by Miria Masdan
“Get inside, quick before someone sees you,” She opens the door wide. “It seems you’ve got yourself into a lot of troubles.”
He picks me up, and we go inside. She closes and locks the door, not one, but five locks.
We head into a large room. Our friends are gathered around a table. They look up at us when we enter. I look around, dazed. There are boards over the windows, and a small light is placed on the table closest to the wall.
He sets me down in a chair by the light. I haven’t said a word. I’m looking blankly into space. I rub my hands together. They are sticky. I look down; blood covers my hands. I raise them up and look at them closer. I turn them over and look at my ring. Adam gave it to me; it was his grandmothers. It shines, despite being covered in dried blood.
“Is she going to be okay?” I hear Mandy’s voice.
“She’ll be fine,” Maggie says, as she disappears into the adjacent room. She comes back with a basin of water and a cloth. “What happened?”
“They followed us down here,” says Smith, pointing at the girls. “And then they got themselves indebted to Marcus.”
“Why didn’t you let them pay their debt?”
“She is Adam Benson fiancée,” Max says.
Maggie’s mouth turned down in a frown. “You’ve got yourselves into a heap of trouble.”
“We need to get back above ground and return her to Benson,” He places his hand on my shoulder. I jump and look for him. I am defeated. I bury my face in his side.
“I see,” says Maggie. She looks at me and then back to Quinn. “You are in trouble.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Emma
He won’t leave my side. I’m so weak and freighted. He sits next to me and holds my hand. Maggie washes my face, but the blood is dried. She has to scrub hard. It must hurt, but I can’t feel anything. I am numb. It’s almost like I am watching myself from above; my mind is all I have left.
“I need to get these clothes off of her,” Maggie drops the cloth into the water. It makes a miniscule splash that reverberates like a hammer on a bell in my mind. “Carry her for me?”
He picks me up and follows Maggie. I hear a low pounding noise. It’s his heart. I can hear it, but I can’t feel where it is coming from. I concentrate on each thud, each beat; I imagine the strength it exerts. I rise in unison with his rhythm.
I can see black; a tiny pattern: over, under, over, under. It goes on without an end. I want to look away, find his face, but I am allowed only the sight directly in front of me. I draw all of my strength to my center. I need to regain control. I focus on my skin. I search for any sensation, and then I feel the warmth. I can see beyond the fabric of his shirt. I’m not sure at first all I notice is the sharp contrast between light and dark. And then he moves, and I see his black shirt tight against his shoulder and arm. Next to him is a white space: smooth and hard.
I feel myself slowly descend. My head tips back, landing on something firm. Whatever it is cradles me, and I feel its warmth. I can see the room. I can see him. My skin tingles as it awakens.
He sits on the floor, next to a bathtub; I rest in between his legs. He holds me as close to him, as he can. I am limp in his arms, but I can feel his chest rise with each breath, and I can feel his heart against my face. I am happy. I am coming back. I will be me again soon, and then I will tell him everything. I know I cannot control what is happening to me, and it won’t be long before I am gone.
Maggie fills the tub. “It’s not hot, but it’s not freezing either.”
Maggie pulls me into a sitting position and yanks my shirt over my head. He helps hold me upright. Maggie takes off the rest of my clothes. I can feel his hands on my bare skin. They are warm.
“Pick her up and place her in the water.”
I can feel his clothes against my bare skin. His arms, his muscles wrap around me. He is strong. I feel safe. He sets me in the water, and Maggie washes me.
“Watch her for a minute,” Maggie says. “I have to get her a blanket and find some clothes.”
Maggie leaves.
“Emma?” He speaks softly. “You’re okay. I’m not going to let them hurt you, I promise.”
I don’t respond. My mind is screaming out to him, but I have no control over my voice yet. There’s a knot in my stomach. I’m starting to worry that I won’t be okay, that I will never regain complete control.
