by Lisa Graves
I probably should have gone after him then, but I still wasn’t sure what to say in regards to the constant confusion I felt in relation to Elliott. And I would definitely have to address that issue now. Plus, I wanted to “talk” to Charlotte alone. Her little stunt pushed our frangible friendship status to broke. She couldn’t undo this.
I’d be surprised if Charlotte even understood what I was saying I was so angry. “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?” My arms flew up as I started circling my prey.
“Uhh.” My rage caught her off guard.
“DID YOU SEE WHAT YOU JUST DID?”
“Yeah,” Charlotte got her voice back, “I ruined your plans at stealing Nicholas from me.”
“ARE YOU AS DENSE AS HE IS?” I stomped around my room some more. “OR JUST INSANE?”
Her mouth dropped open, scoffing me.
“HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU, LIKE YOU. HE NEVER HAS LIKE LIKED YOU.” I paused. “AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL... NOW, GENIUS.”
“You’re just mad that I ruined his crush on you.”
“NO, I AM FURIOUS THAT YOU WOULD HURT HIM. UGH!” My circling of my room continued.
“He’ll get over it.” Charlotte’s face looked smug as she added. “And then see the light that you’re a nut and there I’ll be.”
“YOU WILL NEVER BE IN HIS LIGHT!” My throat was starting to hurt from all the screaming, but the volume control was stuck on pissed.
She obviously didn’t like my last comment because her voice shot up to match mine. “WELL AT LEAST YOU WON’T BE EITHER, NOW THAT HE KNOWS YOU’RE CRAZY.”
I starred at her, my face expressionless. I was so mad I was calm. The hate I felt for Charlotte was consuming me so completely. “Get out,” I whispered.
I may have spoken quietly, but the intensity was unmistakable. The drastic change in my tone and demeanor must have effectively conveyed the threat in my words to Charlotte, for she left in a hurry after that. As she proceeded to shimmy down my roof, I said, “Goodbye,” and shut my window behind her.
What should I do now? I needed to try and straighten things out with Nicholas. How to do that was a mystery. Especially since his feelings for me had all too obviously moved from friendship to fascination, since I last payed attention. In my defense, I had been overly distracted lately. I scolded myself that I hadn’t seen this coming.
Charlotte had inadvertently forced me to come to some sort of terms with my Elliott issue. I would need to have some foundation to base what I was going to say to Nicholas on. Yet, I still couldn’t seem to get a footing on what to believe when it came to Elliott. It all seemed transparent.
Nothing in my experience with Elliott was black and white. Just various shades of grey. The same grey that seemed to keep any aspect of him from landing solidly on the fact or fiction side of my mental tabulation scale. I couldn’t figure him out.
Maybe some coffee would help. I really should calm down first anyway.
I had a quickie shower, got dressed, and was out the door in less than ten minutes. A new personal record. I couldn’t be home with my thoughts.
I decided to walk to the coffee shop since I really shouldn’t drive in my unstable, emotional condition. It wasn’t far, maybe a mile, and walking always helped me clear my head anyways. It was as if the simple act of walking could somehow purge all the unnecessary worries from my head while organizing everything else into manageable piles that made at least some sense.
By the time I made my way up the hill to the coffee shop, I could feel my mind clearing. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what had changed yet, just that I didn’t feel so muddled. I sighed, clarity was on the way.
I decided to get Nicholas his favorite, a caramel frap with extra whipped cream, to try and butter him up. Now all I had to do was find him. My mind ran while I walked back towards home.
Nicholas had been extra sneaky lately, and I was sure it was in an attempt to hide from Charlotte and her increasing infatuation. But he hadn’t even told me where he was hiding out these days, and I was positive that wherever that hiding spot was, Nicholas was in it.
I couldn’t see him hiding out in his house, that would be too obvious. And although he liked my park, Charlotte would think to look for him there. Where could I find him? I was almost home when I realized where I was headed. Where I was sure he would be.
