This was the moment. She needed to tell him.
“Nathan, I—”
“Shh,” he said bringing his face to her shoulder. “Listen to this song. Do you know it?”
“Of course I do. It’s on the radio twenty times a day. Listen, I have something—”
“But have you ever listened to it? Like really listened to the words?”
Jazz knew the words by heart. The lyrics perfectly captured how she’d felt about Nathan all this time. Her crush refused to go away, which meant she had to. Leaving was the only way she could ever be free of the secret love she harbored for her best friend.
“It’s… a… beautiful song,” she managed.
His breaths caressed her ear, her cheek. He was so close now. Had they ever been this close before? Jazz was about to excuse herself to the ladies’ room—perhaps splashing a bit of cold water on her face would help to reorient her, wake her up, and give her the courage she needed to have this conversation—when Nathan spoke again.
“This song, these words… It’s how I feel about you,” he whispered.
What? Had Nathan really just said…? No, it was impossible.
“We came here as friends,” she argued. “You said as friends.”
His smile faltered, but the words were out there. Neither of them could take back what had been said now. “I needed you to say yes, and I was scared you wouldn’t if I wanted you to be my date for real.”
“I…” What words could possibly express the way she felt in this moment? Relief? Joy? Shock? The intense need to pinch herself and confirm that this wasn’t a dream.
“Listen, I know it’s a lot to take in.” Nathan’s grip on her loosened as a smile overtook his face. ”But we’re best friends, right?”
Jazz nodded, eager to see where he was going with this, but also wanting this moment to last forever and ever and ever. She’d been waiting for this…for him.
Breathe, she reminded herself.
“So let me tell you about this incredible girl I like,” Nathan continued, pulling back so they could look each other in the eyes as he spoke. “She’s smart, kind, funny, pretty.”
He cocked his head to the side and a sly smile slipped from one cheek to the next. “No, not pretty, beautiful. Beautiful in a way no one else is. She puts up with my insanity and is always there for me, no matter what. This girl, she’s incredible, and I think—no, I know—I’m in love with her. The question is… Does she love me, too?”
The temperature rose a hundred degrees at least, and the room spun. Jazz was sure she’d pass out. But she was also sure that Nathan would be there to catch her, just as he always had been. They were best friends, forever and always.
Was her impossible dream finally coming true? Could she allow herself to believe, finally let herself fall?
“Nathan, I…”
“You don’t have to say anything. I can see your answer in your eyes. I know those eyes, their secrets, their promises. And right now those eyes are looking down at my lips and begging for me to…”
He leaned forward.
She leaned forward.
And they shared the most perfect kiss anyone at Kennedy High had ever seen—the first kiss of the rest of their lives together. It was the kiss of true love and happily ever, and it meant everything to Jazz.
Ten
Once Jazz and Nathan started kissing, they couldn’t stop—all night on the dance floor, afterward in his car, the next morning when they both snuck out of their houses to be together again.
“Why did I wait so long to do this when kissing you is the most perfect thing ever?” Nathan ran his hands through her hair and pulled Jazz in to put his lips on hers again.
Kissing him was perfect, and everything she’d dreamed about. But she still had to point out the answer to his question. “You kissed plenty of other girls.”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t like this.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” She knew it. She’d always known it, and now Nathan knew it, too. Bliss.
They exchanged more kisses, hidden in their own private nook on Nathan’s back porch.
“How long?” she asked when they came up for air.
“Forever and ever,” he said with a love-drunk grin.
“No, I mean how long have you… felt this way?”
“A part of me always has, I guess. But I’ve wanted to ask you out ever since your birthday last year.”
Last year? Last year!
They could have had all that time together. They could have been kissing each other every day for the last three-hundred some days, and yet he’d held back. She couldn’t believe the two of them had secretly yearned for each other for so long.
“When you told me you liked Bethany instead?”
“I was going to tell you, but I got nervous. Scared you’d shoot me down.”
“Oh, Nate. You are so, so stupid.” But so was she. If only she’d been braver…
“Yeah, stupid for you,” he said with a playful snap at her bottom lip. “How long have you liked me?”
“Since eighth grade.”
His mouth dropped open. “And you never said anything.”
“How could I?”
“You could have. Should have.”
She shook her head. “But you didn’t like me until last year.”
“I’d like to think I’d have been smart enough to recognize a good thing when she’s throwing herself at me.”
“Uh huh.” If that was the case, then they would have gotten married in third grade when she’d come running to his house for safe-keeping, when her parents’ relationship had officially ended and hers had just started to turn into something deeper. “So what now? What next?”
“Well, I keep kissing you.”
“And then?”
“We graduate, have a beautiful summer together, then college, and just life.”
