by Andre, Bella
"I think I'm ready to talk to my father now. Well, not now, tomorrow will be fine."
"Good, I was afraid you were going to ask me to drive you back to San Francisco tonight."
"No way. The sun is going down, and I want to see those amazing stars you promised me." She also wanted to spend another night with Aiden, because it was quite possible it would be their last night together before reality returned to their lives.
While waiting for the stars to come out, they ate sandwiches and drank wine, laughed and talked and enjoyed each other's company. When twilight turned to night, they rolled on to their backs and stared up at the most beautiful starlit sky that Sara had ever seen.
Aiden showed her the constellations, telling her stories that were half fact, half myth. She was astonished by the depth of his knowledge and reminded again how much he appreciated the world around him, a world she'd barely noticed until now.
Just before midnight, they crawled into the tent, made love, and then fell asleep in each other's arms.
Sara woke up in the middle of the night. Aiden was tossing and turning, his breath coming fast, his legs kicking at the sleeping bag that covered them.
"Stop," he yelled.
"Aiden, it's okay. You're dreaming."
She put her hand on his chest. He shoved her away, his eyes flying open. He stared at her as if he'd never seen her before.
"You were dreaming," she repeated, trying to get him to wake up.
Awareness slowly seeped into his gaze. "Sara?"
She nodded. "It's me. We're camping, remember?"
He shoved a hand through his sweaty hair, his breathing starting to calm. "What did I say?"
"You yelled stop. Were you dreaming about the day of the fire again?"
"Yes. It's always the same. I'm running after Kyle, but I can't catch him. I'm yelling after him, but he just keeps going. And then everything goes black." Aiden let out a frustrated breath. "I want to see what's behind the curtain, but I always wake up before I can."
"Maybe there's nothing to see," she said gently. "You fell down a hill. You were knocked out. It's possible you just don't know anything else. And if that's the case, you will have to find a way to live with it. Kyle wouldn't want you to be haunted like this. He would want you to let go, to move forward. He was your best friend, Aiden. He wouldn't want you to be in this pain. And you know that's true, because if the positions were reversed, you wouldn't want him to hurt the way you're hurting now." She brushed the hair off his face and gave him a warm smile. "Life is going to go on. Someday the pain will ease."
Aiden pulled her back into his arms and whispered against her hair, "I'm glad you're here, Sara."
"Me, too."
She wished they could stay this way forever, but forever was probably only going to last until the morning.
Chapter Twenty
Sara poked her head out of the tent just after eight o'clock on Tuesday morning. Aiden was already up. He was fully dressed and sitting on a rock by the creek, staring into the ripples of water. His expression was contemplative, but he didn't look as agitated as he had the night before.
When he saw her, he smiled, and said, "Good morning, Sleepyhead."
She scrambled out of the tent and walked over to him. "I didn't hear you leave."
"You were sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to wake you." He paused. "Sorry about last night."
"You're not responsible for your nightmares. Although, you could be sorry about that big rock you set up the tent on. It was right in the middle of my back."
"Sorry, Princess. I'll do better next time."
"How are you feeling today?"
"I'm hungry," he grumbled.
"Me, too, but I think we're out of food. And don't try to talk me into any survivalist ideas. I'm not in the mood to eat a grasshopper or pretend ants are a good source of protein."
"They actually can be very nutritious."
"I'll take your word for it."
"Well, I was thinking more about pancakes. There's a great restaurant on the way back into town. It has the best blueberry pancakes you've ever had in your life."
She raised an eyebrow at his enthusiasm. "Sounds great. I hope it lives up to your hype."
"It will. Let's get packed up."
As Aiden took down the tent, she gathered the rest of their things together, feeling a little sad that their trip was over, but she couldn't hide out in the wilderness forever. Real life was waiting.
"Thanks for bringing me here," she told Aiden as they loaded up the truck. "I had a great time."
"Me, too," he said, smiling into her eyes. "I guess there was a country girl hiding under all that city soot."
"I guess so."
He gave her a kiss that felt a lot like goodbye, but she tried not to take it that way. They still had some time together. Goodbye would come soon enough.
Fifteen minutes after leaving the mountains, Aiden pulled into the parking lot of the pancake house. There was a good crowd, but they managed to snag a table without a wait.
After ordering her meal, Sara headed to the restroom. She hadn't been so happy to see a public restroom in her life. It was nice to wash her hands and face and run a brush through her hair. She didn't have any make-up with her, but she didn't really need it. There was a glow to her skin and a light in her eyes that she didn't recognize. She was used to seeing a weary reflection in the mirror, stressed eyes and mouth, pale skin, and tangles in her hair that came from twisting the strands while she worked out some long, thorny problem.
The woman she saw in the mirror now looked more like the girl she used to be, and that had a lot to do with Aiden. He was bringing back her old self, and she liked the change. Whether or not her old self would be able to survive in New York was another question.
When she returned to the table, there was coffee and juice waiting, as well as a huge stack of blueberry pancakes. Aiden had added some eggs to his pancake order, and their table was overflowing with food, but somehow they managed to finish it all.
