“Yeah, we better head out. I can’t wait to beat Rich at chest again. Give me ten minutes,” he said and left the room.
“Oh, y’all getting ready to go somewhere?” Larry asked.
“We’re going to my sister Vivian’s house for a family cookout. I’d like for you to come,” she invited.
“No, I don’t like to intrude on family matters.”
“Larry, please,” she begged. “I want you to be with me. Besides, Viv knows all about you. She remembers you as the skinny kid who had the crush on me.”
“Well, if you really want me tagging along.” He smiled gingerly.
“Of course I do. I want to spend every minute I can with you.”
“That much time, huh?” He smiled again, showing even, white teeth. It caught Shae off guard at how handsome he’d become. His good looks made his birthmark fade into the background. She couldn’t resist the urge to go into his arms again. They were kissing when Toby walked back into the room.
“If y’all finished locking lips, we can go. I can drive, if you want me to.”
“Please! We want to arrive in one piece,” Shae stated, putting the vase of beautiful roses in the center of the dining room table. She stood back and admired them. Larry smiled at the glow on her face.
“Those are some nice flowers,” Toby stated as they headed out. “Larry, what are you trying to do, show all of us thugs up? Shoot, now, I’ll have to step my game up.” They walked down the stairs laughing.
Everyone in the family had been invited to Vivian’s house. Aunt Beatrice brought her four children as well as Chris and Charles. Aunt Vernadine came along with two of her children, Tashae and Thomas. Shae introduced Larry to Vivian’s husband Richard. They all sat around and talked as Vivian, Aunt Beatrice, and Aunt Vernadine went into the kitchen to help with the food. Some of the kids ran around the back yard playing tag. Others gathered around as Toby threw a football for them to catch.
“I’ll be back. I’m going to help Viv and Aunt Bea in the kitchen,” she told Larry and he nodded. He and Richard started discussing football. When Shae went inside she spotted her cousin Tashae.
“Girl, Larry has gotten too fine!” she complimented. “Are you two gonna finally get together?”
“I’m hoping that we do,” Shae answered.
“If not, let me know. I’ll be glad to take him off ya hands.”
“No way, heifer! Not how you use and abuse men,” Shae joked.
“Girl, you don’t understand how it is. Once these niggas start trippin’, I jus’ have to diss ‘em. Too many other men out there to cry over one. Right?” Shae just nodded. At one point in her life she had felt the same way, but things had changed. She couldn’t imagine loving anyone else but Larry.
“Let me tell you about this fine ass nigga I met on the deuces,” Tashae exclaimed. Shae shook her head at her cousin. They were the same age. Tashae had the same features, long hair and hazel eyes. Whereas Shae had begun to dress more conservatively, Tashae continued to wear short skirts and clingy tops that pulled attention to her body and good looks. Shae knew for a fact that her cousin was a cold-hearted bitch. She used to be just like her, and she was glad she’d changed.
Tashae rambled on and on about all the men she’d met at the clubs that she frequented. Shae smiled and pretended to be interested. She’d lost any excitement for partying and club hopping long ago. Dana had paraded her around so often that she’d begun to despise it. She doubted she’d ever frequent any of the hole-in-the-wall clubs that Tashae talked about ever again.
Shae picked up two plates and took them into the living room. The conversation had shifted to Mrs. Byrts. Shae glanced at Larry and noticed that he appeared to be uncomfortable.
“Want to go outside?” she suggested, setting the plates on a table.
“Yeah.” He got up and followed her. They went through the sliding glass doors and closed them on the others.
“I’m sorry about that Larry,” Shae apologized.
“It’s okay,” he assured. “It’s not that I don’t want to hear it, I do,” he said quickly. “I just want to hear it from you, Shae.”
“Where should I start?” she asked, taking a deep breath.
“From the beginning,” he stated quietly.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay.” She retold every horrible, gruesome moment of her life from the time Larry left. By the time she got to Dana surprising her in her family’s home, she was crying.
