I grinned at my dance partner. “Yes, I would. Thanks, Zack.”
He nodded. “You’re welcome, Ray.”
He went in the men’s locker room and I joined Alicia inside the ladies’ one.
She looked over me. “What are you grinning about?”
I sat beside her on the wooden bench and whispered, “Josh’s birthday is coming up and I think I know just what to do.”
***
Josh
After work, I went home, took a long shower, and was ready to make me a fat, greasy dinner, when the doorbell rang.
I frowned and walked the short distance from the kitchen to the front door, wondering who the hell it could be. Rayna was busy with her mother, Robbie said he had rehearsal, and I told Connor, Bastian, Wu, and Zack that I would castrate them if they tried to throw me a birthday party.
I opened the door and blinked.
“What—?”
Rayna batted her lashes at me. “You have two minutes to get ready.”
I looked her up and down. She was wearing a beautiful red dress that molded to her curves and opened into a flowy skirt at her hips, and she had paired it with black high heels. She was wearing more makeup than I had ever seen on her, aside from the dance competition. Her hair was brushed back into a luscious cascade of black waves, and she looking at me with big, bright hazel eyes full of fire.
I finally found my voice. “To do what?”
“Today is a special day. I’m taking you out.”
I squinted at her. “So, you just pretended all day that you didn’t know what today is.”
She smiled. “Yup.”
Shaking my head, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her in. “I had other plans for tonight.” I pushed the door closed and buried my face in her neck.
“Oh yeah, like what?”
“I was planning to kidnap you from your mother and spend the night here with you.”
“Hm,” she purred, wrapping her arms around my neck. “That’s tempting.” Then she pushed me away and took two steps back. “But no. We’re going out. Now, go get dressed.”
I gestured to my shorts and T-shirt. “I’m dressed,” I joked.
Rayna rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
I rushed toward her and took her mouth with mine, kissing her hard and deep. Then I pulled away and went to my bedroom, where I donned some dress pants and a shirt, put on my dress shoes, and met my beautiful girl again at the living room.
I took her hand in mine. “I’m ready.”
Outside my building, Rayna hailed a cab and asked the driver to drop us at a certain point in Central Park. I raised my eyebrows at her, but didn’t say anything. She had planned this evening, and I wouldn’t ruin it.
It turned out that my gift was a carriage ride around Central Park followed by dinner at the Tavern on the Green.
“It isn’t much,” she said as the carriage started moving. “But I thought it was different. I didn’t think you had done this before.” A worried line etched her forehead. “Have you?”
Nestling against her, I shook my head. “I’ve walked around a couple of areas of Central Park, but no carriage rides.”
“Good.” She looked side to side. “I hope you don’t think it’s too lame.”
I took her chin between my fingers and pulled her face to mine. “Nothing is lame when I’m with you.” A shade of pink surged up her cheeks, and I swear, if I could, I would have jumped on her right then.
She looked into my eyes. “Happy birthday, Josh.” She leaned into me and kissed me. A soft, careful kiss, but it still sent a jolt of desire down my body.
Rayna snuggled against me, rested her cheek on my shoulder, and I kissed the top of her head, feeling happy with this moment.
We talked a little during the ride—about dance, about Rayna’s mother’s new boyfriend, about Robbie and Norah and the crew, and even Sienna Sparks, who I had learned a few days ago was besties with my girl. Who would have imagined that? Then, of course, our conversation came back to us.
Until my phone rang and, knowing it was my parents wishing me a happy birthday, I answered.
“Hi, dear,” my mother said, her voice sweet. “Happy birthday!”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I wish we could have been there with you,” she said. “After you graduate, we’ll spend all your birthdays together. It’ll be great.”
“It will,” I said, forcing my tone to sound a little more chipper than I felt. Which was downright miserable. I was grateful for my family, for my childhood. I didn’t feel ashamed of my small hometown or the simple way my sister and I were raised, but, if it depended on me, I would only go back there to visit. And only during Thanksgiving or Christmas.
After I ended the call, Rayna offered her arms to me and I buried my face in her neck while the carriage continued its ride.
She smoothed her hands up and down my back, and for some reason, that felt incredibly soothing. “Want to talk about it?” I shook my head, brushing my nose on her neck. “Are you sure?”
With a sigh, I pulled back enough to look into her eyes. “What’s there to talk about? That I have a little over eighteen months to figure out what to do before this all explodes?”
“I’m not sure you should wait eighteen months to tell them the truth.” I opened my mouth to protest, but she placed a finger on my lips, quieting me. “Do you think that waiting until after you graduate will change the outcome?” I shook my head. “The longer you wait, the longer you’ll have to lie to them; you’re just delaying the inevitable and, meanwhile, you’re only getting more stressed and sick over this.”
I pulled back some more, until we weren’t touching anymore. “You don’t get it. I know how they will react. My father will yell at me, saying I’m not his son anymore, that his son wouldn’t wear tights and dance like a girl. He’ll probably assume I’m gay or something. And my mother will be heartbroken because I lied to them for so long, and because of the fight that will ensue between my father and me.”
