I let a tear fall then, completely hating that he was right.
“I don’t want Jaxen anywhere near my son.”
“He’s the son of both of you.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you know how hard it’s been to be here growing with his baby? I love him and no matter what I do or say it won’t fucking go away,” I sob.
Roland puts his arms around me and holds me until I calm, rubbing my shoulder and arm while I gripped his neck and cried on his chest. I had not cried over Jaxen in months and now here it was, fresh and ripe and eating through me like acid. I can’t tell Jaxen. I refuse to. He doesn’t deserve to know. Does he?
Roland gave me some tissue and I wiped my face.
“I should have made you try with me after that kiss we had.”
“You wouldn’t have had to make me, Itsy,” Roland sighs. “I was respecting your wishes when I kissed you.”
“You still wanted me, Roland?”
He nods. I frowned. I didn’t think there was anything there. Well, there was something in that kiss. Just no heat. Not like it was with Jaxen.
“What about that girl?”
“What about her?”
“Wasn’t it serious?”
“No,” he laughs. “It was fresh and I never had a steady girlfriend so I decided why not? She was such a shrew and I have no idea why I decided to try it with her. I think that’s why I asked you for that kiss. I think it was my way of confirming that I did not have any real feelings for that girl. I think… no, I know I had some for you.”
So did I, but that brother of mine wouldn’t let a relationship between us happen. Good thing? I look down at my belly. Maybe. I sigh and grab my shake. “It’s a moot point now.”
“Yeah. Moot,” Roland whispers. “Still, you should tell Jax. Give him a chance to do the right thing, Itsy.”
I stare in my cup and stir my shake. I knew this was coming and I dreaded it the day I would have to tell Jaxen about the baby.
“He may not want to do the right thing. Or his idea of the right thing may not be the same as yours and mine.”
“Whatever his idea is, it’s gotta be made and expressed by him. Not you, not me, not your parents and not his. Him.”
This guy is really starting to irk me with being right all the damn time.
“I don’t want to have to call all his parents or sisters to get to him, Roland. I don’t even have his number.”
“I do. It’s in my cell.”
I nod then watch as Roland stands and holds out his hand.
“What?” I frown. He reaches down and grabs my hand, helping me up. “Where are we going?”
“Bedroom,” Roland says softly.
Holy… for what?
“Why?”
Roland tugs me through the condo, stopping at the half-bath. He closes the door quickly then moves to the guest room.
“Roland!” I gasp when we get outside my bedroom. Does he want sex? From me? God, no way! I’m so pregnant and not in the mood. And this is Roland, for fuck’s sake! Not to mention that I haven’t had sex with anyone but Jaxen. This could be kinda awkward.
Roland opens my bedroom door and ushers me in. He leaves the door open when he follows me inside and leads me to my bed. I prop up on the edge and frown at him. He presses his cell in my hand.
“The lock code is 4922. When you’re ready to talk… if you need to, I’ll be in your living room. Take your time.”
I sit there in silence as I stare at his phone. I’m so concentrated on the phone that I don’t even see him leave. I just jump when the door clicks to a close and I am alone with Roland’s cell, just a call away from talking to Jaxen. I had to have sat there a good twenty minutes before I even unlocked the phone. I found Jaxen’s number and held my breath as I heard the ringing. He answered on the third.
“What’s up, Ro? You still in Boston?”
I gasped. I hadn’t heard Jaxen’s voice since he dumped me. Five and a half long months ago.
“J-Jaxen?” I stuttered.
“Yeah, who’s this? Where’s Ro?”
“He’s in my living room,” I say softly, closing my eyes.
Jaxen’s breath caught and he was silent for a moment. Then quietly, I heard: “Itsy?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “Don’t worry, I still don’t have your number. I need to talk to you; to tell you some things. After, I’ll leave you alone and never bother you again.”
Another moment of silence passed between us as I waited for his answer.
“Okay,” Jaxen said quietly. “Tell me what?”
