“Ain’t that Diamond Dog?”
“Yep,” Tia said.
“She messin’ round with a nigga like dat? It won’t be long before he turn her out.”
“She already a stuck up ho. Think she too good for the projects. Somebody need to turn her too cute ass out,” Tia said.
“Like they say, if you lay down with dogs, you get fleas.”
The big women cackled like hens then went back to stuffing their faces. Shae gave them a murderous look then hurried inside. She’d heard every word because the dumb heifers were too ghetto to talk low. She hoped they’d all choke on a crab claw. Jealous, out of shape, bitches.
CHAPTER FOUR
“Where the hell you been?” Mrs. Byrts started in on Shae the moment she walked through the front door.
“Out,” Shae snapped. She was fed up with being treated like a house slave. She had every right to go outside if she wanted to. She was a grown ass woman.
“You know you supposed to be watching the kids. I can’t deal with ‘em and neither can ya grandma.”
“They ain’t my kids. Why can’t I do nothing without you jumping down my throat?”
“You doing more than you supposed to be doing, so you better watch ya damn mouth,” Mrs. Byrts said. “What the fuck you doing letting Larry into my house when I ain’t here?”
“Ma, Larry comes here all the time. Why you tripping ‘bout it now?”
“I guess you let him in ya room all the time, too, huh?” Her voice dripped with sarcasm. “Did you let that boy fuck you? Did you spread ya legs to him?” she asked in an evil tone. Shae didn’t answer. “Since you ain’t denying it, you musta gave it up. You finally became the slut I done said you was?” Shae couldn’t believe that her mother had the audacity to ask her about something so personal. It wasn’t like she cared anyway.
“Get off my ass. Damn. If I did sleep with him, it’s my body,” Shae said. She didn’t even care if she made her mama mad. She was tired of her nosey ass all getting in her business.
“Are you spreading ya legs to every Tom, Dick, and Harry now? You gone been done caught something,” her mama hissed.
“I’m not spreading my legs to nobody, Ma. How many times I got to tell you?”
Mrs. Byrts grabbed her by the arm in a claw-like grip. Her long, sharp nails dug into Shae’s skin. “I saw the blood on the sheet, tramp. So I know you let that boy pop ya cherry. Now that you finally got a taste of what a dick feels like, you’ll be out in the streets trying to get it all the time. You hot in the ass just like that no good sister of yours.”
“I’m not a tramp and neither was Vivian. That man forced himself on her. It wasn’t like she wanted to have sex with him.” For years, Shae knew the truth, but Vivian swore her to secrecy. She saw no reason to hold it in any longer. Maybe her mama would finally shut up about it. “Vivian got raped and it was your fault.” She snatched her arm away from her mother’s painful grip. Her nerves had stretched to the breaking point.
“What is you saying, girl? Nobody raped my daughter. I know better.”
“Yes, someone did. I saw it happen. Vivian tried to fight him, but he held her down and took what he wanted.” Shae stared at her mother with eyes filled with fury. “It was your drunk boyfriend, Percy, who did it,” she spat. “He came into our room all the time and he used to feel on me, too. That’s why I didn’t like him and I didn’t trust him. You let a child molester live with us.”
For a second, Mrs. Byrts stood motionless. Her eyes narrowed. Then, she hauled off and delivered a backhanded slap that made Shae’s head reel.
“You lying heifer. I don’t associate with no pedophiles, let alone let them live in my house. You best be keeping that to ya self,” she warned.
“What’s going on?” Ma Violet cut in. “Bertha, what you hittin’ that chile fuh? What’d she do now? I didn’t see her do nothin’.”
“Mama, stay out of this.”
“Excuse ya self, Missy. Remember that I’m ya mama,” Ma Violet said. “Let that chile alone. I ain’t gonna sit here and let you beat on her- on none of ‘em.”
“This lying lil bitch is gonna get her tongue snatched out her mouth.”
“Wait a minute now. That foul language gots to go. Bertha, don’t make me go up side ya head with this here cane. Now, I don’t condone abuse and I will not tolerate ya disrespect.” Ma Violet had risen out of her rocker in her anger. She stood glaring at her daughter.
