Once she started crying, Emily found it impossible to stop. She cried for her mother’s death and the emptiness her passing had left. She cried because of her father’s stubborn determination to strike it rich and all that it had taken from her and Mother. And she cried for all the dreams that would never be fulfilled. Dreams of sewing a wedding dress with her mother. Dreams of a house and a white picket fence. Last of all, Emily allowed herself to weep for the sadness of losing Caeden and the love she would have liked to have shared with him.
Oh, God, please help me to bear this pain—this sense of loss. I cannot go on under its weight.
“Emily?”
At the sound of Caeden’s voice, Emily’s head shot up. She met his eyes, then shook her head and buried her face again. She knew he wouldn’t just go away, but she couldn’t stop crying, even to shoo him off. Why did he always have to find her like this? She had never been given to tears, even as a child. But ever since Caeden had come into her life, it seemed that crying was all she ever did.
Much to her distress she felt him sit down beside her, and when he moved to put his arm around her, it was too much. Emily broke into sobs as he pulled her close. Couldn’t he understand that this only made the pain worse? Even so, she couldn’t find the strength to move away.
She had no idea how long he held her as she cried. The last few months had been harder on her than all the twenty-three years before. For the first time in her life she felt utterly hopeless. Her body shook hard as she sobbed out her misery, causing Caeden to tighten his hold all the more.
As the tears began to subside, Emily searched her heart and mind for a way to excuse herself from Caeden’s arms. She knew he would question her about the tears, no doubt wondering if they were over him. But Emily figured there were plenty of things she deserved to be crying about, and the fact that he was leaving her forever didn’t need to be mentioned among them.
She willed herself to calm down, and only then did she realize how tightly she was clinging to Caeden. He felt warm and safe, and while she longed to stay where she was, Emily knew she had put herself on thin ice. She tried to straighten and pull away, but Caeden held her fast.
“It’s all right to cry,” he soothed, his voice low, “after all you’ve been through. Would you like to talk about it?”
Emily attempted to wipe her face on her coat sleeve, but Caeden put a handkerchief into her hand instead. She met his eyes and saw a wealth of concern there. It was impossible to look away. With their faces only inches apart, Emily knew Caeden was about to kiss her. She wanted that kiss more than her next breath, but bells began to clang a danger signal in her brain. If he kissed her, she would be forever lost. He lowered his face to hers.
“Leave me alone!” Emily pushed him away with all her might. Caeden looked at her in shock as he fell off the bucket. “You have no right to . . . to . . .” Her words wouldn’t come. “You have no right.” She got up and put some distance between them.
“I’m sorry,” he said, getting to his feet. “I didn’t mean to offend you.” He dusted off his backside, still shaking his head.
Emily immediately regretted her angry tone. “It’s not important. I’m the one who’s sorry. I should never have acted that way.”
“What way? Heartbroken?”
She sobered at the word. If she was honest with him about her feelings, it would serve no purpose. “I miss my mother.” It wasn’t a lie, but neither was it the truth of why she’d acted as she had. “But that’s no excuse for acting in such a wanton manner.”
His lips twitched, and his expression changed to amusement. “That was wanton?”
Emily crossed her arms. “I’ve never allowed such a thing to happen. I wanted to shoot Kirk Davies for less. Had I not been mourning my mother’s passing and the changes that have taken place, I would never have allowed you to . . . to . . . hold me.”
He took a step forward, then stopped. “You did nothing wrong, and neither did I. I saw you crying and wanted to offer you support. I’ve come to care deeply about you and your father.”
Emily bit her lip to keep herself from declaring that she too had come to care deeply for him. If she told him about her feelings and how her heart was only now realizing just how deeply she loved him, it would ruin everything.
She chose her words carefully. “I appreciate that you care. I know Father has been very touched by your generous nature . . . as have I. I’m very thankful for what you’ve done.”
His eyes narrowed, and his usual serious expression returned. “I didn’t do it for thanks.”
