“I saw that kiss. I told him to stay away from you. A chaste date is all he was supposed to get. I agreed to this, knowing he has an annoying girl who will whine and nag me for his behavior.”
Roland has a girl? What? I thought he only wanted sex not relationships.
“Parker, cool the big brother act. Nothing is going to happen between Roland and me, thanks to you. You knew I had a crush on him and you kept us apart. Why?”
“First, it’s not an act,” my brother frowns at me. “Second, Roland is worse than I ever was when it came to girls. He’s my guy but, fuck, women love his ass. I did not need my little sister being a notch on his belt and I didn’t want to hear at work what he did to her second hand!”
“Who said I was going to do anything with him?”
“Don’t be naïve, Itsy,” Parker sighed. “If you went out with him on a real date, he would be in your panties by dessert. He’s that fucking smooth. I don’t buy any of that bullshit about him caring about you and not going that route with you.”
“So you think I’m not worth being with? Am I not good enough for someone to be in a relationship with? I’m only good enough ‘to get the panties’ from? Good thing I didn’t feel like that with my best friend. I cannot believe I supported your relationship, even before I realized your feelings were mutual. I guess you’re right, Parker. I am pretty fucking stupid and naïve.”
I roll my eyes, walk away then grab my best friend.
“Your fiancée is an asshole!” I murmured as I dropped to my seat. “I cannot believe he kept Roland and me apart! I could wring his neck if I could reach it properly!”
Samantha sighed. “Roland was not supposed to tell you he liked you but I made him. Parker is going to kill me when he finds out I butted in.”
“When did you know?”
“A while ago but I called Roland when I figured out you had a thing for Jaxen. I convinced him to go around Parker and talk to you.”
I glare at her, not understanding anything. Then I get a chill in my spine that rapidly spreads through my body.
“Sammi… is, um… do you think I’m not good enough for Jaxen?”
Her eyes widened then a look of pain sweeps her face. “What? No! If anything it’s the other way around. He’s not good enough for you! I told you yesterday that I thought you could do better and I meant that! I swear!”
I swallow. “So Roland is your way of keeping me from Jaxen?”
“Yeah, sort of,” my friend nods. “I don’t want to see you hurt and I know Jaxen will hurt you as sure as I’m sitting here.”
“God, how naïve and stupid do you people think I am?” I let out a loud, frustrated groan. “Look… I appreciate you and Parker wanting to protect me. I really do but how is anyone suppose to learn anything if you keep taking the lesson from them?”
“Not… I don’t think you’re either of those things, Itsy. I just do not want to see you hurt. I know how my brother is and I know how Roland is and how he feels about you. Well, how they both feel. I just think Roland is the better of two evils and I hoped you would see that too. I know you had a crush on Roland and I thought it could re-spark if he approached you. A little of a good thing is better than nothing, right?”
I shake my head and frown, trying to keep my cool as I speak. “With Roland, it could have been. Four years ago. That’s dead now and Jaxen has it and according to Roland, that’s thanks to your fiancé. I wish the two of you would have let me make my own choices. Roland and I could’ve been something four years ago. We could’ve still been something today and I could have a ring on my finger now too. Instead, once again, I have to pine for someone who has no idea how I feel because people keep sticking their noses into my relationships and making my decisions for me.”
“Itsy…” Samantha whined.
“No, Sammi,” I sigh. “I can’t be with either of them now. Jaxen’s hung up on some girl, Roland is in a relationship and I leave in mid-July to live on the east coast and I don’t see either of them following me. Thanks to you and Parker, I have to spend God knows how much longer alone. Congratulations. At least you got rid of your virginity and managed to find love in the process. Without anyone butting in.”
Samantha gives me a wounded look and I immediately feel like an ass. She didn’t deserve that but, damn it, I don’t deserve to be treated like a fifth grader vying for forbidden candy.
We sit in silence for a while and as I am about to cave, I look up and see Roland standing at the back gate, talking to Parker. He gives me a subtle nod and I nod back as he guy-shakes Parker’s hand.
