by Rene Folsom
“She’s not well, she won’t tell us what the hell is going on, and you’re just going to stand there and not worry about her?” Aiden questioned, while pointing in my direction.
“I’m not a child, Aiden. I have some silly stomach bug, and I’m just trying to make the best of our trip so I don’t bring anyone else down. Please don’t make this into a big deal,” I said, lying as if my life depended on it. I wasn’t ready to tell them my suspicions—not yet.
I stood between brothers, my hands balled into fists as I bit the insides of my cheeks in an attempt to hide the pain twisting through my abdomen. Truth was, I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, the agony was so bad. But knowing Aiden, he would insist I go to the hospital, which would completely ruin our entire trip. I just needed to hear back from Pat before I said anything. I needed to stay strong.
Everything and everyone was disintegrating around me—rotting away with decay—and my life was the poison spreading through their veins.
Chapter 38
“The betrayal hurt worse than any physical pain I endured.”
Aiden and Coda watched while I slowly got ready for bed. The gripping pain in my gut was intensifying, but I wrote it off to my muscles freaking out with all the heaving I’d put them through. The stress of my situation alone was enough to make me ill.
Taking a few deep breaths, I managed to calm my nerves enough for the pain to subside. Finally, Aiden spoke.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you, Angel. I just can’t stand seeing you sick, and I’m worried.”
Not turning in his direction, I put my hair up in a messy bun as I spoke. “It’s fine. I’m just tired, and I think rest will help me get over this sickness.”
The big, fluffy bed looked alluring, and I wanted nothing more than to bury myself beneath the thick blankets—away from the world and all the problems that seemed to plague me.
In nothing but a tank and panties, I crawled up the center of the bed and curled my weak body underneath the plush down comforter. My face hit the pillow and the partial suffocation actually felt a bit liberating, like I could just pretend everything else around me didn’t exist.
Pressure to my right told me someone sat on the bed, above the covers, making the fabric taut against my body.
“Do you want us to stay with you, Jules?” Coda said as he rubbed my shoulder with a light, feathery touch of his fingertips.
“No,” I said, my voice muffled against the posh surface of the pillow. Turning my head, I forced a smile as I looked up at two handsome Stone men and said, “That’s okay. I’d love for you to keep enjoying your night with your sister. I’ll be fine.”
Coda leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. “All right, well, we’ll be downstairs. Text if you need anything. Happy birthday, Juliana.”
Before Coda had a chance to even get the hell out of dodge, Aiden climbed onto the bed and hovered over me. Placing a kiss on my cheek, he said, “Happy birthday, Angel. Feel better.”
“Thanks, guys,” I mumbled in return.
As soon as they shut off the light and closed the door, leaving me in a darkened room, I scrunched up my face and pulled my knees to my chest. Curled up in a fetal position, I silently cried through the pain wreaking havoc on my body.
Opening my eyes, I look at my surroundings. Dirty wood paneling is covering every surface. My eyeballs hurt. It hurts to even move them around in my head. A foul smell hits my nose, but I’m too weak to lift my eyes and see what is causing the stench.
With all the physical strength I can muster, I reposition my legs so I can try to sit up. A clanking sound, like a chain, catches my attention and causes my heart to thunder in my chest. My breath comes out in a shudder as I attempt to stay as still as possible. I am way too frightened to call out and see if someone is in the room with me. Maybe if I stay really still, no one will know I am here.
Where?
I don’t even know where I am.
Holding my breath, I turn my head to the left and noticed a small TV tray with a pitcher filled halfway with thick, red liquid.
Realization slams into me as I comprehend where I am. My breathing increases, terror overtaking my entire body until I feel every nerve ending pulsing in time with my petrified heart.
Scrambling upright, a surge of agony fills my gut, causing me to cry out. My worst fears are realized… I’m back at the cabin in the forest.