Drinks in hand, I ran flat out under the shade of the maples that lined my street. At the end of my road, I rounded the bend that put me on Nicholas’s street, Boulder Lane. I darted through the first yard I came across and charged head on into the trees that made up the back yards of the houses. His house was in the middle of the lane, but I figured it would be best if no one saw where I was going. Especially if Charlotte was on the lookout for a sign of Nicholas’s whereabouts.
I skirted along the inner edge of the trees, safe in the shadows. I was careful that no one saw me.
I don’t know why I felt scared all of a sudden, but I did. I hadn’t been to this place in years, and it petrified me then, too. I was now hidden in the trees behind Nicholas’s house, and I turned my back on it and proceeded to go deeper into the wood.
My destination wasn’t far, a hundred feet at most. I could start to make out some familiar shapes, though now overgrown, of the place I had avoided for years. Though wary of my surroundings, I couldn’t help but smile at the genius of his fortress.
No one would think to look for Nicholas here. In my opinion, this place made my cemetery look like a soft fuzzy kitten. Ivy covered almost every inch of the place I was sure Nicholas was taking shelter inside. I brushed some deep bowing limbs of a bent willow aside as I laid my eyes on the dirty aged wood of the cellar door.
Chapter 7. The Choice
I pushed my weight against the thick, solid wood door. It was heavy, and obviously long forgotten, that it slowly opened, creaking the whole time I forced it to move. I only managed to get it unblocked enough for me to get in.
I didn’t dare shut it behind me.
It was dark in the cellar. Tiny rays of light were fighting their way through the spaces between the boarded walls. The smell of stale air and dirt only intensified my nerves. In my opinion, this is what it would be like to be in a coffin.
I slowly crept deeper into the shadows of the cellar, away from the light. I wished I didn’t have both hands full with coffee. I might have felt a little better if I at least was armed with a stick to defend myself from all the perilous mice and spiders that were sure to inhabit the shadows I was stalking.
Then I heard a sound that was neither a scurry beneath my feet, nor a rustling of the leaves outside. It was a sad sound, and it came from somewhere in the darkness that lay before me.
“What are you doing here hoe?” Nicholas talked so quietly, if I had been any closer to the door I don’t think I would have heard him.
I still couldn’t see where he was, but I figured he could see me. I let my eyes fall to the ground and held up his caramel frap as a peace offering. A white flag. I didn’t want to fight with him. I really was sorry.
“You think you can bribe me with coffee?” he paused. “How weak do you think I am?”
“Sorry, I didn’t realize.” I tried to tease, but I was so anxious my voice squeaked. “If you’d rather not have this delicious caramel frap with extra whipped creamy goodness, I guess I can go.” I turned around.
“Give me a sec.”
I smiled in the blackness.
“I might accept the frap...for starters.”
“Thanks.” I turned back around, facing into darkness. “Uhm. Where might I deliver this scrumptious bribe?” I hesitated, seeing nothing.
I heard Nicholas laugh, a deep throaty sound, at the obvious trepidation in my voice. I noticed his laugh was an empty shell in comparison to what it usually was.
Shadows seemed to move all around me. But I still couldn’t make out my friend from the surrounding black. The smell of dirt was stronger now. I was sure the shadows were stirring it up.
The soft dirt floor mad
e his movements barely audible. I was startled as a big, familiar pair of arms bear hugged me from behind. The happy feeling that emitted from his arms last night and this morning was gone. Sadness was consuming Nicholas now. I could feel it.
My words tumbled out. “I’m sorry about Charlotte. I’m sorry about everything.”
“It’s okay,” he said, though I could tell it wasn’t. “Do you mind telling me what’s up though? I don’t really like Charlotte’s version.”
I nodded my head, and although I was sure he saw it I still whispered, “Yes.”
I handed him his bribe, and he took my now free hand and pulled me deeper into the cellar. The way Nicholas was totally comfortable with our current surroundings made me realize he must come here a lot more than I had originally thought. Or he never quit coming here, as I had stopped so long ago. He knew this place blind-folded.