“Mama, you can’t tell me how to run my house. This is my house,” Mrs. Byrts bellowed.
“I don’t care whose durn house it is. I say you ain’t gonna beat on these chil’en no mo’ and I means what I say. Now, I’m tired of it. You go on out there and carry on in the streets any kinda way. But, you ain’t gonna do it up in here. You ain’t gonna beat and whup on these chil’en. As long as I have breath left in my body, I’ll see to it that you don’t.” Ma Violet, nostrils flaring, stared her daughter down. It was obvious she meant every word.
Mrs. Byrts gave her mama an evil look but said nothing further. She turned and stomped off to the kitchen. She opened and slammed the cabinet doors. They could here her pouring herself a drink.
“Baby, you alright?” Ma Violet asked.
“Yeah.” Shae felt like bursting into tears. She wanted to tell Ma Violet everything but couldn’t. She felt the heat from her mother’s gaze burning into her. Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. She saw her mama giving her the evil eye as she stood drinking her liquor. Not even Ma Violet could save her from the devil. “I’m going to my room,” she finally managed to get out and hurried up the stairs. Once safely behind the door, she threw herself across the bed and cried until her head pounded.
She’s driving me crazy, she thought. I’ve got to get away from here.
Her mother was a dried-up, bitter woman with the blackest of hearts. She cared about no one but herself.
As Shae lay there, scenes from the past flashed through her head. She remembered the time her mother smashed Vivian’s face into a closet mirror. Vivian had to get thirteen stitches and to that day, she probably still had the scars.
The kitten incident still caused her to have nightmares. In a fit of rage, their mother had stomped the animal to death before their horrified eyes. That poor cat had been helpless, and they hadn’t been able to save it.
Mrs. Byrts was a mean, evil-hearted woman, especially when she drank. She could be ruthless. Shae hated living under the same roof with her and would move the first chance she got. Even though she worried about her brothers, she had to get out. If she didn’t make a break, she feared what would happen.
Shae thought about her oldest sister, like she’d done so many times in the past. Vivian had left long ago and she hadn’t looked back. Shae couldn’t do the same. She didn’t want to leave her younger brothers behind. Who would stand up for them when their mama went berserk? They needed her to protect them.
She vividly remembered the last time she saw Vivian. Mrs. Byrts kept pounding Vivian’s head into the wall. Even when the blood had run down her face, the woman kept hitting her with closed fists. Once the beating ended, Vivian laid battered and bruised, curled in a fetal position.
Shae cleaned up as much of her sister’s blood as she could. When she tried to help Vivian up, Mrs. Byrts tossed her across the room for her efforts. Shae scrambled under a table where she stayed hidden until the angry woman finally left.
Later that night, Vivian packed most of her clothes and split. No one in the family had seen nor heard from her since. She hadn’t even sent a postcard.
Shae got up. Ignoring the spinning of her head, she went back downstairs. She fixed the twins a sandwich then helped them get ready for bed. As she ran water to wash the dishes left in the sink by her mother, Mrs. Byrts sat in front of the television eating Häagen Dazs ice cream. She ate straight from the carton with a large tablespoon.
A hatred that Shae had never felt before swelled inside her chest. She wanted to bash something heavy over her m
other’s head and watch the blood gush out. Just like her mother pounded Vivian’s face in, Shae wanted to do the same to her. She gripped the edge of the counter.
“Shae, you lettin’ the water in the sink over run, baby,” Ma Violet told her, but Shae didn’t hear. Something dark and sinister had cut off her air supply and she couldn’t breathe.
She whirled around and ran for the front door. She needed to get away before she suffocated or went completely insane. She ran in no particular direction. Her feet refused to slow down even though her lungs protested. It felt as though she was escaping hell and she never wanted to return.
Strong hands grabbed her and she fought desperately to break free. She didn’t want to go home, ever. She didn’t want to live with her evil mother another day. No one could make her go back there. The hands on her might try to force her to go back. She struggled harder with the person who held her.
