by T. A. Foster
She tilted her head, her eyes gleaming against the moon. “I guess so. You never give orders?”
“I wouldn’t say never.” I thought about the few times it had happened.
It wasn’t like a light switch I could turn on and off. I knew they listened to everything I said. I liked to think we made decisions together, but I knew if I made the slightest suggestion, they would do it. Vix might grumble at first, but they always considered my advice.
“I figured. Royal shifters have that natural ability.”
“What do you mean?”
“Shifters listen to them. It’s like we can’t help it.” We stopped in front of a clearing. I could see deer grazing in the center of the field. They hadn’t spotted us yet.
“But that’s not what I want. I don’t want anyone blindly following me. This is all about choices.”
Bey smiled. “I’m going with you to Sullen’s Grove, and I’m going to help the Nox. But you might need to come to terms with what being royalty really means.”
I stared at her, my heart racing. I didn’t like the words. I didn’t like how the words made me feel.
“That’s not the kind of queen I am. You always have a choice when you’re in the Nox. I won’t force you to do anything. I swear.”
“You realize I’m leaving my territory to go home with you; something I’ve never done. How many girls tell you no? It feels like I’m making the choice, but I think we both know that there is a part of me that has to listen to you.”
“No. I don’t want that kind of power.”
“You seem like a cool queen, really you do, but I’m not going to start pretending that royal shifters are the same as regular shifters, because you’re not.”
“I am,” I roared into the sky, scattering the grazing deer. “I don’t want you to join us if it’s not of your own free will. I never want that.” I started to run where the deer had darted.
Bey was on my heels, her paws matching my steps. “Wait, wait. I do want to join the Nox. Does it really matter what the magical elements are? I know without a doubt that I don’t want to give this up. I love being a panther. And if you’re giving me a chance to hold on to that, I’m going to take it.”
I stopped running, my breath floating over the tall blades of wheat. I closed my eyes. She was right. I knew there was a reason they followed me, and I always tried to make excuses, but it shouldn’t matter. The Nox had the right to marry whom they wanted, be panthers if they wanted, and I was going to make sure that happened—magic or no magic. Now was the time they needed a queen the most.
“Bey, thank you. You’re going to fit in perfectly.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I’m still nervous about it. It’s not like because you’re a queen all my worries are gone.” She laughed.
“I guess that’s something.”
“Want to chase those deer we saw?” She had a spark in her eye.
I nodded. “Definitely.”
I took off after Bey, hurtling my legs through the woods, picking up the scent where the deer had escaped. A little night chase was exactly what I needed.
Bey and I traveled to the neighboring town the next morning. By the end of the weekend, I had added five she-panthers to the Nox. All the conversations didn’t run as smoothly as my talk with her, but it was to be expected.
I was happy with what I accomplished. From what we could tell, Case didn’t know I was in Tennessee. I checked in with Vix almost every hour. He hadn’t announced anything evil while I was away. She shadowed him and Noah wherever they went.
The numbers were back in our favor. We would drive into Sullen’s Grove tomorrow, a caravan of cars behind me. We would have to rearrange a few things in the lair, but that was an easy sacrifice compared to what lie ahead.
She left town. She didn’t say where she was going or why she hauled ass out of here so fast. I resisted following her and calling her before I fell asleep at night just to hear her breathe on the other end of the line.
I never would have agreed to meet Silver if she had stayed. I wouldn’t have answered the phone when I saw his number pop up. But the more I tried to stick to the agreement I had made with Dare, the harder it became. I couldn’t stop thinking about the cave, my leg, and the witches who had screwed with my memory. The magic I wasn’t supposed to talk about was all I could think about. I wanted answers.
Silver asked me to meet at the pub Saturday afternoon.
I waved at Isaac when I walked through the door.
“Where you been, brother? Thought something happened to you.”
I sat at the bar. I didn’t see Silver at any of the tables. “Just busy with work.”
“Is that all?” He poured a pint and slid it in front of me. “Whatever happened to that model you were with a couple weeks ago?”
I hung my head. Exactly. What happened? “She’s out of town this weekend.”
“I see. So you’re getting laid and you don’t have time for your buddy anymore. I get it.”
I shook my head. “It’s not like that, man.”
“Then you’re doing something wrong.”
“Yeah, I guess I am.” I tasted the bitterness of the beer on my tongue. The last time I had been here was with Dare.
Silver startled me. “Did you order a vodka for me?” The man came out of nowhere.
“No, sorry. Isaac, get this man a couple rounds of shots. We’ll be over there.”
“I’ll bring them over.” Isaac turned to the shelf lined with clear bottles, while I escorted Silver to the table I had shared with Dare.
It made the encounter feel like I was somehow cheating on her. I was being ridiculous.
“Glad you know this place.” Silver sat across from me.
I didn’t feel like small talk. The conversation with Isaac made me second-guess everything with Dare and it was pissing me off.
“What’s going on, Silver?”
