by K. Webster
“Daddy!”
Mom told me last time I screamed for her during a bad dream that I was too old to be having nightmares. So now I just call for my dad. He always comes. He always saves me.
I hear his bedroom door bang against the wall as he runs from his room. Heavy footsteps make their way quickly to my room. The door gets flung open and soon he’s sitting on the edge of my twin bed.
“Everything okay, Pip? Snakes again?”
I start to cry because the nightmares remind me of my brother. Dad grabs the blanket and lifts it so he can join me in the bed. As I sob, he pulls me against his warm chest and holds me. Each kiss on the top of my head warms and soothes me.
“I’m sorry I woke you up,” I whisper.
He strokes my hair. “I’ll always come for you. No matter what. If you need me, I’ll be there. I love you, Devon. It’s my job as a parent to protect you.”
Bitterness creeps up my throat. “Mom doesn’t like it when I have the nightmares.”
He lets out a soft sigh. “I know. Your mom is dealing with her own issues that don’t involve you. Sometimes, she takes them out on you and it isn’t right. I’m sorry.”
“Sometimes I wish it were just us,” I whisper, mostly to myself. It’s the truth though. Dad and I have more fun without Mom. When she’s smiling, I love it. But she hardly smiles or engages.
“Don’t say stuff you don’t mean,” he says firmly, his body tense.
I sniffle. “I do mean it though. She’s not like the other moms. It’s embarrassing.”
He takes my hand and we thread our fingers together. “She has her reasons.”
“What reasons?”
I can hear his teeth grinding together. “Nothing you need to worry yourself over.”
I can’t fathom what her reasons could be for treating her surviving child and husband as if they are a bother to her.
“I wish she was like you. You’re the best.”
He snorts. “Hardly, Pip. I’m a very flawed individual.”
“Lies,” I say, laughing.
“I’m serious. I put on a good show for you but I’m far from perfect. I’m a moody bastard and I lose my temper.”
“But I never see it,” I argue.
His hand squeezes mine. “Because I do my very best to keep that from you. You don’t need to see my bad days and when I lose control. I keep things to myself to protect you because I love you. One day, you’ll understand this.”
I drift off thinking he’s yanking my chain because to me, he’s perfect.
I sniffle as the memory fades. Maybe he’s hiding something to protect me. He’d warned me long ago that he had his own fair share of issues. I just wish he’d talk to me. I’m frowning when I swear I hear voices. Dad is grunting as he shaves the wood and is making all kinds of racket. I stand and walk away from him to get a better listen. My ears are perked up trying to hear.
“Jesus Christ, Devon,” Dad growls. “There’s too much shit to do to be standing around. Go make yourself useful.”
My jaw drops as I stare at him. His back is turned to me and he’s tense.
“I think we should talk,” I murmur.
“Goddammit, go inside before I get my belt.”
Hot tears well in my eyes and I run toward the cabin. When I see the bear hide that I’ve been working on for weeks, washing and oiling, I decide it’s good enough. With a huff, I yank it down from the side of the cabin and haul the heavy thing inside. I have to pull out my knife so I can cut it to fit the space. I make sure to put the longest, thickest strip between the mattress and the fireplace. Then, I use the extra pieces to cover other parts of the cabin floor. After kicking off my shoes, I almost shout out with excitement that we officially have carpet. I want to holler at Dad and make him come look but he’s too pissy. Once I shimmy out of my jeans, I put my yoga pants back on and settle for one of his warm sweatshirts. My stomach growls. Since I’m in trouble anyway, I sneak into the cave and steal a can of peaches from the back. It has a pull top so I rip off the lid and gobble down each peach before slurping down the juice. When I hear him coming, I hide it away in the back of the cave.
The door bursts open and I swivel around, a guilty look on my face.
He sniffs the air and I know I’m busted. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me, Devon.”
Anger rises up inside of me. Screw him for treating me like this with no explanation. I lift my chin. “I ate a can of peaches.”
