by Laura Dower
Madison wondered why it wasn’t she who had walked the dog that day. She knew the answer.
Murphy’s Law.
“I made soup again tonight,” Gramma said. “You don’t mind, do you?”
Madison shook her head. She was in too much shock over Gramma’s news to care about having soup for the umpteenth time already that week.
“I was thinking. Let’s try some knitting tonight,” Gramma suggested. “While you were at school today, I took a trip down to Far Hills Shoppes and got some yarn. You were always asking me to show you how to knit. We can make something for your mother. It’s supposed to be a cold winter!”
Madison thought it was a good idea. Knitting was another way she could bond with Gramma. And it would be nice to make something for Mom.
Madison really missed Mom.
As she helped Gramma heat up the dinner, Madison’s thoughts kept taking a wide detour. It was hard to think about knitting or homework or lasagna when she had Josh on the brain. She and he definitely had a connection … a spark … a something. Madison was sure of it.
She wondered if Josh would flash any signs in his window that night.
Chapter 11
TUESDAY AFTERNOON, AFTER TURNING in to Blueberry Street on the walk home from school, Madison spotted Josh. He was way ahead of her, but Madison didn’t think. She just started running.
“Hello!” Madison gasped when she caught up to him.
Josh whirled around. “Whoa. Hello, yourself. I didn’t hear you.”
Madison tried hard to keep from panting, but her mouth was dry from running so fast. She wiped her forehead and tried to look cool.
“Are you okay?” Josh asked. “You’re purple.”
“Oh, I have asthma,” Madison said. It was a strange lie, but it sounded a lot better than, “Oh, I was just running to catch up to you.”
“So, what’s up?” Josh asked. He kept walking, and Madison could barely keep up with his pace after her long run. She wanted him to slow down so they would have time to talk before reaching their houses.
“What’s up? Nothing much,” Madison said, gulping air. “Don’t you think it’s funny how we never saw each other before last week?”
“Not really,” Josh said. “I saw you a lot.”
“You did?” Madison asked. She almost stopped in her tracks when he said that.
He really had noticed her. A lot.
“Sure, I saw you,” Josh said simply, staring straight ahead.
Madison checked her palms. They were definitely sweating.
She and Josh kept walking.
Josh told her about an upcoming hockey meet. Madison mentioned the class webpage project. They talked about the weather, dogs, and Principal Bernard’s ugly ties.
We have so much in common, Madison thought happily. She caught herself staring up at Josh’s round, brown eyes. He had longer eyelashes than Madison did.
“This is me,” Josh said as they passed in front of his family’s home. “See you around. I have to walk Cuddles.”
“Who?”
“My poodle,” Josh said.
Madison grinned. She wanted to say something smart or funny, but no words came out. Josh was halfway down the path to his front door before she managed to wave.
She was thinking so hard about Josh that Madison almost didn’t notice Mom’s briefcase in the front hall.
“Mom?” Madison cried out. “Are you home?”
Gramma appeared at the doorway to the kitchen, drying a bowl.
“She’s not here,” Gramma said.
“What? But her stuff is right here—” Madison cut herself off and sat down on the wooden chair in the hallway. “She couldn’t wait to go out again? She knew I was coming home today to see her….”
“I know,” Gramma said, stroking the top of Madison’s head. “I told her you would be upset. …”
“I can’t believe this….” Madison felt her eyes tear up.
“It’s okay, Maddie—” Gramma tried to say.
“How?” Madison asked. “How is it okay?”
Gramma shook her head. “Maddie, I know you wish your mother could be here all the time for you. But your mother … she’s got a lot to juggle. We have to be understanding of that.”
“What are you talking about, Gramma? I heard you yelling at her.”
“Yelling? No, I don’t yell. We disagree sometimes….”
“Loudly. You disagree loudly. Sounds like yelling to me,” Madison said.
