He loosens his grip on the pan. Giving me one last, cold look, he walks out of the kitchen. I hear the sound of a door slam.
Asher still doesn’t say anything. He just stands there, staring at me.
I can’t breathe. I can’t feel. I have to get out of here. I grab my coat, my hat, and scarf. “I’m sorry about everything,” I choke out, then I run, as fast as I can, out of there.
I was right to be afraid.
Now, I have to figure out what comes next.
33
Hudson
Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love.
William Shakespeare
I’m still furious when I get into work. My anger doesn’t abate when I see the fully constructed model sitting in our conference room.
“Isn’t it gorgeous?” Nadja looks up when I walk in.
“You look like hell,” I respond. “What on earth are you doing here so early? You should have taken the morning off.”
She shrugs. “I’m going to be completely unavailable between Christmas and New Year,” she replies. “I want to get everything done before I leave.” She dabs a 3D tree with some green paint. “That’s the girl you’re dating?”
I think of Wendy’s bombshell this morning with savage intensity. “If you can call it that,” I say bitterly.
She crooks an eyebrow in my direction. “What’s the matter, Hudson?”
“Nothing.” I grab another paintbrush and dab a tree angrily. I don’t even know why I’m working on the damn model. I’m not taking it to Hancock Construction. I’m done. Wendy betrayed me; I’m through with her and her damn project. I’ll be happy never to see her again. I’m better off never hearing her soft laugh again, never seeing her warm smile.
And the baby? My conscience prods me. Can you wash your hands of a baby as well?
Nadja shakes her head as she looks at the mess I’ve made. “Perhaps you should let me finish this up,” she suggests.
The intercom buzzes before I can tell her where she can put her suggestion. “Hudson, Jack Price is here. He says it’s urgent.”
I snort; Nadja rolls her eyes. “I thought he’d make it to the three-month mark with Kent before he gave up,” she mutters, her attention on the trees she’s artfully decorating. “Want to bet he’s going to hire us back?”
“No bet.” Good. I’m glad Jack Price is here. I feel like yelling at someone today; Jack’s a worthy target. I lean over the intercom. “I’ll meet him in my office, Clarisse.”
“You still haven’t told me why you’re acting like a surly bear this morning,” Nadja says. “Come back here when you’re done and tell me what’s wrong.”
“You work for me, you know,” I retort. “Not the other way around.”
She gives me a withering look, and my lips curl up in an involuntary grin. “Fine.”
“Hudson, we need you back on Clark Towers.” To his credit, Jack Price doesn’t beat about the bush. “I made a mistake. Kent is a fucking disaster. The architects on his team are fresh out of school. They have no idea what they’re doing.”
I frown at him. “George Kent poached half my team. They know what they’re doing.”
“Cartwright was one of yours, wasn’t he?” Price sighs heavily. “He quit two weeks ago.”
“Why?” I ask sharply.
He lifts his shoulder in a shrug. “Something about unpaid bonuses,” he says. “He didn’t get into the details with me.”
So Colin’s out of work. Good, I think harshly. He deserves it for lying to me. As does Wendy.
I’m having trouble focusing on Price. My thoughts are on Wendy. She lied to you, I tell myself, trying to hold onto my rage, but then I remember her expression, tight and tense, when she told us she was pregnant.
She’s going to have a baby. Maybe a little girl with blonde hair and light blue eyes. A little girl who’ll grow up to be a superhero like her mother, with a ferocious belief in right and wrong.
“So will you?” Price asks hopefully.
I have to jerk myself back to this stupid conversation. “Will I what?”
“Work on Clark Towers again?”
“Oh. That.” I shake my head to clear the image of Wendy from my mind. “No, of course not.” I get to my feet. “Your loyalty can be bought by a set of tickets to a Knicks game. Why on earth would I want to work with you?”
His face goes red. “You’re making a mistake,” he says, his voice taut with anger. “You can’t afford to be this picky. One day, the clients will dry up if you keep up this attitude.”
“Maybe,” I tell him, indifferent to his threat. “Goodbye, Jack. You know your way out.”
“So?” Nadja looks up expectantly when I return to the conference room. She’s painted all the trees in my absence and has moved to gluing miniature people on the grounds. I debate telling her that her work is wasted, since I’m not going to the damn meeting, but that’ll open up a can of worms, and I have no energy to get into a fight with her.
“I told him to go away.”
“Good.” She steps back from the model, surveying it carefully before setting the figure she’s holding down on the central walkway.
“Price told me Colin’s quit his job at Kent.”
Her expression is surprised. “Why?”
“From the sound of it, George lied about the bonuses he was going to pay.”
“Asshole,” she remarks. “Colin will be approaching you for a second chance.”
“No second chances, Nadja. Colin lied. I’m done with people that can’t be straightforward with me.”
She looks up. “Okay, what really happened?” she demands. “Last night, you were happy as a clam. What changed?”
Nadja won’t stop nagging until I answer, so I tell her the truth. “Wendy told me she was pregnant this morning. She’s known for two months, and she hid it from me.”
“Shit.” Nadja looks sheepish. “I wouldn’t have pressured her to tell you if I’d known you were going to get crazy.”
