“Maybe I was still trying to come to grips with it all. Maybe I still am. It’s not something I want to talk about, okay? Can’t you just be good with that? Can’t you understand?”
He watched that same black Suburban he’d already seen twice since their arrival in Jackson Hole, now park next to the picnic tables. Maybe his sixth sense hadn’t led him astray after all.
Chapter twenty-one
Maybe their relationship had just been too much and too fast before. Why had she asked so much when he clearly couldn’t give? “I can be good with it, Austin, because you don’t owe me an explanation. You never did. We should keep our focus on finding Jamie.”
I haven’t been completely honest with you. Willow sucked in a breath to tell him she’d already known where he’d grown up, because when he hadn’t wanted to talk about it, she’d done her own digging. He wouldn’t be happy, but maybe he already suspected. After all, if JT had called him because of his connection to this town, then JT had known.
Was it so wrong that she’d wanted to know more about Austin when he hadn’t been forthcoming? People hired investigators to do that sort of thing, didn’t they? All the online dating sites and identity theft—it was hard to trust someone completely.
A relationship that wasn’t built on trust didn’t have a strong foundation. She and Austin had been a dysfunctional couple from the start. His unwillingness to talk about his deepest darkest secrets or even his family, and her going behind his back to find out about his family. Their relationship had crumbled before either of them had invested much more than their hearts. Still, that had been enough to be devastating.
Willow opened her mouth to tell him she’d already known, but Austin slowly rose from the table. His gaze grew pensive. Searching.
“What’s the matter?” she asked.
“I think we’ve been in one place too long.”
“You don’t really think we were followed here, do you?”
“I can’t be sure. But if we were, that would tell us something, wouldn’t it?”
She slowly nodded. “It could tell us we’re getting closer, but not necessarily.” And if they’d been followed, she was more than glad Austin had accompanied her.
Austin’s lips flattened. “Maybe we should return to the silversmith store and see if Hank’s back.”
“You think he forgot to call?” She rose and brushed off her slacks.
“Or the cashier forgot to tell him. That reminds me.” He dug in his pocket and pulled out the necklace. It dangled from his fingers.
A hundred questions flashed through her mind, but she was speechless as he walked around behind her, lifted the necklace over her head, and clasped it at the base of her neck. His warm breath made her skin tingle. Then he came around to stand in front of her. After a quick glance in her eyes—what was he hoping to see there?—his gaze swept down to the necklace. “Looks good on you.”
She pressed her fingers against the pendant. “What are you doing? Why did you buy this?” Not for me. It can’t be for me.
“Don’t look so panicked. There’s a method to my madness. I saw you admiring it. I thought making a purchase might encourage the cashier to follow through.”
“I don’t know if I can accept it.”
Hurt flashed in his eyes, but he quickly shuttered them. “Well, I’m not taking it back. Give it away if you want. But we should get out of here.”
Unshed tears swelled in her throat—along with a hefty dose of anger. What was the matter with her? She grabbed his arm. “I . . . thank you. It was sweet of you.”
He nodded, lines etching his features.
Willow eyed the cemetery just beyond the park. “Before we head out, I’d like to look at tombstones.”
Austin scrunched his face. “What?”
“The cemetery.” She pointed. “You didn’t think I could pass that up, did you?”
He shrugged, but his eyes remained on the parking lot. “I suppose it should be included in the tourist package.”
Willow almost laughed at his words. “I’m a genealogist. It’s what I do. If we come up with another thread or even that elusive needle, I’ll want to visit all the necessary places that offer public records too. You know, the historical society and courthouse for starters.”
“I guess that makes sense.” Together they strolled through the park toward the Grayback Cemetery. Austin walked close to her.
“When I was growing up, JT would take me to every cemetery in every town we visited. We were always on a quest. He thought we’d find something to answer our questions. And sometimes we did. But other times he said it was because every person buried had a story. Some stories were never told. Never shared. Maybe it had been a kind of weird ode to the dead.”
“Follow the clues, Willow.” Her memories of him so vivid in her mind, she could hear his voice as if he stood right next to her. As if he’d come on this trip with her. His training definitely guided her.
I miss you, JT.
She shook off the melancholy.
Austin kept close as they exited the park and neared the cemetery. Another couple stood next to a tombstone at the far corner. They placed fresh flowers next to it. Willow didn’t want to disturb them and hoped they wouldn’t think it strange she didn’t walk to a specific tombstone but instead strolled between the grave sites, noting families and children and some headstones dating back to the 1800s. If JT had survived and made this trip to Wyoming, he would no doubt have come here too.
That much she could be sure of. But the rest of this was utterly unpredictable. Instead of JT here with her now, Austin McKade, of all people, walked the cemetary with her.
She turned. Austin had stopped a few yards behind her, his features disturbed. She backtracked, gently touched his arm, and glanced down at the tombstone.
McKade tombstones lined the space. Logan McKade. He died four years ago? Next to him must be Austin’s mother, Catherine McKade. Dead twenty years. Then grandparents. Wyatt and Elsie McKade.
“I’m sorry, Austin. It was insensitive of me. I didn’t even—”
“It’s okay.”