“Oh, I know that.” She could see she had offended him. Maybe it was for the best. “I didn’t mean to suggest you did. You are by nature a very giving man, and we won’t soon forget your kindness.”
“No I’m not.”
Emily shook her head in confusion. “What?”
“I’m not a generous or giving man by nature. I’m a hardened skeptic who, until meeting you and your father and even the other people in this area, believed most everyone to be rather self-centered and offensive. So don’t applaud me or give me undue praise. I did what I did because you were first kind to me. Your father offered to show me the way to Yogo City and to let me pitch my tent on your claim. He told me I could take my meals with you and never once asked me to contribute to those meals.”
Emily considered his words for a moment. He was clearly upset by her comments and her attitude toward him. She hadn’t meant to alienate him.
“I do apologize, Caeden. I’m afraid you just caught me at a bad time. Losing my mother was something I knew would happen, but I wasn’t prepared for her to die in an act of violence. Losing everything I owned was something I never thought much of, because I didn’t have much to lose. However, it bothered me in a way I hadn’t anticipated. I suppose I took more comfort in those things than I realized.” She tried to think of how else she might keep him from even contemplating whether his departure was part of the reason for her tears. “I’ve never cared overmuch about the possessions, but . . . well . . . I had lived longer in that one cabin than anywhere else. It was as close to a real home as I’ve ever had.”
“That cabin wasn’t your home,” Caeden said, holding her gaze. “You and your mother and father made it a home. If you’d ever once been without them and their love, you’d realize that.”
Caeden knew he’d upset Emily by his actions. He’d been a fool to even think about kissing her, but there she was in his arms. So sad. So vulnerable. He was a complete heel to act as he had. Even so, he knew Emily had wanted him to kiss her. He could see it in her eyes, so why would she not be honest with him about it?
She had already turned away to gather her buckets. How could he hope to explain his feelings to her when he didn’t understand them himself?
“Let me do that.” Caeden followed her to the river’s edge. He took the buckets from her and filled each one. “I’ll carry them back for you.”
Emily looked at him for a moment, then nodded. She started up the icy trail with Caeden following close behind. His thoughts churned and refused to let him put the matter to rest.
What if he had completely misread her response? Perhaps she truly didn’t feel anything for him. It was possible that in her grief and vulnerability, Emily had been unprepared for his advance.
Caeden let out a sigh and shook his head. He was no better than Davies, who’d tried to forcibly impose his will on Emily. It hadn’t been his intention to act in such a manner, but something had happened to him when he held Emily in his arms. Something that made him want to protect her—to love her.
They reached the cabin, and Caeden quickly entered to deposit the buckets. Henry was standing over the stove pouring himself a cup of coffee. He threw Caeden and Emily a broad smile.
“I see you found her. Coffee’s ready.”
Caeden put the buckets down. “I’m afraid I need to be on my way. I’ve appreciated your hospitality, and if I have a chance to come this way again, I hope I might be wel
come again.”
“Of course you’ll be welcome,” Henry replied, “but I can’t be sendin’ you off without something to eat.”
“I’ll eat in Utica. I have business to settle up there and then the stage to catch. I’m afraid I’ve already taken too much time.”
He wouldn’t allow himself to look at Emily. He worried that his comment might hurt her by suggesting she hadn’t been worth the time. He worried too much about everything associated with Emily. It was time that he stopped this nonsense and got on with his job.
“You’re always welcome here, Caeden Thibault, but I think you already know that.” Henry crossed to where he stood and extended his hand. “It’s been a pleasure knowin’ you.”
“Likewise.” Caeden shook the older man’s hand and then turned and headed for the door.
He left to finish loading his horse with all the gear he’d brought. There was so much he wanted to say to Emily, but he knew it would be foolish. They were just two people who had happened to cross paths and enjoyed each other’s company. It happened all the time, to hear people tell it. Caeden tied down his saddlebags and frowned.
