by TJ Penn
No matter how many miles I put behind me, Robert never leaves my thoughts. I had hoped he would be the one to stand beside me and never let me fall. I also know I needed a miracle for him to stay with me after everything I had done. It didn’t keep me from hoping. Now, I am on this road with no end in sight with no one by my side.
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Chapter Twenty-two
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Robert
As we are trudging back into the locker room at half-time, I can’t help but hang my head. These past few months have been a living hell without Bailey. I can’t eat, drink, unless it is alcohol, much less pay attention to football. Today’s worse than every other day; it’s as though something has changed. Whatever, it actually happened last night.
It’s like I have an indescribable need to go to her as soon as I can. I called Jackson, who even with everything going on, is still watching her. She doesn’t know he is still around. I had him pull back, but I couldn’t just leave her unprotected, not with her ex out of prison and possibly in the area.
So, I know she was safe at home last night when he left. Vincent wouldn’t be dumb enough to attack her in the house with Elizabeth there, would he? Why can’t I get her out of my head? I should have listened to the voicemail she left me the other day instead of just deleting it. When she first started calling and leaving them, I deleted every single one without listening to them because I was too pissed to hear her out. But, not the last one. It was deleted because it would pain me too much to hear her voice and not be able to rush over and hold her in my arms.
Why didn’t she just ask me for the money? Didn’t she know that if she wanted the car fixed and didn’t have the funds she could have just asked? I’d have given her the money. Doesn’t she know I would have given her everything, if only she would ask?
Those are the questions I keep asking myself over and over. While I’m lost in my thoughts, Tyler comes and sits next to me on the bench. He doesn’t meet my eyes, just looks at the floor.
“Man, what’s going on in that head of yours? You just don’t seem to be at the top of your game lately. Have you actually slept any in the past few weeks? Look, we win a few more games, and we are locked in here. We can’t do it without you. Like it or not, you are the leader of this team. We would walk through hell and back for you man. What happened with Bailey sucks, but I don’t know what to tell you to make it better?”
“Except, don’t let the hurt that both of you are going through be for nothing. She was willing to lose you to help you achieve your dream of making us a winning team. Come on, man, let’s win this. Do it for her, and if you are mad at Ronda, use that as fuel to power you to do better, and the anger make you throw harder. Let’s show Ronda she messed with the wrong team. We can do this man, but we need you. Then, we will work out a plan to get the team away from the witch. What do you say?”
“How do you know Bailey is hurting? Have you seen her? Did she look okay?” I can’t help it if this is the first thing I have to know. I know it’s crazy, but my first instinct is to protect her.
“Is that all you got out of that whole inspiring speech. You do have it bad, don’t you?” Tyler chuckled
“Well, are you going to answer my damn question?” I demand.
Grant, who is sitting in the corner, answers instead. “She looks like she misses you, Like part of her is missing. She is just going through the motions. Why don’t you go to her and end both of your pain? I get she messed up. I do. But dude, you love her and she loves you, even if you two are to pig headed to tell the other. Go and make this right, make it work.”
“It isn’t every day you find a woman like her. Trust me, I have two ex-wives to prove my point. I would kill to have what you had with Bailey. Hell, forget the game man because that is exactly what this is. It is a game! At the end of the day, you need that one person that will make you happy because this football game will not keep you warm at night. One day, all of this will end, and you need a good woman to keep you happy. Go. Get out of here; we will live to fight another day. Go after your woman.”
With his words going in circles in my head, I know I don’t want to lose Bailey no matter what she has done or why. All I know is that I have to win her back. “What if she doesn’t want me back, much less even see me. I was horrible to her. I yelled and threw shit like a spoiled child.”
“With her past, I wouldn’t blame her if she did kick me out. She even called me Vincent. Do you know how low I felt in that moment? Even a night of getting drunk couldn’t erase it from my mind. I was so stupid. If you guys could have seen her, she looked at me with fear in her eyes and cowered in a corner because of my actions. I was the cause of that, not Vincent.” I tell no one in particular.
“Kid, listen to me. You can sit here and do nothing, or you can get your ass off that bench and go get her. No man ever won a woman’s heart by sitting on his ass. Go tell her how you feel and win her back. Lay you heart on the line. Tell her everything you feel. Make her see that you would go to the ends of the Earth and back for her. Not football, not this team, but her. Because, son, when this team is gone and it’ll be gone one day whether it’s when you retire or decide to change teams, she’ll still be there.”
“I’m not saying it will be easy. Because of your actions, I am sure you will have to earn her trust back. But, kid, in the end, it will be worth it.”
With his words ringing in my ears, I strip off my uniform, put my suit on, and walk out the door. Before I know it, I am pulling up at Dani’s. I automatically look for the Jeep before remembering that I had it back at my place now. Man, I wouldn’t blame Sam for kicking my ass for the way I treated Bailey. I wish I had listened to him when he had come over that night instead of shutting the door in his face.
I put the car into park and unbuckle. In the process of stepping out of the car, I know this isn’t the smartest thing I have ever done, but I just have to see Bailey and make sure she is safe. As I approach the doors to walk in, I prepare myself for both outcomes. With one last deep breath, I walk in.
