by Joss Wood
Piper felt a cold fist squeezing her heart. “Oh, Lord. What happened?”
“Out of the blue she up and married a guy she’d been seeing since she moved back home. She sent me a text message ten minutes before she walked down the aisle, saying she loved me but every time she looked at me, she remembered Jess and it hurt too much. That she couldn’t live her life like that,” Jaeger said, his voice flat.
“Oh, sweetie.” Piper had to touch him. She snuck her hand under his leather jacket and placed it directly over his heart. She knew there was nothing she could say, nothing that would help. She just kept looking into his eyes with her hand on his chest.
His antimarriage, antikids stance made sense now. He’d almost had it all, and then his dreams for love and a family were ripped away. He wasn’t a selfish man, or a selfish father. He was just a guy trying to protect himself. Who could blame him?
Him not wanting children or not wanting to make a commitment had nothing to do with wanting to be free. Jaeger wasn’t shallow, and she was embarrassed she’d bought the tale he’d told the world, even if it was the tale he’d spun so well.
He’d told her the truth. Wasn’t it time she did the same? It took courage to open up, to lay his cards—battered, ripped and stained—on the table. Could she be as brave? Maybe it was time for her to try.
“I can’t believe that I am rehashing this!” The words sounded harsh on his lips, but Piper understood that feeling angry was better than feeling sad. “I trust you will keep this to yourself? I’ve never told anyone, not even my siblings, about that attempt at reconciliation.”
“Why not?”
Jaeger shrugged, and the smallest smile touched his lips. “Those two months with Andy and Jess, they were—” he tipped his head up and looked for a word. “—magical. I just wanted to keep those memories of her and I, together again, to myself.”
Piper nodded. She understood the need to hold a memory close, not to rob it of its magic. That was the way she felt about Milan and the time they’d spent together last summer. It didn’t matter that he didn’t remember her, didn’t recall the magic they’d shared.
It was enough that she did.
She had to tell him. She would tell him. She just had to find her words.
“Jay, I—” God, this was so hard. Tears burned her eyes and she looked at the ground, softly blowing air over her lips. “God, I—that is...”
Jaeger bent down and placed Ty back in the stroller, pulling the straps over his sleeping frame. Jaeger tested the lock to make sure Ty was strapped in tight and looked up at her. “Can we walk and talk? I need to head back to Manhattan. I’ve got to whip Beck’s ass at racquetball.”
Piper jerked her head back. “Oh! Well, um, I thought—okay.” Explaining about Ty would take some time, and it wasn’t a conversation they should have while rushing. No matter what his reaction was, he’d have, at the very least, questions.
“I interrupted you,” Jaeger said, using his free hand to hold hers. “What were you going to say?”
“It’ll keep,” Piper replied.
This wasn’t news that she wanted to blurt out, especially so soon after hearing about his daughter’s death. She didn’t want Jaeger to feel she was presenting Ty as a replacement for Jess. She didn’t want to diminish his loss.
She understood that Jess was irreplaceable.
But now she knew she had to tell Jaeger the truth. And soon.
Ten
Crawling exhausted Ty. He was in bed a half hour sooner than normal, and Piper was intensely grateful. His crawling exhausted her, too, and Jaeger keeping her up most of last night didn’t help. She was finished with her work, and all she wanted was to lie down on her couch, watch some mindless TV and drift off. Jaeger hadn’t said whether he was coming back and a small part of her hoped he didn’t. She could use a solid night’s sleep.
She also needed some emotional distance and a chance to rehearse how to tell him about Ty. She needed to present him with a coherent, logical explanation why she’d kept Ty a secret, how convinced she’d been that he’d be a disinterested father. If they managed to have a rational conversation about all of that, she’d tell him she was Mick’s daughter. She wanted to open up to Jaeger completely and explain how her nonrelationship with Mick had deeply scarred her.