He touches my face. I tilt my head into his hand. I look up at him. I moved my head. My excitement swells, a million thoughts run through my mind. I open my mouth.
“Quinn,” I say.
“Hey,” he says. He holds my face, and I can finally look into his eyes.
“There’s blood on your face,” I say, “are you okay?
He laughs, hangs his head and then looks at me again.
He smiles, “you’re worried about me? What about you?”
“I’m good,” I say. I’m happy to hear my voice.
He tucks a stray hair behind my ear, and he leans towards me, resting his forehead against mine.
“I’m sorry,” his voice is just above a whisper.
“Me too,” I say.
“Mmm hmm,” Maggie's voice comes from behind us. “Help her out and follow me.”
She leads us down a hall and to an area sectioned off by blankets, hung over the rope. She pushes back a blanket a reveals a makeshift bed.
“Put her there,” she says. “I’ll be right back.”
He helps me down and tucks the blanket around me. He starts to get up. I grab his arm. He looks down at me.
“You shouldn’t have been there,” he says.
“I know,” I say. I slip my hand down his arm and rest it on his leg. “I wanted to follow you.”
“Why?”
“Because I know you; I don’t know how or why,” I say, “I’m not sure what’s going on. You’ve been in my nightmares. I woke up this morning, and it was you, that I remembered…your eyes.”
“I’ve never met you, until today.” He says.
“I know, you think I’m crazy. And this doesn’t make much sense to me either, but somehow I know you. We’ve never met before, at least not here, not now. But you feel so safe and comfortable; like home.” I say. I have tears whelming up in my eyes. “We should meet all over again. Not here, not with bad guys chasing us, but someplace nice. I think I might like you…we should meet before I say yes to Adam.”
“You need sleep,” he says. He pulls away. “You had way too much to drink; you’re not in your right mind. The heightening is doing something to you, I don’t know; I’ve never seen such a reaction.”
I grab his neck and pull him to me. I attempt to place my lips on his, but I miss and hit his chin instead. I fall back on the bed. My head is starting to ache, but it’s not the intense pain I’ve been experiencing. It is a dull, overwhelming pain.
“The room is spinning,” I say. I roll to my side. “I feel sick.”
He rubs my back. I’m still, but a small groan, escapes my lips. I’m afraid to move.
“I have to go,” he says.
“Quinn?”
“Yes?”
“You’re going to love me.”
“No, I’m not,” he says.
Maggie is waiting for him. She doesn’t look pleased.
“What are you doing,” she asks?
“Nothing,” he says.
“She is not just some girl,” she steps closer to him and lowers her voice, but I can still hear her. “The Bensons can destroy you.”
“I’m not going to do anything,” he says. “I’m bringing her back to him.”
“Someone will get blamed.”
“Enough!” He slams his fist against the door frame.
I don’t move. I close my eyes and slow my breathing. My head is beginning to clear. A dull ache replaces the spinning. But now the throbbing in my ankle is more pronounced.
“Quinn you have worked too hard to let a girl interfere,” she says.
“I have a res
ponsibility,” he says. “I am an officer of the Federation; it is my duty to protect our citizens.”
“We need to talk,” says Max.
I open my eyes just enough to see. They are all looking away. My stomach growls; I close my eyes tight. There’s no way they didn’t hear it, but they don’t take notice.
“How are the others,” asks Quinn?
“They seem to be holding it together,” says Max.
“You’ll have to go to the edge of the city and take the old stairwells up top,” says Maggie.
“They’re sealed,” says Max.
“Not all of them,” says Quinn. “There is one by the south entry point and it will be a short walk to the POE.”
“It’ll work, except…” Max lowers his voice. “We won’t be able to move quickly with them.”
“I can take Emma,” offers Quinn. “She’s the one who needs to get back.”
“No, it’s not safe for any of us to be alone out there,” Max shoots back. “We need to stay together.”