As soon as I do, I scan the area looking for her, but the only person I know working tonight is Sam. “Hey man, would Bailey happen to be here. I have to talk to her, and before you say it, yes, I know I need my ass kicked. I’ll happily let you if you’ll just let me talk to her. I know I messed up, but I love her. I have to fix this, and I will stop at nothing until I do.”
I can tell from the look on Sam’s face that he isn’t going to give me the answer I want. “Sam, please, I have to talk to her. I need to make this right. Please, just tell me if she is here.” I steel myself for his reply.
“Robert, she isn’t here. She came in last night and quit. She said couldn't stay here any longer. Dani tried to talk her out of it, but she was really upset over some events that happened recently. I take it she told you about her past?”
I simply nod, not wanting to give him any more information than he already had. “Well, let’s just say he made reappearance.”
By the time he is finished telling me, I’m headed back out the door. I will have to buy him a drink one night to make up for being rude. I take off toward Bailey’s house, which is the only other place she can be. “Please God let her be there. She has to be. Don’t let me be too late.”
As I rush up to the door, Elizabeth is standing in the doorway. “Please, I need to see her. I know I was a jerk, and I don’t deserve a chance to make it right. I also know that you hate my guts, and you have every right. Believe me, I understand. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to the both of you. I swear, but please just let me talk to her. What?”
Why won’t she look at me?
“I’m sorry, Robert,” Elizabeth says. “But, she’s gone. She left late last night. We got a call a few weeks ago that Vincent was out of jail. The only time she stopped working on that car was to go to work. I thought she would drive herself crazy for a while. I really wished you had come yesterday morning. I know
what she did was wrong, Robert, but she thought it was her only way out with Vincent finding her.”
“She really did fall in love with you. I don’t know if you knew, but I thought you should know. Bailey didn’t want to tell you. She was afraid it would make things harder for you in the end. You know when you left her, like she knew you would. Don’t you see, when she started falling for you, she started to plan how to work it so that in the end no one would blame you, and you wouldn’t hate yourself for not seeing this from the start. One thing she didn’t figure in was you coming back.”
“But, Bailey did leave you a letter, just in case. You can come in and read it if you want. It’s up to you. I can tell you it won’t say where she is going. So don’t get your hopes up on that one. Because, she doesn’t even know. She is just going where the road takes her.”
When she turns to go back into the house, I follow her. I can’t help looking around because a small part of me hopes she is lying, that I wasn’t too late to stop her. But, the whole house seems colder without Bailey’s presence. There are only a few items I notice that are missing. One is a picture of us dancing together at the bar that we had hung up on the wall.
It feels like it was ages ago, but was actually only a few months. How did I let it get that bad so quickly? The other thing missing is a picture of Bailey and Elizabeth. I can’t stop myself from walking over to the wall and touching the pictures she had left behind. She looks so happy in all of them. I’m so stupid to have let her slip through my fingers. Fate had brought us together once, I couldn’t take the chance she would feel sorry for me, and do it again. I had to go out and find her myself this time.
Elizabeth knows her better than anyone else. If anyone can help me figure out where to start, it is her. When I turn, she is standing there with a white envelope in her hand. She walks over to me and hands me the letter. It can’t be more than a page long, but it feels like it weighs a ton.
“You know what; it doesn’t matter what this letter says. I have forgiven her.” Walking back to the wall of pictures, I finally ask the question that I’m dying to get answered.
“Elizabeth, where would she go? There has to be some place she would go to escape.” At my words, Elizabeth gets a light in her eyes.
“There is one place. It is a long shot you know, but somewhere around the gulf, maybe try Gulf Shores. Heck, she could be on her way to Panama City Beach, I just don’t know. We need to be smart about this; you can’t just go driving up and down the gulf hoping to find her.”
“The hell I can’t!”
“Robert, be reasonable about this. She’ll call me when she gets where she’s going, and she knows it is safe for the both of us. When I hear from her, I’ll call you. Now, you have to go when I call because she could up and leave the next day. I figure if she heads to the beach, she will find a camp area and stay there a few days at the very least. Think you can do that?”
Elizabeth looks at me like she doubts I would agree, but she would be wrong. If it will get Bailey back in my arms, I will do as she asks.
“I can do that. Just call my cell as soon as you hear from her. I will even sleep in my clothes so I won’t have to dress. How is that?” Shaking her head, she walks me back to the door.
“Look, I have nothing against you. I really don’t, and I do think you love her, and I know that she loves you; otherwise, I would have kept my mouth shut and just slammed the door in your face. Just don’t hurt her again, ok.”
“I would rather hurt myself first. You can trust me.”
As I turn to walk away, I barely here her whisper, “I hope so.”
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Days pass, and still no word from Bailey. Everything that could have happened to her crosses my mind at least twice. I am still worthless at practice. I have to straighten up, or Ronda is going to get exactly what she wants. If I don’t hear from Elizabeth today, saying where Bailey has gone, I have decided to hire my own PI to track her down. All I want, at this point, is to know she is safe. I just want proof she is alive.