A very loud sob escapes my throat. With adrenaline swelling through my veins, I sit up on my knees at the foot of the bed—the chains still in place on my sore ankle. A primal scream of frustration and pain echoes off the walls of the dilapidated cabin. My ratty hair falls into my face while my naked form shakes uncontrollably.
Another outpouring of pain has me doubling over onto the mattress. Anger takes over my senses as I think of the man who has done this to me. My fury and agony causes red to cloud my vision.
Clutching at my abdomen in any attempt to quell the pain, I feel helpless once again. The moments I lay here in excruciating misery feel like eternity. Flashes of my body torturing itself with unexpected force flood my mind.
Through my screams, I hear him approaching me. My mind wants to fight this bastard, yet my body just wants to give up the struggle. His footsteps inch closer, the stench of death overtaking me with every thump of his foot on the hardwood floors.
Ignoring my writhing form, he pushes me back so I’m lying flat on the bed. Without even trying, he somehow shackles my hands and feet. I look up at my heartless captor with pleads of mercy in my eyes. A sadistic smile creeps up on his lips, forever etching the face of evil in my mind.
An intense convulsion overtakes my body as his filthy hands begin trailing their way from my neck, down between my breasts, and toward my tormenting gut, twisted with misery. Without notice, the vile man begins to slowly rip me open with a rusty knife.
My screams could wake the dead.
Bolting upright, I struggled to catch my breath. Sweat stuck to my skin as I shook uncontrollably and panted with fear. Quickly darting my head left to right, I noticed Aiden and Coda surrounded me, sleeping soundly with light snores leaving their lips.
Through the pain twisting my insides like a rag, I kept silent and slowly eased my way off the bed. I didn’t want to disturb them and was amazed my nightmare didn’t wake anyone. As soon as I stood upright at the foot of the bed, I felt like my insides dropped. I didn’t waste any time scurrying to the bathroom as if it were my sanctuary.
As soon as I had the bathroom door shut behind me, I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around my stomach. I knew this pain. I had experienced this pain once before at the hands of a killer. But the knowledge and experience didn’t make the pain any more bearable as I lay on the bathroom floor in misery.
It took all the might I could gather to keep quiet as my insides literally felt like they were caught between a set of vice grips. Using all my energy, I crawled to the toilet and used the base to hike myself up off the floor.
Another agonizing wave of pain tortured my stomach and threatened to knock me back down. Just as I thought I would cave and scream for help, the feel of liquid trailed between my legs. A squeaky gasp left my lips involuntarily, causing me to cover my mouth with both my hands, as I watched small puddles of blood pool at the arches of my feet.
Reality flew out the window as I watched what was once my baby fall out of me in a thick, bloody, gray clump. The pain, both physically and emotionally, felt so real, yet denial still consumed my soul. Just the idea I still had a soul was questionable. Honestly, I felt like my body just killed my soul and disposed of it—the betrayal hurt worse than any physical pain I endured.
The next several hours were nothing but a blur as I mindlessly cleaned up the life that my body so carelessly rejected.
Chapter 39
“It felt good to expose my soul and let it bleed for once.”
“Miss? Oh, miss?” Unexpectedly, a chubby hand waved in front of my face, causing me to jump and look up. Stand
ing in the aisle was a short, round man in uniform with a god-awful comb over and yellowing teeth. His sparse, white hair was quite a contrast to his bushy, near-black eyebrows. He was one of those men who always breathed loudly through his mouth, and I was in no mood to fake niceties.
“Miss, I need to scan your ticket, please,” he said with his words slurring like his tongue was too big for his own mouth.
Hiding behind my large sunglasses and never saying a word, I pulled the train ticket from my pocket and held it out to the conductor. My trembling hand shook the thin piece of paper like a leaf in the wind. The man sitting next to me eyeballed my appearance, but I offered no inclination that I gave a fuck.
Tucking my purse tighter to my abdomen in any attempt to cover myself, I bit my thumb and looked out the window. As the train began to pick up speed, I saw Aiden and Coda come to a screeching halt on the now-vacant platform. Their frantic presence at the station let me know they found my note.