She might also tell Jaeger she loved him. She’d explain that she’d loved him from the first time she’d seen him in Milan and she hadn’t stopped loving him since. Love, to her, meant going all in, risking everything. Love had to stand in the light of truth to flourish. If she loved Jaeger then she had to trust him with her secrets, with her past, her thoughts and her insecurities.
Yeah, telling him the truth was scary, but she had no choice.
Piper took a sip of wine, tapped her finger against the glass and tried not to worry about how he’d respond. Jaeger had never once intimated that they had anything more than a sexual connection and a fond friendship. Was she setting herself up for a fall? And if he did feel something for her, would their oh-so-fragile relationship survive the truth?
But love wasn’t love when it lived in the dark.
God, thinking so much was exhausting. It had been a hell of a week, one of the craziest of her life. She picked up the remote to start her downtime when her phone rang. Digging it out of the back pocket of her jeans, she frowned at the unfamiliar number on the screen before answering.
“Is that you then, Piper Mills?”
“Um, yes, who am I talking to?”
Piper listened to a rambling explanation. This was Maeve Cummings, once Mills. She was Piper’s mom’s oldest cousin. Piper dropped the remote and leaned forward, surprised the many messages she’d sent to the email addresses in her mom’s address book had finally received a response.
“You and I are the closest living relatives of John Carter Mills. Your email said you need information about him?”
“I do. Do you have anything of his?”
“I have some gems and his diary. A few papers.”
“You have...sorry...what?” Piper asked, her breath catching in her throat.
“Three blue stones that are supposed to be worth something,” Maeve replied. Maeve had the missing Blues...maybe.
“And you haven’t had them valued?” Piper asked, trying to keep up.
“Never needed to. I’m as old as dirt and as rich as sin.”
God, her cousin was a character! Why hadn’t her mother kept in touch with this feisty old woman? Thinking it couldn’t hurt to ask, Piper did.
Maeve snorted her displeasure. “I didn’t like your father, and I told your mother he was bad news. Your mother didn’t appreciate my frank assessment of the situation and broke off contact. How is she coping without him? She loved that thieving son-of-a gun.”
“She died years ago. I don’t know if she would’ve managed without him, so maybe it was better she went first,” Piper admitted, pushing her fingers into her forehead.
“I’m sorry to hear that. So, you’re his daughter?”
“Yep.”
“The fact your surname is Mills tells me all I need to know about how good he was at being a father.”
Maeve sniffed her disapproval and let out a hacking cough. Piper waited, listening as Maeve eventually caught her breath. “I live in Sag Harbor. Come and take them when you’re ready.”
“Take what?” Piper asked, confused.
“John Carter’s diary and the rest of the stones. They might as well go to you and not to charity.”
Piper shook her head wildly before realizing Maeve couldn’t see her. “No! Really, I’ll borrow the diary, if I may. That’s all I need.”
“Fine. Changing my will would be a pain in the ass, anyway.”
Dear Lord, this woman was batty. “Have you read the diary?”
�
��Yes, sixty years ago.”
“Do you possibly remember how he acquired the stones?” Piper asked, holding her breath.
“I’m old but not senile,” Maeve snapped. “There was a landslide in a village to the north of Srinagar, and he pulled some local people out from under a pile of rocks. The villagers thanked him by giving him the sapphires. Three quarters of the way through the book, if I remember correctly, is his description of the landslide and the rescue. A little further along is a detailed description of the stones.”
Piper’s heart flipped over with excitement. Surely that was all the proof and provenance she needed?
“Come and get the book and the stones. I’m here all the time. If I’m not, I’m dead.”
“I don’t want your stones, Cousin Maeve. Just the diary.”
“Don’t argue with me, my girl. The stones belong together, and what would I do with them anyway?”
“Jaeger Ballantyne would buy them from you,” Piper told her.
“Come and see me. Bring vodka, preferably Russian. I’ll send you my address. Don’t wait too long. I’m going to die soon,” Maeve snapped out the commands before disconnecting the call.
