When she opens her mouth to speak again, I place my finger over her lips. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, I continue. “You have to know how I feel about you by now. You know this is more than just sex, but for whatever reason, you’re still playing games and hiding from me.” I shake my head slowly, the burden of what I’m about to say weighing on me. “I can’t keep doing this with you. As much as I want this—want you—if you won’t let me in, there’s no point. I want to call you mine. In a room full of people, I want them all to know you belong to me. This halfway bullshit isn’t something I can do anymore. So, if this is all you can give me, I’m going to have to walk away.”
Her face is blank of emotion and I’ve never felt sicker in my life. Time ticks by excruciatingly slow as I wait for her to say something—anything.
“I’m scared,” she whispers. “You could destroy me.”
“Or I could love you,” I reply softly. I lay everything out in front of her. I’m bare and hers for the taking. We’re at an impasse and so much hinges on how she responds right now.
There’s a war swirling inside of her. I see it clear as day as she stares up at me. My grip on her hands remains firm, as does my eye contact. It’s like if I can maintain these points of contact, she won’t slip away from me.
“Okay,” she replies.
“Okay?” I try to hide my apprehension, but nothing with Paige has been simple, and she’s agreed to this way too easily.
She nods. “Okay, I’ll try.”
At first, I wonder if I heard her correctly. My eyebrows shoot up and my heart gallops out of my chest. “You will?”
“Yeah.”
I can’t resist a second longer and meld my lips to hers. Two years of pent-up frustration and longing is released in a kiss I feel all the way to my damn soul.
Finally, she’s mine.
As happy as this makes me, I have a feeling keeping her is going to be harder than getting her in the first place.
Sean
“HOW ARE THE numbers looking?” my father asks over the phone.
“It’s looking good. We offloaded a chunk of risky loans and are operating firmly in the black. All but one regional manager hit their goals last quarter. I’m in the process of figuring out why he didn’t meet the standards.”
2007 was a bad year for everyone in the banking industry, but a lot of it was self-imposed. Banks were handing out bad loans like they were lollipops. The bubble burst and everyone suffered, some more than others.
“Where is this one located?”
“He’s in our western region,” I reply while looking at my spreadsheet with all the info from last quarter’s numbers, as well as this quarter’s projections.
“Ah, that was one of the hardest hit markets with the crash.”
Our losses were minimal in comparison and the company has my dad’s business practices to thank for that. He always said service over money. We do what’s best for the customer over what will line our pockets. Still, the housing crisis had a rippling effect with all the foreclosures and rapid decline in prices and we reported more losses than we ever had before.
“Exactly, but it’s been about ten years since the collapse. We should be seeing a rebound by now, so I’m trying to figure out if this is a geographical issue, or a staffing one.”
“Okay, I trust your judgment. Just keep me posted.”
“Will do.”
We hang up and I go back to work, trying to compare numbers in our problem area. I’m up to my damn eyeballs in Excel spreadsheets when there’s a knock on the door.
“Come in,” I shout to whoever is on the other side.
The door opens and I’m surprised to see my favorite pair of hazel eyes and a smile that brings me to my damn knees greeting me.
“Hey, gorgeous.” I get up from my chair and walk toward Paige. When we’re close, I pull her in and seal our lips together. I drink her in like my body depends on her to survive. I’m vaguely aware this is way out of character for me. I’m nothing but professional while at work, and grabbing my girlfriend’s ass doesn’t exactly scream professionalism.
Girlfriend.
It’s the first time I’ve referred to her in that way since she agreed a week ago, and I can’t say that I hate it.
I fucking love it.
I’m not sure how long we’ve been standing here, but I pull back slightly when I feel her smile against my mouth.
“If that’s the kind of greeting I get, I’ll have to surprise you more often,” she says.