“It won’t work,” says another male voice. It must be Smith, but I’m too afraid to open my eyes and look. “I hate to admit it, but Calder is right. He should go ahead with the girl. We can let them rest up and have them back by morning.”
“It’s settled,” says Quinn. “I’ll wake her up, and leave immediately.”
I hear him walk towards me. I concentrate on my breathing, but I have a difficult time keeping my eyes steady. He sits next to me. He’s touching my arm with his leg. I ache for his touch, and not an accidental touch, a heated connection fueled by a desire. That’s what I want.
I roll onto my back; my hair falls away revealing my shoulder and chest just barely covering my breast. My first instinct is to cover up, but I don’t. I want him to see me, to feel me. His hand is so close I can feel his warmth. I can feel the heat rise within me, and I take a deep breath. I need to calm myself down.
I open my eyes and look at him. I smile. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”
He pulls his hand away.
“You can touch me if you’d like.”
“No, I can’t.”
“You’re afraid,” I ask, “of what?”
“You do not belong to me,” he says. “I can’t break protocol.”
“What if I did belong to you,” I ask? “Would you touch me then?”
“It’s the heightening talking,” he says, “and the alcohol.”
“It’s not,” I say. “When I saw you this morning, I knew.”
I pull his head towards me. My blanket slips and my bare skin is against him. He reaches around me and leans into me. Our lips meet, and I can feel the desire rise from deep inside my suppressed thoughts and memories. I know his touch. I remember our bodies wrapped in heat, unrestricted and emotional. He pulls back just far enough to see into my eyes; he’s holding my face, and I remember the last time we were together; making love, and saying goodbye.
I sit up, pushing him off of me. I grab my blanket and cover myself. I can’t do it, not here, not now.
“Emma,” he asks? He jumps up and starts to back away.
“What happened to us,” I ask? “You have to know.”
“There’s something wrong with you,” he says.
“I have to get back,” I say. “I’m sorry.”
“Benson is powerful,” he says. “He’ll be able to help you.”
“He can’t know,” I say. I readjust the covers around my chest, pulling them as tight as I can. I remember Adam’s words. He’ll kill Quinn if he finds out that we talked, let alone kissed. I want to tell him everything, but I know I have already told him too much. Maybe he’s right maybe the heightening has altered me. I know the alcohol clouded my senses and my mind.
“What did he do to you,” he asks? “I saw it in your eyes this morning.”
“Nothing turned out like I planned,” I say. “I had this crazy idea of how things are, but I was wrong.”
“What happened,” he asks?
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “I thought it did, but it doesn’t. And you’re right, tomorrow I’ll be able to think clearly, and I’ll realize that this was all just a big mistake.”
“It has different effects on everyone,” he says. “But you shouldn’t have kissed me.”
“No, you’re wrong,” I say. He was not absent from our kiss, even if it was for a brief moment. “Like I said…it was a mistake. Maybe I don’t know you, maybe you just remind me of someone.”
“Who,” he asks?
“I don’t know,” I say. “I think he was important to me. I think I might have loved him.”
“You can’t be saying those things,” he says. “Listen I don’t know you or your circumstances, but you can’t love someone. They’d find the glitch in your program, and fix it, or if they couldn’t.”
“Have you ever known anyone who was banished,” I ask?
“No,” he says. “And if you don’t want to know what it’s like, you’ll learn to keep these things to yourself.”
“Are you afraid,” I ask?
“…of Benson,” he asks? “You think I’m afraid of him?”
“He’s not a good man,” I say.
“None of them are,” he says. “You need to be more careful…accidents happen to good people all the time.”
“What are you suggesting?” I say. I slide my feet out from the covers and onto the floor. “You don’t think they – he would hurt me over something like this?”
“You’re careless,” he says. He hands me the clothes Maggie brought for me. “Put these on.”
“Where are we going?”
“I’m taking you back,” I say.
“I don’t want to go back to him,” I say.