Seeing them made my heart skip several beats. If the train had left any later, they would’ve caught up with me for sure. There was no way I wanted to talk to anyone right then. Hell, I didn’t even have the energy to lift my head off the window as the clanking of the tracks made my brain vibrate in my skull.
My mind was spinning. Chills consumed my body as I struggled to catch my breath. I couldn’t seem to get warm enough, even though I was bundled up in one of Aiden’s hoodies. All sounds of the other passengers seemed so distant as I closed my eyes and willed myself not to cry. I couldn’t help but replay it over and over in my head. I was in pain for hours before I started bleeding, like I knew what was coming even though I was in complete denial. It was the worst pain I'd ever felt in my life, both physically and emotionally.
You know how some things are forever etched in your memory? Like what I was doing when I got the call that my grandmother had died—or how I felt when Rob continually stripped me of my confidence so long ago. You remember it happening, but the feelings fade away in your mind over time.
The pain of a miscarriage never fades. Even though I barely remember how I got on the train, the recollection of every single jerky action my body made during that time was forever imprinted on my soul.
It did something to me mentally. I needed some time to myself—to come to terms with what had happened. I kept repeating the past several days, over and over in my head, trying desperately to figure out what I did so wrong to lose my baby.
An undetermined amount of time later, I was startled awake by my phone vibrating in my lap for the millionth time. Without even looking at the screen, I held the button and shut the damn thing off. Looking out of the large train window, I watched as a rain shower fell hard against the glass. The gloomy atmosphere of the world outside seemed rather fitting.
Dizziness had me feeling weak each time I made my way to the bathroom. Even though the bulk of the bleeding ebbed many hours ago, I still had to get up constantly and take care of business. The vertigo could’ve been due to all the blood loss, the inability to eat, or just the fact I was an utter failure. Other than my frequent bathroom trips, the nineteen-hour train ride was spent staring at my eyelids. Thankfully, I didn’t sleep hard enough to dream.
One long-ass train ride and an uncomfortable bus ride later, I was finally done with the near twenty-four hour trip and back at my apartment. I never realized how good home felt until I was gone for a long while. As soon as I latched the door behind me, I sank to the kitchen floor and buried my knees into my eye sockets, soaking my jeans.
Peeling myself off the hard linoleum, I stumbled to my room. The early-morning sun made it entirely too bright for my mood, but I was too far gone to try closing the drapes. I didn’t even bother to take off my shoes as I curled up on my bed and fell into a stupor once again.
“Julia! Thank God!” a voice boomed, startling me awake and making me bolt upright. A bout of dizziness threatened to push me back down. Grabbing my head and wincing, I breathed through the fatigue and opened my eyes to find Aiden and Coda staring at me.
My first reaction was to tell them to go away, but I knew that wouldn’t be fair to them. Seeing their faces made me want to crawl into a hole—ashamed I was only half the woman they deserved.
Still fully clothed, I scrambled out of bed and stood in front of the two most gorgeous men I had ever laid my eyes on. My heart broke for them.
Looking down at my feet, I shut my eyes and covered my face with my hands. Hiding myself away was the only reaction I could muster. I was definitely taking the wussy way out and wasn’t ashamed to admit it.
I could feel their movements as they came forward and stood on either side of me. I could even tell which one was Aiden and which was Coda while my eyes remained glued shut. Just as I was about to crack them open, Coda spoke.
“Bri told us, Julia,” Coda said, while lightly rubbing my arm.
Bri only assumed I was pregnant, but she had absolutely no idea the hell I went through yesterday morning.
“Why’d you take off without talking to us about this?” Aiden asked as he caressed the back of my head. The feel of both their hands on me had tears threatening once again. “We would have understood, Angel. As a matter of fact, we’re a bit excited about it.”
That was it. That did it right there. An uncontrollable sob left my throat at the sound of Aiden’s joyful tone. He thought I was still pregnant.