“You come surprise me more often, and kissing won’t be the only thing I do to you.” I step aside to let her through and smack her on the ass as she passes by. The yelp that leaves her lips causes a devilish grin to spread across my face. I should probably keep the door open so I don’t pounce on her. Hell, that might not even stop me.
After adjusting the hard-on in my pants, I close the door and follow her further into my office. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” I ask her.
She holds up a bag I hadn’t noticed before. “Thought I’d bring you lunch.”
The hopeful gleam in her eyes makes me want to kiss the shit out of her all over again. This is her trying, and I want to make sure she knows I appreciate the effort and her giving me a chance. “Thanks, babe.”
I gesture to the left of my office where a round table with six chairs sits. She sets everything down and I pull a chair out for her. I don’t miss the small smile that graces her gorgeous mouth when she glances over her shoulder.
Once we’re seated, she makes quick work of opening our Styrofoam containers and setting them up. “Mmm,” I say. “Tacos are my favorite.”
She beams. “David told me about this little place down the street that delivers. He raved about it, so hopefully it’s good.”
“Sounds like you and your boss get along well.”
She nods as she adds some hot sauce to her taco. “He’s nice.”
“Hopefully not too nice.” I’ve heard all about David Sanchez and his man-whore ways. Human resources had to step in because they got nervous some scorned lover would claim sexual harassment.
Paige rolls her eyes. “Oh, stop it.”
“Kidding.” Not. I’ll be making a stop into her office real soon to make sure David and everyone else knows she’s off-limits.
“Eat.” She looks down at my food. “It’s going to get cold.”
“Oh, right.” I’ve heard of the place she’s referring to, but I haven’t been there either. Honestly, I end up skipping lunch most days, so this is a welcomed change. The company isn’t bad either.
I inhale two of my tacos before coming up for air. Realizing I probably look like a slob, I slow down to eat the last one.
“Tell me three random things about yourself,” I blurt out.
“You mean as random as this question?” She wipes her mouth with a napkin, and I have to resist the urge to lick it off myself. If we’re going to make this work on a deeper level, our relationship needs to be more than sex. At least that’s what Marcus keeps telling me.
“Well, we know each other . . . intimately.” I let my eyes wander over her body, enjoying the way her dress hugs every curve. When I make it down to her smooth legs, I catch them shifting as she tries to show restraint. The knowledge does wonderful things for my ego. “I want to know more about you. Tell me something you’ve never told me before.”
“Three things you don’t know . . .” Her finger taps on her full lips as she gives it some thought. “I hate pickup lines. Oh, but you’re already aware of that.”
The right side of my mouth quirks up. “Don’t lie; you love every word that comes out of my mouth.” Picking up my food, I take another bite.
“No, I just like when your mouth makes me come.”
I’m choking. Death by taco isn’t how I saw this going down, yet here I am with a chunk of it lodged in my throat. I cough a few times and she slaps my back to help me out before I gain my composure. I never know what the hell she’s going to say next, but I’
d be lying if I said I didn’t like it.
“Play your cards right and there might be more of that in your near future.” I waggle my eyebrows up and down suggestively, to which she just rolls her eyes. “Okay, I want my three facts then.”
“I can wiggle my left ear, but not my right.”
“Nuh uh.” She turns her head so I can see her left ear and sure enough it moves. “Why can’t you move the right one?”
She shrugs. “I guess the right side of my face is lazy. Just like I can arch my left eyebrow, but can’t my right.” Again, she demonstrates, making all kinds of funny faces as she attempts to get the right one to submit. It’s not long before she has me chuckling while she contorts her face.
“Okay, okay. I believe you,” I say through more laughter, and now she’s joining me.
“What about you?” she asks.
“I’m an open book. There’s not much you probably don’t know about me.”
Her eyes squint at me in disbelief. “I’m sure there’s something you’ve never shared with me. Come on, it’s only fair since I shared with you.”
“Technically, you only gave me one.”