“I hid some money at the apartment in the projects,” she said between sniffles, “-so I went back to get it. Dana was waiting in the dark. He had a knife and he cut off all my hair. He sliced my face then stabbed me. I thought he was going to kill me.” Larry pulled her into his arms. “He stabbed me Larry, over and over. I thought I was going to die!”
“It’s okay. Just let it all out,” he soothed. “I know it was hell holding it all inside, so just let it go.” She cried for a long time, and he just held her. “I’m sorry Shae. You’ve been through so much. When you needed me, I wasn’t around,” he said with regret.
“You had to go away. Besides, I wouldn’t let you get involved.” She pulled back and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Dana threatened to kill you. I didn’t know what he was capable of. He might have done it. I didn’t want to be responsible for that. So- so I lied to you about sleeping with him for money. I didn’t do that.” She hesitated. Since it was the moment of truth, she knew she couldn’t keep her secret inside any longer. She went on. “Dana had Sly watching me. He saw us when we went to your house that night and he told him.” She looked down. “Dana was mad because you and I slept together. He said you got what was supposed to be his. He beat me up, then- then he ra-”
“No, Shae! Don’t tell me this!” Larry groaned.
“He raped me,” she finished in a whisper.
“Please, don’t say that.” He took a step back. She tried to put her arms around him but he pushed her away.
“Larry, don’t,” she pleaded, staring into his stunned face.
“I can’t deal with it, Shae. He had you? Like that? I can’t handle this!” He shook his head from side to side. “I thought you were lying about sleeping with him for money. I figured you were just doing that to protect me. I never dreamed nothing like this. Man, you’ve been with him? That’s fucked up!”
“Larry, how do you think I feel?” she asked in anguish.
“I- I don’t know what to think. He had you,” he said again in disbelief. “Shae, I’m sorry, but I just need some time to deal with this. I need to think.”
“Larry.” He backed further away then turned to leave. “Larry, don’t go,” she pleaded, but he wouldn’t even look at her.
“I’ll call a cab,” he said and hurried back through the double doors; they closed with a click.
Shae sat in a plastic chair and tried to make sense of it all. She’d known Larry would handle it badly, but she hadn’t expected for him to walk off and leave her. She’d thought about telling him and had fantasized how it would unfold. He’d be angry with Dana and would threaten to get even with him. He’d take her in his arms and tell her how sorry he was. He’d say over and over that it wasn’t her fault; he still loved her, no matter what.
Reality crushed her spirits. She felt so empty inside, void of all emotions. Larry should have been the one person that would understand. Didn’t he love her?
If he really cared, he wouldn’t have reacted like that, her mind shrieked. Wake up and face reality. Larry doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want someone who was used.
She tried not to think about it, but the words kept reverberating inside her head. Her heart seemed to break into a thousand pieces. She’d never be so foolish as to fall in love again.
“Shae?” She looked up into Vivian’s concerned face. “Shae, are you alright?”
“Yeah. I guess so,” she lied.
“Come on inside and join the rest of us.” Vivian could sense that something was wrong b
ut she didn’t pressure her sister. She’d seen Larry come back inside without Shae. Then he’d used the phone. As soon as the cab had pulled up, he’d left. “The men think they can beat us at Monopoly. So far, they’re winning. We need you because Tashae just quit.”
Shae let her sister talk her into going back inside and playing the game. After a while she forgot about Larry but only temporarily. She could never truly forget the greatest thing that had ever happened to her.
Shae sat outside, deep in thought. A shadow fell across the pages of a book that lay in her lap. Automatically, she tensed up thinking of Dana.
“Hey Shae. I thought that was you!” Memories from the past rushed back when she recognized Wade. She remembered the day she’d escaped from the Green Team. She’d never been so scared in her life. Wade had came back to help her. Wade had come- not Dana.
“Hello Wade,” she greeted. “What’s up?”