“Thought we could talk. See if you’ve changed your mind.” He took the vodka shots when Isaac presented them on a tray.
“No, I haven’t. I’m staying away from the whole thing. I don’t want any part of your plan. You’re on your own.”
“You don’t really mean that. What about the book? What about interviewing her? Where did all that go? She’s still your muse.” He slammed the first empty shot glass on the table.
“My workload at the museum picked up. As it turns out, I don’t have time to write a book.”
He threw back the second shot. “Is that so?”
“It is. I think it’s time you move on. Paint something else. You can find another subject. Everyone keeps talking about the witches around here. Go paint one of them.”
“No, I can’t!”
“Calm down. You do whatever you want, but I’m not helping you with this plan. It’s crazy.”
“You and I both know it’s not crazy. She has rescued you twice. If we use you as bait, she’ll save you again. She has to.”
“Why? Maybe she’s tired of it. Maybe she has better things to do.”
He handed me one of the shots, and like a fool, I drank it.
“If that’s what you think, then why not give my plan a try? Huh? If she doesn’t come running to save you, you don’t lose anything. And if she does…” He smiled. “Well, if she does, then we both win.”
The vodka heated my throat and hit my stomach like fire. I should have eaten before strolling in here.
I tried to imagine what it would be like to see the panther again. What would she be like as a girl? But when my mind went that direction, I halted. Witches were one thing; human-shifting panthers were something else. I didn’t believe it.
“This is such bullshit. You know that?” I reached for another shot. Day drinking wasn’t my thing, but it seemed like the only way I could get through a conversation with Silver.
There was a time in my life when it was how I made it through to my next breath, but I had crawled out of that darkness. I didn’t know why I was letting Silver pul
l me back down.
“You’re just scared.” He slapped his knee.
I leaned across the table. “You want to cage a panther. It’s insanity.”
“There’s nothing insane about living, breathing art. You want to know her as badly as I do. You’re all of a sudden pretending you have a conscious.”
“I do have a conscious. I’m not interested in hurting an animal.”
“But she’s not an animal,” he hissed. “She’s a girl. I know somewhere in there you believe me. Because you know there’s magic in this town, don’t you? Don’t you want to know where it comes from? How many people do you think you know are really someone else? Something else.”
He struck a nerve. I couldn’t talk to Dare about the magic in this town, but I could talk to Silver. He believed in it, like a crazy old man. And if that panther was magic, if she really could talk—I couldn’t believe I was thinking this—well, then maybe I would finally be able to figure out what Dare was running from, trying to protect herself from.
“When do you want to do this?” I asked.
“I knew you’d come around.” He patted his knee again. “Give me a couple of nights. I can get something together by then.”
“You mean a cage.” I didn’t like it, but I was going along with it for some screwed up reason.
“We have to have a way to hold her without her ripping our heads off. It’s one thing for her to save you; it’s another once she becomes the prey. We can’t trust her.”
“This is sounding worse by the second.”
He slapped me on the back and rose from his seat. “Nah. It’s going to work out just fine. I’ll call you when I have everything together.”
“Silver, wait.”
“What is it?”
“You’re going to let her go, right?”
His teeth gleamed through his smile, each one more crooked than the next. “Of course. When I know her, I’ll let her go.”
I nodded, but nothing eased the pit in my stomach.
I watched him walk through the bar, his steps were straight and steady at first, but by the time he reached the door, he stumbled against the handle. I motioned to Isaac to bring another pint. Might as well catch up to Silver.
The phone was in my hand. I stared at the ceiling fan circling over my bed. I was drunk. No question. I had stumbled home after midnight. And drunk me wanted to call her. Wanted her to know all the things I wanted to do to her if she were here. Drunk me wanted her. Sober me was already asleep.
I hit her name on my phone.
“Hey, sexy. Where are you?”
“Zac? Are you drunk dialing me?” she whispered.
“Do you know I miss you?”
I thought I heard her sigh. “I’ll be back tomorrow night.”
“Will you come over?”
“I don’t think I can. I sort of have plans. I have company that will be in town for a while.”
“Company? Ditch them. I need to see you.” The fan made me dizzy. I focused on the wall.
“Zac, I don’t know if…”
“We’ve been dancing around this. No, you’ve been dancing around it. I want you, Dare. And I’m missing you right now. Right this second. I had to call and tell you that. Drunk or not.”
She giggled. I don’t think I had ever heard her do that. It was light and soft. “I’m missing you too. I promise I’ll come over as soon as I can.”
“I promise I’m going to kiss you. And I won’t stop with your lips. You know that, right?”
“Zac…”
“I promise I’m going to kiss every inch of you.” My words sounded a little slurred even to me. “You know where I’m going to start?”
She sighed heavily. “Where?” It was barely a whisper.
“That soft place along your thigh.” God it was torture talking to her this way.
“Zac…”
“Tell me you’ll be here tomorrow night. I want you here.”
“I’ll be there.”