“You knew?” I give her an outraged look, and she returns my stare steadily, unfazed.
“I overheard her talk to her mother on the phone last night. So what’s bothering you?” She gives me a searching look. “You can’t be sure if you’re the father, is that the problem?”
I’ve known Nadja since graduate school; she’s aware that Asher and I share women. “No, that’s not it,” I reply at once. I couldn’t care less whose sperm made the baby; that’s biology. Fatherhood is much more than that.
“Okay, if this isn’t some caveman possessive thing, what is it?”
“She had a thousand opportunities to tell us the truth and she didn’t.”
“Get over it,” Nadja snaps. “Put yourself in Wendy’s shoes for a minute. You and Asher said you only wanted something casual. You pretended you were dating me and walked away from her project. You kept telling her how Megan pretended to be pregnant to trap you into marriage. Of course she’s going to be nervous about telling you. Who wouldn’t be?”
I stare at Nadja. “Wendy isn’t anything like Megan.”
“Did you tell her that?” she asks pointedly. “I’ve known you for years, so I can see you’re crazy about her, but did you tell Wendy how you felt? Did you ever tell Wendy you wanted a real relationship?”
Crap. “We made plans for New Year's Eve,” I murmur, fully aware of how incredibly lame I sound right now.
She snorts in disgust. “So you committed to an event that’s two weeks away,” she scoffs. “Hudson, she’s pregnant. She thinks she’s going to be a single mother. She’s probably terrified.”
“And I yelled at her.” I sink into a chair and cover my face with my hands. “Oh God, I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“Yes you are,” Nadja says, unrelenting. “But you can fix this. Take this model to Hancock Construction, help her with her presentation, and then tell her how you feel.”
Tell her how I feel.
&nbs
p; Tell her that my life is incomplete without her.
Tell her I’ve been the biggest fool in the world.
Tell her I love her.
Because it’s true. I love Wendy Williams.
34
Asher
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Hudson slams the door to his bedroom. Wendy mutters something and slips out. I stand in the center of Hudson’s living room, frozen.
Wendy is going to have a baby. One of us is the father.
Shit has suddenly got very, very real.
Underneath the fear, I feel a dawning sense of joy. A baby. A little girl as beautiful and stubborn as her mother, with the same ability to charm the pants off anyone with her smile.
I can’t predict exactly how it’s all going to work out. I don’t know what Wendy wants. Hudson’s too angry right now to think calmly, but once his temper abates, the three of us are going to have to sit down and discuss how to proceed.
But I know what I want. I don’t want anything to change between Hudson, Wendy, and I. Our relationship is unconventional, I know, but it works for us, and we’ll make it work with a baby.
I want us to be a family. I want the three of us to live together and raise the baby together. I want to be a better parent to our child than my parents ever were.
I thought I was in love with Lauren, but it’s nothing compared to the way I feel about Wendy. She’s smart, sassy, and incredibly passionate, and I’m crazy about her.
It’s time for action. I can’t sit on the sidelines anymore. Not when there’s a baby involved. I need to talk to Mikhail Vasiliev, but before that, I need to do something else.
Levi isn’t anywhere to be seen when I get to my apartment. Good. He’s not going to like what I’m about to do.
Taking a deep breath, I reach for the card that Patrick Sullivan left me, and dial the parole officer. On the drive back from Jean Nakashima’s place, I made a decision. The former Head of Finance was so afraid of the Russian mafia that she faked her death and went into hiding.
Ms. Nakashima is not a fool. If Levi robs Vasiliev, he’s writing his death sentence. I can’t allow that. Even if it means that my friend heads back to jail, and even if it means that he discovers it was me that sent him there. If he hates me for my betrayal, so be it. I was at Lauren’s graveside. I cannot be one of Levi’s pallbearers.
“It’s Asher Doyle,” I say when he answers. “I want to cut a deal with you.”
“What kind of deal?” he asks warily.
“The kind where you arrest Levi for a minor parole violation.” I wonder if Sullivan will cooperate with me. “There’s a bar in Brooklyn that he’s been spending a lot of time at. Isn’t that against the rules?”
“Doyle, I don’t arrest people for drinking. Do you know what that’ll do to my workload? Cut the bullshit. What do you know?”
I’m not telling Patrick Sullivan about the surveillance photos of the warehouse by the docks. I don’t know the parole officer, and I can’t trust that he won’t arrest Levi for planning a robbery. “I know that Levi had Thanksgiving dinner with Lloyd Beecham. I know that he’s been spending a lot of time with his crew.” I take a deep breath and play what I hope is my trump card. “And I know you don’t want Engels’ blood on your hands.”
He exhales. “Drinking at a bar, you say?”
“That’s a minor violation, isn’t it?” I ask, already knowing the answer. “A maximum of six months in a minimum security prison.”
“Don’t get cute with me, Doyle. I’m only cooperating with you because Levi’s a good guy.”
“Fair enough,” I agree. “One more thing. Once Levi gets out of jail again, you’re going to suggest that he applies for a job at a company called Carreras Entertainment.”
“Friends of yours?”