“Shae, what’s wrong with you, girl? Stop fighting. Hey, it’s me. Shae.” She opened her eyes and stared into Larry’s familiar face. She let out a huge sigh of relief, stopped struggling, and rested her head against his chest. “Are you okay? What you doing running around here at night? Is somebody chasing you?” She shook her head. “Are you okay?” he asked again.
“No,” she whispered. He encircled her protectively in his arms.
“What’s wrong? Did that drug dealer do something to you?” His face tightened at the thought.
“No, Larry. Stop jumping to conclusions. It’s got nothing to do with him,” she finally said.
“Then talk to me. Tell me something.” He took her hands in his. “You had such a strange look on your face. I called you about five times, but you didn’t hear me. You kept running, so I followed. Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“It’s my mama,” she finally admitted. “I- I hate her.”
“Nah girl. Don’t talk like that.”
“You said you wanted me to talk to you, so I am.” She pulled away from his embrace. “You gonna listen or not?” She stared at him. Sensing the seriousness of the situation, he remained silent. She continued. “My mama used to beat the hell out of my oldest sister Vivian. One day she beat her so bad that Viv lost consciousness. Mama just kept on beating her. The only thing that stopped Mama from killing her was that Toby had one of his asthma attacks.” She let out a shaky breath and went on. “Vivian got pregnant when she was fifteen-years-old. Mama beat her until she lost the baby.
“She would have bled to death if I hadn’t run next door and begged the neighbor to call an ambulance. I was so scared to go back home ‘cause I knew I would get it. But, I had to do something.” Larry grabbed her hand again and squeezed it for support. “Anyway, when I finally went home, Mama broke my arm. That happened when I was eleven.”
“Shae stop.” Larry managed to breathe. He remembered that time when Shae had worn a cast. They had both been in the fifth grade. He’d been the first one to sign it. He’d always thought she’d fallen off her bicycle; that had been her story back then.
His eyes filled with tears upon learning the real reason her arm had been in a cast. “I just can’t listen to no more,” he pleaded, but she continued anyway, needing to get it all out.
She told him about the time Toby had brought home the stray kitten. It had been an orange and white mutt, but they hadn’t cared. Their mom had been upset because GTE had disconnected their phone service due to non-payment. She tripped over the kitten on her way to the kitchen. When she returned, Toby had the small animal cradled in his arms. She snatched the kitten and slung it to the floor. She proceeded to stomp the cat until it became a bloody mess upon the tile. Then she sat down with a bowl or collard greens and ate them as though nothing had taken place. She had the nerve to tell Shae to get her some hot sauce.
Shae remembered how she had to scrape up the smashed cat. She fought the urge to vomit until she made it to the dumpster outside. Then, she hurled her guts out. She threw up so much that it hurt, leaving her stomach muscles sore for days.
“Shae.” Larry grabbed her by the upper arms. “Please. I don’t want to hear no more. This is some crucial shit. I can’t listen to no more.” Tears streamed down his face, but he felt no shame. He pulled her to him and held her so tightly that she could barely breathe.
“I was running ‘cause I needed to get away,” she said. “It felt like I was suffocating. I wanted to do terrible things to my mama. I felt hatred, a real, deep hatred for her.”
“Look.” Larry bit the corner of his lip and held the sides of his head as he thought. “You don’t have to go back there,” he finally said. “Come home with me. My aunt, she’s real nice. She’s old, but she’s real nice. She’ll let you stay with us.” His grip tightened. “Shae, please get out of that place. I had no idea… Damn.” Her confession had him bewildered. All those years she’d kept it a secret. Now he knew the reason that she and Toby had worn long-sleeve shirts most of the time, even during summer. They were covering up the signs of abuse. It explained why their oldest sister had left home at such a young age. No one had ever guessed, not even close friends. The years of pain that they’d endured all alone made Larry feel nauseous. He couldn’t get the picture of the murdered cat out of his head.
“Larry, I will leave. But, not yet.” She sighed. “It won’t be long though,” she said more to herself than to him. She saw Dana as her way out.