I don’t want to know where she is, because I know me. I will hightail it to her, and never think twice, while also telling Elizabeth where she is. That is the only thing that keeps me from having an appointment tomorrow. I think Elizabeth may actually be worse than I am.
We have been hanging out on her off nights. Just to know we are not alone in this. I have plans to go over there tonight, but with the anger I have boiling inside of me, I don’t know if I should. Over the last two days, the hate has been building within me.
I hate myself for not going to Bailey after all of this happened. There is major hate for Vincent for putting her through this, making her feel as if the only choice she had was to leave. It hurts knowing I could have stopped this all by putting my pride aside and begging her for forgiveness.
It is that afternoon we receive the first postcard from Bailey. The message on it is simple; she is safe, and on the move.
It turns out to be the first of many, all with the same message. I study every one looking for the smallest of flaws, hoping that just one time she will slip, and reveal just a tiny detail of where she was, or where she is heading. But, she never gives anything away. I am starting to feel like I’ll never find her.
Time goes slowly without her here. I start losing track of the days and just show up when I am told to. The only thing to keep me going is those simple postcards.
After practice, I head over to Elizabeth’s. I haven’t even had time to get out when I see Elizabeth running down the walkway. She looks as if she has been crying, which make my heartbeat rise thinking something has happened to Bailey. “What is it? Are you okay?”
“Robert she called! Robert, Bailey called me! You have to go. She is staying in Panama City Beach. She is working at some bar down there. Just go. I will get the address and send it to your phone. I told you she would go to a beach. I don’t know how much longer she is going to stay there. She thinks someone has been following her, so she will have to leave soon. You have to go and bring her home.”
I stand there looking at her like she has two heads. “What did you say? Are you serious?” I feel like the weight of the world is off of my shoulders. She is alive.
“You have to leave. Go! Bring her home, please.” At her push, I jump back into the car and take off toward the interstate; I can make it there in a few hours.
I only stop once for gas and to put the address in my GPS. I’m wasting no more time than I have to. I have to see Bailey for myself, hold her in my arms, if she’ll allow me to. When I started the drive, the thought crossed my mind that she might not want to see me. I don’t care what I have to do; she has to hear me out.
I call ahead to find a hotel near the address Elizabeth had texted me, only to be told the only hotel was about ten miles down the road. I had hoped for one just down from the bar so I could walk to it and have time to prepare myself to see her.
As I finally get into town, I decide to go straight to the bar. When I get there, I realize no amount of time would have prepared me for the way she looks. Her skin has this suntan that makes her all the more gorgeous. She has this glow about her now. Her laugh carries on the wind to my ears. That is when I really doubt what I am doing.
What if she is happier here away from everyone? Who am I to come in and ruin that happiness? As I turn around to head back to my car, I hear the best sound I have ever heard in my life. It’s like I’m a thirsty man in the desert finally receiving water.
“Robert? Robert is that you?” I slowly turn to where she is standing, framed by the lights coming from the bar. She looks like an angel standing there. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?” Bailey asks as she walks toward me.
“Elizabeth told me where you were. Don’t be angry at her, please. I have, no we have, been worrying ourselves sick.” Looking around at all the people walking on the beach, I decide I don’t want to do this in front of everyone. “I don’t want to do this here. Do you think we can g
o back to my room after you get off and talk?”
She looks unsure, and I can’t take the chance she will leave before I can tell her this time. I throw caution to the wind and the words spill out of me at the fear of losing her forever. “I’m sorry Bailey. For everything, the yelling, and throwing stuff, when I found out. I was stupid. I can admit that now, and I feel lower than dirt knowing what you went through. I should have known better. I’ll beg you every day of our lives for your forgiveness, and I’ll never do anything again to put that fear in your eyes.”
“Please, just come home with me. Let me make it up to you, and I’ll. I swear it. Just don’t shut me out. Time without you has been hell on Earth for me. I couldn’t sleep or eat, just please give me one more chance. I know I don’t deserve it after what I did. I just hope that you can show me mercy. We may fight sometimes, and that’s okay. Just know I would rather fight with you than be with anyone else. I will never leave you again if you’ll just take me back. I love you!”
When I’m finished, I look up at Bailey. I’m not sure when I had fallen to my knees, but it was fitting.
Bailey finally said, “I forgave you before I ever left. My leaving never had anything to do with you. It was all me and my fears. But, Robert, I can’t come back with you. Vincent is out there looking for me. I can never put you in that type of danger. Please understand, I love you too much for that. He’ll kill you if he ever finds out what you mean to me.”
Her words are like a knife to my gut. I can’t have come this far just to walk now. I’m not going to let him take away the one person in my life I’d doing anything for… except walk away.
“Bailey, don’t you understand? I don’t care about him. I want to be with you no matter the dangers Please don’t let what we have go. I’ll protect you I swear. No matter the cost, be it money or myself. I’d die happy knowing you are mine. Please just come back to my room and hear me out. That is all I ask.”