“You said you wanted to go back,” he says. “You said you wanted to go home.”
“I know,” I say, “but I don’t want to be with him.”
“You don’t have a choice,” he says. “He will get what he wants.”
“What if I request someone else,” I ask? “There has to be a better match for me.”
“That’s not likely,” he says.
“You,” I say.
“We are not a match,” he says, “even if we were, I wouldn’t request you.”
“You’re not very nice,” I say.
“You’re trouble,” he says, “and you are not obedient, or on protocol.”
“There has to be a way,” I say, “to avoid a match with him.”
“If Benson wants you, he’ll have you,” he says. “What I don’t understand is why he wants you.”
“What do you mean,” I ask.
“There is nothing for him to gain,” he says. “You aren’t from a prominent family; you don’t have any exceptional skills, and you are plain and ordinary; so why you?”
“Sometimes people are just attracted to one another,” I say, “maybe it is love.”
“Certainly you aren’t suggesting Benson is above protocol too,” he says. “I told you no one is capable of love.”
“Would it be so bad to love someone,” I ask?
“Yes, any extreme emotion is dangerous,” he says. “Love and hate are responsible for the destruction of entire nations. They lead to disease and death.”
“I love you,” I blurt out. I cover my mouth and close my eyes tight; I don’t want to see his reaction.
“Don’t,” he says, “you are crossing a line that you can’t re-cross. What you’re experiencing is the heightening. It will disappear in the morning.”
“I’m not heightened,” I say, “and I am not returning to Adam. You have to listen to me.”
“Enough,” he says. He grabs my arms and speaks directly into my face. “You need to stop. I can’t deal with this, not now. It’s not just you. If anyone knows that we…you know or even just talking like this.
“I won’t say anything.”
“I have a responsibility to the Federation,” he says. “I’ll have to turn you in. You understand what that means, right?�
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“I do,” I say.
“Then you know enough to stop,” he says. “I’ll take you back up, but you must not ever seek me out. And you must not tell anyone, ever.”
“I lied before. We have met,” I say. “I don’t know where, or when, but we share a past. I remember you, and not just from this morning. I remember waking up next to you, watching you sleep.”
“Stop,” he says. “Your program is faulty. You have to stop. You have no idea what you are getting into; they’ll kill you.”
“Who,” I ask, “the Federation or Benson?”
“It’s the only way they can control the citizens,” he says. “If you aren’t on protocol, they can’t control you.”
“Wait,” I say, “how do you know this?”
“I lied too,” he says. “I knew someone that it didn’t work on.”
“There are more people like me,” I ask? “What happened to them?”
“Let it go,” he says.
I stand up and face him. He backs away. I corner him. I want answers, and I am not letting him go until he speaks.
But before I have a chance to react, he grabs me, turns me around, and slams me against the wall. I let out a deep gasp, as the air from my lungs is forced out. I kick at him, but he pushes harder; he jams his knee between my legs. He has my hands pinned above my head, his fingers digging into my flesh.
“I’ll scream,” I gasp.
He pushes his chest against mine. His face, only inches away from my lips brings a mixture of fear and desire to my core, and with every breath I can feel him push closer to me. I push towards him, trying to escape. He releases my wrists and brings his hands to my hips; he pulls me to him, pushing my back tighter to the wall with his chest. I can feel him against me. I can smell his scent, and it brings me to the edge. A thousand memories rush through my body; my skin awakens and beckons his touch.
“Go ahead,” he snarls. “They won’t…”
I don’t let him finish. I thrust my head forward and take his lips with my mouth. He tries to pull away, but I grab his face. He returns the kiss, parting my lips with his tongue. I feel his hand slid up my side, and then tug at the blanket wrapped around me. He yanks it down; it falls, coming to rest on my hips. He cups my breast in his hand, running a finger over my nipple. It tightens in response, and he rolls it between his fingers, squeezing causing an intense shiver to explode throughout my body.