From what I could recall, the cellar was about fifteen feet deep and ten feet wide. Built of planks of wood and recessed in a mound of earth. We were surely near the far back end now. Nicholas slowed and gently tugged on my hand in an indication to sit.
It surprised me when I sat that it wasn’t dirt beneath my jeans. The texture of the fabric felt like the homemade tied quilt that usually donned his bed. The checkered patchwork of cotton and flannel was familiar to me. It was a nice feeling, being able to familiarize with something in this dark and musty place. Since at the moment, my best friend felt like a stranger.
“So, you hide out here in the dark now, huh?” I said as I tried to make myself as comfortable as possible. I felt around until I was leaning against a wall.
“Yep.”
“Have you fashioned electricity to the place or is it dark all the time?”
“What’s the matter Lil? I thought you liked the dark... and creepy places. You always go the cemetery at night.”
“This is different. My haven is peaceful, not cryptic.”
He laughed again, but it was the same empty laugh as before. Then he was quiet.
“So, about some light...”
He sighed deep in the darkness. “Let me light you a candle hoe.” His voice was slowly becoming normal. But would he still forgive me after I said my peace?
The grinding noise of a lighter broke our silence. My eyes adjusted to the flame Nicholas held in his hand as he moved to light a candle. The candlelight danced on the remissness of my surroundings. Once lit, he sat back down, patiently waiting, enjoying his bribe.
I looked around the cellar for the first time in years as I tried to decide what to say to my friend. It appeared as though Nicholas had taken out the shelves on the back half that we were in. In the meager light, I could barely see where they started back up about five feet away. He hadn’t cleaned up much. Though dimly lit, I could still make out more cobwebs than I cared to see. I just prayed that they had all been long abandoned by their creators. Finally, my eyes quit stalling and made their way to the sad face that was beside me.
I loved my friendship with Nicholas. He never minded the long stretches of silence that were often accompanied with me. I used to enjoy my thoughts, and the quiet. They were the places I would go to recoup when Nicholas wasn’t around. Now, thanks to Charlotte and Elliott, I had neither as a haven.
I knew I needed to choose my words carefully, to try and fix what Charlotte broke between Nicholas and myself.
I took a drink of my caramel macchiato, breathing the invigorating smell of coffee into my now dirt filled lungs, and began.
“I’m sorry Nicholas. I don’t know what to say.” I pulled my knees up to my chest.
“Is there someone else, Lil?”
“No...yes...kind-of...I don’t know.” I shook my head back and forth in frustration. “We’re just friends, remember?”
“Who?” he whispered, his eyes were careful not to look into mine.
I shrugged my reply. He took another drink of his bribe.
“Please tell me. I need to know.” The sadness in his words made my heart twist in pain.
“It’s complicated,” I finally answered.
“Please.” He sighed, “I didn’t think you felt the same way about me, but I never imagined I had competition. Who is. . .”
“Elliott.” I finished is sentence for him. It was my turn to sigh. “That’s the million dollar question.”
“What?” His eyes squinted, scrutinizing me.
I wasn’t sure what to say. What was I at liberty to say? If Elliott was by some mysterious unknown way real, was he a secret? Should he be?
Nicholas was fidgeting. “Lil.”
I decided saving my friendship with Nicholas was more important than any unknown loyalties I owed to the dreamy figment of my imagination. But where to begin?
“I’m going to answer you Nicholas.” I shrugged again. “I just don’t know where to start.”
His eyes were blinking back tears. It was obvious here in his fortress, with his guard down, how much he liked me. And this knowledge hurt me like a knife in the heart. “How about you start with how long this has been going on.”
I moved closer to him. Wishing I could somehow comfort him, shield him from the pain I was about to induce. But I didn’t know what to do. He wrapped his arms around me tight, pulling me closer. I could tell he was trying not to cry. We sat there in silence as I attempted to collect my thoughts on Elliott.