“No, I gave you three.” She holds up one finger. “I hate pickup lines.” A second finger goes up. “I can move my left ear.” And a third. “I can’t arch my right eyebrow.”
“You’re such a damn cheater.” Her grin only widens the longer I stare at her.
“Fine, tell me one thing then.”
For the sake of really getting to know each other, I want to give her a good one and not something stupid like I can hop on one foot. I go for broke, strip myself bare, and hope for the best.
“I’ve never been in love.”
Her mouth opens and eyes widen in disbelief. “Never?”
I shake my head. “Never.”
“I mean, did you at least think you were?”
I look her straight in the eyes. “No.” Sure, I’ve liked girls, but it never progressed past that point. As soon as I felt the other person was getting more attached than me, I walked away without a backward glance. That might make me an asshole, but there was no sense in dragging someone along when I wasn’t in it with them.
And that may be the reason I pursued Paige relentlessly. She’s the first girl I’ve met in my life I could see myself falling for.
“Have you?” I ask her, praying she says no.
“Looking back, no, but in that moment I thought I was.”
“What went wrong?” I really don’t want to hear about her past relationships. If I could, I would wipe them from her history, but it’s important for me to know what to avoid.
“Everything.” She looks down at her lap and picks the corner of her napkin. “I’ve always been attracted to the wrong kind of guy. The smooth talker with the good looks. Smiles that make you weak and promises that make you blind. I got caught up in the lines and bullshit, which left me brokenhearted while he walked away unscathed.”
She pulls her focus back up to me and I see her door slam shut. I’ve been watching this girl for the better part of two years, but I’ve never seen her wall go up. Her eyes aren’t as bright and alive, her posture is rigid, and there’s even a slight tension in the purse of her lips. She’s closing down on me.
“Anyway, after that, I picked up the pieces and vowed to date the complete opposite of what I had been going for.”
“Which wasn’t me?” I ask, a little perplexed. I’ve never given the girl a reason to think I’d hurt her, but she prejudged me anyway?
“Yes.” There’s no further explanation, just one word.
Now my head is completely fucked up. If she thinks I’m like that other asshole, then what the hell is she doing? “Then why are you here?”
Her expression softens. “Stupidity.”
I grab her wrist and pull her to me until she’s an inch from me. “I promise this is the best dumb decision you’ve ever made.”
“I hope so.”
“I know so.”
To halt further conversation that will reveal more of her doubts and hesitations, I seal her lips with a kiss and don’t stop until her alarm goes off announcing the end of her lunch break.
Paige
THIS IS THE second time I’ve been in this hospital in almost two years, and I’m not mad about it. The first time was when Lydia had Ella, and here we are again waiting on Charlotte to have her baby. Lydia, Scarlett and I have been hanging out in the waiting room for three hours. You can feel the anxious energy pinging between us as we wait to hear that momma and baby are doing well.
“God, I don’t remember it taking this long when I was in labor,” Lydia groans.
Scarlett and I both just look at her. “Are you serious? We were here for hours.”
She looks up to the ceiling like she’s thinking about it. “Oh, yeah. I was in labor for ten hours or so. I guess I forgot.”
“You know what that means, right?” I ask her.
“What?”
“You’re ready for baby number two.”
She shakes her head adamantly. “Nope.”
“Yep. You’ve already forgotten the sucky parts of pregnancy.”
Lydia rolls her eyes and waves me off, but I know I’m right.
“Hey, guys.” We turn around to see Nate walking toward us. My whole body comes to life with excitement until I notice he’s in scrubs.
“Is she okay?” I ask immediately.
He lets out a tired sigh. “Yeah, Charlotte is fine. The baby’s heart rate dropped, so they had to do a C-section.”
“How’s the baby?” Scarlett asks.
“Baby is fine too. They just finished checking him out and he’s a healthy, seven pound, two ounce boy.”
“Name?” Lydia chimes in. Nate and Charlotte were undecided last time I checked on names. Charlotte wanted to name him Nathaniel after his father, but Nate wasn’t convinced.