“But it’s never happened to me . . . until now.”
11
The small cabin seemed even smaller without Caeden around. Emily wasn’t sure how that could happen. It seemed logical that losing a person from such a tiny space would make that room seem bigger. But it was just the opposite.
Her father quickly put himself back into the routine of panning for his fortune while Emily tried to figure out what to do with herself. Without her mother to care for, her days seemed empty. She baked and cleaned and even mended some of the donated clothes they’d received, but it was never enough to keep her mind occupied. At times she would go with her father to dig up dirt to be sluiced. Unfortunately, she found it sometimes awkward, even painful, as they both seemed to be trying hard not to say or do anything to remind the other of their loss.
Thinking about Caeden was something Emily was determined not to do, but her heart had other thoughts on the matter. She found herself at the most inopportune times remembering something he’d said or did. Mostly, she couldn’t forget what it was like to be in his arms—so safe and warm.
Once when she’d been about fifteen, Emily remembered asking her mother what it felt like to fall in love. Her mother had considered the question for a moment and then replied, “It feels like your insides are being pulled to the outside. You can’t think clearly because all of your thoughts are about the person you love, and you wonder if you’ll ever be able to feel whole again—without them.”
The memory pierced her heart. “Then I’m in love,” she whispered to no one.
Falling in love with Caeden had been the last thing on her mind—the last thing she had ever intended to happen. All of these years she had guarded her heart with great care. She had dressed in a dowdy fashion to disguise her figure and looks, and she had avoided men at all costs. To her way of thinking, Emily had built a rather tidy wall between her and the possibility of love. So how was it that one young man could come along and completely knock down her fortress?
“Yo at home, Miss Emily?”
At the sound of Millie’s voice, Emily immediately opened the cabin door. “This is certainly a surprise.” She stepped back. “Come on in.”
Millie carried a bundle, which she handed over to Emily. “Some folks done heard ’bout de fire and left dese for yo.”
Emily took the offering to the table and spread it out. There was a man’s shirt—stained, but otherwise in good shape. There was also a pair of long underwear, which she was certain her father would appreciate. Last of all there was a woman’s blue calico blouse.
“This was very generous of them.” She held up the blouse for size. It looked perfect. “I wish I could have thanked them.”
“I done tol’ dem yo’d be mighty glad to have dem.” Millie grinned her toothy grin. “Oh, I gots yo sumptin too.” She reached into her pockets and drew out two cans of peaches. “Thought yo pa would like to have dem.”
Emily smiled. “He will. Caeden purchased quite a few things for us before he left, but peaches weren’t among them.”
“Dat young man’s shore gwanna be missed.”
Emily put the blouse back with the other things and got to her feet. “I have some coffee. Would you like a cup?”
“Shore. I’s feelin’ the cold in my bones.”
“Pa said the same thing. I don’t know how much longer he’ll be able to keep mining. He’s still so convinced that he’ll strike it rich, so he keeps on trying. I think he’s unwilling to face the truth.”
“I’m ’fraid I agrees with him. I’m shore der’s gold to be had. Dat’s why I keep workin’ at it too. But I’m thinkin’ dat ain’t de problem now.”
Emily brought Millie the coffee and caught the knowing look on her face. The older woman seemed to understand exactly what the problem was. Turning back to the stove, Emily poured herself a cup and hoped Millie would just let the matter be. She didn’t.
“I figures yo be missin’ Mr. Caeden.”
Emily didn’t want to lie, but neither did she want to admit her feelings. “He was a great help to us. Pa was able to lay in quite a bit of wood for the winter with Caeden’s help. He will sure be missed.”
Millie took a sip of coffee, then fixed Emily with a stern expression. “Yo gwanna miss him for mo’ dan dat. Yo can’t be losin’ someone yo love and not feel bad.”
Great Falls was just as Caeden had remembered it. The bustling of the small city was nothing compared to those back east, but it seemed a world of difference from Yogo City and Utica.