But the turmoil in his gaze told her otherwise. Deep pain was etched on his face. More than she would expect to see from someone looking at family members long buried. And because of the look of regret, the myriad of dark emotions rippling over his features, she finally understood why he didn’t want to talk about his life here. What had happened that still tormented him?
At this moment, she had no idea what to say or do. Should she stay and comfort him, though she didn’t know where his anxiety stemmed from? It obviously went much deeper than the loss that came with death, and that alone was profound.
She sensed Austin didn’t want comfort from her.
“I’ll give you some space.” And kick myself repeatedly as I walk the cemetery.
Though she strolled, she didn’t read the tombstones. Her mind far from there, she didn’t even truly see them. Even if she focused on them, tears blurred her vision. The pain in this life could overwhelm. She needed hope. Something to hang on to.
God, help us find Jamie Mason. For Katelyn’s sake, and for the girl, if she’s in danger, as well as for Austin and me. We need your help. We need something to grab on to in this.
She thought she was tougher than this. But maybe the turmoil of the last few days and weeks could strip even the strongest person, reducing them to rubble.
A child screamed. Willow’s heart jumped, her attention drawn to the park. The scream turned to laughter, calming Willow’s nerves. She was much too edgy. A father swung his young child around. The sight warmed her heart. She definitely needed more heartwarming moments.
Willow welcomed the interruption to her morbid thoughts. It helped her focus on why they were here. If she could figure this out, then she could end the danger and unite Katelyn with her daughter before it was too late for the woman to say her goodbyes.
That’s what mattered.
Glancing over her shoulder, she ch
ecked on Austin. Brows wrinkled, he kept his attention on the park as he slowly made his way toward her. She strolled the rest of the cemetery. Might as well complete her walk, despite the fact that the only purpose it had served was to stir up unwanted memories for Austin. Likely those memories had hit him the moment they crossed into Wyoming airspace.
Chapter twenty-two
Austin hoped that by the time they solved this—if they did—he would have overcome his issues.
They had hit him full-on when he stared down at his father’s tombstone. It had taken all his willpower to hold himself together and not fall to his knees in anguish. The man shouldn’t have died. Austin had been there. He should have stopped the chain of events that led to the tragedy. Could he ever stop blaming himself?
Though he was still chafing at seeing his father’s grave, he kept his composure as he approached her.
Willow crouched close to a tombstone and ran her hands over the epitaph and name. Benjamin Haus. 1910–1989. What was she thinking about? She was obviously distracted today. His fault. He’d been the one to distract her with his dark mood. She’d always been hypersensitive to his disposition.
“I had hoped that by coming here we’d run across something to help us. At least that’s the way it always seemed to work for JT.”
“He trained you well, Willow. We’ll find something.” Austin hoped, for her sake, if nothing else. Willow couldn’t seem to recognize or accept that she had JT’s gift, his talent, in addition to all the experience and training he’d given her. Maybe by the time this was over she would see it well enough.
Her bright eyes lifted from the tombstone to peer up at him. Her long, shiny mane hung down just so. What a picture-perfect moment—for a genealogical magazine, that is.
She rose and dusted off her pants.
As they headed back to the Jeep, Austin scanned the area but no longer saw the suspicious vehicle. He almost felt silly. Except there was nothing wrong with being overly cautious if it made the difference in a life. If only he’d believed that before his father had been killed.
Without thinking, Austin took Willow’s hand as they walked. She didn’t resist, but Austin wasn’t sure why he’d done it. Old habits died hard, maybe. It was sure looking that way when it came to Willow. But she was much more than an old habit to him. She obviously meant far more to him than he had a right to feel.
Once they were in the car, they buckled their seat belts and Austin started the ignition.
“What about your brother?” Willow asked.
“What about him?”
“If you haven’t seen him in so long, then why not go there now? We’re close to Grayback, aren’t we?”
He dropped his hands from the steering wheel. Thought about it.
“What are you waiting for?” She peered at the mirror in the visor and pushed aside a few loose strands of hair. “People exit this earth, leaving issues behind. Death doesn’t wait for us to resolve our regrets. You need to reconcile broken relationships.”
She was right. “Don’t you think I know that?”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to intrude. It’s none of my business. But, Austin, I wasn’t ready for JT to die. He was so full of life, and if I’d had an inkling that would happen I would have done everything differently.”
He backed the Jeep out of the parking lot, still uncertain which direction he would head. “What would you have done differently?”
“I would have been in town for one thing. I’d been traveling too much. I was too busy working, albeit in business with him, but I wasn’t deliberate about spending quality time with him. I would have had breakfast with him. Spent the day looking at photo albums. Telling and showing him how much I loved him. And . . . and I wouldn’t have let him get on that bike that morning.”
Her words impacted him and he steered toward Grayback. “That’s just it. We can’t know when it’s our time.”
“So we have to live every day as if it’s our last. As if there’s no tomorrow.”
“Are you doing that now? Are you living this day as if there’s no tomorrow? Is this what you really want to be doing?”