“I’m thirsty. I’m going to get a bottled water,” I murmur, standing.
“Okay. I’ll be right here,” Samantha replied softly.
I walked over to Parker when Roland left.
“I’ve upset your fiancée and she needs cheering up.”
“Upset her how?” Parker frowns, looking over at Samantha.
“I told her how much like dicks I thought the two of you were acting while trying to plan out my love life for me.”
“That’s not what we were trying to do, Itsy,” Parker sighs. “I’m your brother and I was only trying to protect you from master game players.”
“I can make my own decisions, Parker. You should have given me the opportunity. Now go see after Samantha. I need water,” I hissed then turned on my heel.
My plan was to walk through the house and go out the front door and find Roland but at this point, I was too pissed to care who saw me. I grabbed a bottled water and a napkin and walked up the side of the house, wiping off my gloss as I looked up and saw the light in Mom’s bedroom go off upstairs.
I have the entire third floor. It was a curse in my teens because I could never sneak out properly since Mom could hear me pass her floor. She has two bedrooms, one for her sleeping quarters, the other an office. Plus she had this huge bathroom and a smaller room that she used as a closet. The closet in her bedroom was used for a linen storage that opens in her room and the bathroom.
Now the attic is a blessing. Mom didn’t want me to go away, so she promised me privacy and delivered. It’s insulated and I can still blast my music and not disturb her. She could do her thing and I could do mine and the space was the deciding factor in which college to attend, especially after Mom decided to install a separate entrance to it, that I’ve never used. No one but Samantha has ever slept there and I always let her in through the front door.
I made it to the front and saw Roland leaning back on his car with his arms crossed. He grinned when he saw me. I grinned back as I walked to him.
“Hi,” I giggled.
“Hi,” he laughed back. “So, New York in four months, huh?”
I nod. “Yeah. It’s time my father had me for a while.”
“I agree. Sam’s a cool guy and I know he’s missed being with you and Parker.”
I put my water on the trunk and stepped closer and smiled. “I’ve missed him too. I’ll miss you when I’m gone.”
“And I’ll miss you too, Itsy.”
“Good,” I murmur. “Before I kiss you, I need to know: are you seeing someone?”
He paused a minute then nodded. “I am.”
“And you still want to kiss me?”
“I do. I’ve wanted to for a while and I feel if I don’t do it now, I won’t ever get a chance again in my lifetime.”
“Will you tell your girl that you kissed me?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure. I don’t care if she or anyone else knows. I’m not ashamed of wanting to kiss you.”
“Me either. It’s just a kiss, right?”
Roland snakes a hand around my waist and pulls me close. “Yes. Just a kiss.”
I rest my hands on his arms and look at his mouth. “Okay. I’m ready.”
His other arm comes around me and his head lowers. He kisses me softly, like a peck. He turns his head to the other side and pecks me again. I sigh and run my hands to his neck and hold him to me and his lips stay on mine. I open m
y mouth when his tongue flicks me and he groans as he deepens our kiss. I respond with everything I have.
I have no idea how long that kiss lasted but when we broke apart, we were both breathless.
“Damn it! I really want to kill Parker now!”
I cover my mouth and giggle. “I liked that, too.”
He laughs and holds me. I hug him tight. It was a nice kiss but there was nothing there. Well, nothing much. Nothing real. Special. He’s a friend and that’s all. Damn.
“I’m sorry, Itsy, but I have to go now. I hope I see you before you go to New York.”
“Okay. I hope so, too, Roland. Thanks for the kiss.”
“No, thank you,” he whispers. I close my eyes and feel a soft peck on my neck then he releases me. I grab my water and stand back, watching as he gets in the car and waves as he drives away. I wave back and turn toward home.
And I meet that ice-cold glare again.
Chapter 5
Make that a double
I drink half my water then walk home, trying my best to ignore the glare this guy is giving me. When I got to the side of the house, a scowling Jaxen pushed me to the wall and I dropped the bottled water. Damn, I thought. What the hell is his problem?