He had arranged to arrive a full day in advance of Bishop Arnold and checked into the railroad hotel, hoping for a chance to have a hot bath and sleep in a real bed. However, once he’d had the bath, his stomach changed his mind about sleeping. He was starved and realized he’d had very little to eat since leaving Utica.
He dressed in his clean shirt and pulled on his jacket. His casual manner of dress would never have worked at the finer dining tables in Albany, but here he knew he’d be excused. He liked that about Montana. It seemed no matter a man’s state of dress, he was welcome just about anywhere.
The downstairs restaurant wasn’t at all busy, so Caeden found himself quickly seated and served. He ordered a thick steak with all the trimmings and sipped on a cup of strong coffee while he waited. And all the while he did what he’d done since leaving Yogo City. He thought of Emily.
He’d been unable to get her out of his mind, and even as he’d dozed on the stage, it was her image that filled his dreams. Caeden tried to rationalize that he was just worried about her and her father. He cared about them. He could easily admit that much. They had been good to him, and he had enjoyed their company. That was all there was to it, he reasoned. But his heart told him otherwise, and the battle that ensued threatened to steal away all pretense of peace.
I can’t be in love with her. I can’t think about marrying her. It would be disastrous. We don’t want the same things.
“Thibault. I didn’t expect to meet up with you until tomorrow.”
Caeden looked up to find not only Bishop Arnold in his fine gray wool suit, but his daughter Catherine as well. She looked quite pretty in a traveling suit of plum and a blouse of shimmering gold silk. She smiled at him with a look that suggested she knew she was beautiful and that he had noticed.
Getting to his feet, Caeden knew he had no choice but to invite them to join him. It wasn’t what he wanted, and he even thought for a moment of telling them he was just leaving. But, of course, the waitress would surely comment on his meal, and that would reveal his lie.
“Won’t you join me?” He offered Catherine a chair, then reclaimed his own as Bishop Arnold settled in opposite him.
“This is most fortuitous,” Arnold began. “We came in only this morning.”
Caeden nodded and motioned the waitress to the table. “We have two more for supper,” he
explained.
The Arnolds inquired about their dining choices and settled on ham steaks, potatoes, and creamed peas. Catherine requested tea, while her father nodded toward Caeden’s cup.
“Bring me coffee. Black.” He ordered rather than requested it, and the waitress looked surprised.
Caeden felt sorry for the woman. “I’d like another cup as well, if you would be so kind. And please bring some cream.”
The woman smiled at him. “I’ll bring it right away.” She hurried from the table and disappeared into the back.
Caeden had no desire to pretend to be glad at Arnold’s summoning. He decided he would push the older man to get right to the point. “So what is it you need of me?”
Arnold seemed surprised. “We needn’t talk business just yet. Catherine would never forgive me if I didn’t allow you time to share about your adventure here and when you plan to return home to tend to your father’s industries and business affairs.”
Catherine leaned closer to Caeden. “You have been sorely missed.” She lowered her face just a bit and looked up at him through thick lashes. “We haven’t seen much of you since your father’s passing. I hope you have plans to return for the holiday season. I would very much enjoy attending the Christmas parties with you.”
Caeden shook his head. “I have no plans to return to Albany except to put my father’s estate on the market. My uncle will see to the details of that, however, so I doubt I’ll be there more than a few days.”
Her very perfect mouth formed into a pout. “But that would be perfectly awful. Surely you will take time out to see your sisters and spend Christmas with your family.”
“I have no plans for that.” Caeden looked to Arnold. “Is that why you’ve summoned me here? To ensure that I accompany Catherine during the Christmas season?” He knew his words were harsh and could see that he’d offended Catherine, but he honestly didn’t care.
The waitress returned with drinks and cream. Caeden added a liberal amount to his coffee and waited for Bishop Arnold to continue. With any luck at all he could deal with all of this tonight and be free of the man. And his daughter.
A Treasure Concealed Page 12