“Madison Finn, I don’t appreciate your tone of voice,” Gramma said. Her lips were pursed into a little round O that seemed to say, “Oh, don’t you mess with me!”
Madison retreated. “I’m sorry, Gramma. I just don’t think that—”
“What’s going on here?” Mom’s voice cut through the hallway tension.
“Mom!” Madison screeched. “You’re home!”
“Of course I am,” Mom said. “Mother, didn’t you tell Maddie that I was back?”
“Yes,” Gramma grumbled. “But then you walked right out again.”
Mom sighed. “I walked right out? Mother, I went over to the main office to grab the rough cut of the documentary, so we could have a private screening.”
“I know,” Gramma said. “I didn’t have a chance to say anything yet.”
Madison couldn’t stay mad. She wanted to hug Mom too much. She threw her arms around Mom’s waist and squeezed her tightly.
“You’re so strong,” Mom gasped. She bent down to hug Madison right back. “How are you feeling?”
“She went to school today—” Gramma started to report.
Madison interrupted. “I’m feeling better now that you’re home, Mom.”
Mom pulled a videotape with the rough cut of the film out of a small tote. She directed everyone, including Phin, in to the family room. Gramma, Madison, and the dog parked themselves in front of the TV set.
“I should really get dinner going,” Gramma said. “You two can watch together without me.”
“Mother …” Mom said sternly as she popped in the tape.
Gramma threw her up hands. “Fine, fine,” she said, sitting back down. “I’ll watch. We’ll all watch.”
Mom was like a fleece blanket. Madison was instantly warmed by her presence in the house. Madison had missed Mom more than she had been willing to admit.
The gears of the machine stuck, so the tape didn’t play right away. While Mom fiddled with the controls to get things started, Madison tickled Phin’s belly.
Gramma tapped her fingers on the arm of the chair.
“I really should get the food started,” Gramma said, starting up.
“Mother! I want you to see this,” Mom replied. “We can get dinner later.”
Once again, Gramma sat back down and stopped talking.
The movie started.
Madison had seen almost all of the documentary work Mom had ever done. A profile of sea turtles called Underwater Magic was Madison’s personal favorite. But Gramma Helen had not seen much of Mom’s work. Her excuse was that she didn’t really “understand” what Mom did. Mom’s reply was always, “What’s to understand? I make little movies about real things.”
This time, Gramma Helen didn’t have a choice. She was watching.
The screen was filled with white light. Then a series of dots started to appear, one by one, until the entire screen was blacked out. Burning through the black came luminous white letters that read: Blackout: AIDS Around the Globe.
Gramma crossed her legs. Madison couldn’t even tell if Gramma were really looking at the screen.
Mom’s documentary focused mostly on AIDS in Africa. In it were interviews with families suffering from the disease. She showed communities five years earlier as compared to the present day. Some places were losing as much as fifty percent of their populations. Alongside the photos and live footage of people, Mom explained, she would be cutting in statistics that would flash on the screen.
Slowly, frame by frame, as the mo
vie proceeded, Madison noticed that Gramma was starting to pay more and more attention to it. About twenty minutes into Blackout, Gramma seemed one hundred percent focused. She even seemed a little teary during certain parts.
“Frannie, this is astounding,” Gramma said, after a segment that featured a young boy of twelve who was bringing up his two brothers alone after all of the other members of his family had contracted and died from AIDS.
“What am I complaining about?” Madison said aloud. “I’ve got a little cough and I think I’m sick?”
“Well, honey bear,” Mom said. “You don’t have to compare yourself to these people. Your situation is a lot different. You were sick, too.”
By that point, Gramma couldn’t take her eyes from the TV screen.
“Frannie, this is remarkable. I had no idea you made such important films,” Gramma said. “I’m astounded.”
Mom just smiled. “I think this one has a chance to make a difference.”
“Frannie, I just don’t know what to say….” Gramma said.