“The longer you wait, the worse it’ll be.”
I shook my head. “If I tell them now, they will find a way to stop me. To make sure I give this up and go back home.”
“Try to give them some credit. They are your parents, after all. Maybe they will surprise you.”
“Because you gave your mother so much credit and told her you prefer teaching ballet to little girls than performing onstage and becoming a super star?” She winced. I ran a hand through my hair, regretting the words the moment they left my lips. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I was just frustrated and …” I sighed. “I’m sorry.”
Rayna sat frozen and tense for a full minute, then she exhaled a long breath and her shoulders relaxed.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “I know you didn’t mean it. Sorry for butting in on your life, on your business.”
I scooted closer and took her hands in mine. “Ray, I like you a lot and I appreciate that you like me enough to care, but if you don’t mind, it’s my birthday and this amazing girl set up a pretty great night for me and I would love to enjoy it with her, without having to worry about family drama.”
She lifted her face to me, a small smile on her lips. “I’m sorry for pushing it.”
“It’s okay.” I leaned into her and brushed my mouth on hers. “Now come back here and let’s enjoy our night.”
Rayna snuggled against me again and I held her tight for the remainder of the ride.
Chapter Nineteen
Rayna
Friday morning classes at The Dance Corner had been canceled due to Halloween, but we still encouraged the girls to stop in with their families so we could pass out treats.
In honor of the occasion, I was wearing black: a black sweater and pants, cat ears, and a thick leather belt with a long tail attached to it. I had also painted the tip of my nose black and drew whiskers on my cheeks. And I applied red lipstick—something I only did for performances.
Th
e little girls at The Dance Corner were all wearing costumes—mostly princesses—and when I entered their classroom with a basketful of candy, they screamed and advanced on me. I loved seeing them with big smiles and yells of happiness.
At the company, most students weren’t dressed up, but the few that were wore outfits like mine—I had exchanged my sweater and pants for a black leotard, tights, and a sheer skirt, but I kept the paint on my face, the tail and the ears, and I added black fingerless gloves that went up to my elbows.
Josh, who had not put on a costume, was behind me during the entire first morning class, and he kept stealing glances at me, and whispering things I hoped no one else could hear in between exercises:
“You’re too fucking sexy.”
“I’m going to have to kidnap you and take you home. Right now.”
“Okay. That’s it. I’m done. I’m attacking you right here.”
I loved seeing how crazy I could make him and, if I was being honest with myself, I loved the push and pull of our relationship. Its forbidden status was quite sexy too.
At least, my mother gave me the night off, seeing as it was Halloween, and Josh and I went to meet The S Team at the rooftop in Chinatown before they left to perform at a late party.
As usual, music blasted through the speakers, and Josh and I danced together—his hands tight around my waist and my arms wound around his neck.
“Did I tell you how yummy you look today?”
I chuckled. “Only a couple of times.” I placed a quick peck on his lips. “But you can tell me a few more times. I don’t mind.”
He lowered his head and nuzzled my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.
“You two,” Norah whispered, walking by us.
I rolled my eyes at her and she waved me off. I watched as she grabbed a soda from one of the coolers and then turned back to the dance floor. She was dressed as a sexy-but-not-vulgar nurse. She looked incredible.
Josh lifted his head and followed my line of sight. “Do you miss being good friends with her?”
“Yes,” I said truthfully. “We were best friends once upon a time. Sienna, Norah, and I. I would like to believe we would still be best friends if …”
“If you guys didn’t have such different personalities,” he completed for me, but that wasn’t the only reason. Norah and I weren’t that different.
I shrugged. “Life happens.”
“Speaking of things happening …” He leaned into me and ran his lips along my jaw. I stifled a moan. “How about we get out of here and go to my apartment?”
“Hm, interesting,” I teased, knowing he would only grow more frustrated and needy if I denied it—for a few minutes. But I was dying to be alone with him too. I placed my mouth over his ear and breathed, “Let’s get out of here.”
Josh didn’t waste time. He took my hand, yelled good night to the crew, and guided me back to his apartment as if the world was catching on fire and the only safe place was his bed.
***
Josh
It was Saturday morning, a few days before performance season started. Even though I had stayed up late with Rayna the previous night, I had woken up early, planning to go to The Dance Corner to meet up with my girl for her ballet class there. We planned to walk together to the company, where we would have a busy day.
I was dressed and ready, waiting for my coffee to finish brewing so I could put it in my to-go cup and leave, when the doorbell rang.
What the hell?
Last time the doorbell had rung unannounced, it had been Rayna with my birthday surprise. Maybe she had sensed I would stop by The Dance Corner and decided to come pick me up instead? Though, that didn’t make much sense, because my apartment wasn’t anywhere near her house or the dance studio.
With a frown, I opened the door.
And froze.
“Josh, my dear!” my mother flung herself at me, wrapping both arms tight around my neck. Behind her, my father and sister smiled at me.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I pulled away from her, only to be embraced by my sister. “What are you guys doing here?” I asked as they invaded my apartment.