“Do you remember I said I had some things to tell you before you broke up with me?”
“Yeah, Itsy, I do. You still need to tell me?”
“Roland says I do and to be honest, I wasn’t going to tell you. After you broke up with me, I planned to keep something away from you as long as I possibly could.”
I hear a sigh from him. “Okay, I’m listening. Tell me.”
“First, saying ‘I love you’ was never a lie. I do… uh, did. I did. I don’t know why I said that first. I guess I just needed you to know that.”
“I never doubted that, Itsy,” Jaxen replied quickly. “I still don’t.”
“Okay. Well the other thing is I didn’t do it on purpose, it was a complete accident, but the day before you broke up with me… I um… I sorta… well, that is… I found out… okay… um…”
“Just spit it out, Itsy,” Jaxen sighed, exasperated. “Nothing will change, no matter what you say.”
“I think it will,” I tearfully whisper. “I know it will. Everything will and I want you to know that I am not expecting anything from you. Roland insisted you needed to know.”
“Okay, tell me.”
“Okay.” A tear fell and I wiped it away. “Jaxen?”
“Yes, Itsy?”
“I’m… uh…”
“What, Itsy? What are you?”
I inhale and on the exhale, I murmur, “Pregnant.”
I heard a gasp and then silence.
“By me?” Jaxen finally asks.
I wanted to call him an asshole. Who else? Dammit. I guess he could assume this recently happened by another man but why would I call him with the news? He doesn’t want me and made that quite clear. What I do in my life with my body is not his concern anymore.
But… it is his child and I committed to do this. I have to finish this conversation.
“Of course, Jaxen. You know you were my first and I haven’t slept with anyone else. My due date is January 14th.”
More silence then I heard a beep in my ear and looked at the phone. The timer was flashing and I inhaled. Jaxen hung up on me. I call him back, it goes to voice mail. Guess he made his choice.
Crying, I shut off Roland’s phone and go back to my living room. Roland immediately comes over and hugs me.
“What happened, Itsy? What did he say?”
“Nothing,” I sniff. “He just… he hung up.”
Roland tenses but he holds me and rocks me gently. I calm in his embrace and tighten my arms around him, grateful he was here but wanting to strangle him for convincing me to call Jaxen. I guess he was right, after all. Jaxen did need to know. And now he does and he doesn’t want any part of my son’s life. Fine.
Roland is still here, holding me. Comforting me. I need this and I need support. He’d give it to me. I could possibly get those feelings back I had for him before. Maybe they’d grow. Maybe Roland is the man I am supposed to be with. Maybe.
I sniff. “Roland?”
“Yes?”
“Would you do something for me? It’s a really, really huge favor.”
“Of course. You know I would do anything to help. You just have to name it, Itsy, and it’s done.”
I hope so.
“Roland… will you—“
His head tilts. “Will I what, Itsy?”
I take a deep breath then look up at him…
Chapter 16
Too Late
>
Four days later, Roland and I exit a cab and I shivered. We start walking swiftly to the entrance of the condo’s building but the driver called out to Roland; he’d left a bag on the seat. It was my much needed chocolate. I mock glared at him.
“Wait here,” Roland grinned, kissed my cheek then jogged back to the cab.
I shivered hard then tried to tighten my coat around me as a sharp wind blew. I thought I heard someone calling my nickname. I looked around and shrugged, dismissing it when I didn’t see anyone. Then I heard it again. The voice sounded familiar, so personable that it made my heart skip. I searched around again, even though I knew the owner. I needed confirmation and froze when I saw the person the voice belonged to. I was right.
Jaxen.
He was running from the diner on the corner with a huge grin on his face. My legs shook and I had to pray fast and hard that I would not fall flat on my face.
“Oh, God,” Jaxen grinned. “Look at you! You’ve never looked more beautiful, Itsy.”
I just stared at him, thinking I was in the middle of a very, very bad dream. One thing I was certain of: this wasn’t going to end well no matter if it was a dream or reality.
“Jaxen?”