“Nothing much. I happened to be passing by and saw you sitting here, so I stopped. I ain’t seen you in a long time.” He paused. “I heard about what Dana did to you, and I’m real sorry.” He shook his head. “I knew he was crazy, but I didn’t know how crazy!” He paused. “So, how you holding up? You look good,” he added, taking in her short haircut.
“Thanks,” Shae replied. “I don’t like to think about it much. I block it out for the most part. I just live day by day. I’m glad to be alive.”
“I know what you mean.” He glanced at her closely. “You still the prettiest woman I ever laid eyes one. I like your hair short, too,” he added.
“Thank you,” she said and smiled.
“So, er- uh, you hooked up with anybody? You got a man?” he asked.
“No.” An image of Larry leaped into her head, but she dismissed it. “No one,” she answered.
“Maybe we can go out sometime?” he offered.
“Well, I don’t know,” she hesitated.
“I know what you thinking,” he said quickly. “And I want to tell you straight out, I’m not selling drugs anymore.” He looked into her eyes. “I realized that I was jeopardizing my life, and I had no future. That ain’t no way to live. I got out while I could.”
“What do you do? I mean you just give up that kind of money. How do you, you know, what equals that?” she questioned.
“Nothing. You just have to compromise. Shae, money means nothing if you ain’t happy. It’s worthless if you scared shitless most of the time. What good is it?” She moved over and indicated that he could take a seat next to her on the step. He did. “Before I started that mess, I was on my way to college. Can you believe I blew a four-year scholarship because I was foolish enough to think there was an easy way out? I think about it a lot and regret the decision I made. I could have a degree in accounting or business management. I’ve wasted four years of my life.”
“You wanted to be an accountant?” she asked and he nodded.
“Yeah. Believe it or not, I was smart once.” He chuckled. “I made the honor roll every single grading period in high school! I just hated living in the projects, and I hated having my family live there. When I started selling drugs, the money was coming in fast. I got caught up in that and to hell with college. Why wait four years for a degree, which ain’t even no guarantee that you’ll get a job when you get it? That’s the way I used to think. But now- I’m back to my right frame of mind. You know what changed me?”
“What?”
“A chickenhead.” Shae’s eyes widened. His story was intriguing. “Man, this girl used to be so fine!” He went on. “I mean, I went to school with her, and she won beauty contests and everything. Somehow, she got hooked on crystal meth and crack. When she approached me, I didn’t even recognize her. She looked jacked up! She was all skinny and dried up! And when she looked in my eyes and asked me if I remembered her, I was like, “You joking, right?” And she said, “Nah, I’m Jennifer Stevens. We went to Northeast High and graduated in the same class.” I was shocked! I couldn’t believe it. What really got to me though was, she didn’t have enough money for the drugs, and she offered to sleep with me. I told her no but she kept begging. I mean she was desperate. It tore me up on the inside,” he admitted. “It just did something to me. I actually had tears in my eyes. I just shook my head and gave her the crack. After that, I couldn’t sell drugs again.”
“That’s sad,” Shae told him. “Drugs are so addicting.”
“Yeah, they are.”
“I’m glad you got out of the game.”
“I’m glad, too. I don’t want to contribute to that kind of destruction of my own people. It’s selfish.” A horn blew and he looked up. “My lil’ brother is getting impatient. He’s waiting for me in the car. I’m taking him to the zoo.” He looked at her. “Hey, you want to come?” he asked. “That is, if you don’t have anything else planned.” Shae looked into his face. All she saw was kindness.
“I’ve never been to the zoo,” she told him. “I’d be glad to come.”
They walked to his car together, and he introduced her to his seven-year-old brother, Cortez.
Shae never expected to actually have fun looking at animals, but she did. She was actually more excited than Cortez. Wade bought them popcorn, cotton candy, and balloons. She hadn’t had cotton candy since she was a little girl, and it brought back happier times. She remembered when her father had taken her and Vivian to the state fair. They rode all the rides and had fun trying to win the different prizes. Before they left the fairgrounds, he bought both of them candy apples and a huge bag of different colored cotton candy. She smiled as she reminisced.