His features darken and he stalks over to me after he shuts the door. He strikes out at me with his strong hand to grip my jaw. With each breath he takes, his nostrils flare. “Got something else to tell me?”
I swallow and shake my head. Now is definitely not the time to tell him I’m pregnant.
He scowls. “I can’t take you fucking lying to me.”
“And I can’t take you acting like a giant asshole,” I snap back.
“Don’t you dare take that tone with me, young lady,” he snarls in his most authoritative dad voice.
I scoff at him. “Really? Now you want to play the part of daddy? I bet you want to spank me again too.”
“Maybe you need your ass whipped!” he roars, his grip on my jaw tightening.
I shake him away and slap his face. We both stare at each other in shock. He growls and it pisses me off so I slap him again. Over and over until he grips my shoulders and turns me around before pushing me face first into the cave. I struggle but then he’s pulling my pants down. His belt flies off with a swoosh and he whips me with it. Fire slices across my bottom and I scream. He hits me again.
“I hate you!”
“I wish you actually did!”
I’m sobbing when the belt gets tossed to the floor. He shuffles behind me and then his cock is pressed between my thighs. With a rough thrust, he drives deep inside of my sex.
“Oh, God,” I whimper. I look over my shoulder and stare down my feral man. Heartbreak shines in his eyes and I don’t understand it. I cry harder as I try to touch him. “I love you, Dad. Please don’t be mad at me.”
His touch is soft as he wraps his arms around my middle and lifts me. Our bodies are flush and he leans me against the cold stone wall. He kisses me hard on the neck and I turn my head in desperation to meet that kiss with my mouth. Our mouths mate in a wild way as he bucks against me. His hands are all over me. My stomach. My breasts. My clit.
I cry out when my orgasm hits. He sucks on my tongue and drains himself inside of me. Does he know? He’s been pulling out each time. The moment we come down from our high, he pulls out and scoops me in his arms. I’m carried over to the bed where he sets to stripping me the rest of the way down. His mouth worships my body while I sob. When I chance a look at him, his eyes are red and teary as he splays his palm over my stomach.
“I was so mad when I realized you were pregnant. I counted the days. Watched the signs,” he breathes against my flesh. “I can’t lose you, Devon. I can’t fucking lose you.”
I sob so much I think my chest will explode as I finger his overgrown hair.
“I want to have this baby with you,” he chokes out. “So bad. But so help me if you die, I’ll shove my .45 into my mouth and take my life. I can’t do this without you, baby. I can’t fucking do this.”
We spend the rest of the day curled around each other making sweet love. He apologizes over and over again.
“Your mother saw me lose my cool plenty of times,” he tells me, his voice sad after supper. “I’m moody when I’m pissed. Unfairly, I took it out on you.”
“It’s okay, Reed.” Earlier I slipped up and called him Dad.
“It’s not okay,” he breathes. His mouth trails down my throat to my collarbone. “You’re too sweet and perfect to deal with that. I fucked up.”
“Isn’t that what couples do? Fight and then make up?” I ask.
He lifts his gaze and smiles. “I suppose so. The makeup sex was pretty damn hot, I’ll admit.”<
br />
It was angry and animalistic.
Brutal and fierce.
I came so hard I saw stars.
“It was,” I agree. “But next time you’re mad, talk to me. It’s too lonely out here to be alone. You’re the only other person I have. When you don’t talk to me or you yell at me, I feel so lost. Please promise you’ll try.”
He kisses his way down to my stomach. “I promise to you and our little baby here that I’m going to be the best dad ever.”
I hold out my pinky and he takes it.
He always does.
* * *
* * *
Crunching in the snow wakes me from a dead sleep. It’s early in the morning and the sun is just shining in. When Devon asked for a window, I found one of the only unbroken ones, a small one that had been over the RV sink and brought it back to the cabin. I cut a hole near the ceiling above the table on the east side so the morning sun would shine in and warm our bed. After I installed the window and braced it with wooden strips, Devon made curtains from some of the torn sheets from the RV. It warms my heart that she’s made this place her home.