"I just gained five pounds," she said, rubbing her very full stomach as she sat back in her seat. "But the pancakes were worth it."
"I told you they would be."
As the bus boy cleared the table, she felt the pressure of the ticking clock. "I need to get back to San Francisco, Aiden."
His smile faded, his expression turning serious. "I know. You need to speak to your dad. Are you ready?"
"Probably not, but it has to be done."
"You'll be okay," he said, a gleam of admiration in his eyes. "You have a core of strength inside of you, Sara. It got you through a cold childhood, your mother's death, your dad's distance, and it will get you through this."
"Thank you, Aiden." His confident words made her eyes tear up, and she lowered her gaze, not wanting him to see how he'd affected her. She couldn't be an emotional girl around him. She'd promised she wouldn't be. It was all supposed to be light, casual, fun.
After paying the bill, they returned to Aiden's apartment. He wanted to grab a few more things to take back to the city. A moment later, his phone rang. "Jeanne," he muttered as he took the call.
While he was talking, he paced around the living room. At one point, he stopped by a side table, pulled out a note pad and jotted something down. Sara hoped he was finally getting some information, but she couldn't tell. His side of the conversation was very abbreviated. She heard him mention a couple of names like Sandra Ellingston and Becky Saunders. Hopefully, Jeanne had discovered what kind of connection the women had had with Kyle.
"Thanks," Aiden said finally, and then closed his phone. His jaw was tight, his eyes a flinty blue. He met her questioning gaze and said, "Sandra Ellingston is a doctor here in town. She's in a long-term relationship with a woman, so there's no way she and Kyle were having an affair."
"Oh, well, I guess that's good news." She wondered why he didn't look happier.
"Is it good? He was seeing a doctor for something."
"It could h
ave been as simple as a flu shot. What's her specialty?"
"She's an ear, nose and throat doctor," he said.
"Well, that doesn't sound so serious. Maybe he had allergies."
"I never heard him mention any. But what's also interesting is that Becky Saunders is a nurse."
She stared at him, her stomach beginning to churn. "That's a coincidence."
"I don't believe in coincidence."
"Do you think Kyle was sick?"
"He never showed a sign of being ill. But he did take a few days off about six weeks ago. He told me he was helping Vicky move into their new place in San Francisco, but Jeanne said that she found credit card charges in the Los Angeles area for that same weekend. Kyle spent time at a place called The Healing Sun. The facility specializes in holistic medicine, acupuncture, massage and stress therapy, as well as osteopathy. No one at the center would provide information as to whether or not Kyle was there or what he was there for."
Silence followed his words as they both pondered the possibilities.
"Aiden, you need to talk to Vicky again," she said. "If Kyle was sick, she had to know."
"Maybe not. He could have kept it a secret from her, too. There were certainly no outward signs of an illness." He let out a frustrated breath. "Damn. Every time I get an answer, I end up with more questions. I doubt I can even get Vicky to talk to me again."
"What about Becky? She might speak to you. Now that you have more information, you'll be able to ask better questions."
He nodded. "You're right. I'll start with Becky. Jeanne gave me her phone number."
As he reached for his phone, she said, "Can you put on the speaker? I'd like to hear what she has to say, too."
"Sure." He punched in a number.
A woman answered. "Hello?"
"Becky?" he asked. "It's Aiden Callaway."
"Aiden," she said, a resigned note in your voice. "I had a feeling you were going to call me."
"You started to say something the other night, something about Kyle. I need to know what he was talking to you about."
"I'm sorry, Aiden, but my conversations with Kyle were private."
"Was he sick, Becky?" Aiden's blunt words brought a long silence. "Becky?"
"Kyle asked me not to tell anyone," she said finally.
"Tell anyone what? Becky, please. I need to know what was going on with Kyle. He was my best friend. You know that better than anyone."
Sara could hear the anguished plea in Aiden's voice. She thought Becky might cave, but a second later, she apologized again.
"I'm sorry, Aiden. I made a promise to Kyle. I didn't always keep my promises to him, but I'm going to keep this one. Please don't call me again."
Aiden uttered a protest, but the dial tone made it clear that Becky was not going to help them.
"I shouldn't have done this over the phone," he said. "If I saw her in person, I could probably make her talk."
"I don't think so, Aiden. Becky seems determined to keep Kyle's confidence."
"A great time for her to develop a conscience," he said sarcastically. "Becky was breaking promises right and left in high school."
"This isn't high school. You're going to have to talk to Vicky."
"She'll more than likely slam the door in my face."
"Only one way to find out." She got to her feet, aware that they both needed to have difficult conversations. "San Francisco here we come—ready or not."
***
On the four-hour drive back to San Francisco, Sara used her phone to search the Internet. Before she spoke to her father, she wanted to see if she could find any more information on her brother or her parents during the time period that they'd been together.
As she typed in her brother's name, it hit her again that he had been named for their father. When little Stephen died, her dad must have felt like he was losing himself.