Piper stared at her phone before letting out a squeal of excitement. If she and Jaeger could shoot up to the Hamptons tomorrow, they would have what they needed and could finalize the sale. She’d tell Jaeger about Ty and sell Ballantyne and Company the stones. Maybe, if she was very lucky, they could start a new chapter with no secrets between them.
Jaeger’s phone went straight to voice mail and Piper nearly howled with frustration. “Jaeger, can you call me? As soon as possible? I think I’ve found the provenance we need. It’s in the Hamptons with an old relative. She’s batty, but she has a diary, and I think she has more Kashmir Blues. We need to get there, like, tomorrow! Seriously, I need you to call me! Now! Please?”
Piper tossed the phone onto the cushions of her couch. So excited she was unable to sit down, she walked the carpet in front of her blank TV, holding her wine and willing Jaeger to call her back. God, she was bursting with excitement, and there was no one else she could tell about this... There was no one else she wanted to tell.
* * *
Piper pushed her fist into her sternum. No matter what, Jaeger would always be the person she wanted to talk to first. Whether it was about Ty, or a piece of art that excited her, or a memory that made her cry or laugh, Jaeger was the only person she wanted to tell.
He was the one she wanted to go to bed with. His was the voice she wanted to listen to for the rest of her life. She wanted to watch him interact with Ty, wanted to make another child with him. She wanted to grow old with him, laugh with him, love him.
God, she loved him.
Loved. Him.
Her cell phone buzzed and Piper, seeing the light indicating a message, felt her heart go into overdrive. Jaeger! Yay. Her clumsy fingers pulled up the message, and her heart plummeted when she saw it was from Ceri, telling Piper to tune in to a local TV channel. The ten exclamation points indicated that tuning in was vitally important, so Piper pointed the remote at the TV and found the right station.
It was a typical scene from any entertainment show—velvet ropes holding the peasants away from the popular folks, the bright and beautiful of New York working the red carpet. Piper looked at the headline and realized it was the entrance to Moreau’s Ball, the most glamorous social event on the city’s calendar.
“As I promised earlier,” the slick presenter stated, “I’m about to chat with Jaeger Ballantyne. He’s just leaving the limousine with the rest of the Ballantyne clan. Dear Lord, they are a good-looking bunch! Jaeger, over here!”
Piper watched, fascinated, as Jaeger fastened the button of his designer tuxedo and ran a hand down his solid black tie. Sage stood just behind him, wearing a gold gown and to-die-for shoes, dwarfed by her bigger, brawnier brothers. The siblings started to make their way up the carpet, and paparazzi cameras flashed.
Jaeger stepped up to the presenter, who stroked Jaeger’s biceps. Piper glared at the screen. “How nice to see you, Jaeger.”
“Annette, how are you doing?” Jaeger replied.
“Why, just wonderful. Thank you for asking.” Annette’s voice slid into a drawl, and Piper rolled her eyes.
After a lot of sickening simpering and inane questions, Annette went in for the kill. “This is the premier event on the social calendar. I would’ve expected you to have a date on your arm. So why are you here alone?”
Jaeger sighed and shrugged. “It’s a special event and, as per usual, there’s no one special in my life. So I thought I’d do this solo.”
There’s no one special in his life...
Wait! Stop! Think! You’re an adult and you know how dangerous the press can be. You’re intelligent enough to know that what is said isn’t always what is meant. Jaeger might not be in love with you, but he’s been fairly damn wonderful.
Before you hang, draw and quarter him, give him the benefit of the doubt. That’s what adults do.
But why those words?
Of all the billions of words he could’ve thrown together, why did he choose the one phrase that had the ability to unravel her?
Piper stared at Jaeger’s image on the screen, watched him give Annette an air kiss and kept her eyes on him as he walked down the red carpet and disappeared into the venue. Piper licked her lips as her heart shriveled up and died. The annoying presenter was talking, but Piper couldn’t hear anything but Jaeger’s words on a continuous loop.