Gravity took over as I sunk to the bedroom floor. Strong arms wrapped around me in an attempt to catch me as I fell. I gasped for air as I shook hysterically and outwardly cried. Little drops of spittle sprayed in front of me unattractively as I lost full control. My resolve crumbled, and I allowed my guard to dissolve in front of them. Even though I needed their support now more than ever, I also knew they wouldn’t want a female so broken, so damaged.
Lowering me slowly, they both sat with me on the floor and let me weep. They didn’t ask any questions as I forced my despair to the surface. My eyes burned, my nose felt raw, my throat strained with each new sob, yet I couldn’t stop.
Lifting me in his arms, Coda carried me over to my bed and gently laid me down before they both sandwiched me between their hard bodies.
“It’ll be okay, Jules,” Coda whispered against my hair.
“Yeah,” Aiden added, while lovingly splaying his large hand over my belly. “We’ll get through this with you.”
Just when I thought I had no more tears, newfound sobs started all over again. I needed to spit it out before they said another nice word to me. I needed to tell them before they kept promising their undying support.
Distastefully sniffing, I wiped at my face and stared at the ceiling to try and compose myself—at least enough so I could speak. Unintelligible stutters left my mouth, making me clear my throat and try again.
“I lost it.”
Aiden removed his hand from my belly as if touching me had burnt his skin. Their flabbergasted expressions let me know the words they could not express. The men stayed silent, obviously stunned with my admission. I could tell this was the last straw for them.
I tried turning my head away in shame, but their gazes surrounded me. No matter which way I looked, they were staring me down with intensity.
Not wanting to face their accusations, I covered my face with my shaking hands once again. Hovering over me, I shuddered beneath them as I struggled to catch my breath.
“Julia?” Aiden’s strong fingers wrapped around my wrist and he began to pull. “Julia, let me see that beautiful face of yours.” It didn’t take much force for him to pry my hands away from my tear-stained face, especially since Coda joined him in the attempt to reveal my childish hiding spot beneath my fingers.
Positioning my hands down against my stomach, they both held them steady as Aiden bent forward and placed a light kiss to my forehead. Coda followed by brushing his soft lips against my dampened cheek.
“I’m so sorry, Angel,” Aiden whispered, snaking his arm behind my neck and cradling me against his chest. “I w
ish you would have told us.”
“We’re always here for you, Jules,” Coda added.
Finally, I found my voice, causing an acidic waterfall of words to come barreling out of my mouth.
“I couldn’t tell you. I just couldn’t. I hadn’t heard back from the hospital yet, and I had no idea if it was a result of what happened to me. I needed to know for myself if it was even yours before I came to you with the information. I didn’t want you to feel pity for me, and I definitely didn’t want you to feel stuck with me.”
They didn’t respond with argument, so I kept on charging through my monologue. “The pain—God, the pain was bringing back horrible memories of the time Rob ripped the life right out of me. Not only could I feel every single tinge of hurt from that night, but I relived every moment of agony from that night two years ago. The misery, the emotional torture, is eating away at me. And the fact you two feel like you have to pick up the pieces makes me feel like I’m nothing but a burden.”
Once I was done with my rant, I seemed a little lighter. It felt good to expose my soul and let it bleed for once.
Chapter 40
“No more talking.”
After allowing me to pour my broken heart out, Aiden and Coda both held me for a long while. They assured me I wasn’t a burden, yet I couldn’t help but feel like I had been continually punched in the gut. They were too kind-natured to leave the girl who was already shattered into pieces.
“Julia, when was the last time you ate?” Coda asked.
“Um,” I pondered. I knew very well the last time I ate. I just needed to gauge whether I should lie or not. Truth—there was no sense in lying. “My birthday cake on Wednesday evening.” Considering it was now mid-morning on Friday, I wasn’t surprised by his reaction as his body tensed next to me.
“You need to eat, especially after what you’ve gone through.”