“Don’t say anything,” Mom said. She went over to her mother and squeezed in right next to her on the chair. “Mother, you always know the right thing to say. It’s me who has trouble communicating with you.”
Madison wrinkled her brow. What was going on? They weren’t talking about the film anymore.
“Oh, Frannie,” Gramma wiped a tear from her eye. “Frannie, I’m so … proud.”
“Mother,” Mom said. She was crying a little, too.
“Um … Mom? Gramma? Are you okay?” Madison asked. “Did I miss something?”
Madison had a hunch that Mom and Gramma were crying because they had been arguing all week long and now it was make-up time, but she couldn’t be sure. She glanced around the room and through the window. The weather had gotten cooler since she’d come home from school. She could see the trees blowing.
As Mom and Gramma continued to talk, Madison stood up and looked out the window. Other kids were coming home from school, riding bikes in the road and chasing each other from yard to yard. She could see them all as they passed by the Finns’ front porch.
And then Josh Turner walked by.
It looked like as though he were standing outside the Finn house, looking in. He rocked from foot to foot, staring straight ahead.
Was he spying on Madison?
Once she saw him, Madison’s heart began pounding.
“I’ll be back,” Madison declared, walking to the door.
“Have you seen enough of the film?” Mom said with a wink. “Where are you going?”
“Out,” Madison said. Her eyes darted around the room. What was she going out for? “To walk the dog!” Madison said when her eyes landed on Phin.
“Okay,” Mom said. “We’ll be right here.”
Gramma sniffled. “Right here,” she said as she squeezed Mom’s hand.
Madison raced out of the family room, up the stairs, and into her closet. She grabbed a jean jacket and her sunglasses. Phin danced around in little circles when he realized that it was time to go outside for a walk. Madison clipped on his collar and leash and headed for the front door.
As she stepped onto the porch, Madison saw what Josh was staring at and it wasn’t Madison’s house. He was outside helping his dad trim the hedges and clean up the yard.
“Hey!” Madison called out. She hustled over to where Josh was standing.
He looked at her for a moment without saying anything.
“I saw you…. and thought I would … come out and say hello….” Madison said. She bobbed her head and smiled her widest smile. She knew the jacket she was wearing brought out the color in her cheeks. She wanted Josh to notice.
“Hey,” Josh said quietly.
He’s dumbfounded. He doesn’t know what to say.
“So, you’re helping clean up the yard?” Madison asked.
He’s staring at me.
“Yeah, I’m kinda busy….” Josh replied.
Phin yanked at the leash and Madison almost lost her balance.
“Whoops!” Madison said, recovering.
Josh stifled a giggle.
He thinks I’m cute.
Madison cast her eyes down toward the sidewalk. How did Aimee flirt? Madison tried to remember. She bats her eyelashes a lot. Madison did the same.
“Are you okay?” Josh asked a moment later.
“Me? Of course,” Madison said.
“Because you … well … is there something in your eye?” Josh asked.
He noticed.
“Nothing’s wrong, no,” Madison said. She couldn’t take her eyes off Josh.
“Cute dog,” Josh said.
“His name is Phinnie. Where’s your dog?” Madison asked. She was about to ask if they could walk their dogs together, but then she chickened out. She wanted him to ask her, anyway.
“Look, I really have to go … uh … help my dad,” Josh said, pulling back with a wave. “See you around.”
Madison stood there with Phin and watched Josh walk back into his own house. He gave Madison one last little wave from his top step.
After he’d disappeared, she walked Phinnie down the block so he could get more fresh air—and so she could take a few deep breaths herself. It felt good not to be sick anymore. The cough still lingered, but she could breathe easier than she’d been able to in a week.
Josh is so great.
Phin sniffed at every bush and mailbox. They didn’t get back home for half an hour. By the time Madison returned, she found Gramma and Mom in the kitchen preparing dinner together.