I listen for the sounds. My fence isn’t complete. I’m hoping to finish it in the next few days. Until then, we’re vulnerable to bears. She sleeps soundly beside me. Her naked body pressed against mine is warm and soft.
Fuck, I was such an asshole to her yesterday.
I knew, deep down, she was pregnant and I flipped my shit. Horrible scenarios where she bled out in each one trying to deliver our baby replayed over and over again like a record in my head. In my fear of losing her, I was pushing her away.
I reach over and run my thumb over her plump lip. She’s so innocent. So fierce and loving. I don’t deserve her, but I don’t care. She’s mine to love forever. Leaning forward, I palm her stomach that holds our child and kiss her cheek.
Crunch.
My body stills as I listen. Slowly, I creep out of bed and pull on my jeans. If there’s a bear out there rooting around, I plan on shooting the bastard before he gets a chance to get inside of here. I pull the .45 out of her jeans pocket and sheath my knife in my belt. Jerking on a shirt, I make my way to the table to stand on and look out the window. I’m just hiking my foot up when I hear it.
Voices.
Before I can comprehend if they’re real or not, our cabin door flies open. An older man with salt and pepper brown hair and missing teeth grins at me holding a sharpened piece of wood in his hands.
“What the fu—” I start but then he’s lunging at me.
The guy is taller than me but I have more weight on him. He manages to tackle me but I quickly overpower him. I punch him hard one, two, three times in his ugly face until I knock his ass out.
“Papa!” A deep voice hollers from the doorway. Fuck, there’re more. At this point, Devon sits up in bed and screams. The creep in the doorway can’t be any more than Devon’s age. When his predatory gaze lands on my daughter, I launch myself at him.
Another guy bigger than him charges into the cabin and whacks me over the head with a rock. I crumple to the floor, grunting, trying desperately to keep from blacking out.
“Daddy!”
Her scream jerks my eyes open. The big guy kneels with his knee in my back and a blade pressed to the back of my neck. I watch helplessly as the kid advances on my daughter.
“She’s yours, Nathaniel.”
The fuck she is.
“Run, Devon!”
She screeches as she attempts to run naked past the kid but he grabs her around the waist. The guy pinning me down is laughing and cheering on the kid as if this shit is fucking funny. I try to reach into my back pocket for my gun but he stabs me in the arm.
“She moves too much, Ezekiel,” Nathaniel grumbles.
“Make her stop,” Ezekiel challenges.
Fuck.
I struggle and roar to no avail. I watch in horror as Nathaniel begins slinging my daughter around. Slamming her head into the side of the cabin, hitting her over and over, kicking her. She screams and pleads. And then the unthinkable happens.
He pins her to the bed face down. The motherfucker pulls his dick out and pries her thighs apart despite her struggling. I know the moment he starts raping her because the blood-curdling scream makes my heart turn black with rage.
“STOP!” I bellow this order out on repeat but it goes ignored.
Helplessly, I have to watch as he slams into her over and over again. Her sobs tear out pieces of my soul and toss them all over the cabin. I can’t watch and yet I can’t allow her to be alone through it. Our eyes meet and I beg her to stay focused on me.
The kid grunts out his orgasm within seconds. Then he’s standing and walking over to Ezekiel.
“My turn,” Ezekiel growls.
“No!” I shout.
He kicks me hard in my still sore ribs and I howl in pain. The kid takes his place but he’s not as strong. As soon as Ezekiel mounts my daughter, her screams are louder than before. He’s hurting her worse than the kid. I go black with rage and I shake off the piss ant despite the blade sticking out of my arm and the pain in my side. I yank my gun from my pocket and put a bullet right through Ezekiel’s face. He grunts and collapses on Devon whose screams are on repeat. Next, I put a bullet through the skull of the unconscious man on the floor. Then, I turn around but the kid is already bolting. I storm outside after him. He runs away from me quickly. I manage to pop off two shots that hit him in the shoulder and back thigh. His howls of pain fuel me on but Devon is crying out my name.