College. She hadn’t told him about Burton College. Going there could change her life in so many ways. Give her a future.
But then there was this gorgeous boy before her, the same boy she’d loved forever and a day. How could she have any future apart from him now that they were finally together?
Burton would open doors for her, help her to get a good career. But what use would that be if she wasn’t happy?
She’d rather have love than money, be poor and happy than rich and broken-hearted. Besides, she’d always been poor-ish. She was used to being on a budget, making do with what she had, and going without. She’d also always had Nathan and couldn’t picture any version of a life without him and his kisses.
Her mind was made up.
She’d write Burton, reject their offer, and go where Nathan went. After that, well, they’d figure it out together.
Eleven
Jazz and Nathan held hands inside the lecture hall. They’d elected to take the same general education courses their first year at the Queens College campus of the City University of New York. Neither knew what they wanted to major in yet, so the decision made sense. Plus, they could be together.
“Good idea. Get the boring stuff out of the way,” Nathan had said when Jazz made the suggestion. He still resolved to live a life of freedom, passion, and love, and Jazz still resolved to be a part of it, no matter what—hoping she could figure out how to make the world a better place along the way.
As the professor laid out her plan for the semester, Jazz nodded along and jotted notes in the margins of her course syllabus. Instead of paying attention, Nathan made friends with the couple seated beside them. More than once, the professor shot them dirty looks for interrupting her class.
“What a snoozer!” he remarked on their way back to the commuter parking lot. “I have no idea what I want to do, but I know it won’t be Economics.”
Jazz, who was excited to learn about supply and demand, growth curves, and market trends, nodded along. “Well, it’s required, so you’re stuck. But I can help tutor you to make sure you understand.”
“I don’t
need to understand. I just need a passing grade.”
“Don’t you want an A?”
“That’d be nice, but I know better than to expect one. The only A’s I ever got in high school were in art and gym. Remember?”
“I remember.”
“Oh, Aaron and Erin invited us to a frat thing this weekend. Want to go?”
“Aaron and Erin? They have the same name?”
“Yeah, apparently it’s how they met. Some admissions office mix-up. Their last names are similar, too. Anyway, you’re missing the point. Party, yea or nay?”
Nathan had been popular growing up, but to be invited to a party on the very first day of college seemed a little much. She worried if he got too caught up in the social scene, would he care enough about academics to commit to finishing his degree? If he dropped out, what kind of job could he expect to get? That put a lot of pressure on her as his eventual spouse. She wanted to live a life of freedom, love, and passion, too—but she wouldn’t be able to if she was stuck footing the entire bill for their future.
Maybe if she put her foot down now, Nathan would pull back on the partying before diving too deep down the social rabbit hole.
She chewed on her lip for a second, then said, “I think maybe I’ll sit this one out. Next time?”
“C’mon, I’d love to dance with you again.” Nathan put an arm around her waist and pulled her to him, grinding his hips against hers as they swayed to whatever silent song played in his head.
She laughed and leaned forward to kiss him.
“Is that a yes?” he asked, craning his neck to the side and quirking a brow at her.
“Yes, but we have to kiss to seal the deal.”
“We’re almost to the car,” he said, letting go of her and resuming their trek to the parking lot. “Let’s go fog up the windows there.”
Jazz followed along, even though Nathan’s reluctance to kiss her in public stung.
He’d never had any problem smooching the brains out of his other girlfriends, girlfriends he’d said had been nowhere near as serious as Jazz.
She’d tried many times to get Nathan to change his mind, but to no avail. Sure, they hugged, held hands, and otherwise showed low-key affection. That’s what made his hesitation to kiss her out in the open so confusing.
“I know you’re mine. I don’t need to publicly stake my claim like some kind of animal. I love you. I trust you,” he’d tried to explain.
As soon as they were in the car, Nathan leaned his body over hers and, as promised, gave her a kiss to end all kisses. How the car was any more private than two feet outside of it, Jazz didn’t understand—but Nathan’s intoxicating kisses eased her worries. For now.
“You know what, Nathan?” she said as he’d turned his attention away from romancing her and toward driving them home. “I’ll go to the party with you, if you agree to come to the academic fair with me.”
“Ugh. That’s like the opposite of a party.” He twisted his features in repulsion, then glanced over at her. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“You’ve got to choose a major someday.”
“Not until the end of our sophomore year.”
“Why not do some research on Saturday?”
“Okay, but only if you agree to wear something extra skimpy to the Aarons’ party.”
She reached for his hand and gave it squeeze. “If that’s what it takes…”
As always, she would do anything for Nathan.
Anything for their future together.
Twelve
One party turned into two, turned into three, turned into four. Jazz’s frustrations grew. She couldn’t understand why Nathan found partying so fun when every event was pretty much the same—dancing, drinking, stepping over someone’s vomit on the way out. She’d much rather spend quiet nights with just the two of them cuddled up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn.