How long had it been? Time seemed to blur whenever Elliott was around. I thought hard. Today was Saturday, and my mom had made me deliver the cookies when the new neighbors moved in on Thursday, so three days. Could that be right? It felt as though Elliott had been in my life more than a measly three days.
“Uh. Three days,” I paused, “I think.”
I felt him relax. “Really? Only three days?” He was obviously happy at the supposed lack of time my relationship with Elliott had been going on. “Then why did Charlotte call him your. . .”
“Boyfriend?” My eyes looked at the dirt floor, staying as far away from Nicholas’s gaze as possible. “I guess she can tell how much I like him,” I whispered.
His body tensed. I shut my eyes. My honesty was hurting him, but as the saying goes, the truth will set you free, and I was hoping it would work in this situation.
Something changed. Nicholas’s body relaxed, and it bothered me that I didn’t know what had caused the shift.
“What?” I said cautiously.
“Charlotte said that. . .”
“Elliott.”
“Yeah.” He paused and looked me straight in the eyes.
“Go on.”
“She said. . . he is. . . imaginary.”
Nicholas’ eyes watched mine fervently while he waited for an answer. I bit my lip. And Nicholas saw that even in the dim flickers of the candlelight.
“Lil, why are you biting your lip? You only do that when you’re nervous.”
Stupid, nervous habit. I had to say something, besides Nicholas knew me too well. Lying wasn’t an option even if I wanted to.
“Please answer me, Lil.” His eyes looked sad as they made contact with mine. “I need to know.”
“I know you do Nicholas. It’s just. . .I don’t know if he is imaginary.”
“Well, is he real?”
“I’m. . . not. . . sure.”
“How can you not know?”
“I swear he is real, but then there are all the strange things. . .” I trailed off.
“What things.”
What should I say? I decided I was sticking with the idea that honesty would be the best policy, but that didn’t mean I had to tell Nicholas everything. Did it? But which parts should I tell him?
“Well. . . I was sure he was my new neighbor’s son, but. . .”
“But. . .”
“When I brought Charlotte over there to meet him, Gwen said she didn’t have a son.”
Nicholas’s face looked at me. It seemed as though he was somewhere between confused and deep in thought.
“So, where does he live?”
> I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Is there more?”
“Yeah.”
He sat there with his arms still around me and waited. I was having a hard time deciding on whether or not to edit out the part of Elliott giving me the opal. Even though it was the most tangible part of my evidence, I could tell there was more to it than even I understood at the moment.
“Well, I was on one of my late walks a few nights ago, and I ran into Elliott in the park.”
“So?”
“So. . . he sort of gave me a ring and he was acting really strange. He was saying lots of stuff I didn’t understand.”
“Saying stuff like what? Weird things or some other language.”
“Both.”
We sat there quiet for a moment. Both of us collecting our thoughts. I was trying to collect my thoughts on all the strange occurrences that had been going on the last three days, and Nicholas was trying to decide if Elliott was a threat to him. Which he was.
“He gave you a ring? Why?”
I shrugged. It felt like the best response at the moment.
Nicholas’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Are you wearing it?”
My hand held up the evidence. As usual, the opal didn’t need light to look amazing. Even in the dimly lit cellar it seemed to glow.
Nicholas didn’t like it.
“So you like this Ell-i-ott because he bought you a present?” The harshness of his tone hurt, and that was before I added in his insinuation that I would be so shallow as to like someone for the gifts they gave me.
“No. You know me better than that!” I shrugged out of his arms and scooted a few feet away.
I heard him mutter under his breath, “I thought I did.”
I went to get up and leave.
“Sorry. Sorry, don’t go. I. . . I just wasn’t expecting any of this, you know?”
I sat back down next to him, letting his arms wrap around me once more.
“I know. I wasn’t expecting this either. I mean, look at this from my perspective. There’s a good possibility that he is a figment of my imagination, and where does that leave me?”