“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”
As much as I want to go after the fucker, I can’t leave her in this state. I rush back inside and go to her. The guy is still on top of her. When I push him off, I’m enraged to find he was in her ass. Blood is everywhere. She’s shuddering so hard I think she’s going to vomit. I drag him and the other guy out of the cabin so she doesn’t have to look at them. Then, I’m back inside pulling her into my arms.
She’s sobbing so much and I can’t fucking fix her.
My shaking palm smoothes over her silky hair and I kiss her so many times. I promise her everything will be okay. She trembles out of control. I don’t know what the fuck to do. All I can do is clutch her pinky.
And then it happens.
A low, guttural howl rips from her chest. “Noooo!”
Hot liquid soaks the thighs of my jeans. Jesus. Fuck. No.
“Noooo!” she continues to screech, her head shaking back and forth.
I squeeze her tight. “Baby…fuck…baby…”
“Noooo!”
Her tears soak my chest and I soon realize I’m crying along with her. In one moment, our world was completely destroyed. Those men stole so much from my daughter. They fucking raped her and hurt her bad enough that she’s losing our child.
“I’m so sorry,” I choke out. “Pip, I’m so sorry.”
I want to go after Nathaniel. I want to gut him like a goddamned fish and make him eat his entrails. I want to shove my knife so far up his ass that he can feel it in his throat. I want to cut out his eyeballs and offer them to my daughter so she can crush them in her fist.
But I do no such thing.
Yet.
She needs me.
I spend an hour cleaning her body and checking over her wounds. Her ass only bled a little from the intrusion so no major damage. But her pussy was brutalized. It was all the blood from the loss of the baby that had my heart breaking into a thousand pieces. She mentally checked out. Passed out from shock and exhaustion.
Once she’s clean, I observe her. Her abdomen is already heavily bruising where that motherfucking kid beat her up. My poor sweet girl. I’m sick and raging and losing my goddamn mind.
I don’t leave the cabin to check my traps or work on my stake fence or anyfuckingthing. I stay at her side. Whispering assurances. Spoon feeding her. Making her drink water. Tending to her needs. My arm hurts so fucking bad where he stabbed me but the best I could do was clean it and wrap it in gau
ze.
After a tiring day, I curl up against my girl. She shudders even in her sleep. The nightmares will be back. And just like before, I’ll hold her through them.
For an entire week, she sleeps. Every second of every day. I’m weary and going mad but I don’t dare leave her yet. I’m desperately trying to bring her back to me. I’ve brought her cans of fruit that go untouched. I’ve tried telling her stories about Drew. Nothing makes her engage.
It’s so reminiscent of Sabrina I could throw up.
I refuse to let Devon be defeated. She’s so much stronger than her mother.
“When your mom had her first miscarriage, I learned firsthand what depression was,” I murmur against her shoulder blade as I tenderly rub her bare belly.
She stiffens but doesn’t reply so I continue.
“Everything was fine. We’d only been married for one summer and she turned up pregnant. She was so fucking happy. We both were. But then one day when we were driving home from dinner, she cried out. I remember to this day the look on her face. Absolute horror. And then it was followed by a gut-wrenching sob.” I swallow down my emotion. “We went straight to the hospital. She lost the baby at thirteen weeks.”
Devon starts to cry and I hug her tighter.
“For an entire year after that, she was broken. It happened once more and it crushed her. But then you guys came along.” I smile against her shoulder and kiss her softly. Skating past that entire story, I fast forward two years later. “When you both were around four, your mom got pregnant again. She was so afraid of losing it. Obsessively went to the doctor. Everything was fine. Until it wasn’t. At the dreaded thirteen-week mark, she lost that baby too.”
Devon’s entire body trembles as she cries.
“Jesus, was she ever fucking depressed. I wanted to take care of her but I didn’t know how. After her losses, I laid in bed with her just like this. Kissing and hugging her. But with the last one, I had to take care of you and Drew. I couldn’t lay in bed with her. I think this made her sink into a deeper depression but I didn’t know what to do about it.”