There’s no one special in his life...
Piper knew she was on a downward spiral, losing her grip on rationality, but she couldn’t help it. Destructive emotions flooded her system as her inner insecure girl started to panic.
She was nothing to him. What she’d thought they had was nothing. Sleeping with her was okay but taking her out in public, being seen with her, was another kettle of stinky fish. Piper felt herself rolling back in time, asking her father to take her to the park and him refusing.
Asking if she could take his name and him refusing.
Asking him to take her out to dinner, to his home, to the circus, to a father-daughter dance, to attend her graduation...
Mick always said no.
She was someone Mick only barely acknowledged in this house, in this space. Outside these four walls she hadn’t existed, not for Mick, and apparently not for Jaeger, either.
Piper felt the tip of a red-hot knife punching holes in her heart. She felt the burn and the piercing pain, and the remote fell to the floor. She watched as tears splashed onto the black plastic, and she heard a buzzing in her ears. She placed her shaking hands under her armpits and cursed her father and cursed Jaeger, cursed these two men she’d loved but couldn’t, wouldn’t, love her in return.
* * *
“Hey, it’s me. I’ve tried to call a couple of times, but your phone keeps going to voice mail. Very excited about the provenance. I won’t be able to talk for a while, but text me, okay?”
Jaeger closed his phone and frowned. Piper had sounded excited and she’d asked him to call right away, so why was her phone off?
God, he hoped that everything was okay, that nothing had happened to her or Ty. Jaeger pulled out his seat at the round table and sent his siblings a distracted smile as he sat down.
Sage, sitting opposite him, leaned forward to speak across the table. “What’s wrong?”
Jaeger picked up his tumbler of whiskey and shrugged. “Piper found the provenance for the stones.”
Linc sat up straighter, immediately eager to hear more. “Seriously? Where?”
“A relative has a diary, and Piper thinks there might be more Blues.” Jaeger pitched his voice low and kept his sentences brief, not wanting to give anything away.
“More?” Beckett’s demanded. �
��How many?”
“Three. Piper wants us to go up to the Hamptons tomorrow to take a look.”
Linc pointed a finger at him. “You’d better let us know as soon as you do.”
Jaeger nodded, still uneasy that he couldn’t reach Piper. He looked around the richly decorated ballroom and saw the reporter from earlier, Annette, looking at him from a neighboring table.
He’d lied to her earlier. There was someone special in his life. He didn’t want there to be, would feel a great deal more comfortable if Piper wasn’t so important, but she was. The uncomfortable feeling in his chest when he couldn’t reach her just proved it.
He could deny his feelings until the freakin’ cows came home, but what was the point? It didn’t change the fact that he had feelings for a woman for the first time since Andy, and they were growing bigger and bolder.
He’d known her only a week, for God’s sake.
Yet he knew Piper was the source of his recent happiness. When he allowed himself to dream, he saw himself in her house, a baby monitor on the table next to them, listening to Ty’s occasional snuffle, cocking their heads to hear if it turned into a whimper or a cry. He wanted to stretch out on her couch and watch the game, a beer in his hand, her head on his thigh as she read one of her weighty art books. He wanted to listen to her explain cubism and Picasso, take her to Europe and watch her face as she explored the great art on that continent.
Eat hot croissants in Paris.
Sit in the teacups with Ty in his lap at Disneyland.
Read Ty a bedtime story.
Tell Piper another story using his mouth and hands.
She should have been here, with him, at his side where she belonged. His fear and her secrets and the stones and the press be damned. Her next to him, him next to her—that’s the way it should be.
Jaeger felt a broad hand on his shoulder, and he looked up. Jaeger smiled at his friend and rival, James Moreau, and shook his hand.
“Sorry I missed out on poker the other night,” James told Beckett after he’d greeted all the Ballantyne brothers and kissed Sage’s cheek.