“We felt bad that we didn’t spend your birthday together, so we decided to come for a surprise visit,” my mother said, looking around the small living room. She turned to me and smiled. “Surprise!”
It certainly was a fucking surprise.
My father patted me on the shoulder. “We want you to take us around, show us where your classes are, the places you like to go.” He winked at me.
I stared, immobile.
“We have to go sightseeing,” my sister said, her eyes on her phone. “We need to see Times Square and the 5th Avenue and the Empire Building and—”
“Okay, slow down,” my mother interrupted. She looked at me, really looked at me—taking in my jeans, shirt, the bag slung across my shoulders, and my more or less well-combed hair—and frowned. “Were … were you going somewhere? But it’s Saturday morning. I thought we would have to start a war to get you out of bed.”
I opened my mouth and nothing came out.
The coffee machine beeped and, thankful for the distraction, I marched around the high counter and into the kitchen to pour the coffee in my to-go cup.
“Where were you going, son?” my father asked, watching me with hawk eyes.
“Rayna teaches a ballet class Saturday early morning and I usually bring her coffee.” I lifted the to-go cup.
My mother beamed. “You’re waking up early on a Saturday for a girl? And taking coffee to her? That’s … dear, that’s love.” She gasped. “Do you love her?”
That question shocked me almost as much as their presence in my apartment. Did I love Rayna? I … I wasn’t sure. I loved spending time with her, loved dancing with her. I loved her laugh and her smile and the way she made me feel. I loved having sex with her. Having sex, or was it making love? Oh, fuck …
My sister glanced at me from behind her phone. “Look at his face. He’s totally in love.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful,” my mother crooned.
“Mom, I’m not sure,” I said, but it sounded like a lie even to me. Fuck. I hadn’t realized how far my feelings had stretched in the last couple of weeks.
“Why don’t we all go down to this dance studio and meet your girl?” my father said, a little joy in his voice.
He was probably imagining me working with him, then going home to a ranch-style house close to his, to a smiling wife and four snotty kids. Oh my fucking God.
“I don’t know.” I ran a hand through my hair, messing it right back up. “I don’t want to crowd her. She didn’t know you guys were coming, well, neither did I, and she’s shy.”
“That’s okay, dear,” my mother said. “You can call her later and schedule something else with her. Maybe lunch or dinner. We’re staying here until tomorrow night, so we have time.”
“Staying here?” I pointed to the floor. Robbie and I didn’t have space or enough mattresses for guests.
“No, not here. We have reservations at a hotel,” my father explained.
I glanced at the clock on the microwave. Rayna’s class was almost over, which meant I had less than an hour to be at work. Shit, this was going from bad to worse.
“What is this?” my sister asked, her voice distant.
I glanced around the open kitchen, dining and living room. I couldn’t see her, which meant … double shit, she was in my bedroom.
“What, dear?” my mother asked, walking into my bedroom.
“Wait,” I said, but nobody heard me.
My father followed my mother and then the three of them were crowded in my room. Where all my ballet gear, posters, pictures, and more were spread around without restraint.
My sister was holding a picture of Rayna and me at the competition we had won. We had just finished our dance and our hands were clasped together as we took our bows. There was no denying it was me in that picture, even with all the makeup and the costume.<
br />
My father’s face paled as he took the picture and stared at it with huge eyes. “What is this?”
“I …” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to lie to him, not to his face. It was one thing to deceive them over the phone, where they couldn’t look me in the eyes and make me feel guilty. Now …
“Joshua, what is this?” My father shoved the picture in my face. A big knot took over his forehead and his eyes were set like two hard stones.
Beside my father, my mother put her hand over her heart. “Josh, you aren’t still dancing, are you?”
“Look around his room,” my sister said, doing a three-sixty. “It’s obvious he’s still dancing. And … I don’t see anything from college.” She gasped. “Oh my God, you aren’t going to college, are you?”
My father pointed to the door. “Sarah, go to the living room.”
“But, Da—”
“Now!” he roared.
She flinched and, with a loud humph, stomped out of my bedroom. My father closed the door and turned to me. The rage on his face, the pain of betrayal. It pained me too.
My mother’s hand was still clenched over her heart. “Josh, dear, tell us that what Sarah said isn’t true.”
“I can’t,” I whispered. “I can’t say that.” I took a long breath and lifted my chin, meeting them head on. If things were going to hell, I might as well have the decency of doing it the right way. “I lied to you. I didn’t transfer here to go to college. I came to live here because I got a job as a dancer with NYBT, one of the best dance companies in the world.”
My mother gasped, and my father let out a string of curses—something I had never seen him do before outside football season.
“This is …” My father shook his head hard as if he could wake up from this nightmare. “This is unacceptable.” His voice was low, controlled. “You didn’t only lie to us, you used us. All we invested in your college education, wher—”
“You haven’t paid a cent toward my tuition and boarding expenses since my second year in college,” I interjected. “In case you forgot, I was able to get a small scholarship, and I worked with one of your friends so I could pay for the rest.”
Dazzle Me (When You Dance Book 1) Page 15