“As usual, the queen got her way.” Judging by the curve of his mouth and light in his eyes, he’s not hating the decision at all.
“Well, when can we see them?” I ask.
“They’re going to wheel them into recovery soon and then you can stop by.”
It’s not long before we’re given permission to see the new mommy and baby. When we walk into her room, I hate myself for not having my camera ready. Charlotte embodies everything you think a mother should be. From the way she cradles him to her body, to the soothing sound of her voice, she’s a natural already.
“Oh, he’s perfect,” I whisper, not wanting to ruin the moment. Charlotte looks so happy she’s on the verge of tears, but she deserves this moment. With their fertility issues, this was a long time coming.
She glances up at us with a beaming smile. “Hey, guys. Come on in.”
Our attention turns toward this perfect little bundle of joy lying in Charlotte’s arms. When it’s my turn to hold him, everything around me becomes a dull hum. I stare down at him and realize for the first time in forever that I want this for my life.
I’m going to be thirty years old in a few months and have been alone for so long, I think I got used to the idea of not having this. The notion of some biological clock actually made me laugh. But here I am, hearing it tick louder than ever as I watch Nate Jr. sleep. There was no sense of urgency when I held Lydia’s newborn, so I’m not sure why my reaction is so different now.
Yes, you do.
Sean.
“Okay, you’ve held him long enough,” Scarlett complains. “It’s my turn.”
Begrudgingly, I pass him off to Scarlett and sit in a chair off to the side. My friends and I talk a little before I hear my phone ding inside my purse. I pull it out and a smile pulls at my lips automatically when I see who it’s from.
Sean: RF- I played lacrosse in high school and was really good at it. I also played basketball. I wasn’t so good at that.
I laugh quietly to myself as I look down at my phone. After I surprised Sean with lunch in his office a week ago, we’ve been sending each other
these texts. Whenever one of us thinks of a completely random fact about ourselves, we’ll text RF. If there’s a random question we want to know, we’ll text RQ. It’s been a fun way to get to know each other.
I slide my phone back into my purse and focus back on my friends only to see them staring at me.
“Who’s that?” Lydia asks.
“No one,” I reply. Scarlett is the only one I’ve talked to about Sean, and even she doesn’t know that we’re actually together now. I’m not sure why I’m keeping it a big secret, but telling them makes it more real. If I’m being honest, I don’t want to deal with them if this blows up in my face.
“Must be a really funny no one to put that kind of smile on your face,” Charlotte says as she takes the baby back from Scarlett to feed him.
Looking at my friends, it dawns on me that what I have with Sean is real. The butterflies in the stomach Lydia and Charlotte talked about, the excited sensation I get when he walks into the room, the anxiousness I feel when he’s on his way over is all there. I used to be envious when they’d gush over their men, but I realize I have the same thing now. As I look at Charlotte holding her new baby, I only hope this is where Sean and I end up, and the first step to getting there is to tell my friends.
“I’ve been seeing Sean.” I expect to see two sets of shocked faces, but they look at me like it’s about time.
“Finally,” Lydia mutters with a roll of her eyes.
“Yeah, I thought we were gonna have to tie you to a chair and make you date the poor guy,” Charlotte adds.
“What—I mean—you’re not—”
“Surprised?” Charlotte asks. “The only thing that shocked us was that it took so long.”
“How long have you been seeing him?” Lydia asks. Again, shock is absent from her tone.
“A month,” I reply.
And that’s that. I’m not really sure how to feel about this whole exchange. If anything, the wind has kind of been sucked from my sails.
I brace for an onslaught of questions, but they never come. It’s as if I told them I went to the store today. Maybe they know me and are afraid to bring too much attention to it so I don’t freak out. Either way, I’m slightly perplexed they’re not being more intrusive and a lot taken aback.
At Her Own Risk Page 5