His hands came out and opened my coat. He pressed his warm hands on my belly and I thought I saw a tear fall when the baby kicked. I shivered again.
“I’m sorry, you have to be cold. Let’s go inside somewhere, get warm and talk. Are you hungry? That diner has the best cinnamon rolls and coffee. Can you still drink coffee? How about tea? No, milk. How about a heated cinnamon roll and an ice-cold glass of milk?”
I closed my eyes and shivered again. I opened my eyes fast when I started to boil.
“Jaxen, what are you doing here?” I finally managed to say.
He frowned. “What?”
“Have you gone deaf recently?!” I shout. “What are you doing here?!”
Jaxen reached out and grabbed my hands, caressing them. “Where else am I supposed to be, Itsy? You’re going to have my baby in a few weeks. I should have been at your side all this time.”
I shook my head, snatching my hands away. “Go away, Jaxen. We don’t need you and your misplaced sense of duty.”
“Misplaced…” Jaxen started. “What does that mean, Itsy?”
“It means you didn’t care about me when you ripped my heart out of my chest and pissed all over it! It means my baby and I do not want or need you anywhere near us! Go away, become rich and famous and pretend I never told you anything about my son!”
Jaxen blinked, his eyes flashing. “A son? It’s a boy?”
“Yes!” I shout again. “And that’s all you will ever need to know about him.”
I walked away then but Jaxen caught my arm and turned me back.
“What is this, Itsy? Why are you acting this way?”
“Are you kidding me, Jaxen?” I snorted. “When did you become dense?”
“I’m nowhere near dense. Confused as hell, but not dense.”
I crossed my arms, no longer feeling the cold as the anger piercing through me, warming every cell in my body.
“What are you confused about? Please tell me so I can clarify shit for you,” I shout. “I thought I was being clear. What is it you’re not understanding? Seriously. What the fuck don’t you get?”
Yeah, that wounded him, me throwing his words back at him. I can see that I cut him deep and at this point, I don’t give a shit. Now he has an inkling of how I felt in that fucking parking lot.
He stares at me as he recovers, swallowing hard, he refuses to vocally acknowledge those words. “I’m confused about this behavior, Itsy! Why are you telling me I can’t be in my son’s life? What the fuck is the problem here?”
“You don’t know? Please. You say you aren’t dense but that is definitely the behavior of a dense person. You have a lot of nerve showing up here! What the fuck do you want?”
“I want you and my son! Why else would I fly across the country and hole up in a diner for three days?”
“Really? Funny… the last thing I remember you saying you wanted was pussy. Pussy that will fuck you and do it right. I don’t have time for you to teach me how to do that. I have a son coming soon and you may very well want him but you sure as hell don’t want me! Why would you? I’m no longer a virgin and I would really fuck up you getting blowjobs from different bitches after every show!”
I saw Jaxen cringe and smirked. Yeah, I remember everything.
“Itsy, about that--”
I put my hand up. “Save your fairy tale. Get a lawyer. You tell him or her mine is Samuel Forrest and they can work out visitation for you.”
“I don’t want visitation with my own kid! I want him with me all the time! I do not want him shuffling from one home to another!”
“FUCK WHAT YOU WANT, JAXEN!” I shout, finally snapping. “You should have thought of all of that when you hung up on me when I told you about the baby!”
“I didn’t hang up on you, Itsy! The phone--”
I hold up my hand again. “I swear I don’t care anymore, Jaxen. And I really don’t care what you want. Do me and my son a favor and go away. Don’t ever come back.”
“I can’t do that, Itsy. I love you.”
I shivered then. Love? What?
“Since when? What, you can turn it off and on like a light switch?”
“There is no off switch. I have loved you since forever and I always will! Fuck, I’m so sorry about that bullshit I said to you in that lot but… God… please don’t do this… wait… Roland? What are you doing here?”
“I belong here, Red,” Roland says as he stops to my right. “Why are you here?”