“I can see by the smile on your face that you’re happy,” Wade commented as he got his keys and unlocked the car.
“Yes, I am.” She smiled. She looked down at Cortez who staggered sleepily. “I think he’s worn out.” Wade opened the back door and picked Cortez up. He settled him in the back seat where he immediately drifted off.
“So, you had a good time?” he asked and Shae nodded. “Maybe we can go out again soon- without Tez?” he suggested.
“I’d like that. Call me and let me know.” He handed her his cell phone and she stored her number in it.
They listened to a soft jazz station as he drove in the direction of her house. It wasn’t long before Wade pulled up in front of her apartment.
“I will call. You can believe that.” He smiled at Shae with admiration and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek. She got out and waved goodbye.
“Tell Cortez I really enjoyed hanging out with him,” she told Wade.
“What about hanging with me?” he teased.
“I enjoyed your company, too. Thank you,” she said. Wade watched until she was safely inside her apartment. Then he pulled off.
Shae dated Wade for a few weeks, but her heart wasn’t in it. She found herself constantly thinking about Larry, wondering if he’d call. She missed him so much that it hurt. She didn’t feel right leading Wade on. He genuinely was a nice guy. Since she didn’t want him to think there would be more to their relationship, she broke it off.
They’d just returned from the movies. Shae let Wade come inside, and the gesture made him think that something more would take place. Shae put a quick end to that thought.
“Wade, we need to talk.” She pushed against his chest when he reached for her.
“Okay.” He noticed that she’d moved over, putting some distance between them on the couch. That wasn’t a good sign.
“I know that you have some feelings for me-” she began.
“Yeah, I have strong feelings for you,” he interrupted. “I really care about you.”
Shae sighed. “That’s why I need to talk to you. You may want a relationship with me, Wade, but I don’t feel the same way,” she said gently. “I think it’s best that we don’t see each other anymore.”
“Aw Shae.” Wade groaned. “Is it somebody else?” He stared into her eyes.
“Yes,” she answered in honesty.
“It’s that other guy, right?
The one before Dana?” She nodded. “Are you in love with him?”
“Yes. I am. I’m in love him,” Shae admitted, which caused Wade’s face to fall. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You can’t force yourself to feel something that you don’t.” He shook his head in regret. “I knew it. I could feel you holding back. You were with me, yet you weren’t.” He sighed deeply. “Well, I hope he makes you happy.” He kissed her gently on the lips and got up, dejected. Shae hated hurting him, but her heart belonged to Larry, and it always would.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Shae threw herself into her work in an effort to dull the ache in her heart. After six months, she got a raise for being such a dedicated employee at the bank. Her manager informed her of a program that helped people receive their GED, so she enrolled in the class.
Mrs. Watson had glimpsed the potential the first time she’d encountered Shae Byrts. It was uncommon for them to hire someone who significantly lacked education. But, she’d felt that the young woman had what it took to become a great asset to the Union First Bank if given a chance. She’d been right.
For a while, she’d sensed a deep sadness in the girl and it tugged at her heart. The story of what her mother had done had been plastered in the headlines for weeks. There wasn’t anyway she could have not known, but she wasn’t one to pry into people’s personal affairs. If and when Shae wanted to talk, her door would be open.
After everything the young girl had experienced, she wanted to do something to give her proof that her life could be turned around. She just couldn’t give up. And Shae had already proven that she was a fighter.
How many people could rise above a life of poverty and abuse, survive a stabbing, and deal with the horror and shame of her mother’s incarceration? Yet, Shae had endured and she’d persevered.
In spite of everything that had happened, Shae remained an exemplary employee. She came to work daily and on time. She was a team player who never complained about the strenuous workload. She even stayed well past five o’clock some nights when they were short staffed, even on Fridays.
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