No one argued at the dinner table as they had before Mom’s trip. Madison was relieved. In fact, now it seemed as if Mom and Gramma were having fun together. After supper, Mom didn’t retreat to her office to work as she usually did. Instead, she and Gramma just sat in the living room talking.
Madison headed upstairs to her room. She couldn’t wait to look through her bedroom window over at Josh’s window.
It was dark outside by now. The light was off in his room.
Madison curled up on her window seat with her laptop and waited for him to go into his room and turn on the light. While she waited, she opened up the notebook for their optical illusions project. Madison had to format a dummy webpage. Aimee could provide the images later.
Next, Madison began typing on her laptop.
Show a grid with black squares and white lines. When you look at the grid, you see invisible black dots.
Show cube drawn w/lines and 1 side shaded in—is it the front or back that’s shaded? Looks like both. Show weird rotating spiral and if you stare at it for too long and then look @ your hand, it looks like bugs are crawling under your skin!!!!!!
Madison kept glancing over at Josh’s house. Finally, a light went on in his room. She saw a shadow and then Josh himself, standing in the window. Madison put her laptop on the floor and stood up to wave. She had a sign already made.
HOW R U?
Josh stood motionless in the window across the way. Madison thought he was looking in her direction, but she couldn’t be positive.
HOW R U?
She pushed her sign up to the glass and waited.
All at once. Josh pulled the curtain across his window. The light went out again.
“Wait!” Madison cried out, even though Josh couldn’t hear her or see her anymore. She slumped down on to the window seat and ripped up her sign.
Sometimes, when Madison felt embarrassed, she could sense her cheeks getting red or her hands getting hot. But right now, her entire body was flushed. She couldn’t speak or move for a few seconds.
Phin, who’d curled up next to Madison’s monkey slippers on the floor, looked up when he heard Madison start mumbling to herself.
She leaned down, retrieved her laptop, and opened another file.
Josh
He saw me. I know he did. He looked right over into my room just like all the other times.
I know. Someone called for him so he got distracte
d. Or maybe he suddenly remembered a phone call he needed to make. Or what if his dog yanked at his pant leg? Or maybe he really couldn’t see anything in my room. I didn’t have my bright lamp or my overhead light on. That was dumb of me. I wish I had his phone number so I could call and apologize for him not being able to see. I am sure he was looking forward to talking as much as I was.
Knock-knock.
“Can I come in, Maddie?” Gramma whispered through the door.
“Yeah, Gramma,” Madison cried back. “Come on in.”
“I just wanted to say good night and sleep tight,” Gramma said. “Since it’s my last night staying with you.”
“I can’t believe you have to leave so soon,” Madison said.
“Well, it’s been a week,” Gramma said. “And I need to get back to Mabel and my other friends. They’ve been holding my seat at the bingo hall.”
“Thanks for everything,” Madison said.
“Thank you, too,” Gramma said. “I hope that my being here helped you to get well just a little bit faster.”
“Oh, it did! It did,” Madison said. “Especially the soup. And the soup. Oh, yeah, and the soup.”
They both laughed.
“Gramma?”
“Yes.”
“Do you remember what we talked about the other night?” Madison asked.
“About boys?” Gramma said with a wink.
“Do you think I’ll ever fall in love, Gramma?”
“Love? Oh, Maddie, of course. You’re only twelve. My goodness.”
“I know it’s silly, but I just wonder how you know.”
“How you know when you’re in love, you mean?” Gramma asked.
Madison nodded. “Dad tried to explain it to me when he married Stephanie, but that’s Dad, and he’s a guy, and he doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a girl. And Mom always tells me that I should just be patient, but sometimes it’s so hard to do that. Why can’t it happen for me?”
“Well, I can see you’ve given this some thought,” Gramma said.
“I want to be in love,” Madison admitted. “And I think I’ve found the right guy.”
“Well,” Gramma said. “I’d say you have all the guys in the world after you. But that’s because you’re my granddaughter, and I think you’re perfect. Just think about those young boys who came to see you when you were sick!”
