the end of a ten kilometer run and of course, this arrogant son of a bitch wanted to pick a time like now to start some shit.
“But, she was never going to leave me for you and she never will. Evelyn’s concoction or not, you were an experiment. I’m the goal.”
I wanted to lay this man out and have no remorse afterward, but we were still within sight of some of my students. I constantly preached to them about being the bigger man, so it was safe to assume that planting a fist in Roderick’s face would negate all of that.
“Yo, E,” Eli called, glancing over.
I nodded and we put our last burst of energy into our legs to push towards the finish line. Roderick caught on at the last minute and tried to catch up, but Eli and I were already through the banner before he had a chance to catch his breath.
I ignored the loud cheering and chattering over the megaphone. Instead, I searched the sea of people for Alexandra’s face. If she ran to me, then I could forget everything else. I could chalk it all up to being a coincidence and an unsubstantiated belief in folklore. What I had with her, I wouldn’t know with anyone else. Somehow, I was certain of that. It wasn’t fatalism; it was something that I could literally feel.
I saw her navigating through the sea of people towards me. She had a face towel and water bottle, ready to cool her man off. The smile on her face lifted me from the ground. She was it for me. I wanted no one else.
An eerie hush suddenly fell around us, stopping her in her tracks. We turned off to the side and Roderick was standing in the middle of the venue, lights and cameras flashing all around him. I didn’t like the look on his face and something told me that I wasn’t going to like what happened next.
“Alexandra,” he called, waving her over. “Come over here, sweetheart.”
She glanced at me and I shook my head although I knew it was futile. She wouldn’t embarrass him on camera, and especially not on national news.
Reluctantly, she walked over and a pit began to burn in my stomach.
“Everyone, you all know Alexandra, my beautiful girlfriend and the woman who made this all possible,” Roderick announced. “Fellas, if you find a woman like this, a love like this, never let it go. There’s a modern misconception that women no longer bend over backwards for their men. Alexandra is a testament to how false that is. This woman will do virtually anything to keep me happy, and I want to prove to her here tonight that I’m willing to do the same.”
He bent to his knee and my jaw tightened hard enough to crack walnuts.
“Alexandra Jacqueline Miller,” he began. Then, he fished out the same velvety box that he’d waved around my office. When he opened it, I was almost certain that the glare from the jewel inside blinded several of the people in attendance.
“Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”
I released my jaw and held my breath. It was as though I could feel Alexandra’s heartbeat thudding against her ribcage. She looked around at all of the lights and cameras focused on them, capturing the proposal live. Then, her eyes went to the crowd that had formed around them. Finally, her gaze found me.
I knew that I was failing miserably at hiding how fast my chest was rising and falling. My fists were clenched at my sides and my eyes were pleading. As discreetly as I could, I shook my head, but dread was already beginning to wash over me. She couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t say no to him in front of all these people.
“…Yes.”
The minute the answer left her lips, something inside of me died. All of the light left my body and took the air from my lungs with it. I was completely numb.
I turned and made my way into the center, needing a moment not to be around what everyone else was mistaking for happy news. Nothing about this was happy. There was no coming back from this. Any fight that I’d had left inside of me was now defeated. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do this anymore.
I was done.
-----
Alexandra
“Why would you do this?” I asked Roderick in between teeth that I’d stretched into yet another fake grin.
“Do what, my love?”
“In front of all these people, Rick. Why would you do this?”
He looked down. “What, you don’t want to marry me? You thought that you and the good doctor would end up riding off into the sunset like some fairy tale?”
I wanted to pull away from his grasp, but there were still dozens of lenses pointed in our direction.
“You knew?” I asked.
“I know everything, Alexandra.” He touched a kiss to the top of my head. “I don’t know what made you think that you were just going to cheat on me and then let it be.”
I looked around for Ethan but couldn’t find him anywhere.
“Isn’t that what you are, Alexandra?” Roderick asked, leaning down as though whispering something romantic in my ear. “You’re a cheater. In two years, I’ve never stepped outside of our relationship and this entire time, you were screwing your coworker.”
I
held my breath to avoid groaning and found Gia in the midst of the crowd. She shook her head to indicate that Ethan was also nowhere to be found. On the other side, Eli did the same.
“Look, Rick, what do you want?” I asked.
He turned me to face him, his expression a mixture of smug and sorrow. “An apology, Alexandra. Contrary to what you might believe, or have been led to believe, I care about you. It hurt me when I found out what you did, but I didn’t put two years into this relationship just to watch it go up in flames. So, I did the honorable thing. I asked you to be my wife. It wasn’t fair for me to ask so much of you but fail to offer a covenant.”
I hated how much sense he was making and how much clearer it was to me now that I’d been the worst person in all of this. I’d climbed on shoulders, using people just to get what I wanted.
“Rick,” I began, but then I spotted Ethan disappearing into the center. “I will give you all of that and more if you just give me a few.”
“You don’t need to talk to him Alexandra,” he chastised. “His feelings warrant no coddling, nor does he deserve an explanation. How many women have you met who were considered to be ‘on the side’ that ended up with their partners? This is no different.”
I ignored him and gently pushed away, quickly running away from the cameras as I trailed Ethan into the building. Although it was just as packed inside with vendors and sponsors, the meeting rooms down the hall had been locked, accessible only to those who used them on a regular basis. As expected, I found Ethan sitting on the front table in the room that he used to teach his science classes.
“E, let me explain,” I began, slipping through the door.
“Actually, Alexandra, you don’t need to.”
Fated: An Alpha Male Romance Page 16