“So it’s my color? You’re not into Caucasian guys?”
Completely confused, I frown and ask, “What?”
“Sampson,” Jaxen snarled. “He’s African-American. Is that why you haven’t given me a second look? Please say no because that’s the one thing about myself I cannot change but I promise if that’s what the problem is, I will be angry at my parents for the rest of my life for not being of color!”
Well okay then. He makes me think he’ll risk skin cancer by staying in the sun 24/7 every day for the rest of his life just to get more color. Then I remember this is Jaxen. I try to push him away but he has me pinned to the wall. Finally I give up and sigh.
“I don’t see color, Jaxen. I have no preference in a partner except that it’s a male and he treats me right.”
“What makes you think I won’t treat you right? What does Sampson have that I don’t?”
“Nothing. Everything. I don’t know!”
“You have to know, Itsy. Why won’t you give me a chance with you?”
I blink at him, completely confused again. “I didn’t know you wanted one, Jaxen.”
“Do I have to buy Alpha-Bits and spell it out for you?” he screeches. “Go all airport and hold up signs outside your window?”
I sigh and look away. “No,” I murmur. “It’s too late anyway. I’m leaving in July. We would only have four months together.”
“I don’t care. Some time is better than none, Itsy,” Jaxen whispers, caressing my cheek. “I need some of you.”
I inhale deep, disappointed. “So you just want me for sex?”
“No!” Jaxen shouts. “I can go damn near anywhere and get sex. If we have sex, it will be only when you were ready to. I won’t take your virginity unless you want me to. You can take it to New York with you and we never have to be intimate in that way. Just give me time to be with you. Give me and only me these last 125 days you have left here.”
I look up at him. “You know when I’m leaving?”
Jaxen nods. “Your mother’s birthday is on the 12th of July and you’re leaving the following week. I heard Samantha tell our parents that she’s going too, after she told them about the engagement.”
I nod, my cheeks heating. “I can’t give you those days, Jaxen.”
“Why, Itsy? What can I do to change your mind and try with me?”
I look in his eyes. He’s begging me with them, holding my attention. I want to cave but it’s not only about him. There are others I need to consider.
“I owe my last days here to my mother. It’s breaking her heart that I’m leaving and I could not just abandon her during the last few days she has me.”
“No, of course not,” Jaxen says in a rush. “With her, I can share them. Be with me while she’s working. Do things with me.”
I frown. “Like what?”
“We could go to movies and um… I’ll take you on picnics…uh…or we can go to museums, the art gallery, parks! Bowling, fairs, carnivals. Something, anything as long as we are together.”
I sigh. I want to do those things.
“If you’re with me, how will you work?”
“I’ll work while you’re with your mother but I don’t need to, I have my band money. I never spend that, just the money I earn from doing tats and piercings. I don’t mind dipping in it for you.”
A tear falls and Jaxen sweetly wipes it away. I want this. Him. All I have to do is give him some time with me? Will he let me go so easily after 125 days? Can I let him go? No, I already know I can’t but I’ll have to and something is better than nothing.
“Will you take me for rides on your bike?”
“Absolutely.”
“What about other girls?”
“What about them?”
“Will you still get your… satisfaction… from them if you can’t get it from me?”
“Spending time with you will be my satisfaction, Itsy. I don’t need anything else.”
“What about Camille?”
“She’s history, I swear. You’ll be my girl, my only girl, until you leave.”
I look down again and run my finger across a design on his t-shirt. I feel him shudder. I grip his shirt and pull him closer until he’s pressed tightly to me, then pull his head down, my lips inches from his.
“Does all that mean you’re mine until I leave?”
“It does, Itsy. I’m yours,” he whispers, staring at my mouth.
“Okay,” I whisper. “I’m yours for 125 days. I’m begging you not to hurt me or make me regret this decision.”
“Not unless you let Sampson kiss you again. Or any other fucker. For the next 125 days, mine are the only lips you use. Call me, text me, whatever. You find me. Say the word and I’m running straight to wherever you are and kiss you until you’re blue in the face.”