“You don’t need to be here, Ro,” Jaxen nods. “Whatever you’ve done for her, thanks. I got it from here.”
I shook my head. Roland’s arm came around my back and his hand rested on my shoulder. I saw Jaxen’s eyes widen then he grabbed my left hand and I could feel the relief flood him when he saw my hand was bare.
“They’re swollen,” I murmur.
“What?” Jaxen paled and looked up at me.
“My fingers, Jaxen. They’re swollen. It wouldn’t fit.”
“Are you,” Jaxen whispered. “What are you saying, Itsy? Don’t say… please… I love you and I want you, so bad. Please, tell me you will take me back.”
“I can’t do that, Red,” I say softly. “You broke my heart and nearly destroyed me. I can’t trust you anymore. Besides, you’re too late.”
I reach inside my shirt and pull out my necklace. It has a ring on it, a ring that matches Roland’s. The look on Jaxen’s face, it made me … I felt like I want to plummet. Like I was worse… lower than dirt.
“Tell me you didn’t!” Jaxen pleads. “You didn’t, Itsy! No!”
“Even if I were stupid enough to even consider taking you back, Jaxen, you’re just too late. Roland and I were married two days ago.”
###
Thank you for reading ‘Falling’ by Ryanne Anthony. Please consider leaving a review and rating.
And… scroll down for an excerpt from The Negative Ion Series, Book Two: Fell, Jaxen’s POV.
Ryanne is a lifelong storyteller and avid reader. She enjoys sharing her stories and creating new worlds and putting them on paper.
Ms. Anthony is a Midwestern girl, born and raised, and is a loving wife and mother of a boy and a girl, one each of the human and furry species.
Please visit www.AuthorRyanneAnthony.com for more information, playlists and excerpts and to ask Ryanne a question about her and her works.
Other works by Ryanne Anthony:
Broken (The M Series, Book One)
The M Series, Book Two: MARIAH
The M Series, Book Three: MARCUS
Coming Soon:
The M Series, Book Four: MADISON
The Negative Ion Series, Book Two: Fell
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Excerpt from The Negative Ion Series: Fell Jaxen William Malloy’s POV.
About halfway through our party, Samantha went stupid.
“Crap, Red,” Mike groaned. “Your sister five-o’d us! She’s screaming for your mom again.”
I shook my head. “Nah. She’s studying with Itsy. Must be stuck on something.”
I took another drag then put it out and handed it to Greg who pocketed it. Just in time too because that’s when the garage door opened and my dad jumped out of his car. My boys laughed and ran out, no doubt they didn’t stop until they got to their respective homes.
I was not so lucky. Before I could get a good footing to follow one of them, and because I have always respected my father, I froze when his voice rang out.
“FREEZE JAXEN WILLIAM MALLOY,” Dad shouted, red and infuriated. “RIGHT THERE!”
The extreme look made me laugh. For a man who got paid to eat for a living, he was so stiff. You’d think he’d appreciate the weed smoking, at least. Especially since all I do after I smoke is eat.
“Seriously, John? Full name in front of the boys?” I laughed, causing his face to contort in disapproval. This was way too much fun. I peeked over to Marnie, who fighting the giggles. “Marnie, I’ll call you later, maybe. Keep it warm, just in case.”
The giggle she was holding escaped and I smiled. I felt like egging my father on, so I kissed Marnie. I peeked up at Dad who looked ready to blow, so I gripped her ass and ground my hips suggestively on her pussy. That got him.
“JAXEN! THAT IS ENOUGH!” Dad shouts as he separates us. “Young lady, please go home and put on real clothes. Surely your father takes an offense to you coming out in public undressed like this!”
Marnie’s mouth twitched. “Mr. Malloy, I can assure you my father doesn’t care what I’m in. I doubt if that asshole knows my name. Jaxen doesn’t and I’ve known him a lot longer and much better than I’ve ever known my father.”
“Huh?” I frowned at her. “Your name isn’t Marnie?”
FALLING: The Negative Ion Series Page 15