Was that what had happened? Had her father simply given up, gone through the motions of life with no warmth, no love, no happiness? It made sense. But she couldn't help wondering why her own birth hadn't changed things for him, hadn't brought him out of that depression and made him want to be a father again.
Her mother had found joy in having another child. At least, it had felt that way. Doubts crept into her mind that anything she'd believed in was actually true.
Tired of her own problems, she started searching for more information on Kyle. She put in his name, wondering what would show up. To her surprise, she found a training video for smokejumpers.
"Look at this," she said, holding up the phone for Aiden. "It's you and your team suiting up for a jump. You're famous."
"That was taken at the beginning of last fire season. I was trying to be professional in front of the rookies and half the team was heckling me. Kyle was the worst. He never seemed to be paying attention. I'd have to ask him three times to do something. He really pissed me off that day. When I told him how annoying he was, he just laughed and told me to chill out. He said I used to be a lot more fun before I became the boss."
"Was Kyle jealous of your position?"
"Possibly," Aiden admitted. "But once Kyle got married and had a baby, his priorities were split. Mine weren't. I could give the job a hundred and fifty percent all the time. It made sense for me to get the promotion instead of him. It wasn't that I was better than him. I was just more present, more committed."
"That makes sense. I'm always afraid to take time off work, because there are people just waiting to take my place if I slip even a little bit."
"I didn't feel that kind of pressure from Kyle. I was just doing the job the only way I knew how, and that's by putting everything I have into it. I've always been that way. It wasn't about titles."
"No, it was about being good, being the best. You were always more of a high achiever than Kyle. I'm not saying anything bad against him. He was great, but he didn't have your intensity. You shouldn't feel guilty for being promoted. You should be proud of yourself. You were good and you were rewarded for it."
"I doubt too many people think I'm good now."
"Because they don't know the whole story. We're still trying to figure that out."
She turned her attention on the video, interested to see Aiden in action, and she was impressed. He spoke clearly and decisively and he had the attention of everyone on the plane. As she watched the men jump, she felt as if she were right there with them.
Aiden was the last one to step into the open doorway. She caught her breath as he jumped into the sky. Seeing him actually take that leap was incredibly exciting. "Wow," she said. "I can't believe I just watched you jump out of a plane." She set down her phone and looked at him. "What are you going to do, Aiden? It's clear you love your job. You can't quit."
"I love parts of it, Sara. But it's a grueling job, and it's seasonal. To be honest, I've been thinking about making a change for a while now. I thought I'd figure out my next step during the off-season. I didn't foresee that the decision of whether or not to go or stay would be taken out of my hands."
"It hasn't come to that."
"It might. Who knows what the future holds?"
She settled back in her seat, watching the landscape fly by and foolishly wondering if he'd consider firefighting in New York City. But she couldn't picture him there. She wasn't sure she even pictured herself there anymore. All too soon, they ran into the Tuesday afternoon commute through Berkeley and over the Bay Bridge. When they hit the city, it was five o'clock and already starting to get dark.
Aiden gave her a questioning glance. "Where to? The hospital?"
"Not yet," she said.
He raised an eyebrow. "Second thoughts?"
"No. But I want to stop by my house and get the photographs first. I doubt my father will confess without being confronted with proof."
"So, we'll go home then."
"I have a better idea. Let's go to Vicky's. It's almost dinnertime, and you have a good chance of catching her at home."
He sighed. "I need
to talk to her, but I don't want to hurt her. She's in a lot of pain right now. I'm not sure this is the best time to press her for information."
"Waiting won't change anything. This pain isn't going away for a long time. But your career is in jeopardy now, and Vicky might be able to answer your questions. Maybe she'll remember that you used to be good friends."
"I'm not going to hold my breath on that."
"If you're worried about me tagging along, don't be. I'm happy to wait in the car."
"You can come with me," he said. "I have no idea how Vicky will react to my presence, and it's quite possible I might need a lawyer."
Chapter Twenty-One
Aiden was happy to have Sara's company when he rang Vicky's buzzer. His last visit had not gone well. He hoped this one would go better.
When Vicky answered the intercom, he said, "It's Aiden, I need to speak to you."
"I asked you not to come back, Aiden."
"It's important. Really important."
Silence followed and then finally the sound of a buzzer. They were over the first hurdle.
Vicky stood in the doorway, just as she had done the last time, but today Robbie was in her arms. The little boy was crying, and Vicky looked like she'd been crying as well. Her eyes and nose were red, her skin was pale and she didn't look like she'd brushed her hair in a few days.
"I told you this was a bad time," she said, trying to bounce Robbie into a good mood, but the little boy kept crying. "Who's this?" She tipped her head toward Sara.
"This is Sara," he said. "She's a friend. She went to school with Kyle and me."
Vicky barely glanced at Sara. "I need to feed Robbie. Make it fast."
"It's not going to be fast. Why don't I hold Robbie while you get his bottle?"
She hesitated, but as Robbie screamed louder, she must have decided the offer of help was too good to resist. She handed her son into his arms and then left the room.
Sara closed the door behind them as they moved further into the living room.