“Client of mine.” Miguel owes me a favor, and he runs several bars in the city apart from Nerve. Levi is smart and tough and will fit in perfectly in his organization.
“But you don’t want your friend to know the job came from you?” His voice is shrewd.
“Levi is going to know that I clued you in on the drinking, Mr. Sullivan,” I reply. “I’m fairly sure he’s going to want nothing to do with me.”
“Yeah.” He hesitates. “You’re doing a good thing, Doyle. I’ll pick Levi up tonight.”
I hang up and stare out of my window. The call with Patrick Sullivan went as well as I could have expected. Now for the harder conversation. I need to talk to Mikhail Vasiliev, but first, I need to head to Hancock Construction. It’s almost time for our meeting with the retailers, and Wendy’s going to need my help, especially if Hudson decides not to show up.
35
Wendy
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.
Oscar Wilde
On auto-pilot, I manage to get home. I should go to Hancock Construction, though I don’t see the point. Thorne smashed the model of the Staten Island complex, and even though Hudson managed to make a replacement, he wants nothing to do with me.
It’s over. My career is over, and more importantly, my relationship with Asher and Hudson lies in ruins. I shiver when I think of the harshness of Hudson’s tone, the shocked expression on Asher’s face.
You’ve managed to screw everything up pretty well, haven’t you? I think bitterly. It’s all my fault. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be in a relationship. For the first time in my life, I fell in love. I was afraid because I had something to lose.
And now I’ve lost everything.
Miki’s typing something on her computer at my kitchen table. She looks up in surprise when she sees me, and then she catches sight of my expression. “Oh dear,” she says, getting up at once and enveloping me in a warm hug. “What happened, Wendy?”
Tears well in my eyes and fall to my cheeks. “I told Hudson and Asher about the baby,” I sniff, rubbing my nose with the back of my hand. Miki scrunches her face and hands me a tissue, and I dab the tears off my cheeks. “They were furious, especially Hudson.” My breath catches in a hitch. “He said he could never forgive me for lying to him.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Miki’s voice is kind. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it. He was probably just in shock.”
“You weren’t there.” I can’t forget the anger etched on Hudson’s face. “You didn’t hear him.”
“You’re right,” she replies. “But I also know that Hudson loves you, and so does Asher. You don’t see the way they look at you. Their eyes light up when you walk into the room, Wen. They’ll come around.”
I shake my head, and her expression tightens. “You’re upset right now; I get that,” she says. “But I won’t let you screw this up. You have something really great with Asher and Hudson. It’s rare, and it’s precious, and I won’t let you throw it away because you’re afraid.”
Hope stirs in my heart. Stupidly optimistic hope. “You think they love me?”
“I know they do,” she replies. “Look, put yourself in their shoes. They find out you’re pregnant, and that hits every single one of Hudson’s triggers, doesn’t it?”
I nod. “Yes, his ex-wife pretended she was pregnant to force him to marry her.”
“Right. Of course he’s going to take the news badly. But once he stops to think, he’ll come to his senses, and he’ll realize what an idiot he’s being. What did Asher say?”
Ouch. Asher had barely said two words. “I didn’t try to talk to him,” I confess with a wince. “After Hudson’s reaction, I just ran away.”
She frowns at me. “You think all men leave,” she says. “Your father left your mother, and you’re convinced that’s what guys do. And to protect yourself, you leave first, before you can get hurt.”
I’d like to dispute her assessment, but I can’t.
“Except this time,” she continues softly, “it’s real. And Wendy, this time, you can’t run away. You have to fight
.”
She’s right. I grew up without my father’s presence in my life. I don’t want my little monkey to grow up without Hudson and Asher.
My heart skips a beat. “I want both of them.” I give Miki an uncertain look.
“So go get them.”
I gulp. “You don’t think it’s weird? I mean, we’re a threesome. Don't you think a baby should have one mother and one father? People will gossip, won’t they?”
She squeezes my hand. “I think babies should be surrounded by people that love them,” she replies. “So what if people gossip? You’ve never struck me as the sort that cared what other people thought.”
She’s right; I don’t care. The only people whose opinion matters are Hudson and Asher. I have to talk to them again.
“Don’t you have a meeting today?” Miki asks suddenly.
“Right.” I tell her what happened with the model. I’m expecting her to frown, but she’s smiling. “Why are you grinning?” I demand.
“Because you’re a fool,” she says fondly. “Of course Hudson’s going to be there with the model, and of course Asher’s going to be there to talk through the legalese. They won’t let you fail, Wendy. They’re always going to be there for you.”
Her expression is wistful. She’s going through the ending of her marriage, and it has to be painful for her, but she’s giving me her full support because that’s who she is. I’m really lucky; I have great friends.
Now, I just have to hold onto hope that I still have two boyfriends.
Jeff Choi is in my office-slash-conference room, looking at the wreckage with horrified eyes. “What happened?” he asks, and I tell him the story. I leave out the part where Hudson and I spent all night making another model using his 3D printer. Miki might be certain that Hudson’s going to show up, but I’m not as sure as she is. There’s no point in getting Jeff’s hopes up.
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