I closed my eyes. She had said it. “Good night, Dare.”
“Good night.”
I turned off my phone and fell into a deep, drunk sleep.
It was too dark to see. The dreams always started this way. I had to find my way through a cold mist. A dark cloud until the scene around me became clear.
He was sitting on the edge. I walked up behind him.
“You know this is dangerous?” I asked him.
“I could say the same thing to you.” He stared straight ahead, but made enough room on the rock for me to sit.
Pebbles bounced over the side as my feet found a groove in the rock.
“Then what are we doing out here?” The sky was clear and bright. I could see all the way to the other side of the canyon.
“It’s your dream. Why don’t you tell me?” he asked. He handed me a cold beer.
“I don’t know. It’s too cliché, this dream.” I twisted off the top.
He chuckled. “Because you’re falling for her?”
“Yeah.” I followed a hawk soaring through the sky. “Except I think it’s already happened.”
“You can’t get the girl if you aren’t willing to fall.” He chewed on a blade of grass, his jawbone harsh with the movement.
“When did you become an expert on women?” I asked.
“It’s one of the perks of the afterlife.” He smiled. His eyes glimmered a deeper blue than mine.
“You always have to bring that up, don’t you?”
He shrugged. “It’s the truth. I’m dead. You’re not. But we’re here drinking beer, talking about women.”
“Where is here exactly?” I hadn’t seen this canyon before. We were never in the same place.
“One of your future conquests I bet. You think you’ll bring her here?”
I picked up a stone and tossed it over the side. It plinked off the jagged formations, falling to the bottom. I lost sight of it.
“I want to. She’s different. You know? I want to take her all over the world. I can see us. Really see us together. I was supposed to find her.”
He reclined back on his elbows. “Well, she’s hot. I’ll give you that.”
“Anything else to add? Maybe something that would actually help me?”
The sun was bright; he had to squint to look at me. “Be careful.”
“You think I’m going to get my heart broken?” I didn’t like asking, but he had answers I didn’t.
“More like get your heart ripped out. Shredded might be a better word.”
“Look, she’s the first person I’ve even thought about caring about since—” I hated talking about it in front of him. “Since, you know—since you. She’s different.”
“Oh, I know she’s different. I just don’t think you realize it yet.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I didn’t like him taking jabs at Dare. “Fill me in for once and stop with the damn riddles.”
“You actually have the answers on this one, man. You’re just too blind to see it.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
He stood to leave.
“Don’t go, Blake. We can talk about something else. You choose. Come on, man.”
“It’s not up to me. You know that. I said what I was supposed to and now it’s time. I’ll see you next time.” He walked away, leaving me with my feet hanging off the ledge and his empty beer bottle.
It always ended the same way. He left before I was ready for him to go. But that was always going to be the case. It had been five years, but it always felt exactly like this. Like I had lost my twin brother all over again.
Vix lined them up in order. “It won’t hurt that much.” She coaxed them to wait their turn.
“How many stars do we need to get?” one of the initiatives asked.
It was a confusing question. There had been seven Nox, and with the new five that made twelve, but Sloan was planning her wedding and I had no idea what was happening with Tegan or Eva.
“Twelve,”
I answered. “There are twelve Nox. We all need twelve stars.”
I swore to Sloan I would help her. I wasn’t giving up on her no matter what connection she had with Ronan. The wedding invitation had arrived while I was in Tennessee. It was edged in gold and the font was modern and bold—all the things this sham of a wedding wasn’t.
The tattoo artist looked up from where he was cleaning Bey’s neck. He had done the artwork for all of us. He went by Chill, but there was no way that was his real name.
“This is going to take a little while.” Chill started behind Bey’s ear. She looked calm. I knew she was a strong panther.
Vix assessed the new girls. “I’m going to call Jason. I’ll be right back. I don’t want to lose my spot in line.” She smirked.
We had taken over the tattoo parlor. Anyone who walked in would know right away it would be a few hours before Chill could take another client. But this was part of Nox initiation.
I waited my turn. The five new stars meant we were stronger. We were growing in number. I wasn’t going to let Case’s threats tear apart what I had built. I was determined to bring Sloan back, and with Ian’s help, I knew eventually we would rescue the other girls. I wasn’t giving up. I’d never give up on my friends.
Maybe it wasn’t the most regal thing to do, but I left the new Nox with Vix and Maya for the first half of the night. I knew they would make sure they were settled in the lair. They didn’t need me hovering.
I bent down to pick up the key from under the mat, but straightened it out with my foot instead. I knocked on the door.
Zac opened it just before I knocked a second time.
“Hey.” I stepped inside.
“Hey. How was your trip?” He walked over to the couch and hit mute on the remote. The baseball game went silent.
“It was good. Great, actually.”
It felt awkward standing in the living room. I regretted taking off without letting him know beforehand, but that was the course my life was on—a course that pulled me in two different directions. One kept my focus on the Nox and the other pulled me here.