“Okay. I just found you,” I whisper again and pull his lips to mine.
This kiss is heated, deep. Passionate. Real. His tongue is everywhere and he gently sucks mine. His hands cup my ass as he grinds against me. I want more. I feel everything inside shake and tremble with need. I want him and I want him bad. Now.
“Sorry,” he murmurs against my mouth then releases me. He moves his hips back but still pressing his chest into me, his hands flatten on the house while I grip his waist, holding him in place.
Suddenly he stops and pulls back, clearing his throat.
“Too much. Okay, so, uh, I’m gonna go but I’m going to call you as soon as I get home.”
“You don’t have to, Jaxen. I’ll talk to you tomorrow after my date.”
“Date?” Jaxen frowns. “Didn’t we just agree--”
I press my finger to his lips and smile. “With my father. We’re having breakfast and then shopping. I’ll call you after I’m done with him.”
Jaxen immediately relaxes. “Oh, okay but I’m still calling you as soon as I get home. I’m going straight there.”
I smile. “No, tomorrow. Let me rest tonight.”
Jaxen gives me a determined expression. “I’m calling you tonight, Itsy.”
I sigh. “Then just a good night, Jaxen. I need some rest.”
“Will I be able to see you at all tomorrow?”
“I don’t know what Mom’s plans are yet. I’ll let you know when I call you.”
“Okay. I’m going to hurry home now so I can call you,” Jaxen grinned then briefly kissed me. Then he handed me my dropped bottle of water and winked with a sexy smile. “Good night, girlfriend.”
I giggle. “Good night, boyfriend.”
I heard his bike as I stood against the wall and smiled as he drove away. I still had that smile as I reached the yard and saw that almost everyone was gone and the rest were leaving. I can’t believe it’s almost 2 a.m.
I
walk over to Parker and Samantha. “I’m turning in, guys.”
“We’re leaving anyway, Itsy. Samantha’s coming back to mine. Have fun and try not to spend all of my inheritance with Dad tomorrow.”
I laugh. “It’s mine too and I’d rather spend my share while he can watch me.”
Samantha and Parker laugh at that, then I embrace them both.
“I cannot believe you got another piercing, Parker!”
“What? Where?” Samantha gasps as she stares at him.
“The tragus,” I murmur.
Samantha snatches Parker’s head around and scowls. “You said no more and now you have the one I want! I’m gonna kill you, Parker!”
Parker laughs loud and shrugs. “You can always get yours done, baby. Come on. Let’s go home and discuss this in bed.”
“We’re going to get mine done tomorrow! In the meantime, no nookie for you!”
“Little sister standing here!” I shout after her as she walks away quickly.
Parker looked back and forth between us for several seconds then quickly kissed my temple. “Love you, sis! Good night!”
I laughed loud as Parker took off, hot on Samantha’s heels. I hugged and kissed everyone else goodnight then smiled at the cleaning crew after they assured me Mom had taken care of them.
I yawned as I went inside, locked up behind me and staggered up my stairs. As I passed Mom’s door, I heard her grunt and moan and debated on whether to go in her room and wake her. Sometimes, she has nightmares and she’s very vocal during them in her sleep, frightening so. I listened for a moment but she didn’t make another sound, so I went up to my room, thinking she’d be okay. I guess I’ll call Marvin in the morning and let him know about the nightmare. Mom can be pretty rough at work and at home the morning after having one and he needed a heads up.
I quickly showered and threw on a gown and laid my tired body down. Only I couldn’t go to sleep. I kept thinking about those kisses I got tonight and the conversations. Jaxen and Roland. Wow. Both handsome, tatted bad boys. Both equally built and wanted me. I feel a little guilty about kissing Roland, though. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend kissing someone, especially a girl he’s been secretly crushing on for years… well, it was secret to me. Guess I was the only one out of the loop with that.
FALLING: The Negative Ion Series Page 4