But she also wanted to support Nathan, which left her in a difficult spot.
The academic fair had been a bust. Jazz found the information she’d been hoping for, but now she wanted to pursue at least thirteen different fields of study and couldn’t narrow them down enough to declare a major. Talk about too many choices.
Conversely, nothing sparked Nathan’s interest at all. She’d tried to explain how his interests could be melded into careers, how interdisciplinary studies and majors were on the rise, but he didn’t care. His entire focus remained on his social life. Well, and on her.
Jazz should have been happy they were together, but their freshman year wasn’t quite turning out as she thought it would. She loved her classes and the academic environment at the university, but she was so worried about Nathan and his lack of direction. He didn’t even seem to be trying to, well, learn anything.
She also worried about and missed her best female friend, too. Bethany texted her often to share updates about what Jazz’s life could have been, had she chosen Burton College over Nathan Reed.
DOC BG: Everyone at Burton is so smart. I know why they accepted you, but I feel like they made a mistake with me.
* * *
JAZZ: Right. You’re making straight A’s.
* * *
DOC BG: I have to if I want to get into med school.
* * *
JAZZ: Lots of studying?
* * *
DOC BG: All the time.
* * *
JAZZ: What about partying?
* * *
DOC BG: Partying? Who has time for that?
* * *
JAZZ: Nathan.
* * *
DOC BG: Don’t get wrapped up in that. You might not know what you want, but if it’s grad school, you’ll need a strong GPA.
* * *
JAZZ: I know.
Pledge season arrived, which meant the university had turned into one endless party. At least Nathan had decided against rushing a frat himself, but he still dragged her to countless parties. God help her. She kept thinking about what Bethany had said, but still found herself going along with him.
“So this weekend, the Aarons invited us to a toga-themed party at Delta Tau. Doesn’t that sound fun?” Nathan said with a hopeful smile.
No, no, it didn’t. Jazz hesitated. She didn’t know what she wanted to do in the future, but going to another party wouldn’t help her figure it out.
“What’s wrong? Don’t you want to go with me?”
That was the opening she needed. She had to speak up. “I like being with you, but I’m bored with all the parties.”
“But Aaron and Erin—”
“Are your friends, not mine.” There, she’d said it.
“Oh, I get it,” Nathan said after a moment. She could practically see the cartoon bulb light over his head. “We’ve been doing lots of fun me things lately and not enough of uhh… serious you things. We need more you things.”
She was glad he didn’t say un-fun, even though it had been strongly implied. Still, this was a first step.
“Yes, more me things would be fantastic,” she said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. She was grateful he understood.
“Okay, like what?” His tone thankfully remained upbeat.
“Something more academic, maybe? More toward helping us figure out what we want to do beyond just the weekend. Beyond college.”
Nathan’s face fell. His brows furrowed. “So less partying, more studying?”
“Maybe we could join a club together,” Jazz suggested.
“Yeah, maybe.” Nathan sighed, as if that would be enough to make her change her mind, but she refused to let this opportunity get away. They were nearing the end of their first year. They needed to figure out their majors, and the partying only served as a noisy distraction.
Jazz pulled up the web app on her tablet and handed it to him. “Look, there’s a list of extracurriculars on the school website. Pick one for us.”
He scanned the list quickly, his eyes darting from side to side before looking up at her again. “And this w
ill make you happy?”
“Very.” She needed this to happen. “Remember when we did the homecoming committee together? That was fun.”
“Okay, so how about…” He looked at the list again, this time reading through the options more slowly. His lips moved as he spoke each option under his breath, a habit he’d had since grade school.
“How about the school paper?” he said with a triumphant smirk as he handed the tablet back to Jazz.
“So you want to write?”
“Me? No. But you’re great at it. I’ll just be along for the ride. Maybe I could take pictures for your articles or something.”
Writing. It always came back to writing.
Maybe she should stop all her soul-searching and declare English as her major. She wasn’t sure she wanted to spend the rest of her life this way, but working on the paper might help her decide.
“That sounds perfect, actually.” And it did, because they would also be doing this together. “Thank you, Nate the Great.”
“Anything for my girl.” He pulled her against him and nuzzled his face against her neck. “What say we skip this weekend’s party and have a movie marathon at my place?”
Warmth flowed through her. She wiggled her toes. “Now you’re talking.”
Back on track at last, Jazz thought with a smile.
Thirteen
Jazz shifted from sleep to semi-wakefulness. What time was it?
“Wakey, wakey!” Nathan yelled as he strode through the doorway.
Finding Mr. Happily Ever After_Nathan Page 5