He wished he hadn’t asked the questions. Because deep down, if this were his last day on earth, he’d want to be with Willow. He sure hoped she didn’t ask him the same kind of questions. He didn’t want to have to answer.
“Yes. I want to be doing good in the world. Doing what God called me to do. If that means helping a dying woman find her daughter so she can tell her that she loves her, then yes, I’m living to the fullest. But you’re missing the point.”
“No. I didn’t miss it. You’re trying to tell me I shouldn’t let more time go by without talking to my brothers. Heath is here. Liam is a DEA agent. He works undercover a lot. I don’t even know where he is.” Shame flooded him.
“But you can start with Heath here and now.”
Her voice was entirely too happy. That shouldn’t grate against his nerves, but Willow acted as if she were solving his problems. It wasn’t that simple.
“You know what?” He steered into the Elkhorn Convenience Store parking lot. He wondered if Jax and Addie still owned and operated it. “I need to call him first. I can’t just show up without calling. It wouldn’t be considerate.”
That wasn’t the whole of it. He couldn’t face his brother, talk to him for the first time with Willow looking on, especially since he’d gone to so much trouble to hide his past from her and lost her for it. At the time, they’d taken their relationship as far as they could. Willow couldn’t go deeper with him, a man who kept too many secrets, she’d said.
He regretted his inability to give her what she’d wanted. They’d spent a lifetime, he and his brothers, hiding their complete dysfunction as a family from the public eye. Another old habit he’d been unable to quit. He’d just kept on hiding.
“While you’re calling Heath, I should call Dana and then Katelyn to check in and give them an update. I just wish I had something good to report. We need a break.”
He understood all too well about needing a break—that one clue, that one piece of information that could change everything. He hoped this didn’t turn out to be a dead end and huge disappointment.
Austin got out of the Jeep, leaned against it, and got out his cell phone.
“I’m going inside to get us something to drink,” Willow said.
He nodded and watched the passing cars on the two-lane road between Jackson and Grayback near the Gros Ventre Range, still part of Bridger-Teton National Forest. Funny that he’d come this far but hadn’t made it the whole way. Not yet. He might go in and say hello if Jax or Addie was there, depending on how his phone call to Heath went. In the meantime, he watched the door to the store, guarding it from a distance.
He stared at his phone. Now he’d come to the moment he’d successfully avoided since Heath had contacted Emma, asking for Austin’s number. He was obviously waiting for Austin to make the next move. Ridiculous.
I’m not ready, Lord. I’m just not ready.
Too much time had already gone by. How much more time would he let go by before seeing his brothers, or at least one of them? They were the only family he had. Would it take another death, and this time the death of one of his brothers?
He missed them. Growing up, they’d been close and leaned on each other through the struggles with their alcoholic father. Their father’s brutality had forced them to toughen up in order to survive, and as soon as they’d gotten the chance, they’d each found a way to escape and gone their separate ways. Heath had dreamed of joining the army, but he’d been protective of Austin, the youngest of the three, and had waited until Austin had turned eighteen and gone off to basic training himself. Heath hadn’t wanted to leave Austin at home alone to bear the brunt of their father’s wrath. Liam, a year and a half younger than Heath and older than Austin, had left as soon as he could. Another McKade to join the ranks of military servicemen.
Heath had become a Green Beret, Austin an air force
fighter pilot, and Liam had been navy.
Funny how long ago they couldn’t wait for the chance to get away. Now Heath was back, his feet anchored deep in the soil of his birthplace, and Austin had come back too, drawn by some invisible force. Only Austin had no plans to stay.
He’d returned once before since leaving home, and coming back had been the biggest mistake of his life. Somehow, Austin should have done something to prevent his father’s death. He knew it. His brothers knew it too. They blamed him. How could they not? Guilt lingered in the recesses of his heart and mind, ready to rush forward and paralyze him. He hadn’t wanted to look into Heath’s eyes and see the disappointment, the blame there, like he’d seen on the day it happened, and again at the funeral. He couldn’t bear to see that in his brother’s eyes, so he hadn’t come back.
But if he stood here and thought about it too long and hard, he would never call Heath.
If he’d learned anything while working with the Child Abduction Rapid Deployment team, it was that every second of every minute counted. He could apply that to life in general. He’d already wasted too much time. He stared at the number, then mustered the courage and hit the call button. As he waited for the call to connect, a cloud moved over the sun, leaving him in the shadows. Crows gathered on a nearby electrical line, cawing. A bunny dashed across the field next to the Elkhorn.
He glanced at the Elkhorn storefront—the posts made out of knobby lodgepole pine holding up the porch of the older-than-dirt store. Metal cowboy and western-life silhouettes graced the storefront.
Willow still hadn’t returned.
Maybe he should check on her, then call Heath back.
“Hello?” Heath answered.
Austin’s heart surged to his throat.
“Hello? Austin, that you?”
“It’s me,” he said. He had to find his voice. The words he planned to say. Except he didn’t have any.
“I’m glad you finally called me back. Glad it wasn’t an emergency or that I needed to get ahold of you.” Heath had an edge to his voice.
Never Let Go Page 12