“Shae, don’t go back,” Larry pleaded. “Come home with me,” he coaxed. “At least stay for the night. Please.”
She found herself being led by him and offered no resistance. Suddenly, she felt so tired and drained. All of the strength seemed to seep from her body.
Larry lived right across the street from the projects in a small, neat, pink house. Shae could still see the neatly trimmed hedges and mowed lawn even in the darkness. She’d never been inside Larry’s home before. She hadn’t been allowed. Finding out that she’d gone inside another kid’s house would definitely have caused Mrs. Byrts to go berserk. She’d told them to never take their asses inside anybody’s house. Their friends weren’t allowed inside their home either.
“You sure your aunt won’t mind?” she asked.
“I’m positive. Come on.” He tried the knob only to find the door locked. “She must have stepped out for a while,” he mumbled as he reached in his pocket for a key. His aunt never locked her door even though the neighborhood was considered unsafe. She held firmly to the belief that God would always protect her and her home. She’d told him often to read the book of Psalm and to ask God for protection. She said she never feared anything because each day she put on the whole armor of God. Larry didn’t know exactly what that meant because he didn’t read the Bible that often. But, he did know that no one had ever tried to break in all the years he’d lived there. He guessed his aunt’s faith must work.
Sweet smells emanated from the house when he opened the door. It smelled like his aunt had recently baked something sweet and chocolate. They stepped inside and Larry hit the light switch, flooding the room with brightness.
Shae glanced around the living room as Larry headed for the kitchen. It was a little cluttered like most elderly people’s homes she’d visited. For some reason, old people liked to keep a lot of stuff crammed into one room. Ma Violet had been somewhat of a packrat from what Shae could remember. Larry’s aunt was no exception. At least all of her stuff seemed to fit together. There were no mix-matched couches or chairs. The colors were all solid, but colorful pillows and rugs gave the room a cozy appearance.
“Shae, do you want some hot chocolate?” Larry called from the other room.
“Yeah,” she answered.
Shae’s eyes settled on a photo of a gorgeous woman. She walked over and stared at the picture. It resembled one of those Glamour Shots. The lady wore a furry, white shawl and a string of pearls. A gigantic smile spread across her face and her eyes held a twinkle.
“That’s my mama.” Larry’s voice startled her. He’d come up behind her with silent step
s.
“She’s beautiful,” Shae commented.
“Yeah, well, she’s dead,” he answered simply. He walked into the living room and turned on the television, bringing the subject to an abrupt end.
His mother’s death was the reason he’d moved from Philadelphia. It was still painful, though it had been more than ten years. He didn’t want to bring up his past because Shae’s situation seemed more important. Besides, his mother was gone, and he could do nothing about that. As a seven-year-old, he’d cried and prayed, asking God to bring her back. But, as he grew older, reality sunk in. She would never come back. His mother had overdosed on heroin and was dead and buried. He’d never see her alive again. Even when she’d been living, she no longer resembled the beautiful woman in the portrait. Heavy drug usage had turned her into mere skin and bones.
Larry shook his head. He didn’t want to remember the last painful days of living with his mother. He’d been there when they came to remove her cold, stiff body from the bedroom. He’d never forget those vacant eyes that stared at him, haunting him for the rest of his life.
For years, it ate away at him. He’d felt so guilty because he hadn’t been able to help her. Maybe trying to raise him alone had been too much of a struggle. She’d turned to drugs to numb herself from the constant reminder of what her life had become. He didn’t know. The reasons were buried along with her.
Shae took a seat on the couch next to him. “Larry?” She could tell by his face that something bothered him. He seemed deeply grieved, and it tugged at her heart. “Larry, are you okay?” she asked, touching him gently on the shoulder.
“Oh.” He snapped back to the present. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He ran his hand over his face. “My aunt went out of town for a couple of days. Church business,” he relayed. He’d read the note that had been left on the refrigerator. “You ready for that cocoa?” He gazed at her, and she nodded. He got up and she did the same, following him into the kitchen. “You like marshmallows?” he asked as he poured steaming hot water into two big mugs. He added a packet of cocoa.
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